A few hours later,Kisame was back from the market and Tobi's craving for sweets was subdued momentarily by the power of coffee ice cream,which Itachi had forced him to share. The two were currently fighting each other over the last scoop while Kisame and the others watched in exasperation and awe. Pein was simply amazed (and somewhat disappointed) that the two hadn't killed each other yet. Poor Kisame was forced to go back to the market and buy more ice cream. Apparently,they'd need to keep it in stock constantly,especially since Deidara was also known for his ice cream fetish. In the end,Tobi had shoved a crumpled hundred dollar bill into Kisame's hand and requested that he clean out the whole stock or as much as he could find,no matter the flavor. Pein secretly hoped that none of these idiots were lactose intolerant,but agreed with Tobi's decree anyways,in fear of being stuffed into and locked in the pantry,as previously threatened by the Uchiha.
Kakuzu and Hidan arrived shortly before Kisame's return,all the while bitching about the villagers and the odd looks they'd received. Hidan,however,was more concerned with the fact that unlike in every other village,the people here did not fear him,and therefore did not commence to screaming and tearing off in the other direction.
"I don't care how fucking brave you are! If you see the fucking grim reaper six feet in front of you,you get the hell out of there! I sure as hell would if I was in their shoes!"he'd griped.
Kakuzu had simply demanded control of the funds (he was their treasurer,after all) and an ample amount of space in which he would be as far away from the foul-mouthed zealot as the square footage in this house would allow. Pein checked them off on the list of arrivals,making a mental note to lock the silverware drawer for safekeeping. Hey,would you want Hidan in your house with access to kitchen knives? The very idea was preposterous,especially to those who'd known Hidan for as long as most of the Akatsuki had.
Kisame arrived not five minutes later,with abundant supplies of ice cream,candy,and other various snack foods. Tobi gave him a bemused look.
"How did you afford all that?"he inquired.
"Tobi,ice cream's only a dollar,and that's the expensive brands. I bought the cheap kind,and they're only fifty cents—you handed me a hundred dollar bill! So I managed to buy twenty jugs of ice cream of all flavors for only ten dollars. The rest of this was only about forty-five dollars' worth of food,so there was still forty-five dollars left. So there."he replied triumphantly while Tobi stared at him in mild irritation.
"…Don't speak math at me! You know that's my worst subject!"he growled,snatching the remaining bills from Kisame's expectantly outstretched hand. Kisame snickered in amusement.
"Wait—you gave him a hundred dollars to blow on junk food?"Kakuzu asked in an incredulous tone.
Tobi froze,realizing just then exactly who had been witnessing the whole conversation. He turned meekly to face him,wearing a guilty look on his face. "In my defence,there's nothing worth snacking on in these cabinets,and…" he broke of at the look on the rag-doll's face. Then,he did the only logical thing he could at that moment in order to bail himself out. "Pein did it!"he declared before bolting from the room,the remaining money still in hand.
Meanwhile,Sasori was trying to pry Deidara off of Hidan,whom had decided that wadding chewed up bubblegum into his hair was ifunny/i,a view that Deidara did not agree with or take kindly to. Sasori was having little success in his efforts,mainly because Hidan continued to taunt Deidara as Sasori tried to pull the blonde away. He accidentally tripped and lost hold of him,and said blonde went back to kicking the immortal's ass.
Fair enough. Sasori thought, After all,he did destroy the varnish on Hiruko last year.
"OW! Dammit,Itachi,I said I'd fix it!"Pein wailed,"OWWW! What the hell was that for?! I'm sorry,oka—OUCH!" he yelped again as Itachi bit him for about the sixth time. He wasn't in vampire mode,but it hurt all the same.
" Fix...the...showerhead. Now!" the Uchiha seethed,promptly biting down on the Oni's hand once more.
The showerhead was old and rusty,in dire need of replacing. The now-dull sheen on its silver coat was caked in scum and water build-up. It would not allow water to run through properly. Pein had agreed to fix it next week,but Itachi wanted it done now,and refused to use any other shower in the house. Pein's hand was bleeding and in pain,a factor that was beginning to persuade him more than anything else.
"All right!Just stop it!" Pein whimpered.
The Uchiha gave a triumphant "Hmph" in reply.
Later that night…
By the end of the day,Hidan was covered in multiple bruises and lacerations,Pein's hand was wrapped firmly in gauze and ribbons of bandages,Itachi smelled like lilacs and conifers,and Tobi was avoiding Kakuzu at all costs. They were all circled around a stack of documents,most of which were maps or battle strategies. Blueprints for the mansion were also displayed here,as well as lists of supplies they would need for the next week of planning and the members that were yet to arrive.
"I guess we'll start with everyone's biggest concern: the size of this house and how to maneuver within it." Tobi began dubiously. "First of all,how is this even remotely hard to figure out?! It's a house for Kami's sake. You're seriously asking me how to get to your own rooms?"
The rest of the group nodded in agreement,save for Pein and Itachi,who already knew. Sasori and Deidara had each found a couch to sleep on last night,while Kisame had slept on the floor. Hidan and Kakuzu hadn't even seen their rooms yet. Tobi sighed
"What do you want me to do? Draw you guys a map?"
"Please?"came Deidara's reply.
"You could post it right where the hallway begins,and draw the whole layout of the house so we know which way to go." Suggested Kakuzu.
"And put numbers on the doors!"Hidan added.
"...This is pathetic."Pein muttered from his current position next to Tobi. Tobi silently agreed. Ridiculous was a better way to put it.
"Fine. Sasori,you draw it out since you're artistic and stuff,and you're used to drawing blueprints for puppets. Deidara can paint the numbers on the doors. Itachi!"
"What?"he asked in a patronizing tone.
"You're no longer allowed to torture Pein..."Tobi replied. Pein nodded agreeably.
"For a month. After that,he's all yours." Pein's jaw dropped in alarm and he restrained himself from kicking Tobi in the head. Itachi smirked evilly.
"Okay,on to the mission status and our next move. Pein,you do this. I'm sick of looking at numbers." Tobi ordered,referring to the mathematics involved in the cost of supplies and in the number of people Orochimaru had under his command. Shooting Tobi a scathing look,Pein began.
"We still have a few more people on their way,so we musn't take immediate action yet. However,we should at least cover the cost of supplies and create a list of weapons you all need for missions. We'll also establish partners tonight….actually,scratch that. We'll let Kakuzu handle the supplies list so he can calculate the costs,and just figure out who's working with who."Pein ranted.
"For now,until other arrangements are made,Kakuzu and Sasori will work together,as will Deidara and Itachi,and Kisame and Hidan,and—WHAT?!" The Akatsuki jumped in alarm,all but Tobi,who grinned wickedly.
"Go on."he prodded antagonistically.
"…And,regrettably,I am working with the psychotic Uchiha mastermind who apparently has a phobia of numbers."Pein finished miserably.
Characters © Masashi Kishimoto
Storyline,Plot Twists,and Annoying Cliffhangers © Me
