Andrea tidies her flat racing against an invisible opponent – Neil's key turning in the door. She thinks about their conversation earlier in the day, he'd stopped her in the corridors after she took a call about a break in. Tony had given her a look but she was much more concerned with Neil's face. There's nothing she can read but as he asks if she'd allow him to come around that night, Andrea thinks she sees some uncertainty, openness.

In the bathroom the pregnancy tests stare back at her, the boxes still scattered across the countertop, the tests lined up showing their negative results. She makes a decision then and there not to tell Neil, using the negative result as her reason.

They're relationship is already off kilter and this herb is hardly going to spice things up. Andrea drops the tests and their boxes one after another into the kitchen bin; she hopes this is the last time she has to use a home test kit until there's a ring on her finger and a loving, supporting partner to be with her.

She pours two glasses of wine, drinking one quickly to quell the nerves that have risen. It isn't long before the alcohol warms her insides; the volume consumed quickly lightens her head. She refills the glass as she hears his key in the door, standing in the kitchen doorway she's filled with a false confidence from the wine.

"Hi." He says stepping in the doorway, arms laden with take out. Andrea leans forward and kisses him briefly on the lips.

"Wine?"

"Sure." He accepts placing their meals on the counter; he makes quick work of removing the dishes from their containers and putting them on plates. Andrea searches for a matching set of knives and forks in the hand-me-downs from her family. She doesn't hear the bin open and with her back turned she doesn't see Neil open it with the intention of dropping the empty containers in.

"Are you pregnant?" She feels his voice and question hit her in the pit of her stomach. The life draining from her face, her ability to move restricted. She takes a deep breath before answering, the nerves return, accompanied by nausea.

"No, the test was negative." Her back still turned she realises the source of her anxiety is Neil's reply. She turns slowly and sees uneasiness and a definite urge to pull away in his eyes; she's seen the latter enough to recognise it now.

Setting the cutlery and wine down next to the food she waits for Neil to reply, never allowing her eyes to leave his.

"Were you going to tell me?" There's a hint of anger in the question.

"I only found out this week, but yes when I'd gotten my head around it I was going to tell you."

A small part of her thinks maybe they're going to talk this one out. Instead Neil offers nothing putting the test that has rested in his hand during the conversation back into the bin, covering it with the take out containers.

Andrea sighs annoyed picking up her plate and heading to the sofa. What she really needs is to talk about this but clearly that isn't going to happen. Instead she fills her mouth with Asian vegetables, skipping aimlessly through the television channels.

She ignores the dip in the sofa when Neil sits down next to her a few minutes later. Determined not to be the first to speak they sit side by side while Andrea continues to move spinningly through the stations.

"You're making me feel dizzy Andrea." Neil says finally, watching as she stops on an American hospital drama. Silence prevails again, the longer it lasts the more she stews in the situation and the angrier she gets.

"Did you want...?" Neil asks softly, cutting though Andrea's irateness.

"It's not as if either of us are in a situation to have a child together right now." Andrea replies after consideration, and then something occurs to her. "Or wants anymore children."

For the first time since the kitchen she turns her head to look him in the eye. His expression is blank to her and then he removes eye contact. His non reply to her question is telling for Andrea, she waits running the words she wants to say through her head.

"You should go." She says with conviction but not forcefully. Waiting a moment before giving him her eyes she continues. "I know this has made you want to pull away, to run back to Philippa, you should go."

Andrea won't look at him as he gets off the sofa, the plate clanging on the floor in front of him. Andrea jumps as her front door slams and a single tear sets off a flood of emotion.


A week lapses without contact from Neil and Andrea rides a roller coaster of emotion, some nights she curses him and all the traits she can't stand in him right now. Other times the emptiness of the flat and her bed hits her and missing him eats at her from the inside out, tears her occasional friend.

"Again," Tony exclaims the following week as Andrea's phone beeps for the sixth time that morning. He negotiates a lane change through the heavy midday traffic.

"Yeah, sorry," Andrea apologises keeping her phone tightly closed. So far Neil has averaged five messages a day asking her to come see him in his office. He'd caught up with her each day asking if he could come over the following night, each time Andrea has said no, quickly walking away after knocking him back.

She wasn't ready to talk yet she needed more breathing space.

"I'll be glad when this day's over; it's been long and boring." Tony sighs stopping to give way.

"Yeah," Andrea says absently, today and this week have been anything but for her.

"You going to Honey's birthday tomorrow?"

"Looking forward to it," which wasn't a lie, she'd told herself she needed to let her hair down with her friends, the all purpose cure for anything – especially men.

As Andrea gathers her things after shift she moves carefully out of the station in an attempt to avoid Neil. Her phone beeps again and this time she opens it, there are some twenty messages all stored in her phone, all from Neil. She snaps the phone shut saying goodbye to Sheelagh on the way to her car.

Sighing heavily she stops as Neil comes into sight. There's no luxury of turning away as he spots her immediately and something tells her he'll wait forever. She fumbles for her keys as she approaches the car hoping to brush him off and make a fast getaway.

"What do you want Neil?" Andrea says darkly activating the unlock function in her car.

"I want to talk to you."

"I got that much; I've got a phone full of messages." She informs him tossing her bag into the back.

"You've been ignoring me."

"I need more time." She says softly.

"So you can think us out of existence, I don't think so."

"I'll call you when I'm ready to talk." Andrea sighs slipping into her seat. Neil grabs the handle of the passenger door, sliding in next to her. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I want to talk to you Andrea, tonight at yours." He says confidently.

"No Neil!" Andrea says forcefully.

"Tomorrow night then?"

"I've got Honey's birthday do." She says trying to keep her irritation at bay.

"Find a time Andrea or I'll be there at Honey's birthday in front of everyone." The threat makes Andrea step back, the increasing nastiness of the conversation from both of them surprised her. She'd always figured Neil would back down in this situation, adopt a position that didn't include putting up a fight, easier to slip quietly back to Philippa. Then again maybe that stance could be manipulative tactic, making her work to get him back.

"You won't do that you've got too much to lose." Andrea laughs realising how simple and baseless the threat is.

"So have you." Neil reminds her and then goes to exit the car. Andrea stops him with a hand on his arm.

"If you come anywhere near that party you'll find me the next night doing a Highland fling on your marital bed, kilt and all." She waits a moment letting Neil absorb the bitter words. "Fling what a coincidental word."

In the rear vision mirror Andrea watches him watch her pull away from the curb and power down the street.


"Andrea you came." Honey opens her arms wide, drink slopping over the edge of the glass.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Andrea embraces her friend who is well on her way to being drunk.

"Pull up a drink and I'll get you a chair from the bar." Honey muddles, Andrea only smiles ordering a beer she plans the make the first of many.

After a half hour the messages begin, one every ten minutes for an hour. Andrea cruises past the front windows on her way to the toilet, like his text messages have said Neil sits in his car outside the venue. Andrea ignores him.

"You're popular tonight." Gina Gold comments as Neil's messages start coming in five-minute increments.

"This guy I was seeing that I it broke off with last week won't get the hint." Andrea lies, catching Yvonne's attention with the last piece of information.

"Another round," Yvonne suggests. "My shout," which goes down with the group very well. "Give me a hand would you Andrea."

Knowing she'll be concerned Andrea approaches the bar while the publican pours their drinks. "Is what you just told Gina Gold true?"

"Almost, I haven't formally broken off anything…he's text messaging me because he wants to…" Andrea stops as she sees Neil walk in front of the windows looking right at her. Yvonne's too busy trying to balance the drinks in her hand. "Talk," Andrea finishes taking some of the load from Yvonne. "But really it's over." She finishes smiling at her friend. "It's for the best."

"Let's drown your sorrows." Yvonne suggests chinking their glasses together once they're back at the table.

"Andrea Dunbar!" The publican calls over the loud atmosphere minutes later. She turns expecting the worst only to see the burley publican holding up the house phone.

"Do you want me to tell him?" Gina offers, getting the voice of approval from the rest of the party.

"Thanks but I can handle it." Andrea informs her tipsy colleagues.

"Who is it?" She asks taking the phone in her hand.

"Some guy called Neil." The publican says while pouring another beer. The receiver in Andrea's hand slams back onto the phone and from across the pub she gets a cheer.

"If he calls back tell him I'm not here." Andrea instructs with a smile, she feels empowered. "My shout," she calls to the party receiving another cheer. But what she sees next makes her feel sick to the stomach. Neil pushes through the double doors looking directly at her. Never did she ever consider he'd carry out the threat, her feet carry her through the maze of patrons finally bursting through the doors into the cool night air. She hears him behind her as she scans for his car, buried in the dark corner of the lot.

"I hope you're happy, you had to stoop to childish, stalker tactics to get me out here." Andrea seethes leaning against the car as he approaches.

"Shut up." He says softly, pressing his lips to hers and using his arms to stop her struggling against him. She pushes at his chest and shoulders refusing to move lips to kiss him back. His touch irrespective of the fact it's fighting her resistance reawakens feelings in her, she remembers how much she's missed them and soon she's kissing him back with equal intensity, hands across his back and through his hair. When Neil separates his lips reluctantly away hers he pulls her into his embrace, her face buried behind his ear – she missed this too – the feeling of safety, security and contentedness of being held in someone's arms. "Get in its cold out here." Neil says brushing away a single tear that has overflowed.

Inside he rests a hand on her chest at the base of her neck, left bare by the 'v' cut of her shirt. "You're so damn stubborn." He tells her absorbing each inch of her face. Andrea can think of nothing, thoughts clouded by the desire to kiss him again and again. She lets her heart take over but she won't admit out loud that she's missed him.

"Where are we going?" Andrea breathes as Neil starts the car.

"I can't do what I want to here." As the car drifts through the dark streets Andrea gives a momentary thought to the unpaid pints she left on the bar and the birthday celebration now abandoned.

They pull mercilessly at each other's clothes once Andrea's flat door closes off the outside world. Lips miss their mark as limbs tangle in a hurry to feel skin on skin. Clothes remain where they fall creating a path from the front door to the bedroom; separation has made them greedy for one another.

"You can't tell me you weren't scared and apprehensive all those things when you thought you might be pregnant." Lying on their stomachs facing one another Neil says what he's wanted to for days. "You know it's the wrong time and would turn everything upside down." His comments elicit a different response from Andrea than he wanted.

"I need to talk to you about it and you shut down on me." Andrea's voice is gentle, watching as Neil presses his lips together.

"I love you, I want to be with you but you expect to put me on the spot and get a positive response. You had the relative luxury of having the news to yourself for a while so you could go through all the highs and lows alone without the pressure of having to react a certain way for someone else. What if I wanted the baby and you didn't, I needed time to think and digest – we were not careful one time, what if the result was positive and all the things that come after that, what about Colin and my responsibilities to him. There are a million things you don't think about until it happens or almost in this case."

"I needed you not to shutdown, what if there was a baby." She emphasises. "You made me feel as if you'd be out the door never to come back."

"Things would just have to move faster than I feel comfortable with. For the record I didn't leave the other night because I wanted to shut down or run back to Philippa, you weren't happy with me and I wasn't going to get anywhere while you needed time to yourself. If this was all in a few years from now…" Neil breaks off the sentence smiling and answering Andrea's earlier more children question. She knows what he means by a few years, after a divorce and when they've got a place, when their lives are their own. For the first time in a long time she feels better.