A/N thank you so much for all the support, reviews, follows, and favorites they mean the world to me :) turns out there is a whole new world outside my comfort zone I didn't even know existed!
He couldn't sleep, his mind raced through the night from beginning to end and back again, over and over. Worries that if he did sleep he would fall too deeply kept all his senses in overdrive, fighting to be aware. And he was aware of her every breath and movement, the slightest motion or sound. He swore he could feel her thinking, he held her tighter trying to quiet himself. Willing himself to quiet the fear that he would miss something she needed. Willing himself to relax, knowing that if he was tense it would be harder for her to relax. Holding her, letting his body wrap around hers tightly, protectively, seemed like the only thing he could do now. Yet, it still didn't seem like enough.
She lay quietly in his arms. Her mind was no less active than his. Just like she could feel him think she was sure he could feel her. Then his large strong hand stretched out the palm of her hand. He began to rub slow gentle circles in the center of her palm. Rhythmic, constant, she felt herself start to get lost in those circles. Her body yielding to a force finally stronger than everything else the night had given her. It was Booth, she was yielding to his touch, his care, his . . . she hesitated at the thought of his love, but that is what it was that she felt, it had to be what was rolling off of him, what he was transferring to her in those small constant circles. She relaxed into him and finally he could relax into her.
He thought she was settling back restfully when he heard her sleepy voice break the silence, "Booth," she hesitated, "did you really love me?"
He never missed a beat, she felt his fingers continue their soft journey around her palm, "Yes, I have always loved you."
There was a long span of silence and then, "but how could you have loved me when we first met, you didn't know me?"
"I just did, Bones. I just always have since I saw you teaching that class." Still spooning, his words blew softly across her cheek, it almost tickled as he talked. There was a long pause. He waited for her to respond. It was a bold move on his part to be so honest, but he was tired and past hiding, he needed her to know, regardless of where it led them.
"And now?"
"Now? I love you more because I know you, because of all the things we have been through together." He took a deep breath, "I have found that I can't help but love you, even when I have tried not to." She understood what he was referring to and nodded.
"And Hannah is gone…" she hesitated, "You broke up with her?"
"I did."
"And you loved her too?" he could hear the confusion in her voice. Her question clearly came from an honest place. She was trying to understand something that was hard for her to understand, something she never really wanted to understand, emotions and relationships. Understanding them would put her too close to that line of vulnerability that she had been so carefully avoiding for so long.
"Not the same way that I love you," Booth's heart was pounding now so loudly it seemed to be taking over all his other senses. He couldn't help but wonder if she could hear it pound as loudly as he could. It was not lost on him how important this conversation was. The silence, the long breaks between her questions were disconcerting, they left him wondering what she was thinking, how she was processing what he said. She had a way of taking in information and processing it differently than anyone he knew. Many times he wondered how she came to the conclusions she came to from the information he gave her and had to go back over things to straighten out her thought process, especially where emotions and relationships were concerned.
"You love me…" there was a long pause and deep breath, "now?"
"Yes, right now and yesterday and tomorrow." He offered it all to her in the most truthful simple way he could.
Her breathing became awkward. He could tell she was struggling to hold back tears though he was pretty sure she would deny it if he asked. So he didn't ask, for the first time since before the conversation began he stopped the rhythmic circles that had been anchoring them. He carefully turned her so she was facing him; there they were a few stray tears working their way down her cheeks. He wiped them away and swept her hair from her face. Then lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes, "You are the one I love the most, Temperance. I'm not going to try and run from that anymore or pretend that anyone but you will work for me. I will be here for you as much as you will let me be, as a friend or more than a friend. I will wait as long as I have to until you are ready." He kissed her forehead so softly she barely felt his lips touch her skin.
She pulled herself into his chest and held on. This overwhelming feeling was safety, she thought, something she vaguely remembered from her early childhood with her parents. Something she had rarely felt since they left. Something she felt only with Booth, for the most part. This was the reason, although she couldn't have articulated it to save her life, that he was the one she called. It was the reason that he was the only one she would let near her or to touch her after such a traumatic experience. She knew it was hard on him, what she asked him to do for her, but she knew he would do it and that he would protect her above all else. "Thank you, Booth," was the last thing she said. It wasn't long before he felt her body relax into his completely. She slept, he followed her.
