Sam was trying very hard not to smile, but it was becoming difficult not to. He was riding shotgun in the Impala, after they had finally gotten Chuck to calm down and get dressed. Chuck and Castiel were in the back, Castiel with that far off distant look that he usually wore when he looked like he wasn't listening even though he was.

Dean was stressed, which was part of the reason why Sam was smiling, but it also had to do with the fact that slowly but surely their friends were coming back to them. Well, Balthazar and Gabriel were a bit of a stress, though the two angels both had been helpful once upon a time. Besides, if they were brought back for Castiel's health than he supposed they must be good friends at least to him.

But mostly Sam was smiling because Dean kept looking in his rear-view mirror at Cas. Dean was not as obvious with his affection for Castiel. Cas was blunt in what he said, because when he had feelings, they were not to be hidden. Whatever he loved or hated, he voiced it. Dean, well, everyone who knew Dean even a little knew that the only thing he voiced his love for was Sam and the Impala. But anyone with two eyes, including the angels, knew that his heart was with that angel in the backseat. Sam had watched them for years, and he always poked and prodded at Dean to admit it, never outright telling him to, but asking him to talk about his feelings towards Cas. Dean only took it as an excuse to talk about what annoyed him.

But Sam still saw Dean's eyes travel to Cas, no matter the situation.

And well, Cas was so in love with Dean that Sam never had to ask him. He hoped he wasn't wrong about Dean, because he did not think that Cas could take that kind of rejection from one of the very few people he cared about most in the world.

When they made it to the home of the men of letters, Dean and Sam seemed to be a little more relaxed. It was protected heavily, even against Lucifer. Chuck got out of the Impala, his mouth hanging open lightly, rubbing his scruff and moving to the back of his neck.

"Wow, this is your house?" he looked at Dean, who was halfway between smiling and frowning.

"Yup." he popped open the trunk, taking as much as he can carry with Sam. Castiel took a bag and handed it to Chuck before he took one for himself.

"It's really..." he waved his hand around apparently at a loss for words.

"Come on," Sam shoved Chuck playfully. "Let's get inside before anything tries to find us."

"Sounds terrifying." Chuck scurried inside, Dean huffing and falling habitually beside Cas.

Sam opened the door and waited for them to all file in before him; he closed it and locked it, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Not that he wasn't happy to see this place, but the whole thing was very weird, them being alive and back here. So much had happened...this is where Kevin died, where Dean had become a demon, and where they had both died in turn. There were just as many bad memories as there were good ones.

"I'll bring Chuck to the guest room." Sam said, looking to leave Dean and Cas alone.

"I'll make us something to eat." Dean sighed. "Hopefully there are some things can we salvage." he mumbled.

"I can go out and get us stuff." Castiel said. "It will only take me about a minute."

"Maybe later, take a rest." Dean clapped Cas' shoulders.

"I don't need rest." he mumbled.

Sam chuckled and put his hand on Chuck's shoulder, leading him upstairs. They walked along until they were out of ear shot and Chuck looked up at Sam.

"I mean, this is crazy right?" he murmured. "Being back here? I'm just a writer, what am I supposed to do for you guys."

"You were never just a writer, Chuck." Sam opened the door for him, watching him walk in. Chuck sat on the bed for a moment.

"I was always just a writer." he said softly. "I wasn't able to help you then and I can't do it now."

"You did help us." Sam frowned. "You just didn't know what you were capable of."

"I'm capable of nothing. Even in the future that was supposed to happen, I died."

"Well, you're not going to die this time." Sam said confidently. He paused, crossing his arms. "How did you...you know..."

"I didn't," Chuck said. "When you guys changed the future, I didn't really die, I just, seized to exist." he chuckled brokenly.

"Was it the angels?"

"Maybe." he shrugged. "Who knows?"

Sam smiled sadly. "Well you're here now, and that's what matters."

"Right." Chuck forced a smile, but it did not reach his eyes.


Of course Dean was happy to see Castiel. Heck, he was happy to see his brother and Chuck too. He was partially happy to be back on earth, but there was so much happening that Dean didn't understand how to voice his happiness. He knew how to voice disaster, or stress, but every time Dean thought he could be happy, something or someone took it away from him. That is why he kept so much in. It was just easier that way, to survive.

Dean hadn't even noticed Castiel flitter off to the grocery store and back in less than a minute. Dean thought he had gone to the bathroom, until he remembered that angels didn't need to relieve themselves of anything.

"I brought you pie." Castiel said, like he was holding out a peace offering.

"Thanks Cas." Dean meant it too, he was grateful. He was also holding a bunch of other groceries, which he helped Dean file away, all in a nice, comfortable silence.

"I'm sorry Dean." Castiel said softly.

"For what?" he said, breaking up some eggs. He knew it was well past breakfast, but man Dean was craving some eggs and bacon right now.

"For not coming to find you in heaven..." he was walking closer to Dean, invading his space, giving Dean that annoying fluttering feeling that always erupted in his stomach when Cas was near him. Dean hated it just as much as he liked it.

"Cas, really, it's okay." Dean said quietly, he didn't tell Cas that Dean's soul hadn't made it to heaven. If that made Cas feel better than that was good, he didn't need to make the angel even more sad than he already was. It hurt Dean seeing him when he woke up, looking like a man who had cancer. He had recovered instantly, but that image was in Dean's mind, eating him from the inside out.

"I should have found a way to get you back. I just sat there and let myself become nothing."

Dean snorted. "You could never be nothing, Cas." Because Cas was everything. "Look, let's not keep talking about this. It'll get us nowhere. I'm back now, you're with me, and nothing else really matters."

Cas smiled, it lit up his face gorgeously. God, those blue eyes made him want to die. "You're right, you and me and nothing else." he put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean winced, Cas' touch was fire to his skin, and it lit him up from his core to his head and all the way down to his fingertips.

"Well, and Sam and Chuck." he grinned, flipping over the bacon in the pan. He scowled when he noticed that it was burnt on the side. Cas made him forget these things, that food was being cooked, or that Dean was supposed to like women.

NO! He told himself. He could not find himself back here again, even after being brought back. Before Cas there had never been a doubt in his mind about women, I mean sure, he was a guy who had no problem voicing his opinion and men he found good looking, but he had never been attracted to a man before. Maybe it was like Brokeback Mountain (Dean only ever told Charlie that he had watched that movie), you know, a man who was straight or straight-ish, and just fell in love with a man. Love was love, Dean knew that. He had nothing against anyone who wasn't straight, because as long as they weren't hurting anyone, he didn't really care.

But maybe that's how it was for everyone. Maybe people weren't straight or gay or nothing at all or everything in between. Maybe people just fell in love with whoever spoke to their soul.

Jesus Christ, Dean rolled his eyes to himself. What the hell am I saying?

"Set the table for me?" he asked Cas, who obliged willingly.

Dean finished with the bacon and the eggs and made some toast for them all. He contemplated potatoes but figured it would be too out of his way and he was too tired to care. Honestly, it wasn't all too late in the day but he was ready to sleep for another year.

Mind, hell hadn't been a picnic.

Sam and Chuck came down the stairs, Chuck looking like he was close to a mental breakdown.

"Breakfast is ready." Dean put out his arms. "Or supper. Whatever. Breakfast for dinner."

Chuck smiled gratefully and sat down next to Cas. Dean sat at the head of the table while Sam sat next to him. "Looks great, Dean." Chuck said, picking up his fork and beginning to eat. "So, not to put a cloud of despair on this very weird day, but what are we supposed to do?"

"Eat." Dean pointed his fork at him. "And then sleep."

"But what about tomorrow?"

"We'll deal with that when it comes." Dean said. He smiled at Sam's look of surprise, Dean was not someone who went anywhere without a plan. "Today we need to rest, I think that's the most we can do for now."

"Today is over," Castiel said. "Tomorrow is coming soon. Lucifer is no longer resting easy now that you three are back."

Chuck put his head in his hands. "But I'm not a Winchester."

"But you were God's favorite." Cas said bluntly. "All four of us...his favorite prophet, his favorite brothers and..."

"His favorite angel?" Dean smiled at Cas. "Well as much as you guys know I love being a pawn in the game of heaven and hell, we're going to do exactly what we did last time. We're going to do things our own way. Tomorrow, we'll call down Gabriel and Balthazar and we'll get this party started."

Cas' eyebrows scrunched together. "I don't think this will be a party Dean."


Castiel figured that if tomorrow they could all die all over again, there were things that needed to be said now. He had watched a lot of movies about moments like these, but Castiel never really understood a lot of thing humans did. He had once had sex, and he had kissed women, but Dean was different. With those women Cas had used all action, but with Dean, he wanted to use his words. He wanted Dean to know how much he cared for him, because for someone like Dean, he needed words just as much as he needed action. Words were important to Dean.

"Dean?" he knocked on the open door of Dean's bedroom.

"Hey Cas." he pointed to the TV in his room. "Do you know Game of Thrones is still playing? I guess Lucifer didn't give the apocalypse exactly like he thought we would." his beautiful legs were crossed over each other.

"Lucifer wants to rule now, not destroy it." Castiel said, but he wasn't here to talk about Lucifer.

"That Jon Snow is such a badass." Dean said happily. He looked at Cas who was awkwardly standing in the doorway. "Are you going to come in or what?"

Castiel smiled and walked forward to Dean's bed, sitting on it carefully. Dean didn't seem to mind, he didn't move. Cas sat similarly to Dean, doing his best to relax, ignoring the way his heart was beating loudly against his chest.

He had to do it now, he had no choice. He could not go again for so many years being in love with a man who kept dying on him. Whatever time he had left with Dean, it had to count for something. Even if Dean didn't love him back, even if it broke Castiel, he had to say it, to give himself peace.

"Dean." he said softly, watching a sword on the TV plunging in the heart of some character that he didn't know, but Dean seemed relatively happy about it.

"What's the word Cas?"

"Dean," he breathed. "I lo−"

"DEAN!" Sam barged in, looking extremely worried.

"What's wrong?" Dean laughed at something weird one of the characters did.

"Chuck's gone."