EPOV
If Jasper could feel my emotions now, I don't know what he would classify them.
Grateful, I thought at first. She's alive.
Shock.
Anguish.
Loathe. Not of Bella, of course, but the mutt. Of all the peop- no, creatures to be keeping company with.
Keeping company with in her bed. I shuddered at the thought.
How could I be mad at Bella though? I had been gone for months. It wasn't, shouldn't be her fault. It was mine.
"Edward," Alice said, breaking me out of my trance, "I am going back to the house. You need to talk to Bella."
I just stared. "How? Obviously there is someone else that has taken my place."
Alice hit me across the head.
"No you idiot!" She yelled in a whisper. "She loves you but she had to find...something! She needed someone and he was there but he was never anything compared to you. Trust me."
I breathed out slowly.
I see Charlie staying at the police station until late and then going over to Sue Clearwater's to help with the funeral. I am going home. You stay the night with Bella.
I nodded and headed up stairs.
BPOV
I'm not sure how long I layed in my tears, but eventually there was a knock on the door.
"Can I come in?" Edward asked timidly. Edward was never timid.
I stayed silent. I couldn't bare to see him, to let him see me.
"Bella, please," He pleaded. The way he talked, it was as if I hadn't just done something horribly terribly wrong.
"Yes," I mumbled quietly. I didn't realize how the sobs were still shaking in my chest.
I heard my door open but didn't hear anything more until I heard my bed spring squeak slightly. I felt his arms around me in the next moment.
"Shh, Bella. It's okay." He murmured into my hair.
"No," I tried to yell but it sounded pathetic even to my ears, "It's not. Nothing is right!" I gained more steam and got up. I looked around the room and smelled the woodsy scent of Jacob again. I saw the sheets. I swear I could feel it even on my skin.
The screaming started again.
"Come on, let's go downstairs. I know you don't want to be in this room right now."
I don't know if I nodded or not; I was numb. I do know I tried to get up but Edward's arms came around me and carried me down stairs. It made me hate myself even more. The feeling of my practically naked body against him, having him carry me, this is what I wanted. Edward was supposed to be the first.
My chest started to writhe with sobs again.
Edward put me on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me. For a second he disappeared and then he came back with a glass of water.
He handed me the glass and looked at me. "This is my fault." He spoke very calmly.
I was stunned. "Damn it, Edward! Not everything is your fault!"
"If I hadn't left, you wouldn't have felt the need-"
"It doesn't matter now though, does it?"
"I will never forgive myself for leaving. I love you more than anything, Bella." His eyes were pleading, asking for forgiveness.
I crawled across the couch and into his arms and sobbed. "I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't right. I never stopped loving you.." I started mumbling and rambling, explaining how I had missed him, the voices, the recklessness. The epitome of recklessness is what just happened though.
I just had sex with Jacob Black.
The idea was still foreign to me. I was never seductive, I couldn't flirt to save my life. And somehow, I found myself in bed with him, losing my virginity to him, writhing and contorting and moving with his body in ways that I didn't think were possible. No, I knew they were possible. Just not with him. I wanted them with someone else.
I looked up at Edward with pleading eyes. "Please forgive me, I wish it were you."
That made him take in a breath. "Bella, it's not-"
I closed my eyes. "I know. It's dangerous." I said barely in a whisper.
He then did something that surprised me. He took his hands and put them around my face.
"Bella, I love you more than anything. But first, you need to sort things out with Jacob."
I sniffed. "That will never happen. He will never listen to me."
"That may be true," He resigned, "but at least you know you tried. And one more thing,"
And then he crushed his lips to mine. In a fury that I couldn't explain. It was like nothing that I had every experienced, even with him before. His kisses were more urgent, more needy.
"I have lived without you, and now for almost twenty four hours thinking you were dead. I can't bare to let that ever happen again. Please say that you will be with me."
I looked up at him, and stared into his eyes. "There was never any need to ask."
I kissed him again and let my tongue dance lightly against his lips. What shocked me is when he opened his mouth and put his tongue into mine. It was nothing like how being with Jacob was. It was more. Much, much more.
He pulled away.
"Can I ask you something?" He started.
"Okay?" I asked, slightly confused.
"Will you marry me?"
I stopped dead.
"I already want you forever, isn't that enough?"
He smirked.
"Becoming a vampire wins out over marriage? I think not, Bella."
I thought about it. After the events of the day, I knew Edward was the only person I would want forever. But marriage?
"It's just, Edward-"
"I'll change you myself." He said solemnly.
I contemplated this. It was an offer beyond my dreams. I sat up a little straighter and a little further away to help me think straighter.
"Edward, Renee raised me to ward off young marriages. It kinda screwed things up majorly for her and Charlie. But I love you. More than life. I want to be with you forever. So I guess you can call that a yes."
He smiled and pulled me to his chest, then he seemed to remember that I was barely clothed.
"Why don't you put some, er, clothes on and- damn it!"
"What?" He looked so alarmed and I quickly became concerned.
"I was going to say we can talk more but Alice is coming back."
Alice. She would hate me.
"No, she doesn't hate you." Edward chuckled.
"I thought you couldn't read my mind?" I questioned.
"No, but your face is as easy to read as ever. Apparently, she is bringing the rest." He shot a wearied glance at me.
I started freaking out.
"No! I can't let them all hate me. And my room!" Edward silenced my rant with a kiss.
"I will help you. Come on let's get everything cleaned up."
My mission was simple: get dressed. He was taking care of getting my room looking somewhat presentable. Not that they would be there but you could never be positive. And Alice did know what happened..
I felt cool arms around me.
"They're here."
