A/N a huge thank you to sofia-lindsay for beta reading this chapter.
Emily walked into JJ's office and, upon seeing the blond was there, she sat down on the other side of JJ's desk. JJ had been avoiding her for a week but they were going to talk, today.
"Emily, Hi, can I help you with something?"
"We need to talk" The four words every woman dreaded to hear. JJ tried to prevent the inevitable, as she had been for a week.
"I'm sorry but I'm swamped here. Maybe another time?"
"No Jennifer, we need to talk now."
Maybe it was the use of her real name, but JJ dropped her pen and looked up.
"I don't see that there is much to talk about, so why don't you just go back to your Alex?" as soon as the words left her mouth JJ regretted them. The look of hurt, sadness and anger in Emily's eyes made her want to hold the older woman close and not let go.
"Don't make comment like that when you do not understand the circumstances." Honestly Emily didn't mean for to sound so cold, but how could JJ assume she understood?
"I understand enough! You said her name! You thought I was her! Did you sleep with me because I have blonde hair and blue eyes and look a little bit like this Alex!?"
JJ couldn't stop the tears from pricking behind her eyes. The idea that Emily had used her like this was too much. How could it be possible that the woman she loved with all her heart didn't love her back?
"Well if you hadn't of gone through my thingsā¦" Emily's rant was cut short when she saw the tears running down JJ's cheek. Reaching out she gently wiped it away.
"I am sorry JJ, I never saw you as a replacement, and I definitely didn't mean to make you cry."
"I shouldn't have gone through your belongings; I was hurting and I just wanted to know who Alex is."
"It's alright Jennifer" a few seconds passed with neither woman speaking or moving until JJ finally asked the question they were both asking themselves.
"Emily, was the other night a one time thing? Are you with Alex?"
"No, I am not with Alex, and I don't if it was a one time thing or if it should be repeated."
"You told me not to make comments when I didn't understand; will you help me understand Emily?"
"Jayj, it might be better if you didn't know.."
"No, Emily, I think I have a right to know"
JJ was right, of course, and Emily knew it. There was no way that Emily could not tell the story of Alex, but maybe if she kept it quick, and stuck to the facts, maybe she wouldn't break down. Maybe. Taking JJ's hand she led her over to the couch and after they both sat, Emily let out a deep breath and started to talk.
"Alex and I meet about seven years ago, at one of my mothers cocktail parties. She was beautiful, everyone in the room was watching her, and we started talking and made a date for the next day. She was an ADA in New York; she prosecuted the cases for SVU, sex crimes. She was so passionate about it; she wanted to see justice done for every victim. Even after working there for almost four years she still believed it was possible. We moved in together after a year. I loved her, and she was the first woman, first person, who loved me just for me. We had been living together for two years when I brought a diamond ring, I was planing on taking her out, making it so romantic, but when she got home from work I could see she was stressed so I didn't. I later found out that that was the day she found out about the Zapata case. It was a dangerous one; police against drug lords. The next day I got a call from one of the detectives working the case with her. There was a threat made against Alex, and a car bomb went off, killing an FBI agent."
Emily wasn't sure how to finish, and the tears were pricking at her eyes. JJ seemed to know that if she spoke then Emily might not be able to finish, so instead she tried to let everything sink in. She vaguely remembered the FBI agent who was killed, yet what stuck her most about Emily's little speech is that she said that Alex was the only one who ever loved Emily for just for herself. That broke JJ's heart. She, too, wanted to give Emily that kind of love.
Emily finally worked up the nerve to continue, but her voice was shaking, and her brown eyes where filled with tears.
"She told me that she would get off the case, but it was too late. A few days later she was shot in a drive by. They never did find the shooter. Her body was so badly mangled that we couldn't even have an open casket." At this, Emily finally let the tears go. JJ was stunned by the story, and Emily's openness, quickly she grabbed hold of the older woman and pulled her in for a tight hug. This way she could comfort Emily, and if she got to be close to the other woman as a result, then where was the harm?
