Hey guys, sorry it's been a while since I updated. I was having a bit of trouble coming up with a scene I wanted to do. I eventually chose the missing scenes between episode 1, 2 and 3 of season 5. It's obvious that Sam and Andy spent some time in the hospital together, which we did not see. She obviously met his sister before the scene in episode 2 and they obviously talked after she sent that text message, given their interaction in episode 3. So, anyway, here is what I came up with. Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review!
Oh and this chapter is nowhere near an M rating.
====Lion's Heart=====
He can hear her talking to the nurses outside and a smile immediately appears on his face as he sits up in his hospital bed and puts down the book he's reading. He has been hoping and waiting to see her all day. Everything between them is still so up in the air and he desperately wants answers. He just wants to know that there is hope. That she meant what she said in the ambulance. That he has a chance. That they have a chance. That she wants this even half as much as he does.
When he woke up yesterday, he told her that he didn't want to waste any more time and he didn't want to be sad anymore. She agreed, but he isn't sure what that actually means. Is she willing to give him another chance? Does she want to work things out with him? Or was she just saying that she doesn't want to be sad anymore because, well, who does?
And of course there is the issue of Collins. Are they still together? He cringes at the thought and he can't help but recall how happy she seemed with him. He can't help but think of the two of them at the park with Christian. He can't stop thinking about Collins having everything he's ever wanted with the only person he's ever wanted it with. He meant what he said about wanting her to be happy, but what he really wants is for her to be happy with him.
Eventually, he is taken from his tortuous thoughts of Nick and Andy when the door opens and she appears in front of him.
He gives her a big smile and she immediately returns the sentiment. He thinks that it's a good start.
"Hi," he says.
"Hi," she replies. "How are you feeling?" She asks, walking a bit closer, but still not close enough.
"Better now," he admits and he swears that she blushes. "How are you?" He asks.
She shakes her head and looks at the floor. He almost thinks that her eyes are watering, but she is too far away to be sure.
"Andy?" he probes, begging her to look at him.
She eventually looks up and he was right, her eyes are watering. "You really scared me," she admits. "What were you thinking?" She asks. "You weren't wearing your vest! You didn't have your gun. Why did you call Ford's name? You had to know he was going to shoot you," she says with hints of desperation and anger in her voice.
"He was going to shoot Collins. I didn't want him to," he admits with a shrug.
Andy stares at him, unsure what to say, so he continues.
"Andy, I meant what I said yesterday. I want you to be happy and… And I know how upset you would be if something happened to him," he explains.
She quirks an eyebrow. "And you didn't think I would be upset if something happened to you?" She asks.
He shrugs. "I didn't really think that far ahead," he says, because it's easier than the truth. He knows she would be upset, but she would be upset if something happened to anyone at 15 Division. Obviously she would be more upset if something happened to her boyfriend.
She nods and remains silent for a few moments before eventually speaking up. "For the record… I would be. I'd be extremely upset… so please… please don't do anything like that again," she begs.
"Okay," he says with a nod. They stare at each other for a few minutes, neither one of them sure what to say next.
"I kind of thought Marlo would be here," She eventually blurts out as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other.
"No," he replies quickly. "We broke up," he adds. He doesn't miss the sigh of relief that passes through her, but he's not sure what it means. She is about to say something else, but he interrupts her. He isn't sure if he wants to know, but he has to know.
"What about Collins?" He asks as he fidgets with his hands.
She takes a deep breath and he expects her to say that they're still together, that she's choosing him, that she only said what she did in the ambulance because she thought he was going to die- the heat of the moment and all that. He is mentally preparing himself for disappointment, when she finally speaks.
"I told him what I said in the ambulance," she admits.
He nods, waiting for her to continue.
"And he asked me if I meant it."
"Did you?" He asks, hopefully. He's terrified of her answer, but he waits to hear it nonetheless.
She takes a deep breath before meeting his gaze. "Yes."
He nods while he lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He wants to say something, but this time, she is the one to interrupt.
"Why did you and Marlo break up? Because of what happened?" She asks.
He sighs. "Come here," he beckons. She walks closer and he reaches out for her, pulling her onto the bed beside him. He wraps an arm around her and takes her hand in his, interlocking their fingers. She stares down at their hands, as he considers what to say next.
"Andy… I'm- I'm really sorry… about a lot of things… everything really, but I just… God, I really don't know where to begin," he says with a nervous laugh. "Everything that happened with Marlo… I just handled it all so poorly… I never should have asked you to alter the log for her. I know what you must have thought," he begins.
"Hm?" She asks, not meeting his gaze.
"When I asked you to help… I'm guessing you probably thought that I- that I was trying to protect her because… because I loved her. That her career was more important to me than yours… but I …I just- I asked you to do it because I trust you more than anyone else and because you're always there for me, even when you shouldn't be… and I was trying to protect her because I- because I felt… I feel guilty," he admits.
"About what?" She inquires, finally glancing up at him.
"I don't know… I can't help but feel like maybe I'm the reason that she stopped taking her medication," he confesses.
"Why?" She asks.
"I think… I'm pretty sure she knew about… about my feelings for you," he admits, causing Andy to take in a sharp breath. "I should have broken up with her so long ago. I never should have been with her in the first place… God, Andy… You have to know that if I thought there was any chance of us being together when you came back, I would have waited… I just thought that- that you didn't feel the same way. I thought I had lost you… Andy, I was miserable for months and when Marlo came around, I just… I just was trying to move on. I thought that maybe if I faked it for a while, eventually, I would be able to move on. I'd get over you… but… I don't know, then you came back and I had to try so much harder to fake it. And eventually, I started to realize that no matter how long I waited, no matter how good I got at faking it, it wasn't going to change how I feel about it. I wasn't going to stop thinking about you, missing you, loving you… Andy, whenever I think about the future… it's always with you," he says, meeting her gaze. He lets out a sigh and continues. "I had been trying to figure out how to break up with her and then all of this happened… She's a good person and I just feel like it's all my fault. If it wasn't for me, she probably wouldn't have stopped taking her medication and… and that's why I needed to protect her… I didn't want her to lose her job because of me… but I never should have gotten you involved," he tells her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not. I've made so many mistakes…" He says, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"We both have," she reminds him.
Before he can say everything else he desperately wants her to know, the door opens and Andy starts to shuffle in the bed, trying to get up. Sam allows her to sit up, but he squeezes her hand, telling her that he doesn't want her to move.
"Hey, I'm back," the tall brunette says as she walks through the door. She stops when she notices the woman sitting in bed next to Sam. Her eyes immediately go to their interlocked fingers and then back to Sam.
"Square," Sam greets her.
"How are you?" She asks, stepping further into the room, giving Andy an awkward smile.
"Never better," he tells her, stealing a glance at Andy, who smiles back at him. "Square, this is Andy," he says, gesturing towards Andy.
"Andy, this is Sarah," he says and he sees that she's made the connection.
"This the famous Andy?" Sarah asks, walking closer to them. Her smile has widened slightly.
Andy glances at Sam, obviously surprised that he has told his sister about her. The fact that this surprises her makes him sick to his stomach, but he knows exactly why she would have thoughts like that. The truth is, Sarah didn't know about Andy until last night when they ate dinner together and he spent a good twenty minutes talking about her.
"I guess so," Andy says with a smile, standing up and shaking her hand.
"Well, I didn't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to see how you're doing," Sarah says, heading back towards the door.
"No, stay. I should get going anyway," Andy offers, figuring that Sam would want to spend time with his sister.
"You don't have to leave," Sam tells Andy, not wanting to leave things so uncertain.
"It's okay, I'll be back tomorrow," she assures him, before walking back to the bed and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing out the door. Sarah watches Andy walk out the door and then turns back to her younger brother.
"So… That's Andy?" She asks with a smile.
"That's Andy," he says with a nod and a smile of his own.
====Lion's Heart=====
Her text has been running through his mind all night. He has barely slept at all. He is trying not to think the worst, but it hasn't been easy.
She is probably talking herself out of being with him. She is probably going to change her mind. She is probably realizing that he's not worth the risk. All he wants to do is run to her house and tell her how much he loves her, that this time will be different, that he's changed, that he's not going to make the same mistakes, that he will do whatever it takes to make this work. But he can't. He's stuck in this hospital bed and she's at home convincing herself not to give him another chance.
When he hears her greeting the nurses outside his door, he is surprised. She said she needed time, so he assumed she wouldn't be coming around for a while.
"Hey," she greets him with a smile. She is nervous and unsure. He doesn't like it.
"Hi," he replies.
"Just wanted to return these," she says, holding out the keys to his truck.
"Thanks," he says. "You can use it if you want… you know, while I'm in here," he suggests.
"That's okay," she tells him and he's disappointed. Somehow the thought of her driving his truck makes him feel connected to her, like she hasn't completely given up on them, like he still has a chance.
"Okay," he tells her. "If you change your mind… It's not like I'll be needing it in here," he says softly.
"Thanks," she responds with a smile.
"Andy… Did Sarah say something to you?" He asks.
She shoots him a confused look, as if she has no idea what he's talking about.
"She was really upset with me when she left," he explains.
She nods and sits down on the edge of his bed. "Why?" She asks.
He sighs. He doesn't really want to get into this, but the way she's looking at him, he figures he should offer her something. "She's just a lot better at forgiving and forgetting than I am," he tells her.
When he sees the frown on her face, he worries that she's overanalyzing again. She's probably considering his words juxtaposed with their relationship- worrying that he'll never forgive her for leaving, that he'll never forget. So, he continues.
"It's just… our Dad. He was always screwing up. In and out of jail all of our lives. Treated all of us like shit. He's not a good guy and… it gets to a point where you can't keep forgiving, you can't keep letting it go because you know he will never change… but Sarah, she keeps going back and she's just going to get hurt… I just can't do that. I don't want anything to do with him and, well… Sarah didn't like that," he explains, trying to show her that the situation with his father is different, but she's still frowning and he feels like he's only making it worse.
"Andy, tell me what you're thinking," he pleads, reaching out for her.
"Tell me what you're thinking," she says, almost demanding.
He sits back in the bed and takes in a breath. He starts to nod. "Okay… Okay… I'm thinking that I… that I love you and that all I want is for this to work," he says, gesturing between the two of them. "Andy, I will do anything to make this work, okay? I won't walk away again. I won't," he tells her.
She sighs. "Sam… I'm afraid we can't change… That we're just setting ourselves up for heartbreak again," she admits.
It's his turn to sigh. "Andy, I'm scared, too, okay? Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I've never been more miserable and yes, I never want to feel that way again, but… I just know that I won't be able to live with myself if I didn't try because… it already hurts not to be with you," he confesses.
When she doesn't say anything, he decides to continue. "Look, Andy… Just tell me that there's hope and I'll wait, okay? However long you need, I'll wait. I'll wait and I'll prove to you that it will be different this time," he tells her.
She meets his gaze and considers his words for what feels like forever. Eventually she starts to nod slightly. "There's hope," she says with a small smile.
"Okay," he grins. "Then, I'll wait," he promises.
====Lion's Heart=====
Let me know your thoughts!
And I'd love suggestions for missing scenes you'd like to see as I'm having a hard time coming up with them.
Thanks!
