YASSSS the summer of insanity is officially over! I'll be much more regular with my updates from now on! :D
Thanks for all your awesome comments and support! You guys are fabulous! As always thanks for reading!
Also, this is just sheer unadulterated angst. I apologize in advance, but it has to be done. There is no way our characters would just shrug this off. Not gonna happen. But it won't stay this way forever, I promise. :)

Central City

Flash Missing in Crisis.

By Iris West

After a singularity (also known as a black hole) appeared in the sky above Central City, our very own scarlet speedster was seen racing up a building as it was torn apart. Cars, buildings, and other objects were sucked into the raging vortex. The Flash was seen running around and into it as he attempted to close it with his super speed.

It appears that he succeeded. However, after the black hole was closed no trace of Central City's hero could be found. Several others died in the crisis, including Central City Police Department's own Detective Eddie Thawne. Large amounts of property damage were also inflicted…

Iris pushed back from her desk at CCPN, blinking to clear her vision. Her eyes were too full of tears to see the screen of her computer anymore. She'd already proofed the article once and was just going to go over it one more time. But she couldn't make it through. She was glad it was after hours and she was alone. The dark shadows of the office suited her current state.

The numbness had faded the very night Eddie had died and Barry disappeared, only to be replaced by such pain that she would have gladly taken the numbness back. She hadn't been brave enough to go back to her apartment. Joe had gone to fetch some clothing and necessary items, but after she'd seen the look on his face when he'd returned she had refused any more offers he made to go for her. She was sleeping in her old room, but that just seemed to be trading one painful place for another. Her apartment reminded her of Eddie, but her father's house reminded her of Barry. Trying to sleep in her old bed without Barry down the hall was just as terrible as sleeping at her home without Eddie next to her. She ended up on the couch, weeping silently so her father didn't come down. He was already hovering nervously, but she just didn't want to be around anyone right now, much less talk.

She had offered to go back to work, in spite of her boss' concern that her boyfriend had died a scant two days ago. She hadn't mentioned that she needed to get out of her father's house just as much. After debate about whether publicizing the Flash's disappearance might encourage metahumans and criminal activity, it was decided that since most of downtown Central City saw him run up to the singularity and not return it was a moot point anyway. Iris was the designated Flash reporter, so she got the honor of writing it. She couldn't decide if it was worse to write about those events or better that she do it to make sure it was done right. Right now she was thinking the former.

She saved her article one more time and sent it in. If there were any more typos her boss would catch them. She'd done all she could do.

She wiped her eyes with the dwindling supply of tissues on her desk. Her gaze fell to the object lying next to her computer. She picked it up, running her fingers over the surface and edges. It felt small and jagged, like her. It fit neatly onto her outstretched hand. Twisted and bent on one end, she could see the pressure and stress that it had endured until it finally broke away from its source.

It was a piece of wreckage from the destruction the singularity had wrought. When Barry had closed it, as they looked for him and found no trace, as shards of buildings and cars had crashed to the ground, this piece of metal had broken off and spun in her direction. Its movement had caught her eye. She'd just stared at it, held tightly by her father and still not feeling anything. Somehow it had caught all her attention, or maybe it was a useful distraction from what she didn't want to give attention to. When Joe had finally let go of her to call Captain Singh and see if he was needed in the aftermath, she had walked over and picked it up.

It was probably from swirling around the vortex and then dropping to the ground, but the piece felt warm in her hand. Almost hot. For some reason, that feeling alone had broken through her numbness. She had clenched her hand around it, feeling it sear slightly into her palm and fingers as she gripped it. It felt like they had bonded together. After that, she hadn't been able to dispose of it. Maybe she was cracking after dealing with so much, but she felt a kinship with this piece of metal somehow. She'd held onto it through the day, stared at it that night, and now it was always near tucked into her purse or a pocket.

She ran her fingers over the smoother parts, studying the dark discoloration on one side, and tried not to think about Eddie's funeral fast approaching.

Or the other person who wouldn't be there.

When her vision blurred again, she pressed the jagged edge hard into her palm.


Joe hunched over his desk and stared at his blank notepad. Anything was better than seeing the empty desk across from him. He should probably be at home dealing with recent events, but he didn't see the point. Iris wasn't there; she had thrown herself into work. Like father like daughter.

On a normal day he'd already be out working cases with his partner or upstairs hanging out in Barry's lab, but he hadn't seen a normal day since the singularity. The entire city seemed to be in shock. Everything was quieter, and while he didn't really expect it to last, crime had taken a huge dive since then. The majority of the beat cops were helping with traffic and other aspects of clearing out the damage done in downtown Central City. He'd offered to help as well but had been told to pull desk duty instead.

Besides, he didn't have a replacement partner yet.

"Joe?"

Joe looked up to see Captain Singh standing in the doorway to his office, motioning him over. He pushed away from his desk and headed there, expecting a quick discussion in the doorway.

But once he reached Captain Singh, the man stood back further to let him enter the office. As Joe moved inside he closed the door. Joe watched, feeling slightly concerned.

Captain Singh waved at the chair opposite his desk. "Sit down." Joe sat as the captain moved to the front of his desk. He didn't sit down, instead he leaned back on his desk, crossing his arms and looking down at Joe intently. Joe met his gaze but could feel his guard go up slightly despite the other man's attempt to put him at ease with his posture and expression.

"So, Allen is on personal leave until when?"

"I'm not sure." Joe didn't blink. "He thinks he found a lead on his mother's case. He's out of town chasing it down, but I haven't heard from him yet."

"When did he leave?"

"The night before that big disaster. Kind of glad he wasn't around for that, actually." Joe forced a small laugh. It sounded unconvincing even to his ears.

"Mmhmm." Captain Singh's features sharpened ever so slightly. Joe schooled his own carefully. He had no intention of telling his boss that he'd hacked into Barry's employee account in order to fill out a request for immediate personal leave. It had been easy in the end; Barry's password was the date of his mother's murder and her name.

David was silent a moment, as if weighing his next words carefully. Joe waited, forcing his body not to twitch or fidget. When the other man finally spoke, it was less as a boss and more as a friend. "Joe, I know this has been a hard time for you. For all of us, really. But I've noticed something and I need to know what you think about it." He picked up a copy of that day's paper with the article written by Iris on the front page, waving it slightly. "Because it hasn't escaped my attention that the very day the Flash disappeared closing a catastrophic event, Barry Allen suddenly filed a request for personal time off and left town." Captain Singh pulled a sheet of paper from behind the newspaper that Joe recognized as the printed copy of the request he himself had forged. The captain's finger pointed to the date at the top. It was the same day as the singularity, not the night before. Joe had only managed to get it done that night once they realized that Barry wasn't coming back. Joe knew interrogation tactics well enough to know his lie was being tested.

Joe's gaze seemed to deepen and intensify as he tried to hold in his emotions. His boss continued to gaze at him intently as he spoke. "Doesn't that seem a little…odd to you?"

Joe West was typically a pretty good liar. He'd spent time lying to his daughter, friends, Barry and his partner. And he usually got away with it. But this was one of those times he couldn't quite manage it. He'd never before had to pretend that the man he loved as a son was alive and well while deep inside he was deathly afraid that he wasn't. The lump in his throat was growing, and he could feel his eyes burning. He stared at his boss, who he truly respected, and try as he might, he just could not pull this one off. He swallowed thickly, and the very expression on his face confirmed what Captain Singh had already guessed.

The captain's shoulders drooped slightly. His face was grim and full of dread. "Is he dead?"

Joe shook his head slightly as he tried to regain his voice. Finally he managed to choke out, "I don't know."

"What happened?"

"He went up to close it, and when it closed, he just—vanished. I don't know where he is." Joe wiped his eyes.

David moved off his desk and sat in the chair next to Joe. His face was serious as he adjusted to this information. Allen. Klutzy, late, slow Allen was the Flash, and he was missing. It was amazing, hard to believe and yet it made complete sense. Even as he tried to adjust to that reality he had another thought.

"What about Detective Thawne? Is he just missing too? There's no body. Should we even be planning a funeral?" Joe was already shaking his head. David felt the tiny bubble of hope burst.

"Eddie died a hero. I saw it. He is dead. He was sucked into the vortex; we couldn't get to him before it took him. He saved many people and he deserves every honor this police force can bury him with." Joe's voice was emphatic.

David sensed there was more to that particular story, but he could also tell Joe truly believed what he was telling him. He thought about pushing for more details, and then decided it was better not to know. Plausible deniability, if anything. He nodded. "Okay. I'll call in a temporary forensic specialist; Allen is on indefinite leave for now, like when he was in the coma. Let me know if you find anything." Joe nodded, working to hide his slight surprise and definite relief. David stood and moved around to his desk, sitting at the computer and starting to type in his password. "Luckily my administrator permissions allow me to alter certain fields. So I'm changing the date Allen asked for leave to two days before the disaster. He was off those days so there are no reports with his signature, and hopefully no one can prove he wasn't long gone before this thing went down." He gave a final few taps on his keyboard. "There."

Joe swallowed again. "Thank you, Dav—Captain."

Captain Singh nodded. "Keep me posted. I really hope he's not dead. Not only am I down a superhero that helps protect the city, I've lost my best forensic scientist and a damn good detective. I'd say this day couldn't get any worse, but the funeral is in a few hours." He looked up and caught sight of Joe's face. His tone softened slightly. "Go get ready for the funeral, Joe. Check on Iris."

Joe blew out a deep breath and stood up, straightening his suit jacket. He thought of saying something before he left, but there didn't seem to be anything left to say. He left his boss' office and wondered if Iris was still at CCPN.


Iris stood in front of her apartment door, key in hand. Her movements were slow as she unlocked it and swung the door open. It took her a moment to actually enter; the space felt so different now.

She walked in with deliberate, if slower, strides. She stopped briefly in the living room before continuing to the bedroom. On her way she surveyed Eddie's suit coat laid over a chair, the last dishes she used still in the sink. The blankets still on the couch from Eddie's last night there gave her pause. But the sight that truly drew her gaze was the small pile of clothing and personal items collected and put to the side in their bedroom. The last time Iris had been in this apartment she had thought she and Eddie were through. She'd been piling things to take with her to her dad's house, ready to stay with Barry and Joe until she could arrange to take the rest of her belongings. That day she had run out of time and had to leave for work, figuring she'd come back after and retrieve them. But Barry had caught Eobard and was presented an irresistible opportunity, and Eddie had decided screw the future and come to find her at CCPN. Caitlin and Ronnie had married, Barry had gone back in time only to return without changing anything it seemed, and everything had gone to hell. Iris hadn't been back since.

It was a horribly cruel fate, she felt, to think you could have everything for just a short time before it was all ripped away. Far worse than simply being refused it in the first place.

She blanked her mind the best she could and went to the closet. She pulled out suitable attire for a funeral, purposely making it as drab as possible. Now was not the time for fashion, and she didn't want to feel good about herself at this moment.

She went into the bathroom, intending to find the brush her father hadn't been able to locate on his trip here, but a look at the bathroom counter stopped her cold.

Two items lay side by side, completely by accident. One had been left there for lack of any better place and would have been left behind when she moved out, back when she'd thought she would be. The other had simply been waiting to be picked up for its next turn to be worn. One in a box, one on a chain. One given by her best friend, the other never really given to her at all.

Two rings stared at her. Mocked her. Cut her to the quick.

One for the man she could never have.

And one for the man she'd never realized she already had.

Sounds emerged from her throat, harsh and breathy. They reverberated off the hard surfaces and came back at her, assaulting her ears.

She rushed forward and scooped them into a drawer. The sound of the drawer slamming shut echoed through the apartment.


The group that gathered for Eddie's funeral was fairly diverse. The funeral home was full of cops, some politicians, S.T.A.R. Lab employees and Eddie's family. Iris had met Eddie's mother on several occasions, but she had never held a conversation with her without Eddie present as well. She stood in the foyer near them but off to the side as her father, Caitlin, Ronnie, Cisco, Martin and his wife clustered around her as if trying to shield her.

She noticed Eddie's mother glance her direction several times, but she avoided her gaze. She just didn't know what to say. What would she do if Mrs. Thawne asked for more details about how her son had died? Iris and the others present had already decided the truth could never be clearly revealed. Not only did it sound insane, but also they feared Eddie's actions would be misread as something other than heroic, and they all knew that they were. So they fudged the truth slightly, to make sure Eddie received the honor he deserved.

Caitlin's hand grasped her arm, jarring Iris out of her thoughts. "Iris, it's time to go in."

"Right." Iris could tell that Caitlin was desperately trying to be there for her, but the sight of Ronnie at her elbow only made her think of their wedding, when she had held Eddie's hand and cheered for them, and hoped that soon it would be her and Eddie getting married. She stared straight ahead as they went to sit down, not looking at any of the group with her, or her father at her elbow. As they sat Cisco fidgeted slightly, then caused a minor disruption to make sure he slid into the seat next to her. With her father on the other side, she realized she was slightly separated from the two happy couples with them, and wondered if Cisco had done it on purpose. If so she appreciated it.

Eddie's mother had offered her the chance to speak at Eddie's funeral, but Iris had declined. She was sure she would never get through it, she couldn't say that he had died saving her and the others directly, and she couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't quite belong up there speaking. As it was, sitting on the front row opposite Eddie's family felt counterfeit enough, even if Joe had been Eddie's partner for a year.

The large picture of Eddie's bright smile, the coffin she knew was empty, the speakers who spoke in glowing terms about him even though she was pretty sure they had never truly noticed him while he was alive made it impossible not to cry during the service, but she held in as much as possible. Joe reached for her hand at one moment, but she was already moving to dab her eyes with tissue and the moment was lost. He didn't reach for her hand again, and she couldn't decide whether she wanted him to or not.

So she didn't move.


The ride to the cemetery was silent as Joe drove them, their car towards the front of a long procession following an empty hearse that would never be filled.

They all gathered around the gravesite, waiting for the rest of the company to file in and sit down. Iris looked up and realized they had a perfect view of downtown Central City from this hillside. The jarring lack of a skyscraper in the skyline marked the location of the singularity. She stared at it, and wondered if it was fitting or just cruel irony that she was here to bury Eddie but now could also include Barry's loss in the process. Longing welled up in her.

"Iris?" The voice startled her out of her thoughts. Eddie's mother was standing next to her, having worked her way over from her side of the seats. She still looked elegant, as ever, even in her dark somber dress. Her silvery blond hair was elegantly coiffed. Always the wife of a politician, even a deceased one. Her smile was sad but contained warmth for Iris. The older woman moved forward to hug her, and she gladly reciprocated. It felt good to comfort someone who had also suffered this loss. Joe gave them a sad smile and stepped back, giving them a tiny bit of privacy.

"Mrs. Thawne—"

"Iris, I know you weren't my son's wife. But I had hoped one day you would be. I just wanted to say that this last year of his life he was so happy, and I know that was because of you. So thank you, my dear, thank you for loving my son."

Throat blocked, Iris just nodded. They hugged again, and then Mrs. Thawne moved back to her seat as they prepared to start the burial.

Anything that was said was a blur, Iris could never recall it afterwards. She stared at the coffin, that empty coffin that didn't have Eddie in it, and realized that tears had been coursing down her cheeks since the moment Mrs. Thawne had spoken her last words to her. They ran in an endless stream down her face, instantly replaced if she wiped them away. There were no sobs to accompany them, but Joe noticed and shifted slightly closer.

Iris looked out at the skyline, locating the singularity's location easily once more. It was blurred slightly, but she could see it. She could see the place where her life had changed forever. A bullet and a black hole had ripped away two of the most important pieces of her life, and there was no point in her standing here anymore. She wasn't Eddie's fiancée, she never had been. And he wasn't here anyway.

As her father and Eddie's family stepped closer to throw dirt on a descending empty coffin, Iris broke away from the gathering and walked away. She walked deeper into the cemetery; eyes still blurred by the never-ending tears, and realized the reason Mrs. Thawne's words had hit so hard.

She had loved Eddie, but she wasn't sure she had loved him enough.


It was several hours later that Caitlin finally found her. Iris was sitting inside S.T.A.R. Labs, just inside the particle accelerator. From her position she could just see where the singularity had broken through the building as it rose to the sky, and the place where Eddie had died in her arms.

But she could also see the place where she had said goodbye to Barry, before he had gone back in time. Where she had kissed his forehead and told him that whatever life he found she hoped it was enough and made him happy.

She held the piece of metal in her hands and ran her fingers over it as she sat on the floor.

Caitlin approached slowly; as if she were afraid Iris would bolt. Iris gave her a rueful smile. "Sorry if I worried you guys."

Caitlin relaxed slightly, moving to sit next to Iris. "It's okay. I guess it just got to be too much?" As she finished speaking Iris could see Caitlin's phone in the other woman's hand as she texted a message. She was probably letting Joe know that she'd located her. That was fine; he had probably called out reinforcements and started searching block by block by now.

"Everything is too much right now." Iris just didn't feel like she had the right words to articulate everything going on inside her.

Caitlin gave an understanding nod. She gestured to the open door next to them. "You know, the night the accelerator exploded, I was on the other side of that door. Ronnie was inside here. It was one of the worst nights of my life. Things were very hard for a long time after that. But—"

"I hope you're not going to tell me that there's still hope that he'll come back. We all know that's not true." Iris pressed her finger onto a sharp edge of the metal piece.

"No, no I wasn't going to say that. But when Barry came down here with me, and I started to deal with what had happened instead of just running from it, he said something to me. I told him how Ronnie had saved lives that night, and he said that he was a hero." Caitlin didn't mention what her response had been, that she didn't want him to be a hero, she'd wanted him to be her husband. It would be cruel and pointless to bring that out.

Iris stared at the metal piece. "I know he was a hero. He was always a hero. But it doesn't bring him back." Iris closed her hand over the piece, hiding it from sight.

"I know." Caitlin moved to touch her shoulder, then thought better of it. "If anything, he got to die saving people, and that is how he would always want to go."

"Yes it is. But I miss him so much."

Caitlin abandoned restraint and reached over, enveloping Iris in a hug. Iris laid her head on Caitlin's shoulder and cried, letting the sobs emerge that should have come out hours ago.

"The w-worst part ab-out it, is that we're not t-talking about one person, we're talking about t-two."

Caitlin froze, realizing that their entire conversation could have applied to either missing man. She swallowed back tears of her own and hugged Iris tighter. "You're right. Eddie died a hero, and I'm so sorry he's gone. And maybe Barry died a hero too. But I just can't give up on Barry yet. We don't know he's dead. I thought Ronnie was and he came back to me and now he's my husband, something I never thought would happen. I'm not going to give up on Barry yet. You shouldn't either."

Iris nodded. "I know. I'm just so worried that he won't come back. I can't do this again, it's just like the coma."

"I get that. Living in hope can be a miserable experience. But take it from someone who's been there; living in fear of losing something is just as bad. Worse, actually. For me, I'll choose hope now, every time."

Iris nodded. Eddie's loss hurt, it left a huge gaping hole. Barry's loss hurt just as bad, but if he had come out of the coma and come back to her, maybe he could still come back again.

When they entered the main cortex Cisco was there, fiddling with some tech at his workstation. He looked up in relief when Iris came in, offering her a smile. "Hey, Iris. Hope you're doing okay." Iris didn't reply but gave him a small smile back, preparing to head back to her father's house. Cisco, anxious to give support, held up the newspaper he'd noticed on his way back from Eddie's funeral. "I see you got the front page, that's dope. Your article was really good and they used the picture you got of him too."

"Thanks, Cisco."

He rushed to fill the slight pause in their speech. "Yeah, I mean when I first saw the headline, I thought I was seeing the future article again, but then I realized that the gas station didn't look like Eobard's secret lair at all. He didn't have icee machines."

Iris stared at him. "What?"

Cisco stared back. "What?"

"The headline is the same as the future article? The one that I write as Iris West-Allen?"

Cisco opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His gaze flickered to Caitlin, who was standing behind Iris giving him a look of death and a subtle headshake. But Iris was still expecting a reply. He weighed his words so carefully they came out at a snail's pace. "I—thought you knew…that."

"I never saw it, Eddie just told me about the name and the date." Iris looked at Caitlin, then back to Cisco. "So he goes missing then too? I lose him then, too?"

"We don't know that he stays missing, the article was written but we never saw a follow up. He could come back the next day!"

"But you don't know that."

"Well, no, but so many things have changed, and Eobard was erased from existence, we don't even know that that future even happens anymore! We could've totally changed how things play out!" Cisco's voice was getting more and more distressed as he looked at her face. He wasn't even sure why, but somehow this was a big deal.

Iris shook her head, feeling a weight fall on her again. She remembered talking with Barry on the rooftop, when she'd brought up hyphenating. He had even tried to say that they didn't know if that future event would ever happen now. "Maybe so. But it's still the same, isn't it? It's always the same. I'm destined to lose him." A bitter laugh emerged. "That's great. That's just great! So one way I lose him after we get married, and another I lose him before I even have a chance to—" her words cut off abruptly, she was shaking as she gathered her purse and jacket. "I was always going to lose him. Might as well get used to it." She left quickly, leaving a stilted silence in her wake.

Caitlin gave him an aggravated look. "Why would you even bring that up?"

Cisco shrugged miserably. "Just trying to help. Sorry."

Caitlin came over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I know." But that didn't stop the frustrated sigh that emerged.

It didn't seem like there was any help for this.


From here on out, a scene taking place in our version of the Central City from the show will have the words Central City in bold showing at the beginning. I'm perfectly aware that both worlds take place in that city, but for the sake of clarity only our world will have this. I'll do my best to keep things from getting terribly confusing as we take a look at our world and the alternate world, heh. :)