Aneria stood at the Commanders door for what felt like forever. She had gone to bed last night after seeing Callie to Alistairs room. She didn't have the courage to face him last night and she barely had the courage to face him this morning. But Dorian, Varric and Bull had given her words of encouragement. But it seemed like those words went to the wind the moment she stopped at the door leading into his office. Aneria. You can do this! Just open the door. Open the damn door.
She finally opened the door only to find him not there. Of course. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't notice the solider standing next to the desk.
"Your Worship?"
She near jumped out of her skin.
"Oh. I am so sorry your Worship! I didn't mean to scare you!"
Aneria looked over to the desk.
"It is fine. Do you know where the Commander is?"
The solider nodded without saying anything. Aneria raised her eyebrows.
"Oh right! He went to speak with Seeker Pentaghast. Asked me to stay here in case anyone came looking for him"
Aneria nodded, hiding her panicked look. There was only one reason Cullen would go looking for Cassandra. Fuck.
"Thank you. I will go find him them."
The solider nodded as Aneria left the office and bolted down the stairs.
Cullen and Cassandra's voices could be heard fall the way to the tavern. Everyone in Skyhold was pretending they couldn't hear what was going on between the Commander and the Seeker or were fighting about.
"You've asked for my option and I've given it. Why would you expect for it to change?"
Cullen slammed his hands on the table in front of him. "I expect you to keep your word. It's relentless. I can't..."
Cassandra was over it. "You give yourself too little credit!"
Cullen pushed the table a little. "If I am unable to fulfill what vows I kept then nothing good has come of this! Would you rather save face then admit..."
The two of them turned when the door creaked open. Aneria was trying hard to make any noise but it seems that the door wasn't fully closed and when she leaned against to hear better, it opened and she stumbled in.
"Damn it."
She looked up to see Cullen's face, a mixture of disappointment and shame. In himself or her, she wasn't sure.
"Forgive me."
With that he left before she could say anything to him. She tried to speak but he was already out the door.
"And people say I am stubborn!" Cassandra sighed and rubbed her temples. "This is ridicules."
Aneria looked down to the ground, trying to understand his parting words. She wasn't sure if he was mad at her or not. A million questions where pulsing through her head.
"Cullen told you that he is no longer taking lyrium?"
Aneria finally looked up and met Cassandra in the eye. "Yes. And I respect his decision."
Cassandra gave a small smile. "As do I. Not that he that he's willing to listen.". She sighed again. "Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him. I refused. It's not necessary. Besides it would destroy him. He's come so far."
Aneria nodded her head in agreement. He had. He couldn't just throw it away! "Why didn't he come to me?"
Cassandra rubbed her hands over her face. "We has an agreement all before you joined us. As a Seeker, I could evaluate the dangers." She shifted a little. "And he wouldn't...want to risk your disappointment."
It finally dawned on her. He wasn't disappointed in her, but himself. He felt like he has failed her. "Is there anything we can do to change his mind?"
Cassandra gave a smile. "If anyone could, it's you. Mages have made their suffering known. But Templars never have. They are bound to the order. Mind and soul. With someone always holding their lyrium leash." She moved towards Aneria and placed her hand on her shoulder. "Cullen has a chance to break that leash. To prove to himself and anyone who would follow suit, that it's possible." She squeezed a little. "He can do this. I knew that when we met in Krikwall. Talk to him. See if now is the time."
Aneria sighed. Right.
Cullen slammed to doors open to his office. Fuck. God Damnnit. He gripped the edge of his desk. The withdraws were getting out of control. He thought he could handle it. But he was starting to doubt himself.
He reached into the drawer of his desk and pulled out the box that held the lyrium. Perhaps he needed to take it. He had been taking it for as long as he could remember. He couldn't remember a time before the lyrium. His fingers traced over the small blue vile. No. No he would not stray! Before he knew it, the box was flying from his hands and hitting the wall next to the door that had opened.
"Makers Breath! I didn't hear you enter!"
Aneria stood in the door way. Looking down at the vile that was now leaking a blue substance all over the floor.
"I...forgive me."
With those words, she looked up at him. "Cullen...if you need to talk."
He shook his head. "You don't have to..." He felt pain pulsing through his body, gripping the table to hold himself up. Aneria began to rush to him before he put his hand up to stop her. "I never meant for this to interfere."
"I believe you."
He looked up at her. "For whatever good it does. Promises mean nothing if I can not keep them." He pulled himself up. He knew. It was time to tell her. He had held it off long enough. "You asked what happened at Ferelden's Circle."
He paused for a moment. She stayed right where she was. Scared that she moved, it would all be a dream.
"It was taken over by abominations." Cullen struggled to get the words out and Aneria tried hard to keep her face calm, but her insides where screaming. "The Templars...my friends were slaughtered..."
Aneria moved a little closer to him. He was struggling. He moved away from her and walked to the window and look out. He needed to get away from her for the moment. Needed some space, which he hated that he needed it. She placed her hands on his desk to keep herself steady.
"I was...tortured. They tried to break my mind. And I..." He scoffed.
"Cullen..." Her voice broke and trying to hold back her tears.
"How can you be the same person after that?" He turned back to her to see the tears streaming down her face. "Still. I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight Commander. And for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness." He turned away from her to keep himself from rushing to her. He needed to get this out. It was bottled up for too long. "Kirkwall's Circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets." Her sob made him turn back to her. "Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?!" His voice raising a little.
"Cullen...I am so sorry. I can understand..."
"Don't. You should be questioning what I have done! I begged...for them to annul the circle at Ferelden. I begged her to kill her friends...her family. The people she had known all her life. I didn't care who was innocent. I didn't care if they were children. Callie...she saved them. She is the reason Ferelden has a Circle. I wanted it burned to the ground."
She moved a little closer to him. She so desperately wanted to hug him, hold him. "But you didn't believe in Meredith's cause. You fought against her. You believed in the Champion."
He looked at her. Moving around his desk towards her. "I thought this was be better. That I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won't leave me." He started pacing in front of his bookcase. "How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause!" His pacing started getting faster. "I will not give less to the Inquisition then I did then the Order! I should be taking it!" He finally slammed his fist against the bookcase. Aneria jumped a little. "I should be taking it." His voice was quiet.
She finally moved right behind him, touching his shoulder. "This doesn't have to be about the Inquisition. Is this what you want?"
He gave a heavy sigh and letting his fist drop. "No." He moved towards her. "But these memories have always haunted me. If they become worst. If I can not endure this..."
She lifted her hand to his face, giving him a smile, tears dried to her face. "Cullen. You can. I have faith. In whatever god you want me to, I have faith. Cassandra is right. You have a chance to change things. To prove that anyone who wants to, can."
Cullen leaned down and kissed her. If she had faith then he would. "I will."
They pulled away from each other and he rested his head against hers. "I think you should talk to Callie. It is time."
He gave her smile. "I.." Love you. "Care about you, so much." He kissed her again.
Aneria walked back down to the courtyard while Cullen went to look for Callie. She wasn't sure if she felt better or worst now knowing what had happened to Cullen. But she was happy that he was being open with her.
She was pulled out of her thoughts when she saw Alistair training with someone of Cullen's templars who came with him from Kirkwall. She noticed him do a templar move. She stopped in her tracks. Odd.
"Inquisitor!" Alistair turned to see her standing, giving a puzzled look.
"Hello Alistair. That is a templar move. I didn't know the Wardens trained in templar moves."
Alistair laughed. "Well. That is because I was in training to become a Templar before I became a Warden." He leaned up against the fight ring.
She raised her eyebrow, "What is with all you Templars leaving?"
He laughed again. "Well. Luckily, I didn't take actually take my vows before I was recruited."
"So. You've never taken lyrium?"
"Nope."
She leaned closer to him. "But how did you do it? The move without lyrium?"
Alistair fidgeted a little. "It might be a good thing you don't believe in the Chantry. Cause that answer might be earth shattering." He doesn't look at her.
It dawned on her and it was earth shattering. "Creators. It really is a leash. They don't actually need lyrium."
He shook his head. "No they don't."
Cullen stood on the battlements. He took a deep breath in. He felt super calm. Calmer then he had in years. Callie had forgiven him. For all the mean and evil things he had said to her. He still couldn't believe that she forgiven him. But he was happier that Aneria was on his side with giving up lyrium for good. He knows he can do it and he knows that with her support, he will get through it.
"Are you feeling better?"
He turned around to Aneria standing at the steps. Her bright red hair was glowing in the sunlight of Skyhold and her face held a smile.
"I am. Thank you."
She moved her way towards him, gently putting her hand on his arm. "Is it always that bad?"
He gave a sigh. "Yes. But. It is good to finally feel okay to talk about it." He turned to face her. "I never told anyone what really happened to me. I look back on it now and I am not...proud of the man that it turned me into."
"Cullen..."
"If we had meet before, I don't think I would care for you. And the thought of that, sickens me." He looks away for a moment before she pulls his face back towards hers.
"I like the man you are now."
He held back some tears. "Are you sure?"
She smiled brightly at him. "Cullen, I" love "Care about you. And nothing you did the in the past will change that."
He gave her a smile before kissing her. He knew at that moment, everything would be okay.
Author Note:
Sorry for the delay! School started back up so been a little busy! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Next up: The Winter Palace! Anyone excited to see our favorite Witch of the Wilds?! We all know Alistair is ;)
Till Next Time!
xxDomo
Chapter Four Preview:
"So. Calista, huh?"
Callie laughed. "Out of all the titles that followed, my name is the only thing that has you puzzled?"
Aneria smiled. "Well I am wondering how you are an Arlessa."
Callie takes a sip of her wine. "You get to break all sorts of rules when..."
"Well. Well. What have we here?"
