Chapter 3: In which Kyon and Mikuru express their feelings, and shed sweet tears, and share hidden longings, and unconsciously parallel elements from the final scene of Casablanca

"Hey hey!" Taniguchi called as he and Kunikada caught up to me. "I hear you finally put the moves on Haruhi Suzumiya!"

This was Tuesday morning. My "first date" with Haruhi had been on Saturday. The announcement that I was her boyfriend was on Monday - in other words, yesterday. I was confident that none of the SOS Brigade members would have gossiped about it, so that left only one possible leak: Takuma. Now I had one more reason to want to kill that toad.

"I hope you haven't told that to anyone else," I said.

"What, is it not true?"

"Let's just say I wouldn't tell it to anyone else if I were you."

"Why so secretive about it? I would think you would want this news shouted from the rooftops."

"Why, because Haruhi is an A+?" I said drily.

"Suzumiya, A+? Only if you're judging strictly by looks! No, because it implies you only joined the SOS Brigade to get in her good graces and become her boyfriend. It's a bit pathetic that it took you half a year to get an actual date, but it's a lot better than having people think you were actually enjoying all those deranged activities the SOS Brigade gets up to."

If I'm pathetic for supposedly taking half a year to get one specific girl to go out with me, then what does that say about you, who have been playing the whole field for the same amount of time without getting a date? "Since neither of those theories is true, I don't really care which one people believe."

"I've always thought you and Miss Suzumiya would make a cute couple," Kunikada chimed in. "Sort of a yin and yang thing, you know? The morose guy and the hyperactive weirdo."

First Takuma, then Taniguchi, and now Kunikada. Why is it that suddenly everyone seems to be doing their best to make me want to punch them?

"I know I recommended you stay away from Haruhi Suzumiya," Taniguchi said. "But really, you could have done worse."

Yes, I could have no girlfriend, like you.

"For example -"

"Look," I interrupted. "I don't want the news spread, okay? This thing between me and Haruhi may not last long enough to be worth talking about."

"That's true," Kunikada said. "You said the record for Suzumiya's boyfriends is one week, right, Taniguchi?"

"All the same, it's interesting," Taniguchi persisted. "For someone who's known Suzumiya as long as Kyon to start dating her now..."

I was sorely tempted to tell Taniguchi the truth: that I'd been roped into it. It was less embarrassing than to listen to them speculate about how infatuated I was with Haruhi and for how long. And it wasn't like I had to mention Haruhi's powers to explain the situation.

But I quickly discarded that idea. Haruhi was still hardly a social butterfly, but she had been conversing with other students a lot more than she had when we first met. When word got to her that I was only her boyfriend because I felt I had no choice in the matter, she'd be humiliated. And that would mean she'd be out for my blood. It just wasn't worth the risk.


I was a little afraid to talk to Haruhi in homeroom. This was, after all, the first time we'd be conversing with a date penciled in to our calendars. I contemplated challenging her having made that date without my consent, but since I in fact had no other plans for after 7, I wouldn't have a leg to stand on there as far as Haruhi was concerned.

"Did you start learning that song yet?" she asked.

"Yeah, I got a good start on it."

"Good."

Was that her coy way of confirming our date? Why couldn't she be direct? Then again, maybe she really did just want to make sure I was staying on top of band activities.

I decided to go ahead and see if she'd be willing to discuss anything on the boyfriend/girlfriend front. "Did you have a place in mind for dinner this evening?"

She made a murmur of disinterest. "Wherever you like is fine."

So, she wasn't shy about it, it seemed. I should have left it at that. But I couldn't help but be curious what would happen if I struck a little deeper. "We should be doing things a bit differently now that we're boyfriend and girlfriend, shouldn't we? Like... calling each other pet names, or wearing armbands, or me carrying your books for you?"

"Ugh. Those are all terrible ideas."

"Well... If you have better ones..." I really have no idea why I wasn't shutting up at this point. Asking Haruhi for ideas is like leaving a first grade class unsupervised: there's no telling what might happen, but you can reasonably expect some form of unadulterated chaos.

"Me?" She sounded indignant. "Let me make this real easy on you. Unless we're on a date, you don't do anything different. Here and now, for all intents and purposes you are not my boyfriend and I am not your girlfriend. You are simply a member of the SOS Brigade, and I am your leader. Got it?"

"...Got it," I said, and turned back towards the front of the class.

That really did make it sound like the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing was just another way for her to pass her time, like Koizumi said. Except that I couldn't help but notice a current of disappointment in her voice. I was pretty sure she was sincere about not wanting to use pet names or any of that, so maybe she'd been hoping I would come up with something along the same lines but better.

On second thought, that was probably overthinking things. After all, dissatisfaction was Haruhi's default state of mind.

The reason all of this was so important was because I figured that if I was going to break up with Haruhi, now was the time to do it. If I let things drag out to a second date, and beyond, it would only be more painful for her in the end, and more painful for me in the meantime. I definitely was itching to get out of this as soon as possible.

And why not? Like Koizumi said, this clearly wasn't a matter of love. If I broke up with her, all Haruhi would feel was the same childish frustration and indignation she showed whenever I vetoed one of her outlandish decisions. She would pout and promptly get over it.

Go on, you coward. Turn around and tell her it's over. Tell her you don't have the time for her in your life right now. Tell her you're not good enough for her if you think that'll reduce the likelihood of her throwing a hissy fit. Get it over with.

But I didn't move or say anything, and class started.

I don't really have one clear reason why I couldn't do it. Maybe I figured it wasn't worth the attempt, knowing how adept Haruhi is at not taking no for an answer. I was also feeling a bit less afraid of dating her; given how cool and businesslike she talked about it, I was beginning to think it really would be just another activity. And I couldn't quite shake the feeling that breaking up with her would have some emotional impact.

It wasn't that I was afraid she might destroy the world or something. I'm sorry, but that idea just doesn't bother me that much most of the time. It's just... Going by what Koizumi said, all she wanted was to spend some time with me in a different context. With all the cruelty I'd put up with from her, I think I'd feel like a jerk for denying her something as innocent as that.


I had hoped to speak with Miss Asahina in private after that day's meeting of the SOS Brigade, but to my profound frustration and deep concern, she did not show up to the meeting. All that awaited me was Koizumi's damn smile, a pointless game of Go, Nagato's blank stare, her dry as dishwater book, the harsh sunlight shining in through the windows, the computer running our worthless homepage, and worst of all, Haruhi seated in front of it, grumbling her irritation.

Ordinarily I'd welcome an ordinary sort of day like this for the SOS Brigade, but the situation with Miss Asahina kept gnawing at me. Moreover, no matter how little Haruhi's attitude seemed changed by it, I felt distinctly uncomfortable sitting in the same room as my official girlfriend.

At any rate, I lived through it. Haruhi went home early, and Koizumi and I finished up our game. As we made the last few moves, Koizumi said to me, "Word that you're Miss Suzumiya's boyfriend has been getting around."

I grunted my annoyance, though I really hadn't expected anything less.

"Try not to let it bother you. In the end, what other people think about you two doesn't really matter."

I said nothing to that. He was probably right, but it didn't make me feel any better.

"So, have you another date lined up?"

"This evening."

"Very good. Kyon?"

"Yes?"

"Try to have a good time with Miss Suzumiya."

He left. I lingered behind.

It was just me and Nagato. I cast a glance at her. "What's your opinion on all this?"

She did not even look up from her book. "My duty is to only observe."

Damn it, I know you can't interfere, but can't you even have a simple opinion? "Okay... What do you think will happen if I break up with Haruhi?"

"Information at present is insufficient for even an educated guess at that outcome."

Argh. Okay, option B... "If I don't break up with her, how long do you think it will take for her to break up with me?"

"She will not."

For a moment I just froze stiff. I could hardly breathe. "...What?"

"Haruhi Suzumiya will not break up with you."

"...But she hates dating," I protested. "She told me she hates dating, and that she's hated dating every boy she's ever dated!"

"She likes dating you. All available information leads to this conclusion."

My instinct was to turn to what Koizumi had told me. But then I realized... You fool! You trusted Koizumi? He just told you exactly what you wanted to hear, exactly what would make you feel complacent enough to not break up with Haruhi!

"Shut up," I growled, and got up to leave. Nagato's eyes still hadn't left her book.

As my eyes fell upon the doorway, however, I saw something which made all my feelings of frustration and entrapment seem to fade to nothing. Our clubroom angel. Miss Asahina.

She looked mortified, the fingers of her two hands curling and twisting together in front of her skirt, her upper teeth cutely biting her trembling lip, eyes seemingly on the brink of tears. It occurred to me that she had probably been standing there long enough to catch a good portion of my conversation with Nagato.

I strode towards her. "Miss Asahina," I said ardently.

She looked down. "I was afraid to come to the meeting today," she said. "I couldn't bear to face Miss Suzumiya, after... yesterday... But.."

"Being Haruhi's boyfriend wasn't my idea," I assured her. "She decided it all on her own."

"I knew that... I mean... I didn't know that, but... Well, it had to be, didn't it?"

"I didn't even know about it until the same time you did. Otherwise I would have told you earlier."

"Oh, Kyon," she breathed. "I shouldn't have doubted you, even for a moment."

"The fact of the matter is..." There was really no need for me to say this right now. I'd dispelled Miss Asahina's unfortunate misconception; that was all that needed to be done. But she was so beautiful standing there, even not wearing one of her many costumes, and she was so breathless that I couldn't help but feel that the moment was now. "... Miss Asahina, if I had the choice of who I were to date, it would be you."

"Huh?" she gasped, and recoiled, staring at my face in dismay. "Oh... n-n-no! You don't have to say that!"

"But..." I floundered. "Wouldn't you... also prefer it that way, for me to be with you instead of Haruhi?"

"No!" She shook her head vehemently, then flushed. "I mean... yes, but... Oh, it's what I've always wanted... but..."

"But nothing. I'll call it off with Haruhi. I had half a mind to do that anyway."

"No!" She gripped my arm. "No... You musn't! If you break Miss Suzumiya's heart, she will destroy the world! I can't be responsible for that!"

"Haruhi is tougher than you give her credit for. I doubt she even has a heart to break."

"No, that's not true!" she wailed. "When you - Oh, it's classified information, but can't you trust me... Our desires mean nothing against the weight of the whole world, of all those billions of innocent lives! You must continue to date Miss Suzumiya until the danger is past!"

"And what if Nagato is right? What if she never wants to end it?"

"Then it must never end."

I gawked at her in disbelief that she would ask me to accept such a fate. "And what about you?"

She smiled with sweet sadness and resolve against the tears running down her cheeks. "I'll be fine. After all, even if Miss Suzumiya didn't want you to be her boyfriend, I couldn't date you in any case. I am forbidden to date anyone from the past, remember? The consequences to the time stream would be catastrophic."

"Consequences to the time stream..." I grumbled.

Suddenly I was overcome with disgust for Miss Asahina, for all of them in the SOS Brigade. If their positions were reversed, Haruhi would have demanded I break up with Miss Asahina and start dating her immediately, and to hell with whatever risk that meant to the world, to the billions of innocent people, and to the time stream. Of course those things were important, but if none of them were willing to make a stand against Haruhi, even hiding their feelings in order to kowtow to her, then how could you call that really living?

I left the clubroom, brushing my way past Miss Asahina without saying goodbye to either her or Nagato. At that moment I felt that both of them could go to the devil.

And yes, of course I myself was hiding my feelings from Haruhi, but that was different. Because I wasn't doing it out of cowardice. I didn't tell Haruhi how much I disliked her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I suppose it could be called ironic, but it was my disgust at Miss Asahina's exhortation to continue dating Haruhi that made up my mind to do just that. After all, if Miss Asahina was unwilling to fight to be with me, what reason was there not to?