**For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1**

Changes

Chapter 3 – A little Reassurance.

"Breakfast is served gorgeous." Huh? Breakfast in bed? I don't think he's done that since we were first married I could get used to this.

"What have I done to deserve the breakfast in bed treatment?" He's looking at me now like I've asked the most ridiculous question in the world.

"You need to ask?" Ah ok we're still at the you're having my baby high from yesterday which is lovely and sweet and all but him being so overly attentive is a little disconcerting.

"I didn't get pregnant on my own you know you had something to do with it as well." Now he's grinning again I have a feeling that grinning is going to be a big part of our lives for the next few months but I don't mind especially if he keeps kissing me like he is now.

"Yeah true but I got to do the fun bit you're the one who's been spending half your time throwing up and who has to carry the little one around for the next 9 months." Well he has a point but sitting here sharing breakfast with him from the tray on my lap I can't think of anything I'd rather do. "How are you feeling this morning should I be holding the tray in case you need to make a dash to the bathroom?"

"No I'm ok at the minute, actually this morning I don't feel as sick as I have been," It's true and I'm starting to wonder if some of the nausea over the last few days hasn't been to do with nerves or maybe the baby has decided it doesn't need to make me suffer anymore now that daddy knows! "I think your baby just wanted to make sure you knew it was around, now that you do it might give me a break."

"Ah see the baby knew I'd be happy about it even if you didn't." We've finished breakfast and he's lifted the tray onto the floor and pulled me into his arms as I rest my head on his chest and sigh contentedly. "Do you think we should think about moving? I mean I know we love this house but it's only got one spare room and there's no garden to speak of."

Move? Oh god I never even thought of the fact this house wasn't ideal for a family but move? I suppose it's something we'll have to consider but right now I can't begin to imagine how we'd decide.

"Maybe, I don't know I didn't think about it until just now." I'm yawning and he's easing my head back onto the pillow and getting up to take the breakfast dishes away.

"No…..no you don't lie back down." Hey I was only going to get up and help clear up. "You go back to sleep you need your rest right now, I'll put this stuff in the dishwasher then join you for a nap."

Part of me really wants to argue right now, to tell him I can get up and help I'm not an invalid but to be honest I'm just about keeping my eyes open so maybe he's right. It's Sunday after all and if he's going to come back and join me a nap might me just what I need.

I've just woken up and he's cuddled into my back his hand resting protectively on my tummy and now I'm the one with a stupid grin on my face. Two years ago I was living alone trying to convince everyone, especially myself, that I was happy and now look at me. I'm married to a man I love more than life itself and we're having a baby. I'm not sure what I did to deserve to be this happy but I wish I did because I'd have done it sooner.

"I'm sorry sweetheart did I wake you?" He's stirred behind me and is about to move but I really don't want him too so my hand is resting over his on my tummy and he's kissing my shoulder gently. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I just still can't believe this is happening." I really wish he'd stop finding everything I say so damn funny I'm trying, not very well I admit, to tell him I'm happy.

"Well it is happening and I know this baby is going to be the most beautiful ever born who could it not be with you as its mother?" Oh how can I stay mad at him when he says things like that and I've turned in his arms now I'm the one kissing him.

"I wish I had your faith in my ability as a mother." Where did that come from? Ok I've been thinking about it, wondering if I'm really equipped for this but I don't remember deciding to tell him that!

"What do you mean? You're going to be a fantastic mother!" There's real concern in his eyes now and I know that now I've started this I'll have to talk to him about it or he'll panic again.

"It's just that I don't exactly have the best relationship with my mother, what if that's because I can't do the whole mother/child thing Gerry? I've been so independent for so many years what if I'm not capable of being a good mum? What if I can't bond with the baby or it can't bond with me or I don't know what if I'm just one of those women who were never meant to have kids." God where did all that come from even I didn't know I was feeling all that but now that I've said it I realise it's true I'm really frightened I'm going to screw this up. He's taken my hand and rested it back on my tummy and he's smiling at me well I'm glad he's finding it all so funny.

"When you did the test, once you knew you were pregnant tell me how you felt about the life growing in there Sandra." Ah ok that's what he's doing how have I felt? What have I thought? God we could spend a whole day going over the mountain of things that have been going through my head. "I don't want to hear what you thought I would think or anything like that I just want you to tell me what you've thought about the baby."

"I feel like I'd do anything to keep it safe and if something happened now I don't know how I'd cope." Now it's all flooding out of my mouth like someone has turned on a tap and I'm determined not to cry again. "I was lying awake earlier wondering if it would look like you or me, what colour hair it will have what colour eyes."

"It will have your eyes I know it will they were the first thing about you I fell in love with." Really? Now there's something he's never said before this is going to be a day for revelations clearly.

"I think about the baby growing, about getting bigger and going for scans and finding out of it's a boy or a girl. I think about picking colours for the nursery and thinking about its name. Sometimes I feel like I'm so happy and excited I could burst."

His grin is back and I can't be irritated because I'm grinning too as he nods at me.

"See you're going to be a fantastic Mum Sandra, you already are. You've known you're pregnant for less than a week and already you're protective of our baby, loving towards it, planning for its future. I know you're going to be amazing at this just like you are at everything else and our baby is going to be the luckiest in the world because just like me it's going to have you in its life."

Damn so much for not crying I'm at it again I hope this isn't going to become a regular thing while I'm pregnant I don't think I could cope with constantly bursting into tears. He has no idea how lucky I think I this baby is going to be to have him as its father and suddenly it all seems irrelevant there's no such thing as perfect parenting but I know together we'll be great and what more could I ask?