Tears rolled down my cheeks endlessly, like a waterfall. I couldn't stop them, nor did I bother to try. I honestly don't feel the need for trying anymore because the one thing that motivated me to carry on was now out of my life. It's hard to believe that I'd ever cry over anything or anyone because of this facade I've been putting on. I've worked so hard on building this wall so no one could come in and hurt me. I was determined to make the wall unbreakable so no one could tear it down and I thought I was doing an amazing job until Cat came into the picture.
The sun shined brightly through my windows, the light nearly burning my eyes. I hadn't slept because of that perky little redhead I use to call my best friend. It's hard to even understand how our friendship could be demolished in just one night. I want to be pissed off at her. I should be pissed off at her. For some reason I can't because I feel like this is all my fault. I shouldn't have these feelings for her, they were wrong.
Looking over at my alarm clock and reading the time, I let out a breath. Everyone would be arriving at school by now, heading to their first period class. I should be rushing to get ready and try to make it there on time but I don't have the energy to do anything. I want to die, I already feel dead.
I was tired as hell, but I couldn't tell if that's from the lack of sleep or the exhaustion of crying all night. The thoughts of Cat are still racking my brain, I can never shake the thought of her and I hate myself for it. I look over to my nightstand, grabbing my phone, going through every text she's ever sent me. The adorable ones, I always refused to delete. I don't understand why I'm putting myself through more torture, I hate myself for it. With each text I read, I grow more of a hatred for myself.
Why the fuck did I tell Cat how I felt? Why the hell didn't I just make something up? I lifted my arm up to throw my phone across the room until I felt it vibrate in my hand. My eyes suddenly widened, as I checked it quickly hoping it would be a message from Cat. I don't know why she'd text me but maybe she felt bad, maybe she wanted to talk.
It wasn't Cat, though. It was a number I'd never seen before. I let out a frustrated groan before I forced myself to open and read the message.
'Hey Jade, it's Tori..anyway Cat gave me your number. Where are you? Everyone is worried.'
I rolled my eyes at the last part. Everyone worried about me? That's enough to make anyone laugh. And why the hell didn't Cat just text me, if she was so worried like the rest of them supposedly are?
"Fuck this!" I screamed as the tears seemed to stream down my face, yet again as I threw my phone across the room. I could hear a loud thud as it hit the wall and shattered onto the floor.
This is all my fault. I should know better not to get my hopes up. I should know better than to let anyone in. I should know better than to think I'm talented and actually worth something. My parents were right all along. I'm nothing. I'm worthless. And I don't deserve to live.
I reached for my scissors inside my boot, examining them closely as I clasped them in my hand. I pulled up my sleeve and opened the sharp object, dragging the blade across my arm like I've done many times before, only this time deeper. I wanted this to be the last time I would harm myself, the last time I would see the blood oozing from my skin.
Tears flowed more heavily down my cheeks as I quickly stood up, running over to the bathroom and looking through the medicine cabinet. Popping any pills I could find and before I knew it I was unconcious. Unable to respond to anyone. Completely lifeless.
