A/N: I own nothing, blah blah. This chapter is Edward's point of view solely. Don't worry, we will revisit this chapter later on. And he's slightly OOC to fit my story cause that's how I want it. Thanx to anyone reading this and please keep on.

Song for this part "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge

EPOV

I sat at my table in chemistry trying to let my mind wander into blankness, but the image of Jillian's eyes burning into me remained in the forefront. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath to clear my head when it hit. I only knew of one thing that smelled so fresh and innocent. My eyes flew open and saw the most tempting creature standing at the front of the room talking to the teacher. I started to panic when she turned and started walking towards my lab table. I couldn't do this, I thought looking back down to the table, I can't sit next to her for an hour and keep in control. I was contemplating how much trouble I would cause by running as fast as my vampire speed would allow me to my car waiting in the school parking lot. I was still going over escape plans in my head when the sound of her heartbeat became stronger and closer. The noise of her beating heart held me to my seat and all thoughts of running were gone. I let my gaze shift slightly to the left and watched as she sat down next to me. I couldn't help myself, it seemed as I turned my head even more to look at her. I surveyed Jillian's form as she took out her books and settled herself more into her chair. She was slim, not extremely skinny but just slender in a delicate way. I could see the small hips that curved up into a small waist that I could wrap a single arm around almost encompass her completely. She turned and bent slightly down to set her book bag on the floor causing her blouse to raise slightly in the back and gave me a view of her smooth, light skin. It was all I could do to not reach over and run my hand across that small sliver of flesh. Venom began to trickle down the back of my throat, but it wasn't brought on by her blood. I was crumbling at the sight of an inch of skin. Jillian turned back and leaned slightly more on the desk while my eyes continued ever upward and landed on her rounded breasts. They were perfect just like the rest of her. I wanted to rest my head there, lie against her and listen to her heartbeat, breathe her in forever. Thinking of her heartbeat brought me out of my trance just enough to listen to the thudding that was rapidly speeding up. I brought my view up, silently cursing that her dark hair hid her neck from view and found myself staring right into Jillian's face. Her cheeks held a deepening blush letting me know she had caught me ogling her. I chanced to lift my gaze a little more and meet her eyes. I took a deep breath, shocked to see her staring intently at me with a look that confused me. In it was a mixture of anger, embarrassment and possibly excitement or curiosity. No fear was held in them, no sign that she was the least bit afraid of me. All the humans in this town held some fear, it was that survival instinct. Either she couldn't comprehend survival or she thought she could survive against me. But her emotions weren't the only things confusing me. I was still unable to read her thoughts, which wasn't helping me to keep my emotions in check, now there was something else. Holding Jillian's gaze I took in another deep breath and I was right. Her scent had altered somehow. The familiar scent of wildflowers and nature was still there only stronger and mixed somehow with another. The faint smell of a match being lit, of fire trying to ignite was now in her. Jillian narrowed her eyes a bit and brought her mouth more into an annoyed pout. I couldn't help but to look down at her lips. I wanted those lips on my own. I wanted to take her mouth, kiss her so deeply she'd forget to breathe, place smaller kisses over her blushing cheeks across her jaw, and down her neck. I began peering at her neck when she cleared her throat bringing my attention back to her lips as they parted and her voice tumbled out. I hardly noticed what she'd actually had said I was so busy listening just to the sound of her voice. It was soft, airy almost, and if she sang it was a definite soprano. There was a slight edge in it as she asked me not to stare at her. I turned my head back to the front of the class as what she had said finally registered in my foggy head. I sat more rigid and straight, crossing my arms over my chest and balled my hands into fists before I used them to pull her closer to me. Jillian to looked to the front, waiting for Mr. Braymer to start the day's lesson. I tried to block out her presence. I quit breathing for one, I kept my eyes trained on the teacher, and I ignored the thoughts of the other guys in the class, especially Mike Newton's. One more obscene fantasy and I was going to leap over to his table and rip him to shreds. The hardest was trying not to listen to the steady, rhythmic pounding of her heart. I could barely listen to the teacher's instructions as worksheets were being handed out. I could write symphonies to the constant pattering beats. I looked over the worksheet absently in front of me, resisting the urge to peek at her once more. I unclenched my hands to pick up a pen and began working out the chemical equations. Nothing difficult but I took my time configuring the problems to look somewhat normal and to keep distracting myself from the goddess sitting next to me. I was half way done when the scratching of the pen next to me weakened my resistance and I glanced sideways. Jillian was in complete concentration, her head propped up by her left hand as she went over the worksheet. She wasn't much further behind than me, pausing briefly here and there to think. Dammit, why did she actually have to be smart. I had been hoping that she would be an air-head like most of the others, something to put in the negative box against her. Jillian would nibble slightly on her bottom lip every so often driving me more insane. Just as I was about to go back to my own work, when she paused absently to gently brush her hair away from the right side of her face and neck. I tore my eyes away before my mouth latched onto her throat. A glance was all it took. The venom started to flow again as the image of her thin neck, pulsing with life that smelled sweeter than anything I'd ever encountered. It was right there. I could drain her within seconds. I continued writing while my mind drifted further into darker fantasies. I wanted to taste her, wanted to feel the blood run down my scorching throat. I wanted to listen to her heartbeat as my lips gripped her neck in a deadly bite. The horrifying image of her after she was no more led me to think less of her blood and more of her body once again. It was there I was torn. Two images came suddenly to mind and both equally frightened me to the very core. The first was so primal, so unlike anything I've ever thought it was unnerving. I imagined us alone in the room, not caring how we ended up alone, but glad we were. I looked at her, my eyes raking over her body as Jillian stared right back at me worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Without another thought I had grabbed her and placed her on the table in front of me. My hands were in her hair, roughly yanking her head back as I brought my mouth down on her neck, dragging my tongue down to the hollow of her throat. I started kissing further down undoing her top and pushing it off her shoulders, leaving her in only a bra. I continued my assault, my right hand still entangled in her hair as my left one firmly grabbed her breast. Massaging her while my mouth moved over her skin. Jillian moaned my name while grabbing a handful of my hair and pulled my face closer to her body. I couldn't take it anymore as I tore the clothes away from her body and pushed her down on the table. I was inside her before I knew it, thrusting away. It was hard and animalistic. Her small hands clutching me closer to her as she thrashed her head and screamed my name. My mouth never left her neck as I picked up speed my hands, trailing down her back to grab her waist and lift her closer. I was relentless as I moved in and out of her at an ever quickening pace. I so wanted to hear Jillian's sweet voice crying in pleasure as I brought her to the edge. I imagined what it would sound like to hear her scream out my name over and over. A low growl was forming in my throat that took all my control to suppress. Mr. Braymer's voice announcing we had fifteen more minutes brought me out of my reverie. I had completely stopped writing all together. My left hand was clenched so tightly into a fist, my skin looked even whiter if possible from the strain. I moved my arm and let it drop casually beside my chair and held onto the seat as if my life depended on it. Not my life, Jillian's life. I also noticed how hard I had gotten and shifted in my seat hoping to conceal it and hoping it would go away before the bell rang. I went back to the worksheet where the second fantasy took over. I had taken Jillian to a meadow I would sometimes go to. It was sunny and she was laughing and smiling at me. I reached out and slowly traced my finger down the side of her face. Still smiling, she closed her eyes softly and leaned more into my touch. Leaning in, my cold lips found hers in a tender kiss. Jillian tasted so sweet and soft. The kiss grew more intense but remained gentle. It was chaste and passionate all at the same time. My hand was still cupping her face as she brought her hands up to mine. I moved to her neck, softly nibbling and whispered something that brought a beautiful sigh from her lips. I placed soft kisses down her neck as Jillian moved her hands up to run them through my hair before they landed on my back. I laid her down on the soft grass and stretched over. I listened to her heart as I began to softly run my hands over her body. I wanted to memorize every inch of her glowing skin. I took my time, placing small kisses at random spots, earning me soft giggles, hushed moans, and light mewling sounds. My little kitten purring for me is what I wanted as I continued on. This time, it was slow and tender as I looked into her eyes letting her see all the emotions behind this act and seeing the same ones reflected in those teal orbs I've become entranced with. The bell rang and I growled low again at the annoying thing for interrupting the most perfect "dream" I had in my entire existence. I looked over to see Jillian passing her finished worksheet forward and putting her stuff away. I handed mine to the person in front of me and watched her. I wanted to make that last thought of her a reality but right now the first one of me tearing into her seemed more likely to happen if I didn't get myself back under control. Even though I was over a hundred years old, I still harbored the hormones of a seventeen year old. Jillian walked out of the room, refusing Newton's invite to walk her to the gym bringing a smirk to my face. I slowly began picking up my books, willing the hardness in my jeans to continue to lessen so I could walk when she looked back at me. If my heart were still beating it would have stopped at the small smile I saw grace her lips in the moment she glanced at me. All too soon she was out the door. I steadied myself as I walked out the door and to my next class. I now had a dilemma. I no longer relished the idea of draining her body till it lay lifeless beneath me. It was worse. I was now in a struggle over what I felt more, love or lust. I continued thinking of her lovely image as I sat down in my last class. I found myself aching for her deep within the pit of my stomach. The monster in me lusted for her body, her blood, bellowed to the sky with need for her. It was the monster that wanted to throw her onto that table and take her in lust filled haze. To fuck her shamelessly and almost violently. The human side, the one that I somehow held onto was the one that wanted to make love to her. That side was winning out more. I was the one wanting to protect her, comfort her, hold her close and make her smile. I thought again of the small smile on Jillian's face as she had looked at me. What had it meant? All I could think of was how to put that smile back on her face and keep it there. But then the reality set in. She didn't know my secret, the one that could end her life in a heated moment between us. If I told her, she'd run screaming from me like an angel should when meeting a monster. I should stay as far away from her as possible, but the very thought hurt me like it did when I thought of her dead. Jillian's death was a possibility if she were to get to close to me. I didn't care that I was risking my entire family for her, but I wouldn't risk her life for my own selfish wants and desires. I would love her from afar, be her guardian angel if she needed me. Jillian had won the heart of a vampire, I thought grinning to myself. If only I was worthy of having her love in return.