Thing ONe: WE'RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!

Thing TWo: Any you though that you had gotten rid of us. As if. We're immortal.

Thing ONe: And high on ham.

Thing TWo: And Dallas, and Harry Potter, and Ewan McGregor

Thing ONe: And too many other things to mention.

*In the background, Thing TWo can be heard listing things that make her happy*

Thing ONe: In this chapter stuff…

Thing TWo: …Happens.

Thing ONe: Just the word I was looking for.

Thing TWo: And in case we never mentioned it, there is going to be a theatre in Hogsmeade, it is currently being built.

Thing ONe: On the disclaimer side of life, Baz Luhrman owns Moulin Rouge! and all songs.

Thing TWo: In the film version of "Come What May" the lines 'everyday I love you more and more' is not added until Sating sings them at the end. We left them out since the scene we do is the original film version

Thing ONe :J.K. Rowling owns the characters, we're just the ones torturing them. The song that is sung in the Great Hall is "I hope I didn't just give away the ending" by New Radicals.

Thing TWo: Who broke up *pouts* Oh well, there's always Matchbox Twenty. "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now, you can't tell. But stay a while and maybe then you'll see, a different side of me."

Thing ONe: *Hands over ears*. So read this thing. I'm off to shut her up.

This has been a Thing ONe and Thing TWo production

The next day, the cast met after dinner, all of them carrying their bags in hopes to do a bit of homework. A provisional stage was standing at one end of the hall. Chairs had been lined up in front of it, and there were cards on top of each one.

            "Director Extrodinaire." Was for Lauren.

            "The Prostitute Who Makes Men Cry" Was Hermione's.

            "Sexy Penniless Poets Unite" Was Harry

            "9th Midget Wonder of the World" was the chair that Ron regretfully sat in.

            "The Big Guy" "Don't Touch My Stuff" "You Need an Alarm Clock" "Absinthe Drinkers Anonymous" were some of the others.

            Lauren took her seat. "Now, Harry, you get into the center of the stage, sit down, cross your legs or something, look depressed." Harry did so, adding a very pathetic face for affect. "Ron, go off to the other side of the stage, and sing." She pointed everyone in the right direction. "Now, start!"

            They started rehearsing, everyone looking very odd holding their scripts while doing whatever activity needed to be done.

            Then came the Elephant Love Medley, or as Lavender, Parvati and Lauren knew it, The First Big Snog.

            "How wonderful life is now you're in the world" Harry and Hermione sang.

"Now kiss her!" Lauren said. Harry leaned down and gave Hermione a quick kiss on the lips. They both turned bright red, possibly at the fact that almost everyone in the room was clapping.

            "It's going to have to be slightly more passionate than that though." Lauren said. Everyone, even Harry and Hermione, laughed. "Now, let's have a quick set change and we'll get Draco and Justin on stage."

            The sets changed quickly (the set being a table and two chairs) and the performers were on stage.

            Malfoy was good. Too good.

            "It's not that I'm a jealous man. I just don't like other people TOUCHING MY THINGS!" Malfoy shouted, face turning red with pretend rage, while Justin quivered with real fear across the table.

            There was the general clapping at the end of the scene. "Well done Draco!" Lauren said "Way to catch the emotion. Justin, good job, but be a little more animated next time."

            They continued on. The hardest scene to do was Roxanne because of the lack of dancers and the fact that Morag had yet to practice his singing lines.

            Then came the death scene.

            "You've got to go on, Christian." Hermione said, in a choked voice, partially because she was about to cry. Circled around them was almost the entire cast, looking sad.

            "I can't go on without you though." Harry said.

            "You've got so much to give. Tell our story. Promise me; promise me you'll tell our story. That way I'll always be with you."

            The girls were crying. It had been romantic when they were speaking it but now, when Hermione was on the ground, a look of death on her face, Harry holding her as she said her final words, it was even more so.

            The rehearsal ended with Harry saying. "But above all things, a story about love. A love that will live forever. The end."

            "That's a wrap!" Lauren said. Everyone clapped and cheered. It was as though they had just finished the real play. "Our next rehearsal is Friday night. We're going to work on the beginning scenes and try on costumes. See you then!"

            As they left, Malfoy caught up with them. "Good job Granger." He said.

            "You too." Hermione answered coolly. "Well, I've got to go, need to get to the library." Hermione hurried off, trailing Harry and Ron behind her.

            "What was that about?" Harry asked.

            "I don't know." Hermione mused. "Is it just me, or was he too good at that role, all the shouting and violence?"

            "Yeah, but don't worry, it's not like he can really hurt anybody" Ron assured her.

            Yes, well, there was something about our darling Mr. Malfoy that no one knew. Something important. (What? Do you want us to tell you now? That would ruin everything. You'll find out soon enough. We promise.)

            Lauren Monroe ran down to the Owlry. She was expecting the shipments of costumes today.

            How she had gotten the costumes was an interesting story. Lauren had an Australian friend, Katie, who worked for Fox Studios in Sydney. Lauren had told Katie about the play, and Katie said she could get the costumes for her.

            So Katie went into the huge costume building, and found all the costumes from Moulin Rouge. She made copies of them (magically of course) and sent them off to Lauren in the UK.

            So that would explain why Lauren was sitting in the Owlry on the coldest morning of the year.

            Suddenly, the Owls swept in, and, above the fray, Lauren spotted her large black owl.

            "Hello Artemis" She said as the owl swooped down to greet her. Lauren took off the small package and let Artemis fly away for some sleep.

            Lauren walked back to her room with the small package. "Amazing that they could fit 100 costumes in this." She mused to herself. "Katie never ceases to astonish me."

            When Lauren opened up the package and the magically shrunken costumes came back to their full size, Lauren noticed a distinct problem.

            Hermione was about the average height, a little over 5"5. Nicole Kidman on the other hand, was 5"10. And Harry –though he had grown as tall as Ron now- was not 5"10 1/2.

"I do believe we have some sewing to get done." Lauren muttered to herself.

            Two hours later the DADA room was filled with girls and sparks. Lauren had called in all the dancers and leads and taught them a hemming spell. Soon, all the coat hangers had been filled and everyone went off to lunch.

            "Come back after you eat!" She yelled at the crowd. "We'll try them on then." Lauren looked around. The entire room was covered with costumes. Flashy can-can costumes, sparkling diamond ones for Hermione, suits for all the boys, and bright red jackets for Justin. The room was also covered with a light dusting of glitter, much like the first snow one sees in late November.

            "Great Wizards of England" she muttered. "The House-Elves will kill me."

            While Lauren was mentally cursing herself and trying to put some of the abandoned clothes on hangers, Dumbledore walked in.

            "Well, this is quite a scene isn't it?" He asked, a bemused smile playing on his face.

            Lauren jumped up. "Professor Dumbledore! We were only doing the clothes for fittings, I promise that it will be cleaned by the end of the day."

            Dumbledore chuckled. "Oh no, it's quite alright. You certainly have been busy. How are your lessons going?"

            "I am so thankful that I have Fleur to help me," Lauren said. "It was a great idea for you to get me an assistant."

            "No problem. Fleur was anxious to get a job here, and I knew you might need an intern." Dumbledore lowered his voice. "So how's the pool going?"

            "All the teachers have put in bids. The way things are going, it looks like Sprout might be the closest" Lauren said quietly.

            "And me?"

            "Well, if Sprout's predictions are correct, then you're about three weeks ahead."

            "And what day does she have them down for?"

            Lauren went to check a paper on her desk. "She says Christmas. The people who have lost are Flitwick and Fleur. Severus has them down for never, and we'll just pray he's wrong."

            "Well, keep me posted." Dumbledore said, turning to leave. "I may come to your next rehearsal."

            It was lucky that he left then, because the plan might have been discovered. Harry and Hermione came in two seconds later, laughing at something that had happened at lunch.

            "What are you two doing here so early?" Lauren asked.

            "We are having a bit of a discussion." Hermione said through laughs. "It's about the 'Your Song' scene. I think that the dance is fine the way it is, but Harry thinks," Here, Hermione broke into a fit of giggles. "Harry thinks there should be glitter pouring from the ceiling like in the movie."

            Harry blushed.

            "I think it would be like in 'Singing in the Rain'" He muttered, "A more classic look."

            Lauren considered it for a moment. "Well, so do I, but we'll never know unless we see it."

            They cleared of some space. "Before you start, let me grab some judges."  Lauren quickly left the room and ran into the Great Hall. "Lavender, Parvati!" She said, running over to the Gryffindor table. "I need you!"

            Once in the room, Lauren told Harry how to set up a spell for raining glitter.

            "Okay, and start!"

            Harry sang his song, picking up Hermione and dancing with her around the room. At the specified time, glitter rained from the ceiling, covering the already sparkling room in another layer.

            Lavender, Lauren, and Parvati clapped. "Definitely with glitter!" Lavender said.

            Harry and Hermione looked at each other and burst out laughing.

            "What?" Lauren asked, confused.

            "It's just, it's just…" Harry said between breaths.

            "Turn-giggle-around!" said Hermione.

            Ron had been watching, and had now fainted dead away on the floor.

            Still laughing, Hermione and Harry ran over to him. "Too much glitter" he muttered. "Way too much glitter."

            "Oh Ron" Lauren said, helping him up. "Forget about the glitter, you all have costumes to try on."

Later that day, Hermione was trying on costumes with the Four Whores (who were managing costumes) present.

            "Come on Hermione." Padma said, waiting outside the door to the girl's bathroom.

            The door slowly opened. The girls all cheered. "Wooooh Hermione!" they screamed. "Sexy mama! All right!"

            Hermione stood half behind the door blushing. She was wearing the outfit from her first number, the diamond suit. "It looks alright?" she asked, looking at the floor.

            "Perfect, you babe." Hannah said. "Well, come along, into the next binding outfit!" She shooed Hermione into the bathroom to grab another outfit.

            The three girls left started conversing in quiet voices. "How hott was she?" Lavender asked.

            "If Harry hasn't noticed her by now, he will at first dress rehearsal." Padma assured her.

            "And if he's still too daft to notice anything, well, we'll just have to push things a bit." Parvati said, a mischievous light growing in her eyes.

            But unbeknownst to even Hogwarts' biggest gossips, something quite romantic, scary, and powerful had already begun to brew, and a few key ingredients were going to be added that night.

            Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat in the front row of chairs, laughing at a joke someone had just told. They were the only ones left in the Hall now; everyone else had gone to bed. They kept on trying to leave, but something would come up to stop it all.

            "Oh we should really go." Ron said, laughing and yawning at the same time. "Come on you two."

            "Mione and I will stay a bit longer." Harry said, "You aren't tired are you?"

            "Oh no, I had too much sugar at dinner!" Hermione said, fighting back mad giggles.

            "I'll see you guys tomorrow" Ron said, leaving.

            Harry and Hermione were silent. "Now what?" Harry asked.

            "Wanna practice?" Hermione asked. "Elephant needs a bit of work."

            "All right then" Harry said, standing up. "After you milady" he offered her his hand.

            "Oh, thank you, your majesty." Hermione said back, trying not to burst out laughing.

            "Take it from the top shall we?" Harry asked, a smile on his face.

            Hermione smiled back and started her lines.

            They did the song, up until the end. "You're going to be bad for business; I can tell" Hermione whispered. She knew this was the part where the first kiss came in, but she and Harry had always stopped here.

            "Do 'Come What May' now," Harry asked. "Or continue with the scene? I mean-move onto my monologue?" He finished quickly.

            "We're going to have to practice someday." Hermione said in a voice that didn't hide her nervousness.

            "And best not have us trying and laughing all the time in front of Ron." Harry put in. "Do it now, so we won't have any mess-ups in rehearsal."

            "And it won't mean anything" Hermione said. "I mean, if the average person were to walk in now and see it, they would think something."

            "But we're just friends, everyone knows it" Harry put in for her.

            "Exactly"

            It seemed that the two teens were trying to convince themselves more than the other one.

            "Ready?" Harry asked.

            "Sure." Hermione answered, feeling herself tremble. Mentally slapping herself, her conciousness reminded her that this was Harry, her best friend.

            Harry's mind was currently having the same battle as he leaned down to kiss her. 'No big deal' he thought 'Just Mione, not Cho or anything, regular old Mione'

            As Harry's lips touched hers, those thoughts were instantly erased, like when one uses that big sweeper thing over a Magna Doodle. All former traces gone, ready to be doodled in. Now, the doodling in both brains was, well, abstract to say the least.

            Hermione had both her hands behind Harry's head, crossing in midair, while Harry's hand supported her back. If it weren't for the fact that they were wearing their robes and there was a lack of a giant red windmill, they would look exactly like Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman on the movie poster.

            Lauren had told them that they would have to kiss for six straight seconds. If you were to stand there with a stopwatch (which would be quite embarrassing when you think about it), this was about twenty seconds.

            Harry pulled away. "Wow- I mean, that went well."

            Hermione smiled. Harry leaned down to kiss her again, and she made no moves to stop him. Now this was serious. This wasn't just a bit of acting, or even playful flirting; this was full-frontal snogging in the first degree.

            Hermione was the first to pull away.

            "We shouldn't be doing this," she said. "I mean, in no insult to you, but this could seriously affect things."

            "Yeah." Harry said. "People would definitely treat us differently. Let's just pretend that this never happened. We're both tired, and it could just be the sugar doing things to us"

            Harry made a move to walk away, but Hermione grabbed his robes. "No," she said, "Harry, I've liked you since our second year, I've just never wanted to admit it to myself. I-I want to be with you." She stammered.

            Harry looked at her. "Are you sure? There's bound to be plenty of guys out there that want you.  You don't want to be stuck with boring old me."

"I'm sure," Hermione said. "We just can't tell anyone. This would affect the play too much."

"All right." Harry nodded. "One last kiss before bed?"

Hermione didn't answer, but instead stood up to her full height to kiss him, and neither of them needed to worry about talking now.

Now, as this was happening, another key ingredient was being added to our chaos potion. Why don't we take a visit to Slytherin Common Room?

"Potter is too daft to even notice." Malfoy said, pacing back and forth. "She's been looking sexy for the past three years, and he still doesn't do anything. Even Ron and George Weasley dated her, and Potter can't see it."

Blaise Zabini nodded. He had become used to Draco's thing for Hermione Granger, and this play seemed to only egg on his passion.

"So you'll try to make you're move?" he asked, already knowing Draco's answer.

"Yes, tomorrow, during the rehearsal break." Draco said, still pacing, the battle plan forming in his mind.

"Go to bed Draco" Blaise said.

Draco sighed. "All right. Can't have myself looking like a cooked leek tomorrow can I?"

Blaise sighed. Cooked leeks. Draco never ceased to amaze him.

"You got the music?" Lavender asked.

"Sure do." Parvati said, handing her a sheet of music.

"Want to practice?"

Parvati viewed their surroundings. Great Hall at dinner. No one would hear. Rehearsals would be starting soon "Yes!"

She wanted to be a nun

Until that faithful day we met

I beat the Crucifix in a game of

Russian Roulette.

I burned my Beatles records

'Cause she hated #9

She licked rock cocaine suckers

Laughed, said her moms doing mine.

Some of the people in the play had gathered around. They got sheets too and started to sing along

Are you an illusion?

Or am I just getting stoned?

Cause I can't take it alone

I can't take it alone

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

Started limping

Caught a handicapped shuttle to town

And yelled "God's Healed Us"

As we ran off the bus, the driver just frowned.

By the way this girl was sexy

And she wouldn't touch you

That may not be true but I said it

So you feel involved with the song.

Are you an illusion?

Or am I just getting stoned?

Cause I can't take it alone

I can't take it alone

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

More and more people form the play were coming over and singing. Others in the Hall were starting to look over.

Caught a fey taxi driver

I smiled the ride was free

I felt like Amsterdam

She wanted more drugs and maybe me

I told her dealer I was broke

He hired a cameraman

We did a porno film for coke

I hear I'm big in Japan

Are you an illusion?

Or am I just getting stoned?

Cause I can't take it alone

I can't take it alone

I can't take it alone

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

Went back to her kitchen

Put the coke all in a can

Tied up a

TV. Minister

In walked her dad

Started drinking coffee

Too much sugar on the go.

He fell dead on the floor

He thought the coke was sweet'n'low

Are you an illusion?

Or am I just getting stoned?

Babumbumdadum

Man was she upset

But then she stole her dad's wallet and

I drove him to the hospital

To sell all his donatable

Body parts.

This is when she dies

They brought a depressed junkie in

She shot his cyanide up.

I guess she thought he was Errol Flynn.

I blamed in confusion

The police being phoned

I don't even love you

We weren't even friends

It's just that I can't take it alone

I can't take it alone

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

I hope I didn't just give away the ending.

Aw Jesus, Aw Shit, I think I just gave away the ending.

Everyone in the hall started clapping. Ron stood up on a bench and yelled "Thank you! We're here every Tuesday!

            Everybody in the hall laughed. Sally-Anne jumped up onto another bench. "Moulin Rouge is still in the works, but don't forget. It should be out in theaters in April! Stop by Professor Monroe's class and tell her thank you for our impromptu performance."

            The hall exploded with cheers and claps.

            Lauren, who had just come in for the rehearsal, looked at them all. "God, what a cast I have to put up with. Mr. Luhrman would not be impressed.

            There were only two people who weren't there in the Great Hall while the singing fest went on inside. We don't even have to tell you. And we all know what they were doing too.

            Harry and Hermione were off in a dark corner two floors up. They could almost feel the floor vibrate from the cheers below them when they stopped for some-er-air.

            "We need to talk. Tonight, after rehearsal." Hermione said.

            "All right." Harry breathed. "Where?"

            Hermione thought for a minute. "My room, everyone else should be asleep and no one will be coming to see me."

            "I'll be waiting for you." Harry said, a devilish smile on his face.

            "Go, get down to rehearsal." Hermione said, shooing him away, "Go!"

            Harry and Hermione ran down the stairs and waited outside the door. Harry went in first. Hermione heard Ron ask, "Where were you?" and Harry reply, "I needed to grab my script from my room."

            "Harry, you need to remember to bring that, or how will you memorize your lines?" Lauren said.

            Hermione waited a few more minutes before coming in. "Sorry everyone, I lost time while in the library!"

            "Meet our two leads-the most forgetful people in the world!" Hannah said. Everyone laughed.

            "The creative types are usually like that." Padma assured her.

            "Let's get to work!" Lauren said. "We'll start with Sparkling Diamonds. Take it from Ron's line."

            "It's her, the Sparkling Diamond," said Ron, trying to lisp.

            The French are glad to die for love

            They delight in fighting duels.

            Then Harry came over in narrative "But someone else was to meet Satine that night,"

            But I prefer a man who leaves

            And gives expensive jewels

            "Zidler's investor: The Duke"

            Hermione started dancing-very conditional steps. They were still working on the routine and there was the lack of trapeze for her to be swinging down on.

            "Cut!" Lauren yelled. "Hermione, have you been practicing your steps?"

            "I couldn't, I needed the other dancers!" Hermione protested.

            Lauren sighed "Tomorrow morning, everyone is getting up early to practice steps." Groans came from the crowd. "If you are on 'Sparkling Diamonds' or 'Hindi Sad Diamonds' you had better be down here at five in the morning" There were even more groans. "This is the theatre life, get used to it. And I'll bring in cinnamon rolls for breakfast" she added.

            "When are we going to have all our sets?" Morag asked.

            "Well, the theatre in Hogsmeade is almost finished. It's late November now, it should be finished by Christmas. Anyone who isn't working on a scene will be working on sets. Now, let's get to work on 'Come What May'; we haven't heard that sung in a while."

            Harry and Hermione got up on stage. "Do you want to start on my line?" Harry asked.

            "How about Hermione's before it." Lauren directed them.

            Hermione put on a cold face. "On opening night I have to sleep with the Duke, and the jealousy will drive you mad."

            Harry stood up and started walking, with Hermione following him. "Christian" she murmured.

            Harry stopped and turned around. "We'll write a song, and put it in the show, and no matter how often you sing it or hear it or whistle it or hum it, you'll know what it means; that we love each other. I promise I won't get jealous."

            "Don't talk that way Christian. We have to end it." Hermione pushed him out of the way.

            Harry summed up his nerve and started singing.

Christian: Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Seasons may change

Winter to spring

But I love you

Until the end of time

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you

Until my dying day

Christian& Satine: Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high

No river too wide

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

            Out in the 'audience' Lavender and Draco were playing out their parts. "This ending's silly" Lavender said in a cockney accent. "Why would the courtesan go for the penniless writer? Oops, I mean Sitar player."

Come what may I will love you

Come what may

Yes I will love you Until my dying day

            Everyone clapped, except, of course, Draco.

            "I don't like this ending" he said.

            "And cut!" Lauren said. "Well done everyone! Lavender, you did great, Draco, way to go on your rage, keeping it hidden yet obvious. And Harry and Hermione, wow! If I didn't know better, I'd say you two really were in love."

            Everyone there laughed, some in a nervous fashion. Over half the cast knew about the pool and even kept track of the bets. Harry and Hermione, of course, had to act like that was a preposterous accusation.

            "Well, let's move on to the opening again, Harry we need to work on the tone of your monologue."

            No one, not one person saw the murderous glint in Draco's eyes.

            "Hermione will be mine" he whispered under his breath.

            Thing ONe: Draco scares me.

            Thing TWo: Yes, but he's so cute

            Thing ONe: Anyway, review this thing NOW, because we're soulless and we feed off the reviews of mortals

            Thing TWo: We'll love you forever if you do review!

            This has been a Thing ONe and Thing TWo production