You Don't See It
Chapter 3
Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me. No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use.
Maura spent the day getting ready for the evening, putting more care and attention into it than any other recent date. When she arrived home after leaving Jane's apartment, she decided to take a long bath, something she rarely allowed herself to indulge in. She lay in the bathtub covered in lavender and chamomile scented bubbles. She thought about waking up that morning in Jane's arms. Normally Maura wasn't really a cuddler. She felt awkward with most physical displays of affection. But that morning it felt natural and right. And it seemed like the strongest evidence yet of Jane's feelings.
Maura thought about Jane's kiss to her shoulder. Jane's lips hadn't even made contact with Maura's skin, but the feeling of Jane's hot breath and lips pressing against her, even through the cotton t-shirt, had been seared in Maura's memory. Thinking about it sent a jolt of pleasure through her body and she couldn't deny that it was arousing. Maura considered touching herself, but it didn't feel right, knowing she would be thinking about Jane, and she decided she could enjoy this excited hum throughout her body a little longer.
Maura spent the afternoon shopping. She wanted to wear a new dress that evening. It was an unseasonably warm and sunny March day and Maura enjoyed every moment of it as she walked up and down Newbury Street visiting her favorite boutiques. She eventually decided on a burgundy and white patterned dress with cap sleeves. Then it was time to go home and get ready.
At 5:45 Maura knocked on Jane's door.
"You're early," Jane said as she opened the door.
"You look ready to go, though," Maura said.
"I am. Because you're always early. So, am I dressed acceptably to accompany you?" Jane asked, posing awkwardly.
Maura looked Jane up and down, taking in nicely tailored gray wool crepe pants and a dark blue sleeveless blouse. "Are those new clothes?" Maura asked.
"Yeah, I uh, went shopping today?"
"Without me?"
"Yes, but it made Ma very, very happy that I agreed to go shopping with her. But, uh, do I look okay?"
"You look relaxed and comfortable. You look great, really great."
Jane suddenly cleared her throat and turned away to grab her jacket. "Should we get going?"
"Jane? Aren't you going to tell me how I look?" Maura asked and spun in a circle when Jane turned back to look at her.
"You look gorgeous. You always look gorgeous."
Maura blushed despite herself. "Thank you. We should go."
The fundraising event took place at the EMC Club at Fenway Park, an exclusive seating area with a restaurant and several bars, directly above home plate, that was also available for private events when games weren't being played. They ate dinner and then Maura left Jane on her own, saying that as a major donor she needed to make the rounds.
Maura found Jane outside the floor to ceiling windows of the club sitting in the EMC seats that had arguably the best view of the field in Fenway Park. "Are you having a good time?" Maura asked.
"Yeah. I was just thinking I haven't been to a Red Sox game in a long time. I used to go all the time."
"We should go to a game this year. I've never been."
Maura expected a sarcastic remark about never having gone to a baseball game, but instead Jane said, "When I was a kid Pop used to take us each to a game every year. Me, Frankie, and Tommy, we each got our own game to go to. It was our special day with Pop."
"That sounds really nice," Maura said softly.
Jane nodded. "Yeah, we should go to a game. That's a good idea." After a few moments of comfortable silence, Jane said "How are you doing?"
"I'm good. I think my social obligations have been fulfilled. Will you come dance with me?"
Jane raised her eyebrows and said, "Seriously?"
"Yes," Maura replied smiling.
"I don't know how to dance like that," Jane said indicating the couples dancing in front of the string quartet in perfect ballroom form.
"It's easy. I'll show you." Maura took Jane's hand and pulled her back inside and to the dance floor. "Hold your left hand up," she said. Jane did and Maura put her right hand into Jane's upheld hand. "Put your right hand on my back, just below my shoulder blade." Jane did and Maura maneuvered Jane's arm so her elbow was sticking out, making her arm horizontal to the floor. Maura then put her left hand on Jane's shoulder. "This is more or less the basic form. Now just follow my feet."
After several minutes of awkward dancing with several near misses involving Jane almost stepping on Maura's feet, Jane said, "This is not easy."
"Sorry, we can stop," Maura said and started to pull away, but Jane held on.
"I didn't say we should stop, but maybe we can be a little less formal about this." Jane dropped her elbow and moved her hand lower on Maura's back and pulled her closer."
"Now what?" Maura asked.
"Just relax. You're so stiff," Jane said.
Maura hesitated. She thought she was about to cross a line that might change everything. But she couldn't stop herself. She'd felt an undeniable pull towards Jane since she arrived at Jane's apartment earlier that night. And the physical reactions she was feeling now to being in Jane's arms couldn't be denied. All of the evidence was pointing towards one conclusion. Maura let go and relaxed in Jane's arms. She rested her cheek on Jane's shoulder and closed her eyes as they gently swayed to the music.
Maura believed she'd made all of her conclusions and now she was ready to take the next step. But then doubts started to invade her thoughts. Why hadn't Jane ever said anything? Why didn't she see all of this before?
Maura pulled back and Jane immediately said, "What's wrong?"
"Can we leave?" Maura asked.
"Of course," Jane replied and immediately headed towards the exit. Maura had to stop to say goodbye to a few people on their way out, but soon they were outside and Maura handed Jane her keys to drive them back to Jane's apartment.
When they arrived at Jane's building, Jane said, "It's still early. Do you wanna come up?"
Maura nodded, "Yes."
Once inside the apartment, Jane said, "Can I get you a drink?"
Maura didn't answer, instead saying "Jane, I need to ask you something."
Jane looked concerned and said, "What is it?"
"How long?" Maura asked.
"How long what?"
"How long..." Maura took a deep breath. "How long have you been in love with me?"
Jane didn't break eye contact but was silent for so long Maura thought she wasn't going to answer her, but finally Jane said, "Forever."
Maura turned away as she felt her eyes water and the tears start to fall. She moved to sit on the couch and leaned forward holding her head in her hands.
Jane was immediately crouched in front of her saying, "Hey, it's okay. Why are you crying?"
Maura sat up and tried to wipe away the tears. "I knew how you felt but I didn't know I was going to react this way when you confirmed it. It's just, do you know it makes me feel to know you've been hiding this from me? Or maybe I'm upset because I've been too stupid to see it, because apparently everyone else could see it."
"What? Did someone say something to you?" Jane asked with a hint of anger in her voice.
"It doesn't matter. You should have said something to me," Maura said sharply.
Jane got up from the floor and took a seat at the other end of the couch. "Why should I have said something? So you could let me down gently? Tell me you don't think of me that way, but I'm still your best friend and nothing will change that? Like you'd be doing me a favor, helping me move on?"
Maura was somewhat taken aback by the anger and bitterness in Jane's voice. "How do you know that's what I would have said? You haven't given me a chance," she said.
"I've thought about telling you, god, like a million times. But I just couldn't stand the thought of you pitying me. That would be unbearable. To tell you I loved you and not only find out that you didn't feel the same, but then to have you feel sorry for me after that. I wouldn't be able to stand that." After a minute of silence Jane said, "So tonight was what, like a test? You've been acting different."
Maura could only nod.
"For you or for me?" Jane asked.
"It was a test for me. I didn't think it through enough though. I didn't consider how you would feel if you realized what I was doing. It was selfish and foolish. When did you figure it out?"
"I don't know, pretty early on. I actually didn't care. I figured we could do this fake date and no matter what I would have one really great night and know what it felt like."
"Why would you set your sights so low?" Maura asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Jane, you are an amazing person. Why wouldn't you expect more for yourself? Why wouldn't you expect to be loved?"
"Maura, don't patronize me and don't tell me how I should feel," Jane said and stood up and moved into the kitchen.
Maura jumped up too and followed Jane to the kitchen. "Damnit Jane, I'm trying to tell you how I feel."
When Jane looked back at her, Maura saw that she was fighting back tears. Maura didn't think anymore and just acted. She moved quickly, putting a hand against Jane's cheek and the pressing her lips to Jane's lips.
Jane initially kissed her back, putting her hands around Maura's back and pulling her closer. But then Jane moved her hands to Maura's shoulders and pushed Maura back. "Is this a test too?" Jane asked, her voice so deep it almost sounded like a growl.
"This isn't a test," Maura said, stepping forward again so her body was pressed against Jane. "This is me telling you how I feel about you. I love you too, Jane. I love you too," Maura said and kissed Jane again. This time Jane didn't stop her.
