A/N: This is my first attempt at writing angst. I hope you all bear with me as I feel my way through the tangled web that is a teenage girls mind. I have no intention of having Bella wallow forever in a pit of despair. But I want to make sure we all understand where she's coming from.
As always, big hugs and sloppy kisses to my beta, Mullet86. She really works hard to make this story presentable.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and I never will. I console myself with pretzel M&M's and repeated viewings of my Water for Elephants and Remember Me dvds.
Reflections
Chapter 3
My surprise and unwanted garden party continued after Edward and his family left. I could hear the laughter of my aunt's neighbor's carry from the backyard to the relative safety of the empty front porch. The shrill sounds of the women were a stark contrast to the deep guffaws of the men. Even having only met them this one time, I could tell they weren't laughing because they thought whatever lame joke Mr. Stanly was retelling was really funny, but rather because it was expected of them.
Confirmation of my theory came from Charlie. His fake laugh was easily distinguishable from the genuine one he used when his friend Billy would come to the house to watch baseball. That laughter had a genuine tone to it as they'd sit around telling stories about 'the one that got away'. At least that's the way I remembered it from when I was little.
But Charlie has changed since I've been gone.
I had a feeling that Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark weren't very good friends with the people still milling around their backyard, drinking their alcohol and eating their food. They'd both ventured to the porch to hide out with me at least once before the evening finally ended.
Aunt Janet tried to get me to come back to the party, claiming that Lauren and Jessica were asking about me. Our eyes met briefly before her face cracked under the pressure of the lie and a small apologetic smile appeared on her face.
Looking away from me, she ran a hand down the front of her shirt, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles. "Well, I'd like you to come back. I'm sure Uncle Mark, Jasper and your father would like you to come back too."
I shot her a look that said, "I'd rather have my fingers nibbled off by rabid ferrets than accompany her back to the party." It was actually more of an "I'd really rather not" kind of a look.
Sighing, Aunt Janet slapped my legs with her hand indicating for me to scoot over and sat down beside me on the swing. We rocked in companionable silence for a moment.
"Bella, I'm sorry you're not having a good time." I wanted to contradict her but couldn't force the lie past my lips so I stayed silent and continued moving my legs in rhythm with hers.
"I know having all of these strangers in your face the minute you arrived isn't really in your comfort zone. But they tend to hang out here and I wanted you to be comfortable around them. I'd even hoped maybe you would find a friend or two." She cocked her head at me and offered a small smile. I knew she meant well, but there was really no way that was going to happen.
I nodded and muttered a low, "It's OK." It really wasn't but Aunt Janet had always been kind to me and the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel worse than she already did.
"No, no it's not." She moved her arm off me and leaned back into the swing. We rocked slowly in silence for a moment. The smells of Aunt Janet's meticulously cared for flower beds wafted through the night air. The light lavender and jasmine scents were soothing. It was a memory I'd always carried with me from my sparse time in Forks. And was probably why I favored lavender scented lotions and soaps.
"I should have been more sensitive to your comfort." I wanted to tell her I understood and that I wasn't mad at her for having the party. But all I could do was nod and twiddle my thumbs. Twiddling was a nervous habit I'd developed when Renee began dating Phil. Whenever the inevitable subject of my weight came up, the twiddling would commence. It drove Renee crazy and would eventually cause her to change the subject or send me to my room where she couldn't see the aimless circle dance my thumbs would be engaged in. Now, it was a defense mechanism that kicked in whenever there was a subject I wanted to avoid.
And talking about those girls definitely fell into that category.
I felt Aunt Janet tense up before she spoke, "Jasper told me how Lauren and Tanya acted." She paused and let out a sigh. "I didn't realize that those girls had become stuck up bitches just like their moms."
I whipped my head around to look at her; my eyes were wide with surprise. I'd never heard my aunt say an unkind word about anyone. Much less call them a bitch.
She gasped as her hands flew up to cover her mouth. Now, both of our eyes were widened in surprise at her outburst. Our eyes held in a staring contest, both of us unbelieving of what we just heard. I broke first and started to chuckle. Aunt Janet blushed before her own laughter came rolling out.
The porch swing shook and the chains creaked with the force of our laughter.
"I shouldn't have said that." She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to catch her breath. "It was mean."
"But it's the truth." I offered quietly. Having gotten my mirth under control, the recollection of how those girls and their male counterparts had made me feel killed my laughter.
My brief interaction with a few of Fork's females gave credence to my statement. Lauren, Tanya and their mothers were bitches.
Aunt Janet sighed and nodded, "Yes, yes it is, unfortunately."
Suddenly she grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to turn back towards her. The force of her actions startled me. "Look at me Bella." She looked me straight in the face. Her eyes bored searchingly into mine, while reaching forward and moving the hair off my face to push an errant lock behind my ear.
"I want you feel at home here." She said earnestly.
Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen.
I nodded lightly and shook off her hold, not comfortable with the feelings she was invoking in me. I know she cared about me. I knew her words were sincere. Aunt Janet had never been anything but wonderful to me. Yet I was still uncomfortable with her attention.
Like a coward I turned my eyes forward to resume staring at the green and white checkered pattern of the chair cushion.
"Will you make me a promise?" She asked softly, turning her head to look at the same mesmerizing piece of outdoor furniture, giving up on trying to maintain eye contact with me.
"Ok." I offered weakly. It was my pattern to agree to whatever anyone asked of me. My acquiescence to their request whether I intended to honor it or not, usually not, typically resulted in them leaving me alone. This was what I wanted so I tended to make quick promises out of habit.
"I want you to promise me that you'll talk to me if something is bothering you." I started to nod in agreement once again, "No." I stopped in mid nod. The force in her voice caught me off guard. "Don't just nod your head at me thinking that I'll accept it and move on." Out of the corner of my eye I watched my Aunt's delicate hands clench quickly three times. "I know what you're doing Bella." The swing shifted as she moved her body so she could face me.
"A promise means nothing if you have no intention of keeping it." The swing stopped rocking as she stretched her legs out and braced them on the wood porch.
Crap. She's on to me.
Before I could attempt a halfhearted denial, she began speaking again.
"I care about you and I know that things have been difficult these past couple of years", she sighed softly before continuing, "but I really want you to enjoy yourself while you're here. "
I nodded quickly keeping my head down.
"You can have as little contact with those girls as you want. I'll limit their time here. " She stopped speaking for a moment and stared off into the empty porch. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth was set in a hard line. "They can spend the summer in their homes eating theirparent's food while parading around half dressed." That last part was said with a bit of venom. I'm guessing Aunt Janet was not happy with her son being subjected to the budding cleavages of the two girls. "I won't have them upsetting you in any way."
"I mean it Bella. I want you to leave Phoenix behind. All of it." The last bit was delivered forcefully. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she meant. I could only guess that the black cloud I carried over my head was easily recognized by someone as caring and nurturing as she was.
I wanted to turn to her. I wanted to throw my arms around her and surround myself in her warmth and acceptance. I wanted to ask what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I do as Renee asked and lose the weight so she would love me? What was wrong with me that I would choose to stay lurking in the shadows instead of shedding this bloated body like a snake shedding a skin it has outgrown? Why couldn't I take my place and dance out in the light with all of beautiful people? Why can't I change?
But I didn't.
Opening up was an invitation for a discussion that I wasn't ready to have.
So I sat next to the woman I'd wished was my mother and let the moment pass.
And pass it did. It wasn't but minutes later when Charlie came around the corner of the house and up the porch steps. They creaked slightly under his weight.
"There you two are." He stood with his hands on his hips in an exasperated manner. "Your guests have been wondering where you'd gone off to Janet. I expected this hiding from Bella but you?" His eyebrow rose accusingly as he scolded his sister.
Aunt Janet patted my knee affectionately and got up off the swing to face my father. She walked right up to him and began to poke him in the chest. "Charlie, you can stow your reproach in your shorts. I'm not one of the juvenile delinquents you caught painting pictures of boobs and penises on the Johnson's barn. Besides, the most important guest, the guest of honor is out here." She stopped poking him in the chest long enough to point to where I was sitting. Charlie moved back a step under Aunt Janet's assault. "Furthermore, my other guests will be fine until the alcohol is gone. Plus, I'm sure Sally and the other girls don't need me to leer down their shirts as long as you men are around."
My father grimaced slightly at her thinly veiled accusation. "Yeah, I saw you Charlie. Don't try to hide it." Her tone turned playful as she teased him about looking down Sally's shirt. She smiled and cocked her head to the side, waiting for my father's reply.
I used my hand to hide a laugh as I watched the imposing figure of my father being called out for indiscreet boob leering.
"Well, um, I um..." He stammered and rubbed his neck in what I would guess was an attempt to buy himself some time. "I can't say as I blame you. Those doctors in Seattle do good work." She chuckled and left Charlie standing there in his guilt to come and stand in front of me.
"Bella, sweetheart, I'm so glad to have you here." Aunt Janet reached down and pulled me up off the seat, embracing me tightly. I guess the night had taken its toll on me. I didn't fight her at all. I just let myself sink into her arms, relishing the comfort that she offered.
"I'll see you tomorrow", she gave me a quick kiss before pulling back from me and squeezing my forearms enthusiastically. "We'll go shopping and get your rooms all decked out. OK?"
I nodded as she let me go and turned to leave the porch. She stopped where my father stood, motioning for him to lean down. I watched as she whispered into his ear. His face was solemn as he nodded in acceptance at her words. After reaching up on her tip toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, she gave me a small wave and bounded down the steps, hurrying back to her guests.
Wait, did she say rooms?
"Bella, are you ready to go?"
Guessing that my only other option was to go back to the party, my answer was fairly predictable. "Yeah, I'm ready." I'd figure out what Aunt Janet meant about rooms later.
"Well come on then." He turned and walked down the stairs leaving me to follow. We stopped at Aunt Janet's Tahoe and got my luggage out of the back. He wordlessly handed me my backpack before reaching in and grabbing both duffels.
"Can you get the door?" Charlie asked over his shoulder as he began walking down the driveway lugging my summer attire down the driveway.
I nodded and closed the door before following him to the patrol car parked at the curb.
The short drive to Charlie's was made in silence.
I wanted to ask him why he left me in Phoenix when I begged him to take me away. I wanted to know why he let Jim say those things to me at the party.
But I didn't.
I packed it away into a box and threw it down into the dark basement of my mind where I stored all of the hurt and injustice I encounter in my life.
I don't know what I expected when we walked into the house. For whatever reason, I wasn't surprised to see that it hadn't changed much in the years I'd been gone.
Besides the additions of a giant flat screen TV and a plush leather recliner, the furniture was the same as it had always looked, worn and tired.
I silently followed Charlie up the creaky stairs to my room. Like the furniture in the living room, the carpeting on the staircase was old and worn.
True to form, I slipped on the frayed runner. I grasped the banister attempting to slow my descent. As I pulled my bulk back up to a relatively upright position, I was shocked to see my school pictures lining the wall to the second floor.
I stood dazed in the stairwell clutching the railing tight in my hands. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. You'd be hard pressed to find any pictures of me in Renee's house. She only displayed a few of my baby pictures in Phoenix. I guess my chubby cheeks and roly poly body were cute at one time.
Yet in Charlie's house I was on display in all of my grandeur from kindergarten pigtails to this past school year, seventh grade. My fingers trailed over the photos. Their cheap gold frames were cold to the touch and left smudges of dust on my fingertips.
Suddenly I was overwhelmed with emotion. Did my father care enough to display pictures of me in his house? He wasn't hiding me away like my mother did.
I wasn't expecting this type of display from him. He'd gone from what I thought was genuinely happy to see me at the airport, to throwing me to the wolves at the party, to displaying my pictures in his house.
His constant changing mood swings were confusing the crap out of me. I didn't know what I was supposed to think and it was very unnerving.
"Bella, are you coming?" I jerked from my position on the stairs, hastily wiping the dust off my fingers onto my jeans to quickly walk up the last couple of steps.
I came to stand beside my dad at the threshold of my childhood room.
I smiled widely up at him, my round face practically glowing with the thought that maybe I hadn't completely lost both of my parents. And I guess in appreciation for maybe actually caring about me.
Charlie looked uneasy under my toothy show of gratitude. "Are you OK?" He asked, frowning. I nodded enthusiastically. "Then why do you have such a goofy look on your face?"
Goofy? Notcuteorlovingorsweet… butgoofy?
My face fell at his obvious agitation. I didn't have but a second to contemplate the loss of our father/daughter moment. He reached into the room and flipped on the light. I was immediately assaulted by a bright pink bedspread.
Ugh!
Talk about a pink nightmare. It had blue, purple and green butterflies allover.
It looked like an elephant had thrown up ten gallons of Pepto Bismol all over the bed.
I blinked my eyes several times, trying to acquaint them with the hideous sight and turned to look at the rest of the room. The walls had at once been painted a bright yellow but were now more of a faded cream color, which only made the pink bedcovering appear even more hideous. There were no curtains on the windows. Only generic blinds and the two rugs on the floor looked just as worn as the furniture downstairs.
"I didn't change anything since the last time you were here." He stood in the middle of the pick nightmare and motioned around the room with his hands, "I know how you girls are about people touching your stuff."
Stuff? Did he mean the old Raggedy Anne doll lying haphazardly on the bed with her frayed smock and knotted hair, or the worn pink piggy slippers peeking out from under the bed that were at least three sizes too small? Or maybe he meant the tattered Barbie and My Pretty Pony coloring books lying on top of the desk.
The only thing in that room I would consider mine was Grandma Swan's old rocker in the corner, finally a good memory from Forks. I didn't pick out the décor or the things that were strewn about. But that rocker was mine. When Grandma Marie died, Charlie and Renee were tasked with cleaning out the house. Renee had insisted that none of grandma's old things were coming into her house. So Charlie had dutifully packed up and carted off all of his mother's treasures just as his wife had asked of him. But when the rocker was taken to the curb… my little three year old body couldn't move fast enough. I threw myself into the soft but worn cushion and refused to get out of it. Renee finally relented and allowed the rocker to be saved from the dump, but demanded that it be put in my room, hidden from sight. Rocking in that chair while Charlie read to me is one of my few happy childhood memories. Unfortunately it was only a couple of months after I saved the chair that Renee decided to leave Charlie.
My chair along with all of the other things that Renee didn't need anymore was left in Forks along with my father. I often wondered why I wasn't met with the same fate.
"We used to rock for hours." From my place in front of the rocker, I couldn't see his face but I could hear his voice and it almost sounded as if he were… wistful?
"I used to read to you before bed. Do you remember that?"
I nodded, keeping my head down. I remembered sitting on his lap, his big arms surrounding me as he read The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Wind in the Willows. I'd be wrapped up in my towel straight from a bath and on his lap as he regaled me with the adventures of Pooh and Piglet. I absently trailed my fingers across the worn wooden arm rests, rubbing the smooth surface while trying to swallow down the lump that was growing in my throat as I remembered how he would change his voice to depict the characters of the books.
Those nights with Charlie in my rocker started my life long love of books and were the few really happy moments I had from my previous life in Forks.
"I tried to get Renee, um, your mom to let me send it to you after you guys left. But she refused." I stopped rubbing to look at him.
He was looking out the window, his mouth turned down at the memory of my mother.
"You did?" I was surprised at his admission. I wasn't surprised that Renee hadn't allowed him to send me the chair, she wanted no reminders of her life in Forks, but rather that he'd tried to send it to me in the first place.
He slowly rubbed a hand across his forehead as if he were trying to ease an ache. "I tried, but your mom refused." He sighed and walked closer to me. The floorboards creaked as he moved across it. "I guess I just wanted you to have something happy from your childhood here. But when she rejected my offer, I kept it in your room here, where it would always be waiting for you when you visited."
He reached out and laid a hand on my shoulder, the weight of his hand was comforting. "I guess I underestimated how infrequent those visits would be." He sounded almost regretful that we'd been apart for so long.
Did Charlie miss me?
My eyes welled with tears at the thought of how different my life might be if I'd been living with a parent who may have actually wanted me around.
"Bells," my face warmed at his use of the pet name that only he called me, "I know things haven't been easy for you, um, in Phoenix."
His voice tapered off as I felt the familiar warmth of embarrassment bloom in my cheeks at his mention of my life in Phoenix. I stood still and silent, not wanting to lose the comfort of his touch and not trusting myself to speak.
"And I'm real sorry about that, but this isn't Phoenix." He removed his hand from my shoulder and stuck both of his hand in his pants pockets and began to rock back and forth on his heels. His police department boots squeaked as he moved. All too soon the warmth of my father's touch, the small connection we were sharing, was gone. "But this is Forks, a place where everyone knows your name and your business." He continued, "You need to try to fit in. I need you to fit in. You can't hide here, especially being the Chief's kid. Do you understand?" He questioned.
Did I understand? I'm not sure I did. Was he warning me that being Chief Swan's daughter in Forks would be any harder than being Renee's fat offspring in Phoenix? Because I doubted very much it would be.
Charlie's hand came to once again rest on my shoulder; I didn't feel any comfort this time. On the contrary, this time I felt the firmness of authority instead of the affection of a parent. "Bella, it will be easier on you if you try." He tipped my chin up to look at him. My eyes squinted involuntarily under the harshness of the overhead light. "Do you understand?" he asked again. His touch was gentle yet I still fought the urge to pull away.
"Yes." I stated simply.
Charlie smiled and released my chin. "Good girl."
He stepped back and moved toward the door, "I'll leave you to unpack and do whatever it is that girls do before going to bed." At the doorway he turned back, "You remember where everything is right?" I guessed he meant where the towels and such were kept. I nodded affirmatively. This wasn't that big of a place. What I couldn't remember, I figured I could find.
"Ok then. Uh, your aunt will want to start early so you better get some sleep." I nodded and turned back towards the pink nightmare covered bed. "Um, Bella, I…", Charlie stuttered. I stood still by the bed, waiting for him to finish his sentence.
Moments passed.
Finally I turned to him but all I saw was his back as he retreated out of the room. I heard the door to his bedroom shut. I guess we're done trotting down memory lane for tonight.
After rooting around in the bathroom cabinets, I found clean wash cloths and towels. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Clicking off the light and walking down the short hallway, I settled back into my old room.
My flannel sleep pants and t-shirt would've been much to warm to wear in Phoenix, but they were just right for the cooler weather of Washington. Tugging back the pink atrocity of a bed covering, I climbed into bed and snuggled into the Strawberry Shortcake sheets. With a heavy sigh I allowed the events of the day to run through my mind. The events at the airport with my mother were ones that I hoped didn't linger as they were bound to give me nightmares. The reunion with Aunt Janet and Charlie had gone well up until arriving at the party.
Ugh,theparty.
Turning over onto my side, I tucked my hands under my face. I felt the wetness of a tear drop onto my folded hands. I'd held them in all day but under the cover of darkness, alone in my old room, I no longer had the strength to keep them in anymore.
The girls' reactions were predictable. I was used to it and could have easily ignored them if I hadn't already been so rudely accosted by that awful Jim and his laughing troupe of followers, which included my own father. His disregard for my feelings had hurt more than I cared to think about. His story about the rocking chair hurt too. Just in a completely different way. If he missed me, if he'd wanted to see me more often, why hadn't he? Why had my summers been spent trying to avoid the incessant barbecues and pool parties that my mother and her friends seemed to thrive on instead of being allowed to lay around in Forks where the cooler temps would be much more conducive to my normal attire of choice; baggy jeans and loose fitting tops?
Why hadn't Charlie demanded I come to Forks? Why?
Sniffling, I turned over to my other side, the mattress moved as my bulk shifted positions. The only thing that I can say wasn't predictable was Edward. Sure we only spoke for a moment and he was in pain for the entire time, and maybe I let my temper get the best of me when I called him an "uncoordinated ballerina". But he had still called to me and waved goodbye as he left. No one else but the little copper haired boy had bothered. And that was unexpected.
The teenager in me wanted to fight the fatigue, but the little girl couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. Leaning over the bedside table, I switched off the yellow Care Bear lamp and let my exhaustion take me.
I awoke not to the brightness of the morning sun as I usually did in Phoenix, but rather the clanking of pots and pans and the murmurings of my father.
The grey light coming through the windows was not much of an incentive to get out of bed. Neither was the smell of burnt toast coming up from the kitchen. I pulled the comforter over my head, successfully avoiding dealing with both.
"Bella!"
"Bella time to get up!" Charlie's voice was loud and rumbled through the small house. I'd hoped he'd forgotten I was here.
I peeked my head out of the comforter just enough to see what time it was. The clock in Cheer Bear's tummy read 6:45 AM. Groaning at the ungodly hour, I pulled the comforter tighter over my inert body snuggled deeper into my warm cocoon.
"BELLA!" I heard heavy footsteps start up the stairs. I tried to make my body obey my dad's call to get up. But my limbs felt like they were encased in cement and my brain was still foggy from the pity party I'd thrown myself the night before.
I lay very still on the bed thinking that if I didn't move he wouldn't see me.
Yep, straight A student right here.
The heavy thud of Charlie's boots echoed in my room. He stood silently next to my bed and I lay very still not acknowledging him. It was almost like an old fashioned Mexican standoff. I figured I'd eventually win as he had to get to work and I had no where I needed to be.
Hahaha, it sucks to be a grown up and have a job.
The joke was on me when my warm, fluffy and brightly tinted comforter was ripped off the bed. "You have ten minutes to get ready to leave the house for the day." His eyes were narrowed as he took in my still form. "Now Isabella."
I didn't know my father very well, but it didn't take a genius to understand that the tone used to deliver his demand was not one to be ignored.
I jumped out of bed. Well, not so much jumped as rolled. And when I say rolled, I mean rolled. My knees and palms were the first body parts to hit the dusty wood floor.
"Ow, ow." I winced in pain.
"Are you alright?" Charlie asked, sighing.
I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide but judging from the number of dust bunnies already inhabiting the space, I'd be an unwelcome guest.
"Yes, I'm ok." I whispered, keeping my head down, ignoring the heat of embarrassment rushing to my cheeks and the throbbing pain in my knees and hands.
"Well alright, you still need to get ready. I have to be at the station in 20 minutes." From my position on the floor, I watched Charlie's feet leave the room.
Nine minutes and thirty seconds later I was dressed and downstairs. I'd grabbed my ipod and a couple of books to take with me to Aunt Janet's. I still wasn't happy about the fact that I was being deposited there to be watched over like a three year old. But I hadn't had a chance to talk to Charlie about it. Our little moment the night before ended quickly and left me in no shape to take him on over my daytime accommodations. Bringing it up now after making him late was probably not a stellar idea either. Maybe by Christmas I'd have the courage worked up.
My stomach grumbled loudly. "Maybe next time you'll get up when I call you." He tilted his head towards my vocal belly. We were late, no time for breakfast. Not even enough time for a burnt piece of toast.
Grumble,grumble.I put a hand over my stomach, trying to muffle the sound.
We pulled onto Aunt Janet's street. I couldn't help the twinge of anxiety that began gnawing on my brain.
What if those girls came over?
What would I do?
Where would I hide?
"Bella, are you going to get out of the car?"
"Huh?" I hadn't noticed we'd stopped. I rested my hand on the door handle but couldn't bring myself to open it. Even though the atmosphere in the car was a bit cold, it was more desirable to the unknown horrors that could be lurking inside Aunt Janet's house.
"Bella, you need to get out." He prodded. "I have a job to do and I can't get it done with you sitting in the car." He leaned over and opened the door. "Go on. Your aunt will be waiting for you."
I nodded and grabbed my bag off the floor.
"I don't know when I'll be home." He paused to check his watch, grimacing at the time. "I'll let Janet know my plans. And Bella," at hearing my name, I peered into the cruiser. He was leaned over the seat looking at me. " try and have a good day, Ok?" With that, he reached across the seat and grabbed the door handle shutting the door and was gone.
I stood in the driveway and watched the patrol car disappear down the street.
I turned and looked at the house that would be my day time home. It was a nice home with its wide inviting porch and many windows that made it appear as if it were smiling.
Like it was happy to see you.
Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark had purchased it when they got pregnant with Jasper. They envisioned a house full of children and bought accordingly. Unfortunately, its four big bedrooms housed only three people and after four miscarriages, my aunt and uncle decided to stop trying to fill it with more children. That was just one of the differences between Renee and Aunt Janet. Aunt Janet loved children and wanted more but was physically unable to have them. While Renee barely acknowledged the one she had and wouldn't even consider having more, even though she was perfectly capable of bearing more kids.
Despite the 'happy' appearance of the house, I still had a sense of foreboding. I was being silly. I had nothing to fear here. Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark had never been anything but loving to me. And despite my childhood skirmishes with Jasper. He'd never really hurt me and at times we got along rather well.
Get over it Bella. This isn't Phoenix.
Pulling the collar of my sweatshirt tighter to ward of the still chilly air, I walked myself up the porch and lifted my hand to knock on the front door.
Before my fist could connect with the door, it was wrenched open by my hurried looking uncle.
I didn't have a chance to make a noise or move out of his way, before we collided as he rushed from the house.
I started to fall backwards, my arms flailing in the wind. "Bella, I didn't see you there." He grabbed my arms to keep me from falling. "I'm so sorry about that." He flashed me a quick smile and ushered me into the house. "Good morning. Come in, come in." Reaching down, he picked up his dropped briefcase off the porch and shut the door.
The wonderful smells of a home cooked breakfast hovered thick in the air as I followed him through the foyer. "Blueberry pancakes and bacon." Uncle Mark chuckled as my stomach renewed its complaining over missing breakfast. I blushed as my stomach grumbled its excitement over the menu.
"Janet." Uncle Mark called out as we walked down the hall.
"Mark? I thought you'd left." Aunt Janet called from the kitchen. "Sweetheart, did you forget your briefcase again or did you want to follow through on that little promise you made this morning in the shower? Jasper is still asleep. I'm sure we could…"
Uncle Mark blushed and quickly interrupted her. "Um, Janet, I found a hungry young beauty on the porch."
What had I walked in on?
"Bella!" Aunt Janet smiled widely and rushed forward to give me a hug. "Good morning sweetie. I didn't expect you so early." She was speaking to me but her eyes were on her red faced husband.
"How did you sleep?" Her questions came rapidly, "Are you hungry? I bet my brother didn't even feed you before he just dropped you off." Her last statement was punctuated with a slight frown that seemed to illustrate her belief that in fact I'd not been fed this morning.
"Um, no, I haven't eaten yet. But you don't have to go to any trouble. A bowl of cereal or piece of toast is fine." I looked wistfully towards the table and what looked to be the remnants of a delicious breakfast.
"Well, I'm off." Uncle Mark leaned down and kissed Aunt Janet's cheek. "I should be home by six. Call me at work if you need anything."
"You two have a good day." Uncle Mark winked at us and left the room.
Aunt Janet stared after him for a moment before turning back to me. "Sit, sit." She pulled out a chair, patting the cushion. "Let me get you something to eat before Jasper wakes up," I sat down and placed my bag on the floor at my feet. "or there will be nothing left for anyone." She went to the refrigerator and got out a carton of eggs and milk.
I thought that was funny considering the size of the skinny boy I saw last night. Compared to me, Jasper looked practically emaciated. Of course, next to me Santa Claus looked anorexic.
"I hope that pancakes are alright."
"You don't have to go to that much trouble. A bowl of cereal would be fine." I was only being polite. I really wanted pancakes. Aunt Janet was an excellent cook and the most home cooking that Renee managed was occasionally warming up a can of soup and making a grilled cheese sandwich.
The sounds of plates being taken out of the cupboard and drawers being opened was music to my stomach. "Don't be silly. It takes no time at all to make a batch of pancakes. Besides, once Jasper is up Emmett won't be far behind and I've seen that boy be forcibly removed from an all you can eat buffet." She started cracking eggs and measuring all sorts of powders. I had no idea what she was doing. While eating was a skill I'd perfected over the years, cooking was a mystery.
"Honey, can you get the baking powder out of that cabinet for me please."
"Sure." My chair scraped against the spotless floor as I got up.
Bakingsoda,creamoftartar,meringuepowder… the list of things I didn't have any idea what they were used for grew as I rooted around in the cabinet. Ahh,finally. I pulled the little can out and walked over to where Aunt Janet stood with her electric mixer plugged in and ready.
"Thanks sweetie." I stood and watched as she popped the plastic lid off and measured out some of the white powder before dumping it into the bowl with the rest of her ingredients. "Here, you run the mixer." She handed me the heavy appliance before hustling back over to the refrigerator. "I think we'll make ginger pancakes this time around." I stood at the counter holding the mixer away from my body like it was a contagious disease or a small child with a runny nose and sticky fingers.
"Hmmm, where is my grater?"
I watched her open another drawer.
"Bella, the mixer won't hurt you." She chuckled as she turned and saw me and the mixer. "Good lord girl, haven't you ever used one before?"
"No, um, Renee doesn't really cook." I sat the mixer down on the counter.
"How does she keep that strapping young husband and you fed?"
"Take out."
"Take out." Aunt Janet repeated under her breath and shaking her head in disbelief.
"Doesn't that get old?"
I shrugged.
"What do you say I give you some cooking lessons while you're here?" She asked clearly excited at the prospect.
I smiled at her enthusiasm. "I'd like that."
She clapped her hands together, "Great. Your first lesson is how to use an electric mixer." She forced the mixer back into my hand.
Reluctantly, I took the imposing piece of machinery from her and stared at it. My eyes narrowed as I sized up the domestic device.
OK,Bella,youcandothis.You'reonsolidground.Noice,stairsorrockstotripover.Youcando…
"I'm asking you to mix some pancake batter, not diffuse a bomb." Aunt Janet's hand came up and smoothed over my furrowed brow. "Are you done psyching yourself up?"
I smiled and nodded. I was being silly.
"Now, slowly lower the mixer into the bowl and turn it on. Simple right?"
"Yes." With a deep breath I lowered the mixer into the bowl and flipped the switch all the way forward. The mixer roared to life and in a heartbeat, I was engulfed in a white cloud of pancake mix. Aunt Janet quickly turned the mixer off. Laughing as she waved her hands around trying to dissipate the cloud of flour I'd let loose in her pristine kitchen.
"I'm so sorry." I leaned over the sink and shook my head, shaking the dust out of my hair.
Laughter bubbled out of her tiny frame. "Wow, I haven't laughed like that in a long time." She wiped the tears out of her eyes, leaving little smudges of flour on her cheeks. "Oh Bella, I can tell having you around this summer is going to be a hoot."
Usually people are laughing at me falling on my butt, making fun of my weight or something else I've done that was stupid. Their laughter always had a vindictive and cruel tone to it. But Aunt Janet's didn't. Her laughter was neither malicious nor spiteful. It was just fun. I couldn't help but laugh too. It felt good.
Once we'd gotten our giggles out, Aunt Janet was back to business. "Ok, this time let's start the mixer on low and gradually increase the power. This way we won't make it snow again." She lowered the mixer back into the bowl and together we got the batter mixed.
Under Aunt Janet's watchful eye, I successfully poured, flipped and stacked my pancakes. Before long we had a platter full of the fluffy golden brown discs.
Just as we were sitting down to enjoy the fruits of our labors, Jasper wondered in looking half dead. "Oh, look my son the zombie is up." Jasper grunted at his mother before taking a seat and filling his plate. The butter hadn't even melted before there was a knock at the back screen door.
"Good morning Emmett." My aunt called without looking up from her plate.
"Morning Miss Janet." Dimples ambled in, letting the door slam behind him.
Jasper grunted in greeting, never taking his eyes off his plate. Emmett didn't seem to mind as he pulled out the chair beside my cousin and grabbed a plate. I sat in awe watching the boys eat. How did they stay so skinny? Ok, Emmett wasn't what I'd call skinny, but still.
"Thesh is relwy gwood, mish Janet." Little pieces of pancake flew from his mouth as he spoke.
"Emmett Cullen, you know better than to talk with your mouth full." Aunt Janet smacked him lightly on the back of his head as she walked past him to put her dishes in the sink.
"Thank you for the compliment. But Bella made these." She winked at me as she walked back to the table. Both boys stopped eating and looked at me. Their cheeks full of my hard work. Jasper smiled and went back to eating. Dimples took a big drink from the glass of milk Aunt Janet had sat down in front of him. I watched his cheeks puff out and his Adams apple bob as he swallowed the huge drink. "You made these B?"
I nodded as he wiped his mouth with the back of one of his huge paws. "Wow! J-man, the good cooking gene must run in your family. What color is your apron? Can you make me an apple pie for lunch?" Jasper elbowed the bigger boy in the ribs and went back to eating.
Emmett brushed the poke off with a halfhearted laugh before looking back to me. "Seriously B, these are really good."
I blushed at Emmett's compliment. "Thanks." I said quietly.
He'd called me "B". I'd never had a nickname from a non-family member that wasn't a putdown. I liked it. It made me feel, I don't know, accepted.
"So, what do you boys have planned for today?" Aunt Janet asked as she finished washing up the mess from breakfast.
Jasper finally looked up from his plate, "Tree house." He stated simply.
Emmett nodded quickly in agreement. "Yep, we've got big plans."
"As long as these 'big plans' don't include fire, or power tools you're good. Bella and I are going shopping. I need you to promise to stay out of the pool." She turned to walk out of the kitchen, stopping to turn back to the boys. "And off the roof." She looked pointedly at Emmett who looked sheepishly at the floor.
"Yes Miss Janet."
"Awww, c'mon mom we won't do that again." Jasper's voice was laced with teenage agitation.
"Oh, I know you won't." She stared at her son, blue eyes boring into blue eyes. "Because if you do, you'll never see the light of day again." She pointed her finger at both of them in turn before turning to me.
Unconsciously, I sat up a bit straighter in my chair. I knew I'd done nothing to earn her ire but after seeing both boys shrivel under her gaze I wasn't taking any chances.
"Bella dear, I'm going to go change and we'll be off."
I nodded and watched her disappear around the corner.
With Aunt Janet gone I was left alone with the two boys. Luckily, they'd begun going over the plans for their tree house and had apparently forgotten about me. I listened quietly as they planned out their day.
"Are you sure the wood from the shed is still good?"
"It looks OK to me. I checked for dry rot and stuff."
Not knowing how long Aunt Janet would be, I took out my book and began reading, only tuning into their conversation sporadically.
"It will take all day to drag it over here."
"Not if we use the golf cart."
"I thought you were banned from driving it after, you know," Jasper held up his fingers and made the universal sign for air quotes. "the incident."
"Hey, that damn Chihuahua had it coming." Emmett clenched his fists obviously still upset over whatever transgression he perceived the small dog had perpetrated.
"Riiiiight, that little dog deserved to be chased into the pool for having a tiny accident."
"Hey, that was my favorite pair of Chucks." Emmett's face got all red at the memory. "Mom made me throw them away after that little yappy turd peed on them."
Jasper rolled his eyes at I chuckled quietly behind my book at Emmett's retelling of his beloved 'pee shoes'.
"Besides mom has a client meeting today so we'll have a three hour window of opportunity. She won't know we used the cart." Emmett punctuated his statement by shoving the last remaining pancake into his mouth, chewing and then smiling. Chunks of masticated food dropped out of his mouth onto the table.
"Geez, Em you're so gross." Jasper slugged Emmett playfully on the arm. Emmett just smiled and continued chewing.
In spite of the fact that I'd never before been in the presence of teenage boys without looking for the closest window to jump out of, I found that I was fairly comfortable with my cousin and his cuddly friend. In fact, I marveled at the plans they were making for their tree house and secretly wished to be included.
"What about nails and stuff?"
Emmett took a drink of his milk and brushed some crumbs off his shirt with his big paw. I watched the crumbs fall to my aunt's clean floor. "Dude, I got Eddiekins set up pulling all of the old nails out." My ears perked up at the mention of Edward. I wondered if I'd see him today.
"What's that going to cost us?"
"Cost?" Emmett asked. "My baby brother is all hobbled up with a puffed up ankle the size of a loaf of bread. Eddiepie can barely move. I had to carry him to the bathroom this morning so he could take a leak. He's basically at my mercy."
"Sweet." Jasper and Emmett shared a male version of a hug: the ubiquitous fist bump.
Sweet? Having a brother who is physically hurt to the point that he can't go to the bathroom without your assistance is sweet? There were only a few things that I knew for sure. One was that until I was thin enough to wear a size 2, I would continue to be an embarrassment to my mother. Another was that if I wasn't already on the floor, I would be landing there eventually and lastly, I do not understand boys.
I tried to keep my mind on the book I was reading. But I found myself more drawn to the conversation between the two boys than whether Jason Bourne would ever find his identity.
"Are you still thinking two stories?"
"Naw, we better keep it to one floor for now. But we can always add to it."
"Windows?"
"Duh, it's Forks. If we don't have windows we'll only be able to use the darn thing two weeks out of the year."
"Yeah." Jasper nodded in agreement. "Security?"
Security? What were they worried about, maybe a roving band of delinquent squirrels stealing their comic books and Emmett's snacks?
"I was thinking a rope ladder. It's cheap and easy. Plus, there's no way Edster could manage such a feat with his injuries, not to mention his tiny little arms."
Ah, they were worried about little brothers stealing their comic books and snacks.
Emmett began to wave his arms around like they were barely connected. Both boys erupted in laughter over his antics.
I shifted in my seat as Emmett danced around. I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as they made fun of the younger boy. I'd been on the other end of that stick far too often to be unaffected when another was being made the butt of a joke. I knew that there was genuine affection between the two brothers. I saw evidence of that last night when Emmett carried Edward home after his accident. But I also knew from listening to Phil talk about his siblings that some of the worst episodes of hazing he ever experienced were at the hands of his older brother and sister.
Brothers are confusing.
Luckily, I didn't have to ponder the complexities and absurdness of the older brother/younger brother relationship much longer; the boys stopped their antics when Aunt Janet breezed back into the room. Her skinny jeans, fashionable top and simple ballet flats were perfect for a trip to the linen store. I quickly glanced at my attire, baggy jeans and a t-shirt under a worn out hoodie that said "Arizona Diamondbacks" across the chest. My attire didn't scream, "Girls shopping trip." but rather it yelled, "I have no sense of style and need help!" I wondered if shopping with Aunt Janet wouldn't be the soul crushing experience that it was with Renee.
She eyed the boys warily before speaking to me, "Are you ready to go dear?"
I nodded and tucked my things back into my pack, before walking over to where she stood in the doorway. "Sweetie, you won't need your back pack. You can leave it in the hallway." She indicated for me to set it down by the front door.
Both boys stood up and followed us to the foyer where Aunt Janet issued her last minute instructions to them. "Remember what I said, no fire, no power tools, no pool, no cooking. My microwave has never been the same after you two tried to make yourselves baked potatoes in it."
"How were we supposed to know you had to poke them?" Emmett asked under his breath.
"You should have asked." I chuckled at the thought of them blowing up potatoes in Aunt Janet's immaculate kitchen.
"There was one more thing." She tapped her lip with her fingertip. "What was it?"
We stood in silence for a moment before I blurted out, "You told them to stay off the roof."
Both boys whipped their heads in my direction, suddenly remembering I was present.
I stood very still, not believing that I'd spoken aloud. What was I thinking? They're going to hate me now. I quickly glanced around for a hole large enough to crawl into.
"Yes!" She pointed a finger at each boy in turn. "Stay. Off. The. Roof. Thank you Bella."
Jasper and Emmett both gave me a look, but neither boy looked as if they wanted to kill me, so I let out that breath I was holding. Jasper's eyes were a bit narrowed as if accusing me of some kind of traitorous act. But Emmet actually smiled, almost like he was proud of me for speaking up.
I did that. I spoke up. Yes, I may have thrown my cousin and his friend under the proverbial bus. But the pride I felt for actually engaging in a conversation where I wasn't called on by a teacher far outweighed the possible wrath I might incur from Jasper and Emmett.
Aunt Janet continued with her directions for the day, once more demanding their attention, "I've already spoken to Esme and you'll have lunch over there. We should be home by early afternoon", she grabbed her purse and opened the door."Jasper, be nice to Edward and include him in the tree house plans." Jasper and Emmett shared a sly look. I could only guess that poor Edward would be included in the plans. Just not the way he would hope.
"OK mom" Jasper promised.
"He's a good boy."
"I know mom." Jasper sighed, clearly agitated at his mother's affection for Edward.
"Don't you worry Miss Janet; I always look after my little brother." Emmett beamed with his dimples on full display for her.
Emmett was a butt kisser. Who knew?
For the second time this morning I pitied Edward.
Aunt Janet smiled and ruffled Emmett's hair. "I know you do honey." He smiled wider under her attentions. And if it were possible, I would swear that his dimples got even dimplier. Jasper rolled his eyes, obviously done with watching his friend suck up to his mother. He grabbed Emmett's arm and dragged him forcibly down the hallway, clearly disturbed at his friends display. Emmett waved as they left.
We stood at the door watching them go until they were out of sight.
Aunt Janet shook her head at their antics. "Lord help us if that boy ever decides to run for office." She grabbed her keys off the table and opened the front door. "He'll have every female within 100 foot radius of those dimples and baby blues opening their wallets, and on their knees pledging their support."
We looked at each other and giggled as we got into the Tahoe.
"Well Bella, we're fed, dressed and have credit cards with high limits. Are you ready for a day of fun?"
My normal reaction would have been to frown and deny that I was even capable of having a fun day. But this morning I'd already had more fun than I could remember. Who was to say the rest of the day wouldn't be just as great?
I turned to my aunt and answered truthfully, "Yes, yes I am."
Yay! A girls shopping trip. Who wants to go? Does Emmett remind anyone else of Eddie Haskell from 'Leave it to Beaver'? LOL!
Next chapter will focus on Bella and Edward's friendship.
To all of you who have reviewed, thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea what it means to me to read your thoughts and encouragement.
