Part 3
She didn't know how she'd ended up back in the car, but she had. Her breath caught in her throat, and it felt like her heart would explode in the confines of her chest. Here she was, sitting beside him again, so close, she could touch him if she wanted, and unable to even blink once.
OOOOOOOO
Now that he'd gotten her in his car again, he didn't know what to do. His mind hadn't planned that far ahead, for once.
OOOOOOOO
"So, now that I'm here, in your car, yet again, where do you plan on taking me for this conversation, Draco?" Her tone was dry and flat, and she crossed her arms in a "no-nonsense" way. Her eyes trained on his, Draco felt as if he were on display for her.
Draco didn't know how to answer her just yet, so he simply replied, "You'll just have to wait and see." He drew in a breath, holding it in his mouth, and then blew it out making a putting noise with his lips. He heard her giggle slightly and looked over. Raising an eyebrow, he cocked a slight grin and let a soft chuckle come out. She covered her mouth, trying not to laugh again, but couldn't keep it in. The noise and the look on his face was priceless, and she couldn't help but burst out laughing. "You think that's funny?" he mocked, still smiling. He raised his eyebrows up and down, and did the noise again. When she shook with her silent laughter, he let a huge grin plaster his face and burst out himself.
Neither paying attention to where they were going, they ended up outside of a book store. He moved his hand forwards in a showing gesture, and she shrugged and nodded. Both got out of the car and walked around to the front door, wondering how this would go. Draco opened the door for Hermione, and she nodded and walked in in front of him.
"Let's get a coffee first?" Hermione nodded again and he led her to the coffee shop in the back corner and he ordered two small black hazelnut coffees. When she gave him a funny look, he asked, "What, has your favourite changed?" She shook her head no and looked down at the floor.
She was certainly acting peculiar, he thought, but he supposed she had good reason. He would probably be acting strange in her position. He also realised he was doing a lot of leading today. He led her to his favourite purple velvet couch in the back behind a few shelves, and sat down on an end.
OOOOOOO
He'd remembered her favourite coffee? After ten years? This surprised her greatly. She didn't remember his favourites... did she? She'd think about that later. Right now, she had to remember all the reasons why she'd left him. Slowly he was growing on her again, and she couldn't let him back in her life.
Hermione followed Draco to the back of the bookstore and stopped at the comfy looking purple couch. It wasn't long enough to sit far away, and there were no chairs nearby. She didn't want to sit so close to him... she groaned inwardly and took her seat next to him, only six or so inches away from his thigh. She took a breath and the sweet scent of his cologne filled her nostrils. It was delicious, and nothing like muggle cologne. It was too potent. Must be wizard. She hoped he didn't notice her holding her breath, but she didn't care as much as she would have liked.
"This is a nice couch. I haven't been in here in ages. They um... they don't really like me coming in here by myself anymore." Hermione looked off to the side, ashamed of her accidental confession, and bit her bottom lip.
"Oh." Sensing her discomfort, he decided to do something to lighten the mood. "Well, I got kicked out of a muggle furniture shop the other day." He nodded his head with a straight face.
Hermione raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Really... you got kicked out of a muggle shop? What on earth did you do?" She tried to stifle her giggles, but it was starting to hurt her chest.
OOOOOOOO
"Oh, nothing much. I just fell asleep on one of the beds, trying to decide which one I liked better. I wasn't sure, so I took a nap. It was a mighty comfortable bed, that one, and I was having the most marvellous dream, until that bald bloke woke me up... stupid Americans. When will they learn not to wake a sleeping wizard? I hexed him to have horrible dreams the next few weeks. It was quite entertaining, really." He smiled at her, and was happy to see a huge smile plastering her face.
"Well, it sounds like you get into quite the mischief, still. I don't think I really miss bailing you out of trouble every day though, no, not missing that! Always some ridiculous tale of simply wanting to feel whether a dragon's hide was as tough as they say, or wanting to know what flavour a little girl's lollipop is, or asking a muggle lady if her beehive hairdo is really a beehive... boy, you came up with some interesting stuff..." Hermione turned her body to look him squarely, admiring the look of him not perfectly groomed. The rough, messy look almost made him look even better, like he wasn't afraid of anything.
"Ah, that day at the dragon sanctuary... good times, yes?" Draco smiled at his own idiocy, and rose his coffee under his nose. He closed his eyes and took a deep sniff, enjoying the deep nutty roast. "Ah..." He pursed his lips and sipped the steaming beverage, marvelling at the hot liquid slipping down his throat so effortlessly.
Hermione also sipped her coffee, smiling with her eyes, forgetting her woes. Amazing that a witch of her calibur wasn't noticing that little bit of calming drought Draco had slipped into her drink. "I can't believe you still remember my favourite coffee..." she whispered.
"Why wouldn't I? I remember everything important." When she was silent again for a minute, he realized this was an awkward thing to say. "Then again, it's my favourite as well, so obviously I would remember it."
"Draco, what are the chances of driving aimlessly and ending up in a certain place?" she asked.
"Well, it depends on the driver's mood, and why they are driving somewhere, I guess. I don't know... are you asking why I chose this bookstore? Because really, I don't know. I just looked up and it was in front of me, and so it was obvious this was the place to go." Draco took another sip of his coffee and watched her face wearily. She seemed to be doubting something.
"Well, Draco, I guess everything happens for a reason, as they say. I believe we were meant to choose this bookstore. I mean, think of everything that happened in bookstores... particularly that fight between Arthur and your father..." Hermione sighed and looked into the deep brown depths of the cup before her. "You know..." she started, but decided against it. "Draco, tell me, what sort of things are you into now? What is going on in your life? How does the great Draco Malfoy, possibly the most stuck up, pretentious, self-absorbed pureblood of our generation, live almost strictly muggle?" She raised an eyebrow and grinned at him impishly.
"Ha, me? Pretentious? Stuck-up? Self absorbed? I believe you've got me mixed up with someone else, miss, because I haven't been any of those things for quite some time. But, I suppose I can answer the first part of your question. And maybe the second half of your second question. Well, for the last three years, I have lived in muggle New York. I don't really like the city much... I tend to stick to the towns more... Anything wizardry I need, I have Zabini ship wizard first class, since the few shops around here are not very good. I live in a quaint two bedroom bungalow by the river, with an amazing view. I've got my eagle owl, which is quite the little bitch I must say... she's got a horrible habit of nipping particularly hard if you forget her treats... anyway, I've also got a pretty white cat named Lilly which my mother gave me a few Christmases ago.
I work around a fair bit. For a while I was managing a well known restaurant, but soon decided that that wasn't for me. Then for a few months I worked as a personal shopper in a men's outfitter, and while that was... interesting, and mildly entertaining, it also wasn't for me. Then," he stifled a giggle at this, "one day at the mall, I was approached by a woman, asking me if I'd like to be a model. I laughed and laughed at her, but when I saw that she was serious, I told her I'd think about it and get back to her. I took a pamphlet and researched the company, knowing of many cases of people throwing away hundreds of dollars thinking these things were real and then finding them to be scams, but this place seemed to be legitimate. So I called them up, asked for the woman I'd spoken to, and she set up an appointment right away. Now, if you can believe it, I'm modeling for a hair gel commercial," he saw the grin forming on her lips, so he held up a finger. "Don't say it! Anyway, a hair gel commercial, a sunscreen add, a razor commercial, and I was even asked to do a commercial for the same men's outfitters that I had worked for. I've yet to reply to them, but I think I'm going to take it. I don't think it'll be anything really long term, but it's quite fun. It also brings in much un-needed money... seeing as how my father still sends me large, ridiculous sums on a regular basis.
Anyway, other than the last three years in New York, for the seven or so years before that, I did a lot of travelling. For the first year, I stayed in London, but I sold the house and moved in with my parents. I know, strange, but that was what I felt most comfortable with at the time. I didn't do much of anything. I didn't visit, and wouldn't talk to any of my friends. After a year of misery with my parents, though, I decided it was time to do some much needed soul searching. I traveled all over Europe. All over Italy, Greece, Spain, France, Germany, Switzerland... you name it, I was probably there. I did a lot of healing out there, not to mention changing my life indescribably. I started running, and then lifting waits, eating healthier, I developed a passion for horses, I learned French, I made great friends with an Italian gentleman who just happened to have a sweet tooth for chocolate frogs, and I learned how to make a perfect lasagna." He smiled at this and took another swig of his coffee, revelling in some of the happy memories he'd had over the years.
OOOOOOOO
Like she'd read his mind, Hermione said "Well, Draco, it seems as if you did find your own brand of happiness. The kind you can have without someone else. The kind that is true and genuine, and cannot be replaced." She frowned and ran her hand through her hair. She hadn't meant to say it so harshly, but that was how it came out.
"Well, Draco, it seems as if you did find your own brand of happiness. The kind you can have without someone else. The kind that is true and genuine, and cannot be replaced." Had she read his mind? And why had she said it in such a nasty tone? Perhaps, he thought, she was uncomfortable hearing about how happy he was? Or maybe she thought he'd been happier without her, or that he didn't need her. He couldn't understand either way.
"I guess so, but I still miss the company of others all the time, you know. There's nothing like a deep conversation over a steak dinner, or holding hands in a cinema, opening Christmas gifts with friends and family; helping a friend run around downtown trying to find the perfect outfit for a big date; cuddling in front of the television on a cold night; reminiscing over a cup of delicious coffee... there is no substitute for the love you receive from human beings. None. If I didn't have people in my life, I don't know what I'd do." Keeping his eyes on hers, he took a long gulp of his coffee and set the cup down on the table in front of them.
Hermione broke the stare and looked at the store around them. She sighed, and took a sip of her coffee. Shifting her leg slightly, she felt the hot velvet rub her thigh in a most pleasant way. A shiver ran down her spine, and suddenly an image of Draco running his fingertips down her stomach in a completely erotic way flashed in front of her eyes, causing her to gasp. She shook her head, trying to shake the image away like it were an Etch-A-Sketch, but another one, one of her kissing his neck, and the look on his face... Hermione closed her eyes, hoping to cloud from Draco what was happening.
"What's wrong, Hermione?" She knew he would ask, but she just shook her head and said "Nothing" like people just did that for no reason. "What's it like? What's it like, Draco, still having everything you could possibly want and more? For anything you desire to be handed to you on a silver platter?" She knew what she was saying wasn't true, that he hated all of that, and that that wasn't the way he lived, but she wanted to see how he would defend himself.
"Hermione, you know that's all horse shit. I work for everything I want. I pay for everything I own, everywhere I go, everything I do. I haven't had house elves since I lived with my parents- I cook my own meals and clean my own house. I wash and iron my clothes, and I even do my own little bit of gardening. I don't want things just given to me. I want to deserve everything I have, I want to come about it properly, like the rest of the world does. Like I said earlier, I live very nearly muggle, Hermione. What the muggles do, I do. Nothing is given to me on a silver platter as you so bluntly put it, and you know that. For fifteen years that is how it has worked. Now, seriously, tell me Hermione, what the hell is all this about? Are you deliberately trying to put me down? Or are you trying to make me angry so I will leave you alone?" He glared at her, and she looked away guiltily. "I guess I'll go with the second one then." He looked down at his lap and shook his head, sighed, and ran both hands through his dishevelled hair.
"Honestly, Hermione, I wish we could at least have a conversation. Maybe the connection we had is lost, and I think I could be ok with that if I had to be, but this just seems to amazing to be a coincidence. I mean, think about it. I've been living in New York for three years, and you've been living here...what..."
"Ten years."
"Right. You've been here for ten years, and I've been here for three, and we are only now meeting? Really, I think that it is meant that we at least have a decent, real conversation. I don't understand why you are so resistant to me, even just being close to me makes you cringe! I don't know what happened to make you fall out of love with me, and frankly if this is the way you are going to act and treat me now, then maybe I don't want to know. I thought, that maybe, just maybe, we could at least stand on some sort of positive ground, but I guess not."
Draco stood, enraged, his face bright red and his eyes slits. Hermione hadn't seen him look like this in over fifteen years. Suddenly her heart was racing. She realized he was terrifying her, and from the look on her face, he also saw what he was doing to her. His face softened instantly, he took a deep breath, and wrung his hands in front of him.
"Oh, I'm sorry..." He sighed again and sat on the couch, grabbed the coffee, and finished off the rest of the cup.
Hermione smoothed out her skirt and looked Draco right in the eyes, keeping the contact this time, licked her lips, and tried to find the right words for how she was feeling. "Draco, I... see... well..." she took another deep breath, "Draco, I'm sorry. I know I just said things I shouldn't have. I guess, maybe... I think I've been trying to justify this for ten years and it just isn't working. I think I'm trying to give myself reasons for why I had to leave you, but none of them seem to be solid. I know why I did, and when I analyze it over and over, it seems like a ridiculous reason to have left. To have left you, and the life we were going to have, my parents, Harry and Ginny and Ron, the amazing house we had, my fabulous job, oh... I don't know. And the thing is, I was trying so, so, so hard to get over you, and really, it only even started a few months ago. And now... now, you're here, and you're living and breathing and talking, and... and you're drinking coffee with me! It's like, after all those years, and the progress I was finally making, it is like it's all gone down the tubes. Everything that I worked for is gone. I used to have everything, and now I have nothing, and I was almost used to it. Almost." She saw that Draco was about to speak, so she shook her head no and continued. "I don't know that I'm ready for this. I think today, these two meetings... I think it's completely left me off guard. I feel like I might, as you've already seen, say something untrue and that I don't really mean. I think that perhaps, if we were to meet again, I could be prepared and handle it, but not now. I think with just this, saying what I am now, I'm saying more than I should, really. It's as if I have these walls, and although I don't want them there, they are. Maybe, if you gave me your number, if I were ever ready to have this discussion with you, when we were both really ready, because I can see that right now you aren't ready either, maybe if I decided to talk with you again I would call you..."
"Oh, Hermione, of course." Draco pulled a pen out of his pocket and ripped a piece off of the paper coffee cup and wrote his address and number on it and put it in her open hand. "You call me any time. I can drop everything in a matter of minutes if I need to, and trust me, you are worthy of dropping everything. And please, if you ever need help, or money, or just... someone to talk to, give me a call. Please." The look in his eyes was like a puppy, and Hermione suddenly felt like she owed him. She nodded her head solemnly and stood to leave. "Oh! Would you, um, like a drive home or something? Or... to where ever it you were heading?"
"Um, no, that's alright. Thanks." She shook her head and turned away, lips locked, trying to keep the tears at bay until she was far, far away.
