Thank you so much for reviewing - you're all so nice! Yeah, Seth will be along shortly - I just wanted to get Brady and Nicole's relationship established before all that drama starts. He might be in the next chapter though... anyway. enjoy!

Sweet Sacrifice

Chapter Three: Wonderwall

Maybe

You're going to be the one that saves me

And after all

You're my wonderwall


Nicole

I was crying again.

I was such a baby. I could never help the waterworks. I was so pathetic.

I was torn.

Torn between what I thought I should do, and what I wanted to do.

I thought I should tell Brady to leave me alone, tell him I didn't want to see him anymore, tell him to find someone else who was prettier and who didn't have all these insecurity complexes, someone who wouldn't run away from him. Someone who would treat him better. Someone who wasn't me.

Why the hell did he like me?

What was possessing him? Was he insane? Did he not see how screwed up I was? Could he not tell?

I kept running from him. I kept on trying to push him away.

When he appeared in front of me after school, I had nearly collapsed. There he was again, appearing from nowhere, surprising me, looking like the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen on earth, saying hi to me.

He couldn't be real. He had to be a fantasy of mine, something I had dreamed up.

Like an imaginary friend no one else could see.

I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. I was already insane, why not have invisible people that I talked to, and kissed, after all?

That kiss.

Oh my God.

I wasn't prepared for it, at all, but when it happened, I never wanted it to stop. I don't know what it was about Brady, but everything he did, everything he said… I understood. It was like I just got him. He was totally fascinating me.

When he kissed me, I knew he was trying to convince me that he liked me. Because I hadn't believed him.

And when he kissed me, I knew it for sure. He kissed me so hungrily my stomach had clenched into knots; he held me so gently it almost broke my heart.

And I believed him.

And it terrified me.

So I ran.

I was sick of running away. Every time things got too scary and confusing and unknown for me, I ran. Countless times I had run away from home because Tyler frightened me again; countless times I had tried to escape Forks when everything got too overwhelming. But it was like I couldn't escape any of it. Anytime I tried to break away from here, I always came back.

I didn't want to come back, but I did. I didn't know what was keeping me here.

But would Brady wait for me to come back to him? Did he realise that this running away thing was only temporary? The kiss had been too overwhelming, the sudden explosion of feelings too confusing and scary, and I had needed to run. But I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay away from him for long, and I hoped he knew that.

I couldn't figure out what he had done, but he had me.

And I had to convince him to let me go.

He was going to regret wanting me. Wanting me was pointless. I was a complete failure of a human being. Anything I attempted was never good enough for anyone, never reached even the lowest of standards. He was just going to be constantly disappointed in me every day, just like my parents. Soon he'd just give up altogether.

And that thought hurt.

The idea of not seeing Brady again hurt me. And I knew why. Everything had been so dark, so empty, so barren… and then he had found me, and now everything had lit up, it was brighter, it looked a little more hopeful. I was at a complete loss as to what exactly he had done, but he had done something.

Something that had me.

The tears stopped eventually, and I dried my face. Looking at myself in the mirror, I wondered why he didn't see right through me, just like everyone else did. They could all see the waste of space, the waste of air, that I was. I didn't deserve to have anything as good as Brady, because I wasn't supposed to exist.

The people who were supposed to exist were supposed to be blessed with guys like Brady. Not me.

I went to bed, wrapping myself up tightly in the duvet. I was still conflicted, my brain battling with my gut instincts, my heart.

What I thought I should do was to tell him to leave me alone.

But what I wanted to do was tell him not to give up on me yet.

I wanted him to love me, despite everything.

I wanted him to finally tell me that maybe I wasn't a bad person after all, and that I did deserve to be loved and wanted and cherished and adored and liked.

But I felt it was too much to ask.

Too much to ask for anyone.

Either you were blessed with parents who cared about you, who loved you, who gave you hugs; either you were blessed with friends who cared about you and gave you advice and giggled about boys; either you were blessed with boyfriends who cared about you and loved you and wanted you.

Or you weren't.

I wasn't. I couldn't ask for it. It would be too selfish of me.

I wasn't supposed to exist, either, so I should just give up on myself.

Yet I didn't want Brady to give up on me.

I wanted him to chase me when I ran away.

I wanted him to save me.

I fell asleep uneasily, because I couldn't ask him to save a girl like me. I was already too deep in the water to be pulled out. I was drowning slowly.

Like I said before, Brady deserved someone better than me.

Someone who wasn't me.

But when I woke up, I was shocked to realise I was in a hopeful mood, a positive mood. I realised that I was looking forward to seeing Brady today.

Because I somehow knew he'd be there, somewhere, waiting for me. He'd find me for the third time.

And somehow I knew he'd always be looking for me, and that he'd always find me.

And even though my head screamed at me, my gut instincts told me that maybe this wasn't such a bad thing.

I wanted to follow my heart, this time.

My heart told me that maybe Brady was going to be the one to save me, and that I should give him the chance.

And I wouldn't run away again.

When I opened the front door, prepared to walk to school, Brady was standing outside waiting for me.

I smiled.


Brady

Immense relief.

She didn't mind that I was here. I was so afraid she was going to yell at me, tell me to leave her alone permanently, because I don't know what I would have done if she had said that to me.

Her smile was so beautiful.

Even more beautiful to me.

She walked over to me, her eyes warm and quietly curious.

"Hi," she said, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hi," I said, amused.

She came over all apologetic and embarrassed. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday-"

"It's OK," I said, cutting her off. Like I cared about that. I was just so glad she didn't hate me, and obviously wanted me here. If she didn't, she would have told me to go. I hated that a part of me was waiting around for her to say that, and destroy me.

She flashed me a small smile, which I returned, and without thinking about it, I threw my arm around her shoulders.

I tensed, thinking shit.

What if that was too much for her, once again? I knew it didn't compare to a kiss, but I didn't want to do anything that overstepped her boundaries.

But she didn't fucking react. At all. Like it wasn't the first time I had casually put my arm around her. Like it was something so natural that she was used to it.

Fucking hell.

A part of me was thinking that maybe we hadn't given either of us enough time to get used to this, get to know each other better. But the magnetic pull that I had towards her was too strong for me to ignore for long. I just wanted to be with her, all the time. It was bad enough that she kept fucking running away from me, and I had to fucking wait for those long, agonising hours until I could see her again, because I knew I had to give her space.

So I was just going to spend all the time that I could with her, so that when she ran away again it wouldn't hurt so much.

We walked to school like that, my arm around her. It was the best feeling in the world. Neither of us said anything at all, because we didn't have to. I was just happy to enjoy the minutes I was spending with her, and I liked to think that she was feeling the same.

At the entrance to her school, I reluctantly let go of her.

Seven hours. Then I could see her again. Just seven hours, roughly.

But would she let me see her again?

Maybe I should check, just to be sure.

"Can I see you later?" I asked, and I tucked a lock of blue hair behind her ear, so that I could see her eyes. She looked up at me, and barely thought about her answer. The answer that made me so sickeningly happy I thought I was going to fucking implode.

"Yes."


Wonderwall - Oasis

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