16
"Burke, is this—"

"No. The patient died. There's no need to operate," Burke cut Cristina off.

Everyone else at the table turned their heads away while keeping their ears open.

"Oh, Ok." Cristina replied charily.
"But I'm sure you can always ask Dr. Marlowe if you want to get into some cool surgeries," Burke chided.

The embarrassment on Cristina's face made Izzie chuckle. Thank God George stopped her with his hand.

Standing up abruptly, Cristina steered Burke away from her friends and said quietly, "Can we not bring this up in front of my friends?"

"Is there anything you should be ashamed of?" Burke asked.

"I'm not going to talk to you if you keep pushing," Cristina's hand sprang up to rub her neck.

"You hardly talk to me about things even when I don't push you," Burke said.

Pushing him aside to a quieter corner of the cafeteria, Cristina said wearily, "I'm tired, Burke. I've tried. What do I have to do to convince you that it's nothing?"

"First of all, maybe you can learn to line up your stories and make sure they're coherent."

"What do you mean?" Cristina tightened her brows.

Burke gave her a piercing glance and said, "Stop lying to me, Cristina. You told me you're with Marlowe for 6 months. He just told me you two spent 3 years together."

Cristina shivered.

"Don't tell me one of you doesn't know how to do the math," Burke continued.

If it was at all possible, Cristina would prefer to stay quiet, as what she would normally do. She hated to explain things when she felt she was right.

"Burke," Cristina uttered his name but immediately stopped.

"We're getting married and you can't even open up to me now," Burke looked hurt.

"I slept with him for 3 years, but I only had feelings for him for 6 months," Cristina tried.

"I don't know what or who to believe in anymore, Cristina," Burke scratched her brow. "You spent 3 of your most promising years with a man who's more than twice your age and then walked out on him, but you said yes to my marriage proposal only after 9 months."

"That's because you're different. We're different. This is a relationship!" Cristina raised her voice.

17
"And what do you know about relationships, Cristina?" Burke stared at her. "You left him when you graduated. You're marrying me because your residency has just begun."

"That's not true," Cristina bit her lips.

"So what does that mean? Are you going to give me divorce papers in 6 years when you're done?" Burke continued.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Cristina avoided his gaze.

"You love authority. Once a person has no direct benefit to your career anymore, you walk away."

"That isn't why I'm with you," Cristina mumbled.

"If my hand wasn't fixed, you wouldn't have stayed," Burke recalled the recent turmoil and pain shot up to his heart as he spoke.

Cristina was shocked. How could he say so when she told him she was in for the long haul?

"Let's face it, you're in love with the surgeon, not the man."

The calmness in Burke's tone unnerved Cristina more than his fury.

"With Marlowe, I was neither in love with the surgeon nor the man. I was with him for 3 years and it never made me proud. Falling in love with you does," Cristina replied.

"So it's about pride? You really do collect us one after another like trophies," Burke let out a cold laugh.

"That isn't what I mean," Cristina couldn't believe it was so hard for Burke to understand.

"I am proud of myself. For the first time in life I'm doing things for someone because I love him," Cristina said.

Burke didn't appear moved by any of it.

"Fine. I won't deny I admire authority figures and I like the education I got from you. But it isn't just medicine I'm talking about," Cristina blurted out. "Because of you, I went to the grocery store to look for those freaking chickens; I took up the habit of jogging whenever you're upset with me or when I'm upset with myself; I learned to clean and vacuum when you're injured; I learned to hold my tongue and be nice even when your mother was mean. And guess what? I cried. Several times. No other men, except my dad, has ever made me cry."

18
"Cristina—" Burke trembled a little. No matter how hurt he felt, it made him feel bad when Cristina seemed equally hurt.

"No, let me finish," Cristina stopped him.

Burke was stunned by Cristina's determination.

"You always think you're right and I let you," Cristina inhaled deeply. "Maybe you're right when you said I'm placating you. But don't you see why I have to do that?"

Burke shut his eyes for a moment.

"Marlowe spilled the truth. I really don't believe signing a piece of paper makes two people more committed than how they already are. You know I don't want a fancy wedding or a fluffy white dress. But I have to say yes. I have to." Cristina said plainly.

"You don't," Burke answered.

"Why, so that you can threaten to dump me again?"

"I never said that," Burke defended himself.

"Have you forgotten that you broke up with me the first time because you thought it would affect your prospect of becoming Chief some day?" Cristina reminded him.

"I didn't know it was more than just a fling to you back then," Burke said.

Cristina's eyes grew bigger. "Would that make a difference? Even now, after all these months together, you're threatening to put off the engagement."

"I'm just unsure if it's a good time now," Burke said matter-of-factly.

"It doesn't change the fact that you are the one who actually made an attempt to ditch me, yet you're accusing me of being uncommitted," Cristina responded.

"You didn't open up to me, how would I know?" Burke asked.

"Can't you accept that not everyone in this world is ready to say I love you as often as you do?"

"It's not only the 'I love you's I'm talking about," Burke talked back.

"You never told me about everyone you slept with either, and it didn't bother me," Cristina pushed a strand of her curls to the back of her head.

"Marlowe is someone we both talk about from time to time," Burke replied.

"It wouldn't bother me even if I find out you used to date someone we both know," Cristina clarified, "Not because I don't care about your past, but because I trust you."

19
"If you trust me, why didn't you just tell me about him in the past when I brought him up?" Burke demanded an answer even if it's something he might not want to admit. "Don't I deserve to know?"

Cristina shifted uncomfortably before she spoke, "I trust you, but I also know you'd think that I dated you for all the wrong reasons once you heard about Marlowe."

Burke swallowed his words as he came to the realization that Cristina was right about it.

"Burke, I've been with you long enough to know that you will start comparing yourself with him," Cristina smiled sadly, "And your behavior today only reinforces me how accurate my instinct has been."

"Marlowe is only one of many things you never mentioned to me about," Burke said coolly.

Cristina thought hard before saying, "Perhaps I'm a private person who doesn't like to talk about things? Can't you just accept that?"

"Will that ever change?" Burke asked with some reservation.

"Is this another loop I must jump through to stay with you?" Cristina was alarmed by the lack of confidence that remained on Burke's face.

"Cristina, I can't read your mind. It's difficult when you don't talk to me," Burke adjusted his glasses as he spoke. "Am I asking too much from you?"

Cristina was quiet. Their conversation had come to a standstill again.

"You realize I don't have to put up with all these if I'm only trying to get ahead," Cristina spoke softly.

Burke kept staring at her, hoping she would continue to talk.

"I left Marlowe without looking back because I didn't care if I'd lose him, but I can't say no to anything you ask of me, because you're the one I can't bear to lose," Cristina looked earnestly at Burke for a long while. "And believe it or not, it's not about power or prestige."

As Cristina quietly removed herself from his sight, Burke clenched his jaw, wondering if he had been too harsh on his fiancée.

20
"Honey, are you alright?" Delia was waiting for her husband as she spotted Cristina.

Cristina forced a cordial smile, "Yeah."

"I heard from your intern friends that you're engaged?" Delia said cheerfully, not aware of what just happened between Cristina and Burke. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Cristina said flatly.

Delia bit her nails, "I know how you feel. It took me a while to stop feeling scared after my engagement."

"We're fine," Cristina was a little edgy.

"Good, then ask that sweet little fiancé of yours to join us for dinner tonight," Marlowe appeared from the middle of nowhere and laid one hand on Cristina's shoulder and another on Delia's.

Had his wife not been there, Cristina would have lashed out at Marlowe for having the decency to be nice to her at all, "We've other plans."

"Be a hospitable host, Cristina! We're new to this city!" Marlowe blinked.

"I'd love to meet your fiancé, Cristina. Does he work here too?" Delia asked.

Cristina's face darkened.

"Babe, you haven't met Dr. Burke yet? He's such a nice fellow. Right, Cristina?" Marlowe teased her.

"I don't think he's free," Cristina couldn't imagine how Burke would say yes to the invitation when he's all wrapped up about her past.

Marlowe caught her frustration, "What's the problem, my pet?"

"You! And stop calling me your pet in front of your wife and everyone else," Cristina finally lost her cool.

"Darling, what have you done?" Delia poked at Marlowe's chest. "I told you to do what you please, but I didn't say that you could go and harass innocent people!"

"Love, I didn't!"

"What did you do?" Delia insisted.

Marlow cleared his throat, "Nothing. I was only volunteering some information to Dr. Burke."

"Some information? And you call that nothing?" Delia rolled her eyes. "Remember you almost cancelled our wedding when my sister told you about me and my ex!"

"Well—"

"It isn't a revenge, is it?"

"No," Marlowe looked innocent, "Why would I?"

"Good. I'd be more upset to know that you're trying to get back at the woman who left you than to know that you slept with her," Delia's breath thickened.

"I only have you in my heart now," Marlowe kissed his wife.

"Then make me happy. Go fix what you break," Delia demanded.

"Me?" Marlowe scratched his chin.