AN: Well, here's chapter three! This chapter was the one that started this story. It was the dinner scene with BJ and his parents that popped into my head while I was in the shower, and I rushed to the computer immediately afterwards to start writing. There's just something I found funny about BJ getting 'The Talk' AGAIN when he's like, thirty-something. I forgot what his parents' names are... so they're just 'mother and father'.

I need to fix some things in chapter four. There's waaaaaaaay too much Donny. XD

Everything belongs to Tim Burton, who is locked in my basement (He just doesn't know it, yet).

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CHAPTER 3

The Birds and the Beetles

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Beetlejuice had been wrong.

The day passed so slowly it was painful.

He tried to remind himself that it would be over eventually, but that only seemed to make it worse. He knew that the last event was his and Lydia's speeches, but Judge Mental seemed like he wanted to make the reception last for as long as possible. He probably did. He knew the longer he made it, the more torture Beetlejuice would be put through.

The strange thing about greeting all the guests was that Beetlejuice and Lydia didn't know half of them. There was a great deal of children, much to his annoyance. All of them only screamed and caused a ruckus. All the more reason for him to spike the punch, of course. But that would have to wait a little, till there weren't so many people around the snack bar.

"Ladies and gentleghouls, we are now entering the second half of the reception with a dance from the newlyweds," announced Judge Mental. Beetlejuice's jaw dropped as Lydia pulled him onto the dance-floor.

"Second half? But it's already been four hours!" he said. Lydia sighed.

"It's only been an hour and a half, BJ," she corrected, "Just forget about how horrible it is, and it actually becomes kind of… well… fun!"

He snorted. "Fun?" he asked, "Babes, you've been hanging out with Donny too much. Nothing about this hell-hole could possibly be fun."

She rolled her eyes. "Beetlejuice," she said in a tone that suggested he'd never learn.

He winced as the song they were supposed to be dancing to came on. Some kind of sappy, over-the-top love song. He ground his teeth. "Well, babes," he said, "I don't know about you, but there is no way I'm dancing to this crap." He turned around slightly and pointed towards the radio, ignoring Lydia's objection. Before anyone knew what had happened, the record scratched and the song that came back on was a lively tango. Beetlejuice turned back towards her, smirking. She stared at him. "Much better!" he said, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her towards him. She was dragged into dancing with him.

By the end of the song Lydia was sure she'd never be able to wear high-heels again, and wondered how Beetlejuice worked so easily in them. As soon as she could, she sat down and took off her shoes, rubbing her feet. Beetlejuice sat on a chair next to her, watching the other people dance. Somehow Donny appeared in front of them; Beetlejuice hadn't noticed. Lydia looked up.

"Would you like to dance, Lydia?" Donny asked, smiling a bit sheepishly. It took all of Beetlejuice's willpower not to mimic his brother. Lydia glanced between them, then stood up.

"Sure," she said, taking his hand. He led her onto the dance floor. She looked back at Beetlejuice, smiling sadly.

He sighed and crossed his arms, watching them dance. They began talking, and Beetlejuice just ached to know about what. But he remained where he was. He glanced towards the snack bar, noticed that there weren't many people there. He pointed towards it. The punch bubbled a little bit in response to his magic, but soon went back to normal. He smirked and glanced back towards Donny and Lydia. The song ended soon and Lydia nearly ran over, stumbling a little from all the spinning.

"Did you have a nice date?" he teased.

"Except for all the spinning, yes," she said, "I think I like the tango, better."

He began laughing, only to be interrupted by Judge Mental's voice over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and Gentleghouls, anyone who's interested, it's time for the cake to be cut." Beetlejuice and Lydia glanced at each other, then stood up and made their way over to where the cake sat. Everyone gathered around. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. "This day will be over eventually," he told himself again.

Lydia held a sharp knife over the cake, grabbing Beetlejuice's hand and forcing it on top of hers. "You know some people want pictures," she mumbled.

"Oh, yeah, we have to look perfect for those pictures," he said angrily. Suddenly they were bombarded by flashes of bright lights. Both of them flinched. Lydia shoved the knife into the cake and cut out a small piece. She put it on a plate and held it up a little. Beetlejuice grabbed the whole piece and shoved it into her face, cackling. She gasped.

"Beetlejuice!" she said.

"Come on, babes," he said, "You had to have seen it coming!"

She scoffed, then giggled a little. "You're such a jerk," she said, grabbing a napkin and wiping off her face. He put his arm around her shoulders and hung on her.

"But I'm your jerk!" he teased, grinning hugely.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, Beetlejuice…"

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The dinner table was silent except for the occasional clatter of dinnerware. The only people at the table were Beetlejuice, Lydia, Donny, and the brothers' parents, and anytime his mother or father would ask him something, Beetlejuice would answer it with as little words as possible. He seemed intent on keeping the conversation away from anything embarrassing.

But still, parents have that way.

"So, Junior," said his mother, "are you and Lydia planning on children anytime soon?"

Beetlejuice choked on his cake, hands around his throat.

"I know the Heimlich!" Donny announced, standing up.

"No, it's okay!" Lydia said urgently, slapping Beetlejuice on the back. He coughed and sputtered before grabbing his water and drinking it all in one gulp. He slammed the glass back on the table. Everyone stared at him.

"Muuum!" he groaned loudly, "We just got hitched today!"

"Well, yes," said his father, "But it's important to plan ahead."

Beetlejuice glanced at Lydia, hoping she would intervene. "Well, BJ and I… uhm… haaa… We'll talk about it!" she said, nodding. Beetlejuice slammed his head into the table, covering it with his arms.

"Well, junior, your father and I think it's important that you know the… mechanics of these things," said his mother. His father nodded in agreement. Beetlejuice's head shot up.

"No," he said, "No!"

"What?" Lydia asked.

Beetlejuice smiled nervously at his parents. "Come on, mum and dad, there are books on these things!"

"Yes, but they're not as in-depth as actually talking," his mother replied.

Lydia felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. She was about to be given 'The Talk'.

Donny stood up, clearing his throat. Beetlejuice pointed at him. "Donny, sit back down!" he screeched, "If I have to go through this torture, so do you!"

Staring at his brother, Donny sat back down.

It goes without saying that the next forty-five minutes were awkward beyond comparison. Beetlejuice spent most of it with his face buried into the table, his arms covering his head, flinching every time certain words came up. Lydia ended up crossing her legs tightly underneath her dress, pretending to be interested in a stray string on her glove. Donny continually squished his fork into his cake until it turned into mush.

When 'The Talk' was over, and the parents had gone, Beetlejuice looked up. He was a bright shade of red. He looked as though he would burst into tears.

"It's even more horrible a second time," Donny said, his voice a million miles away. Beetlejuice assumed this would be the only thing he and his brother would ever agree on.

After mulling it over a little bit, Lydia shrugged. "Come on, it was… it was… interesting…" She covered her face.

"If by interesting you mean disgusting!" Beetlejuice said loudly.

Lydia nodded slightly. Donny pushed his mush-that-used-to-be-cake away from him, downing some water before standing up. He left without saying a word, walking a little stiffly.

Lydia turned towards Beetlejuice, staring at him through her fingers. He returned her stare. After a few seconds they both looked somewhere else. Lydia swallowed. She wondered if she'd ever be able to look at Beetlejuice again. As much as she hated to, she began to ponder the things her parents-in-law had said. It made her feel slightly sick thinking about it again. She turned towards him. "I'm going to go out for a minute," she said. He nodded, banging his head against the table.

She stood up and walked towards the doors. She had just touched one when there was an announcement. "Now we get to hear from the newlyweds!" Her hand clenched into a fist, her eyes widening.

"Oh no…" she whispered. She turned around and squared her shoulders, walking up to the stage. Beetlejuice was beside her in a cloud of smoke. He sighed. "Uhm… you start," she told him.

He opened his mouth, but all that came out was a long, screechy kind of sound. He shut his mouth and loosened his tie before looking at her. "Uhm…" He had apparently remembered something unpleasant from the 'The Talk', because he then passed out.

She watched him. He just lay, motionless, his eyes closed. She kneeled down and grabbed him under the arms, pulling him up. "BJ, wake up," she said. She turned towards the microphone. "Uhm… Well… I…" she sighed and leaned closer to the microphone. She didn't have a clue as to what to say, and everyone staring at her didn't help. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Maybe if she just started talking, something would come to her.

"I… Hey, I'm Lydia," she said, "I'm the bride." She laughed, as did the crowd. "I'm… I'm…" She sighed. She could almost hear the crickets chirping as everyone waited for her to continue speaking. "Uhm… Beetlejuice and I met a long time ago… and… back then if you'd told me I'd be married to him in the future I would have laughed… Uhm…" She closed her eyes against the bright lights. "But I… I have to say that I'm… I'm proud to be his wife," she said, smiling a little, "I really do… love him… And hopefully that love will just grow over time." Her smile grew. She let go of him with one arm and wiped her face. Her mind drifted back to the old adventures they used to have when she was twelve. "I… I know that Beetlejuice has done some nasty things to us all, but… but there's something about him that just… Maybe it's just his personality. He just demands attention, doesn't he?" She laughed.

Beetlejuice squirmed a little. She looked down at him, shaking her arms to try and wake him up. She stood him up, and after a moment he grabbed his head and stood on his own. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was staring at him.

"Babes, wha'happened…?" he slurred.

"You passed out," she replied.

"Oh… right."

"It's your turn for a heartfelt speech," she said quietly.

He crossed his arms and turned towards the microphone. He glanced between the crowd and Lydia. He took a deep breath. "I'm not great with sappy things like this, but I'll try my best… I remember when I met Lyds," he said, smiling, "She sure was a squirt." He ruffled her hair. "She hasn't really grown physically very much since then, but… uhm… her heart has grown a lot. I think one of the reasons I was attracted to Lydia so much back is because she put up with me. I don't have to change at all, because she likes me just the way I am, beetles and all." She smiled at him. "So… I suppose something really great has come out of this marriage. I'll never have to leave my babes!" He grinned teasingly at her. She giggled. He waved his hand towards the crowd. "Okay, I'm done, you can clap now," he said impatiently.

Everyone did so. Slightly against his will, she hugged him tightly. "Thanks, BJ," she said.

"Anytime, babes, now can we please get out of here?" he asked.

She laughed and stepped away. She grabbed his hand and pulled him off the stage and towards the doors. She shoved them open and led him to Doomie, who was sleeping at the bottom of the stairs. They both hopped in, followed by Jacques and Ginger. Beetlejuice slapped Doomie on the door. "Go, Doomie!" he said, "I don't wanna stick around for 'The Talk' again."

Lydia laughed as Doomie honked and zoomed off.

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I had a hard time writing BJ's speech, but there's something I really love about doing 'serious' scenes with him. They're a challenge. But hopefully they'll stay out of this story!

Once again, please tell me if there are any problem areas and I'll see what I can do about them. :)

-Skellagirl