It has been a month since Tris passed away. I was numb for weeks, but I have started to feel again.
For Miracle I have pulled myself out of this rut. I have to be the father she needs. She does not deserve to be without a father or to have a father like Marcus. I will never be like Marcus.
I still have not told anyone else that I have a daughter. Her condition is to fragile for anyone to visit her. I have not even held Miracle yet.
I barely leave her room, so today, Dr. Taylor forced me to take a breather. She told me that if I did not leave the hospital and socialize for a while, she would send me to a mental institution.
After lunch, I found a secluded bench to sit on outside.
"Hey." I hear.
The voice is soft and filled with empathy. I know it is Christina. Out of all Tris's friends, Christina is taking Tris's death the hardest.
I only nod.
She sits beside me for a while before speaking. "Look Four, I know you have been taking this hard, and you have every right too, but Tris would not want us to be like this."
"Like what?" I ask.
"She wouldn't want us moping around. As hard as it is, we have to move on." Christina is choking on her own words. Obviously, this is easy for no one.
I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand and tell her, "Christina, there are some things that I need to deal with myself."
She sighs and walks back inside.
I suppose she thinks I was just rewording leave me alone. The truth is that I do need to sort things out for myself. I am all my little girl has.
It has been five months since Tris passed away, and Dr. Taylor has finally given Miracle the ok four hours at a time to come out of the box that separates us.
Currently, Miracle resides in my arms.
"Hello, Miracle." I say softly. "I love you. Your mommy would have loved you too, so much."
She gurgled. I am taking that as an understanding.
I brush my thumb over her forehead.
When I go to do it again, she reaches up and grabs my finger. "Hey sweetie." Tightening her grip on my finger, Miracle gives me a toothless grin. I smile, and gently rub the back of her hand.
Lifting her up, I place a kiss to her the top of her head. "That's my girl."
Within ten minuets, she is sound asleep.
Everyone has moved back into Chicago now, except me. They let me be one of the first to choose a new apartment. I did, but I have not been there once
Every free moment I get is spent with Miracle. I just started exercising again a few weeks ago. Let's just say, I need to get back in shape.
Miracle is nine months old now. Dr. Taylor released her from the hospital yesterday, but she has to go back for a checkup every other day. That is fine with me because I finally have my daughter. Plus, she had several medical scares, so I am glad we are monitoring her condition.
I did not even attempt to place her in her crib last night. She slept on my chest, but I did not get much sleep because I was watching her throughout the night to make sure she was ok.
Feeding her a bottle, I admire every aspect of her.
Of corse, Miracle is extremely small for her age. She is only the size of a newborn, but she is alert. I love how she even tries to grip the bottle with her own hands.
She reminds me of Tris every time she looks at me with her mother's eyes. I also think Miracle would have been small even if she had not been premature. I think she took after Tris as far as that goes.
I brush my hand over her now thick head of hair. That is one thing that looks like me. Miracle's rich dark brown hair suits her well. I can only imagine when it gets longer. I am sure her wide curls will later turn into waves.
She also inherited my long eyelashes that I did not even realize until I looked in the mirror the other day, and I realized that Miracle has them too. I do not know where her round nose came from, but it sure is cute. Everything about her is adorable.
After she finishes eating, I burp her and lay her in her crib.
I hate leaving her alone even for a second, but I walk off into the bathroom that is attached to the living quarters I was given during my time at the Bureau. I leave the door open just in case, so I can keep an eye on Miracle.
I rinse out her bottle and leave it upside down on a napkin on the counter.
Hearing the door open and a gasp, I rush into the room with Miracle. Fortunately, who I find is not a threat. Unfortunately, now I have to explain why there is a baby in my room to Christina.
