"Rosemary."

"Rose-mary."

She had been trying out the name periodically ever since Judith suggested it a couple of hours ago as she was leaving after their session.

Different inflections, different voices.

"Rose-mary."

"Rose-ma-ry."

It was a name. Not good. Not bad.

Certainly better than the one they kept trying to call her.

Their surprise at her persistence in refusing to use that name gave her more personal satisfaction than she had gotten from rearranging the furniture.

Finally realizing she wasn't going to budge, they began asking by which name she would prefer to be called. Each time she had managed to stall, evade or simply ignore the subject. Given the way they pounced on whatever she said, she wasn't about to put herself through an interrogation about any name she suggested on her own, not that she had any. It didn't make much difference to her what name they used...

...Except to know she didn't want that one.

'Beverly.'

Just thinking it made her shiver. She wrapped her arms around herself and slid farther down into the chair.

"Beverly," she murmured, hoping it might be less intimidating when she said it out loud.

It wasn't.

'This is ridiculous,' she scolded herself, 'being afraid of a name.'

She knew without a doubt that she wasn't this Beverly they kept talking about, but that didn't seem to help. Shaking off the unsettling thoughts, she gave into the urge to move and got to her feet.

It didn't help either. She had paced around these two rooms more times than she could count, and in little more than a week, she had grown sick of the sight of it, sick of being surrounded by neutral shades of beige, taupe and gray. Different words, different shades of the same basic boring color.

Her clothes weren't any better. She had vetoed the gray jumpsuit on sight for the simple fact that it was ugly. No one had suggested the possibility of getting her a uniform, but she would have rejected that as well.

'What moron decreed that women had to wear a one-piece outfit while the men got the obviously more comfortable tunic and pants?' It didn't really make any difference to her, but it irritated her all the same. Besides, they all looked the same in their blue or red or gold. The stark, ever-present uniform seemed to negate the variations in height and skin tone and even gender.

Both the jumpsuit and the uniform were too tightly fitted for her tastes. She couldn't bear to be confined that way.

At least they had known better than to recommend a quick flick through Beverly's closet.

She stopped in front of the mirror in the bedroom. Her auburn hair was the one thing that stood out in the entire room. The loose white top and pants she wore were only marginally less dull than the decor. She wanted color... bold jewel tones, soft pastels... reds - the right shades for her hair, of course - blues, greens, purples, golds. She wanted textures, things she could feel. She wanted...

...what she wanted was to get out of here before she went crazy.

A change of scenery, something to look at besides these gray walls... but she didn't know how to get to any place other than Sickbay and that was definitely out. They were always so intent on their own questions, they hadn't see fit to show her around the rest of the ship.

She resumed her restless pacing.

They, they, they.

The ones who kept insisting she was someone she wasn't - except that she didn't know who she was.

Her head hurt again, feeling as though little creatures were trying to pound their way out from the inside. Massaging her temples, she rested her forehead against the cold window and closed her eyes.

Why was this happening to her?

Why didn't she know who she was or where she was or recognize any of these people who claimed to know her?

The ones who said she was Beverly.

Well, she wasn't Beverly, she was...

She raised her head, looking at her hollow eyed, hollow cheeked reflection in the glass.

'Rosemary?'

She wondered what the name meant to them.

Well, it was just a name to her. There was no reason not to use it...

The confidence she experienced at having made the decision, small as it might be, gave her a sense of control over her life that she hadn't had before.

"What next?" she asked herself, speaking aloud just to hear a sound other than her own breathing.

Clothes could wait a bit longer. What was the point in having clothes if there was no place to go?

'Then it's time to figure out exactly where I am.'

Squaring her shoulders, she turned and marched out the door. Not knowing where she was going simply meant more places to explore.

They hadn't told her not to leave her quarters, but she checked the corridor to be sure it was empty before making her way to the turbolift. She knew she was starting on deck 14, which meant there were at least 13 other decks to choose from.

No, Sickbay was on deck 12, so scratch that one.

The turbolift door opened, and she instinctively backed away when she saw the two men inside - at least she thought they were men. One was tall and broad shouldered with ridges across his forehead that seemed to push his face into a perpetual scowl. The other was shorter and less fierce looking... as far as she could tell around the silver band that covered his eyes. As they stepped out of the lift, she retreated backwards until she was pressed against the opposite wall.

The second man approached her cautiously, his smile bright white against his dark skin. It was a nice smile...

"Hi, Doc."

'Damn!' He had to ruin it by being one of them. She should have expected it, but still...

"Don't call me that! My name is Rosemary." It surprised her a bit when she said it out loud, but it reinforced the satisfaction she had felt earlier.

"Rosemary?" His puzzlement was clear. Like the rest of the crew, he was aware of Dr. Crusher's condition but the name change... After a moment, he gave a shrug and grinned. "Rosemary. I like it; it suits you. Sort of goes with your hair - you know, Rose-mary."

She gave him a half smile, her initial distrust easing somewhat, but she stayed against the wall. "How can you tell with that thing over your eyes?"

"This helps me see. By the way, I'm Geordi, and this is Worf. Were you headed some place?"

"Not really. I don't know where anything is so I was going to do some exploring."

The large man grunted and his scowl deepened.

Rosemary recoiled from the sound, then her eyes widened as he seemed genuinely concerned that he had frightened her.

"Take it easy," Geordi said, "he didn't mean anything. He's a Klingon and sort of naturally... grumpy."

"Klingon, hmm? Am I going to be running into a lot of these 'naturally grumpy' types?"

"No, he's the only one."

Her expression softened as she shyly extended a hand. "Then I'm very glad to meet you, Mr. Worf. Apparently, I'm the only one like me on board, and Judith would probably describe me as naturally grumpy, too, right now."

He shook her hand awkwardly, not at all comfortable with this situation. She had known him just a few days ago on Dakar 6 and now it was as though she had never seen him before. It made him angry, and it took a great deal of effort not to let that anger show. "I could assign a security guard to accompany you," he offered.

"A security guard?" She scowled back at him. "You mean a nursemaid. I might as well go back to my cabin."

"I don't think that will be necessary, Worf," Geordi said, stepping in again. "Most of the off-limits places are well marked, and we'll let everybody know that Rosemary is taking a self-guided tour. They'll all be glad to help her if she gets lost." Glancing down, he saw something he hadn't noticed before. "You're not wearing shoes."

Rosemary wriggled her toes against the gray carpet and laughed. "Nope. Shoes are annoying."

He considered her statement but could find no contradiction to it. With a shrug, he proceeded to tell her which decks consisted only of crew quarters and were therefore totally uninteresting, and then he told her about Ten Forward, the holodecks and the gym. "Now, since that's too much information at one time for anybody but Data, you can use the comm panels on the wall to find out where you are and how to get where you want to go." Touching the panel, he said, "Computer, show me the way to the arboretum."

Gasping softly, Rosemary's eyes lit up as brightly as the panel before her. It was enough to make her forget her distrust of the two men and move from the security of her position against the wall. Studying the diagram of the ship - complete with directions to the selected destination - she quickly memorized the route and experienced a tiny rush of exhilaration at the acquisition of the simple piece of knowledge. She didn't feel quite so lost any more. Now she knew where she was and knew there was someplace else to go. She wasn't glad the arboretum was on deck 12, but at least it was in the opposite direction from Sickbay.

"How wonderful," she murmured, resting her fingertips lightly on the flat panel. "Will it show me everything?"

Geordi scarcely got in a nod before her inquisitive enthusiasm had launched another barrage.

"What else can it do? Will it answer other questions?"

"The computer that runs the comm panel is what really answers the questions, and it should be able to tell you anything you want to know. What's on your mind?"

"Two things... Who is Data, and what's a holodeck?"

He let the smile show this time. "You do pay attention, Rosemary. Just like..." Seeing her face darken as she anticipated his comparison he amended quickly, "Like someone else I know," and was rewarded with an answering smile. "You can access it anywhere on the ship."

"How?"

"Like I did a moment ago, just talk to it. Computer, who is Data?"

This time, the panel didn't light up, and Rosemary was startled by the disembodied voice that came from the ceiling. A woman's voice, its monotone delivery hovering somewhere between boredom and ennui. "Data; Lieutenant Commander; second officer of the USS Enterprise..."

x~x

'There are too damn many people on this ship,' Rosemary thought angrily as she stalked down the corridor, her feet thudding audibly on the carpeted deck, despite her lack of shoes. Oh, they were nice enough, just as Geordi said they would be...

What he didn't mention was that they would all be looking at her like she had two heads - and neither one of them answered to the name Beverly. The ones that spoke to her stuttered and stammered while the others just gaped or stared at the floor in embarrassment.

Now, alone in the hallway, she could still feel eyes on her, boring holes through her, trying to find someone she knew wasn't inside.

She was frightened... angry... lonely... uncertain... and a dozen other feelings all scrambled together. The need to run was beginning to surface again, but she fought it down. She wasn't sure why she wanted to stay here, but she wasn't about to let them run her off.

Realizing she had been walking without paying attention to distance or direction, she stopped to look around in hopes of getting enough information to ask the computer an intelligent question. It wasn't easy since the whole damn ship was done in the same monotonous colors as her cabin.

The closest door, to her left, was double-paneled and larger than any other she had seen before.

'Deck 4 - Main Shuttle Bay' the sign read.

Logic told her that if Sickbay was for sick people, then a shuttle bay was for shuttles. Logic failed to tell her just what a shuttle was.

'Might as well find out,' she told herself. Who knew when any small piece of information might come in handy?

She stepped closer as she had learned to do and - though she still hadn't figured out why it worked - the door split in two, each side sliding back into the doorframe. The room beyond was enormous, the ceiling rising two decks high. The entire far wall looked like yet another set of doors. Unable to comprehend the idea of an even larger area beyond this one, she decided to explore where she was for the time being.

Half way across the room sat three odd looking objects, sloped at one end and extending into a rectangular-shaped box.

'Shuttles?' she guessed but wasn't any closer to knowing exactly what they were.

The far right one had a short ramp leading up to the back of it and curiosity propelled her in that direction. Peering inside, she was surprised to find it quite roomy.

'Even that big guy, Worf, could stand up in here.' But it had the same dull décor as the rest of the ship.

She was so engrossed in her inspection that she didn't notice the man seated at the other end until he swiveled his chair around to face her. Startled, she took several steps backwards when she saw his golden skin and pale eyes. "Isn't anybody around here normal?" she muttered then berated herself, "For somebody who didn't even have a name two hours ago, I certainly have a lot of nerve criticizing other people!"

"Hello, Rosemary."

He - she assumed it was a he - didn't seem surprised to see her. Or curious. Or frightened.

"How do you know my name?" Even as she asked the question she decided she liked him already. The other people she had met on her exploration had all insisted on calling her 'Beverly' or 'Dr. Crusher'. That insistence had led to more than one unpleasant scene - which accounted for her current bad mood.

"Geordi told me. He has informed everyone of the name you have chosen."

"Everyone? Geordi gets around." She wrinkled her nose at the idea of so many people talking about her then dismissed the disquieting thought as one she didn't care to deal with right now. She was getting quite adept at that. "So you know who I am... what's your name?"

"My name is Data. I am -"

"Second officer of the USS Enterprise, I know," she said with a grin of recognition. "The computer told me that along with a lot of other stuff. Are you really a machine? You look pretty humanoid to me. Well, except for the skin... and the eyes... and the funny hair." She waited for him to get mad or laugh, but he just cocked his head as though she had changed languages in mid-sentence. She decided to try something else. "If you're a machine, does your skin feel like... well, like skin?"

Data obligingly held out his arm, and she ran her fingers lightly over the back of his hand.

"Oh! It's warm," she murmured as her eyes lit with child-like wonder. "It does feel like skin!"

"Dr. Soong, my creator, attempted to make me appear as human as possible while also giving me distinctive characteristics so as not to confuse people. This particular tinting of the polymer component of my outer sheath was one of those characteristics. However, I have since determined that it is not a choice I would have made. When I created my child, I allowed Lal the choice of which species and gender she would prefer. So that she would be similar to me, she chose a human female, although with more naturally occurring skin tones. I can show you a picture if you wish to see the difference." Data was puzzled to see tears fill Rosemary's eyes. "Have I said something to upset you?"

"It's not you," she assured him, brushing away the tiny drop that had spilled over at his concerned inquiry. "I just keep discovering things I don't have, like friends... and family." She sniffled softly. "Geordi told me you don't have feelings, but you sounded so proud of Lal... I don't have anything like that."

She gave a forced, shaky laugh, trying to find a way to change the disturbing subject. "Hell, I don't have enough memory to know what a shuttle is!"

"You are in a shuttle."

Her laugh was genuine this time. "Thank you, but I had figured that much out. What does it do?"

Data's explanation was informative and detailed. She wondered how she could be so certain that she knew nothing about shuttles, and yet still understand everything he said.

Whatever it was, it made her feel better. She had felt like a slow, plodding child, answering 'I don't know' to so many of the questions asked of her. Having something make sense was a welcome bolster to her self-confidence.

Rosemary let him go on, willing to listen for as long as he cared to talk.

-tbc-