The One where Everyone Turns 50
"Where is Clint?"
"He traded missions with me. I mentioned how I've never been to one of Phil's parties before so he suggested it," Steve explained, before plunking along on the guitar he'd bought up from his floor to Tony's penthouse where the party was being held. "He left with Sam two days ago."
Steve wasn't big on parties so he was able to convince Tony to just have a dinner party for his birthday three days before. He looked down at the acoustic instrument and tried to remember the placement of the chords.
"I didn't know you played," Bruce spoke.
"Clint's been teaching me. You should hear him play piano. He's really swell," Steve said with a smile. Sam had promised to show him some moves as well.
Tony laughed at Steve's word usage before turning it into a cough. Then, he caught sight of another party guest and made his way into the kitchen.
"No talking to Parker tonight, Stark. I mean it. I don't like your influence on him," Phil said without pausing in his duties. He was making up more party platters so they looked perfect although Tony wasn't sure why he bothered. The adults just wanted booze and the teenagers didn't seem to care what they were eating.
"Who do you think I'm hiding from here?" Tony asked before opening a beer. "I make one suit for the kid and he thinks we're best bros or something."
"Tell me about it. Blake opened his big mouth about the party tonight right in front of him. Now, I have five teenagers at my 50th birthday party," Phil complained. Tony took a large gulp and narrowed his eyes.
"Is that why May isn't here?" Tony asked.
"We aren't exclusive, just whenever our schedules permit-"
"So, you're more like fuck buddies?" Tony asked which caused Phil to give him a death glare.
"Are we having a moment?" he asked and Phil groaned. "So, 50...we should have bought the Over the Hill decorations."
"And you're just nine years away yourself, Tony," Phil reminded him and Tony frowned. "Here, make yourself useful."
He stuck a platter into Tony's right hand and gestured to the door.
Pepper saw Tony relegated to snack duty and smiled. Then, she spied Natasha and hurried over to her.
"I'm not staying. Phil is texting me when it's time for presents. Otherwise, I'll be downstairs, studying," Natasha spoke, stealing a sandwich.
"I just have to talk to someone and I didn't want to bug Phil about it," Pepper spoke. Natasha nodded. "Follow me."
Pepper followed her onto her floor which was neat and tidy and revealed nothing personal about the occupant.
"You've never been here before," Natasha stated.
"No, we tried to design all the floors with their occupant in mind but then, everyone has different finishing touches," Pepper said, noticing Natasha turning papers over so Pepper couldn't read them.
"So, what is it?" Natasha asked.
"It's something that Tony doesn't know about," Pepper started.
"You're not pregnant, are you?" Natasha asked.
"No, no, oh God no. Can you even picture that? Tony couldn't handle that at all," Pepper said, shaking her head.
"Barton's made me hold the baby twice. I keep thinking that I'll drop it. I don't want to be the one to break his kid," Natasha complained.
"I think it's something you have to practice at with experience," Pepper spoke.
"Really?" Natasha asked.
"I don't know. It's what they say," Pepper said with a shrug. "Clint doesn't seem too bad at it now though. No, my parents died a few years ago. I went through everything important, made arrangements but it wasn't until now that I went through the rest of it and I found adoption papers...for me."
"No idea?" Natasha asked.
"None. I was floored. I thought I was their kid. I still am. They raised me but..." Pepper paused before continuing, "I can't help wondering where I really came from."
"You know Stark Industries could easily do this?" Natasha asked.
"And then it would become a project and a thing and Tony wouldn't rest until I had met every third-cousin. I don't want that," Pepper explained and Natasha nodded.
"SHIELD has one of the largest DNA databases in the world. I could look for you without letting anyone else know," Natasha offered. It was what Pepper was hoping for.
"I'm not ready yet, but thank you," she said before Natasha's phone chirped.
"Present time," Natasha spoke without even checking it and they headed upstairs in time to see the beginning of a possible incident.
"Peter, I notice you and your friends are not having the beer. We must be festive. I will bring you some!" said Thor. The five teenagers cheered before Maria Hill grabbed the man's arm.
"They aren't allowed to have beer," she told him.
"I don't understand. Is it an allergy? A special brew?" Thor asked.
"We have laws against teenagers drinking," Maria spoke.
"Laws? Nonsense, I started drinking as a child," Thor spoke and undid her grasp.
"Phil, time for presents!" Bruce screamed before there could be an incident. Phil was made to sit down on the couch and Natasha cringed as Tony produced a black birthday hat to wear. Phil mouthed something that was definitely a threat. The first few presents were the usual books and gift certificates. Then...
"New Springsteen! Thanks, Pepper, I hadn't picked this one up yet!" Phil yelled and she smiled.
"I can't wait for tomorrow," Pepper whispered to Natasha before Tony could be in earshot. However, Peter Parker got to them first. Natasha slipped away, closer to Steve.
"Pepper Potts! I've always wanted to meet you. Tony's right hand man, so to speak. Principal Coulson sure liked your gift," Peter spoke. "Did you two go out?"
Pepper was going to settle for an eye roll but she started laughing instead. The fact that there was some truth to that question would never be admitted to a high school student.
"What?" Peter asked.
"You're just...very, very young," she said and started laughing again before composing herself again. "Excuse me."
Tony took her hand but she was afraid that Peter would still follow them so steered them to sit beside Phil. He gave her a look as he took a gift bag off the floor.
"Barton," he read off the tag even though Pepper could see that it said Clint. He reached inside and pulled out a record that looked brand new, Frampton Comes Alive!
"Wow," he spoke and Pepper had only seen him this speechless once before. She put a hand on Phil's knee, enjoying the expression on Peter's face.
"Uh...I can't believe he remembered. It was last summer, at least. I mentioned how my first concert had been one of the concerts recorded for this. I can't believe he remembered," Phil rambled.
"Those aren't cheap either," Tony pointed out. "It's a mint condition original."
"Can you really be that surprised? Remember when he fell in love with Drew and bought her that ridiculous crystal spider?" Sitwell asked and the whole room grew quiet.
"What?" Phil asked.
"Oh," Sitwell said and seemed to realize the entire room was looking between him and Phil. "You mean you didn't know?"
"What was I supposed to know?" Phil asked even though Pepper could tell the truth was dawning on him.
"Well, I mean...I thought you knew...you know everything and everyone else knew. Barton's been in love with you since you went through training together," Sitwell explained and Pepper winced. There were winces and groans throughout the room except for Peter asking, "Hawkeye's gay? Wait, that can't be right."
"And everyone knew," Phil spoke, already knowing the answer. "Everyone but me?"
"Even Fury knew about it," Sitwell confirmed before being grabbed by Maria.
"Agent Sitwell, I think we should have a talk in the kitchen," Maria said as they disappeared from sight. Embarrassed junior agents began gathering up their coats and belongings to leave. Natasha hurried to Phil and Steve followed.
"I didn't know," Steve assured everyone. The girl in Peter's group turned to them and suggested they should leave.
"I...I think I want some air," Phil announced and walked onto the landing platform. Natasha walked after him.
Natasha glanced behind but no one had followed them.
"Phil," Natasha spoke and he turned around.
"Since training?" Phil asked.
"That's what they say. I hadn't joined yet," Natasha spoke.
"Well, of course you hadn't, that was TEN years ago and he never said anything," Phil stated, crossing his arms again.
"Clint never says anything, you know that," Natasha spoke. Phil walked over to the railing and grabbed it. "Do you love him?"
"Yes, I love both of you. The question is, Am I IN love with him?" Phil asked, "And that's a question I've never considered."
Phil rubbed his face with his hands.
"Why did it have to be now?"
"Because this is when he gave you the record and Sitwell couldn't keep his mouth shut?" Natasha suggested, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work.
"That's true. If he didn't tell me himself, does it even count? Maybe I should just pretend none of it happened," Phil spoke, thinking aloud.
"Is that what you really want?" she asked. "I have to join him on the mission in six hours."
"I'm aware," Phil spat. He took a deep breath and let it go. "Don't say anything to him. If he doesn't want to act on it, I won't either."
She waited for a nod.
"Okay," she agreed.
"Isn't Principal Coulson like way older than Hawkeye?" Peter was heard asking as the teenagers left. Tony rolled his eyes. Pepper laughed.
"Ten years apart really isn't that much," she commented. Tony shrugged.
"He's a fifteen year old. Everything is old to him," he said.
"Boy, Sitwell really did it this time, he would have been better off as a mime," Steve sang, strumming the guitar. Everyone looked at him. "No? Not a moment for singing?"
"After the wedding and all, I really hoped this would go better especially with turning fifty and everything," said Bruce.
"I loved turning fifty. We went on a drinking tour of all nine realms. Then, for Loki's birthday, we did the same but we interfered too much with mortals. Loki and I were never sure which of us fathered Harald so father banned us from Midgard for a millennium," Thor explained. Pepper couldn't help gasping.
"Harald Hardrada?" she asked and Thor nodded.
"And for those of us who weren't art history majors?" Tony asked. Sometimes, it was so frustrating to be surrounded by brilliant scientists who knew very little outside their field and hobbies.
"Double majored," Pepper corrected. "1015 AD was when Norway banned Viking Berserkers because the last two years had been especially bad..."
"We were such imps in our younger days," Thor said with a shrug.
"And it was the year that Harald Hardrada was born. Harald is considered one of the greatest kings of Norway and the last Viking king. King Harald 'distinguished himself above all other men by wisdom and resources of mind; whether he had to take a resolution suddenly for himself and others, or after long deliberation. He was, also, above all men, bold, brave, and lucky, until his dying day and bravery is half victory'. When he was young, the Byzantine Emperor employed him as a personal guard and when Harald died, he had invaded England. Even though he was killed, his invasion was so successful that Norway beat England a few weeks later which changed England forever," Pepper explained and everyone else in the room stared at Thor.
"What were his physical characteristics?" Bruce asked.
"Extremely tall, extremely muscled and blond," Pepper spoke.
"I think you can rule out Loki," Tony told them.
"If only we could all have that excitement when turning fifty," Bruce joked.
"But not too much excitement for you, Bruce," Tony remarked. "You know you're next."
"I should have turned fifty back in 1973," Steve spoke and shook his head. "I can't even imagine it now."
"I liked turning a thousand. Father allowed us to travel to Midgard again but we were more mindful this time," Thor explained.
"Next to that, fifty doesn't seem so bad," Steve spoke and everyone laughed.
"Still, you can't help wondering what we'll be like then," Bruce said. "We might not even all still be around." Pepper frowned and others groaned. "Not just that, but moving on, doing other projects. This wasn't supposed to be a lifetime gig."
They all drank and looked thoughtful.
November 22, 2019
"What about tonight? Any plans for tonight?" Bruce asked.
"No, it should be free and clear; a good night to catch up on Dancing with the Stars," Phil spoke, gathering up his papers to leave. He had no appointments or classes for the rest of the day.
"Oh...right," said Bruce and left as Peter walked in.
"Professor Coulson, is everything right with Professor Banner? He looked like somebody forgot his birthday," Peter said.
"No..." Phil started because Bruce's birthday wasn't until the 22nd. Then, he noticed the date on his watch.
Shit. Between the newlyweds and the prophecy and Peggy, they had forgotten Bruce's birthday. He was going to have to come up with something really good.
"Peter, whatever it is, you'll have to tell me on the way to the car," he said and started for the door.
May 10, 2023
"Welcome to the greatest birthday party in the history of birthday parties...Mine!" Tony told the crowd in his California home. He'd wanted to rebuild the mansion in Malibu but Pepper put her foot down about that and he had more than himself to think about. Instead, this overlooked his private lake. The crowd chuckled and cheered. He smiled and made his way through the crowd.
"Is that a new Iron Man technology?" Peter Parker asked while pointing at Tony's wrists. He had to look to remember what he was talking about. He smirked at the childish bracelets.
"No, birthday presents from the girls, they can be quite persuasive for all being three and under. You'll learn one day," he said with a wink.
January 7, 2024
"Wake up!" Kate Bishop screamed in Clint's ear. He refused to open his eyes.
"It's my birthday, I'm sleeping in," Clint argued.
"It's the middle of the afternoon and you're on the couch so that doesn't count," Kate retorted back.
"Yes, it does," Clint argued back.
"If you don't get up, I'm going to give you your birthday spankings and I've heard you get fifty of them," Kate told him. He felt Lucky licking his arm.
"Who told you that? Your dad?" Clint asked.
"No, Tony did."
"I'm going to kill him," Clint mumbled.
"I think Pepper might have a problem with that," Kate pointed out.
"But she'll understand," Clint argued.
"Get up now!" yelled a small three year-old's voice and he felt the elastic on his waistband being stretched. It snapped back into place with an annoying slap and he opened his eyes.
"Fine, I'm up," he declared and sat up.
"Nice work, Emmy," Kate complimented and held out her hand for a high five. "I didn't even have to get out my bow or cello."
November 29, 2034
Natasha pulled up the rear in the semi-darkness. Everyone else on the team was ahead. Her ankle was still hurting her from the stupid fall moments before. She didn't think of herself as old but it seemed her body had other ideas. Natasha was also being followed by a redheaded man with facial hair to match. He wasn't even trying for her not to see him. Three more guards appeared. She rolled despite her ankle and shot them in quick succession but something wasn't right.
"Look out!" called a male voice and she listened for the fourth one's location. It was too late as she felt the bullet hit her chest. She got another shot off and fell back. Someone was running to her and she became unconscious. Her last thought was that this time would be the end.
The next thing she was aware of was being kissed. If she wasn't so confused, it would have been better.
"What?" she started before taking in her surroundings, the dead guards and the man helping her to sit up. Then, she knew what had happened. "You didn't have to do that."
"Leave you to die? Yes, I know, but I didn't want to this time," he said. His blue eyes didn't quite meet her own.
"Was this because of Kazan?" Natasha asked.
"You know it is. Think of it as a birthday present," he said. "Can you stand?"
"Yeah," she confirmed and held out a hand for him to help her up. "Nice disguise, I like the red."
She smiled as she studied her new shirt.
"Didn't fool you," he said.
"I know that kiss anywhere," Natasha said, allowing herself a couple of seconds to touch the rare beard. "Now, are you going to help me stop your daughter from destroying the planet?"
"Or getting herself killed," he spoke, "but come on."
July 4, 2040
Steve had thought a pool party might be more pleasant than the usual night-time affair and maybe everyone would leave before it became too late. He soon found out this was naive. Steve knew for a fact that he had not invited Loki but he and his brother were off to one side, arguing. Loki was more melancholy and angry in the last couple of years than he had been in decades. He was almost worried for him.
Children ran everywhere. He couldn't even remember who belonged to whom. Some of them chased Cosmo.
Steve pulled out a beer from one of the ice chests, popped it open and walked to the kitchen. It wouldn't do any good but he liked having something in his hand.
"You don't look very happy for being the birthday boy," said a female voice. He almost jumped before chastising himself on not hearing her walk in. Elli Romanoff stood in the kitchen with a mixed drink. There was no point in reminding her that she wasn't 21 yet.
Steve shrugged and she came closer.
"And I can't get you drunk because that's impossible so you might as well talk now," said Elli. He shook his head but Elli was the persistent sort. "Or I have Thor throw you into the pool."
Steve tried not to smile.
"He'd have to catch me first," he said.
"And of course, that won't happen," she said in a whisper and a smile of her own. Unlike Natasha, Elli excelled at talking. He felt his defenses being lowered. "Come on, didn't get the present that you wanted? Wanted to be somewhere else?"
Steve cringed but she seemed to know the truth.
"Or is it someone who's not here?" she asked and her blue eyes were warm.
"Today, I turned fifty. Next year will be the hundredth anniversary of my becoming this and the very beginnings of SHIELD. I'm still here and so many are not and it's all the same. New people come in, we defeat the villains and new villains come along. People die and villains die and it never changes," Steve complained. "Look at Sylene. Every year, she has a new plan to mess things up."
"Don't be so hard on her. She had a hard childhood. With different circumstances, she could have been me and I could have been her. It's not easy being a child of Earth and Asgard and Jotunheim and she didn't have her dad around to help her," Elli spoke.
"No, no. We all have hard childhoods. We don't all become villains over it," Steve spoke, "and don't you dare compare yourself with her. I know you. I've fought with you. You're a good person, like your mom was."
Elli downed the rest of her drink.
"You're right. I have fought with you. I know this job. I may be young but I know what's at stake. I know the sacrifice this responsibility demands. It's not easy. It's not easy when they die in your arms and it's not easy when those you save start shooting at you because one man's villain is another man's hero but it has to be done," she said. "I miss them, too, but I'm not about to disgrace their memory by giving up and you shouldn't either." She was right. He was having a pity party.
"And what do you recommend?" he asked. She leaned up although her height was enough to tower over most men. With the short heels, they were about the same height.
"You should get laid," she whispered and he had to laugh. Then, with a smirk, she added, "I wasn't offering but how about Carol?"
"Ms. Marvel? I don't know," he said and shook his head.
"Come on, I'm not going to let you stay here and not try talking to her," Elli spoke and took his hand. They stepped outside and Cosmo bounded for them. Steve never trusted that dog. He was about to take a different path to avoid him when Elli touched the ground. Snow sprung up and the dog stopped, confused. Elli laughed and kept going.
"That's new," Steve commented.
"Just something from my dad," she said and before he could think about that, pulled him in another direction. "There she is, go."
He took a breath and approached the blonde woman.
July 8, 2014
Phil wheeled a piece of luggage with his presents into the main room. Loki was still up, reading. It looked like Hamlet. He was tempted to not acknowledge him. He hadn't invited him to either event. However, he had to know.
"When you possessed Barton, were you able to feel what he felt about me?" Phil asked. Loki looked up from his book.
"Why should I have bothered with mortal feelings when I had bigger plans?" he asked and Phil nodded. It made sense. He, Steve and Loki were their own oblivious group. Phil stifled the urge to sigh and continued to his room.
"So you left to find a better reason than the one we were living for
And it's not that nursery mouth that I came back for
It's not the way you're stretched out on the floor
'Cause I've broken all your windows and I've rammed through all your doors
And who am I to ask you to lick my sores?
And you should know that's true," sang Bruce Springsteen on the stage. It should have been the highlight of Phil's year so why was he so miserable?
"Uh, Phil..." Pepper started, speaking right in his ear so they could hear over the music.
"Yeah?" Phil asked.
"Tony might show up. Steve cracked and told him about it so Tony figured out that last night was for work and this was for friends," Pepper explained and he nodded. He knew Tony would find out eventually.
"Phil, are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said without thinking before admitting. "No. No, I'm not. I keep thinking like maybe I've done something colossally stupid."
Pepper took his hand.
"Go get him. Be there when he comes back."
Phil hesitated. He watched the figures on the stage, but it was impossible to really enjoy it; not like Steve who stood entranced to one side or Bruce with a huge smile on his face. Just yesterday, he was marveling over Steve Rogers at his own birthday party but now everything had changed. Was that why Clint had traded with Steve? Just so Steve could go?
"You're right," Phil agreed and hurried out of the arena. Not long after that, he was on the Helicarrier, waiting for their helicopter. It came down in the darkness, random field agents came out. Clint and Natasha were last. Phil was about to walk to them when he realized what they were doing.
They were kissing.
