Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Stephanie Meyer. The lines that come directly from 'The Host' are her words and not mine. I simply play with her creations
Floating Without Fear – 3. Anger
"I just wanted to... imagine. How it will be."
"Wait... Wanda..."
What was Jared thinking while Wanda was talking to Doc?
I locked down. I had a purpose; save Mel and also save Wanda. It was all I needed to go into that corner of my brain that made me so helpful to the people here. The part of me that was practical and could do what needed to be done. Emotions didn't help here; I reduced everything to weights on a scale. Whichever option did the most good, that was the one I took.
If only it was that clear cut.
My feet were placed extremely carefully as I actually took care to be quiet. I knew I could move silently without the effort but I couldn't take risks here. I could see her as she walked into Doc's realm, her body too tense to disguise her fear. I lingered just outside the borders of the light, using old spying tactics. I couldn't really see them but I could hear them.
Kyle was snoring. That was easy to determine, as it was the most familiar sound. However, it was uninteresting.
Two sets of heavy breathing, one inlaid with fear, the other, sadness. Wanda and Doc. Also easy to identify, though far more crucial.
I wonder how Mel is? Is she happy about returning? Scared for Wanda? Will she agree with what I'm doing here?
Suddenly Wanda's breathing changed. It was slower, deeper, calmer. She wasn't afraid anymore.
Then some movement. The squeal of the cot springs, presumably Wanda had sat down. I couldn't figure anything else out, I was just listening to two people breathing, one more than twice the speed of the other.
I could feel anger rising in me for what I was going to have to allow to happen. For the first time ever, the practical part of my brain was being threatened by emotions. I gritted my teeth and had to restrain myself from growling. Trust Wanda and Mel to break me now.
"Tell me something Doc. What's your real name?"
What the hell? Why did she want to know that?
Doc sniffed before replying. "Eustace. It's a family name and my parents were cruel people." I realised Doc was crying from his voice. Practical me vs heightened emotions, score 2-0.
She laughed. Then sighed. When I couldn't see her, she sounded so like Mel. I couldn't look at her eyes and see Mel completely but I could always hear her in that voice. It was the first and foremost thing that stopped me killing her in that hole before. She always sounded like Mel.
"Jared's waiting, back by the big cave. I promised him you'd tell him when it was over. Just wait until I – until I... stop moving, okay?" I retched internally. There was no noise and no movement, but did I have to swallow something back. "It will be too late for him to do anything about my decision then." Thank you Wanda, stop Doc before Wanda stops moving.
"I don't want to do this, Wanda." Why was Doc so anguished? He sounded like Ian...
"I know. Thanks for that, Doc. But I'm holding you to your promise."
"Please?"
I was getting the feeling I was missing something here. And that I wouldn't like it when I found out what.
"No. You gave me your word. I did my part didn't I?" She sounded almost harsh. This was so unusual for Wanda.
"You did."
"Then do yours. Let me stay with Walt and Wes."
Suddenly everything clicked. The way she completely avoided Jamie. That look at Doc during her tribunal. The way she revealed everything to me in the corridor. The murmurings I overheard while she was with Ian. The strange questions she was asking me and Doc. She thought these were going to be the last things she would know. Her last chance. Her last memories.
The roaring in my ears was back. However this time it was directed right at her.
I yelled strings of profanities in my head, so loud that I was astounded that they didn't hear me. My muscles were locked into place to prevent me from running in there and pulling her out of there, forcefully if necessary.
They were talking but I couldn't hear them. I couldn't even think, I was that numbed by my anger.
Slowly, painfully, endlessly, my anger began to manifest itself as I lost control. My body began to hum as I shuddered with the task of holding it back and my muscles contracted, curling my hands into fists. It was a slow decent into the red haze of madness and I didn't try to stop myself.
I only had to hold myself back until Wanda was out of it. That seemed like an impossible task. I had to pull myself back from the brink of a jump, without fear, while everything around me was urging me forward.
But I wasn't going to hurt her. Not again.
I had to know what was happening. I couldn't hear anything now so I had to see. Not having the control to be careful, I walked out into the light robotically, letting the occupants of the room see me clearly.
A/N: Another weekend, another chapter. This one was hard to write. I hope it doesn't sound stiff. I'm now at the end of Wanda's time in Mel's body though so I have more freedom as to what happens and what is said.
However, reviews (encouragement and/or criticism both very very welcome) were the main thing that encouraged me to persevere with this chapter and I am sure that will be true for all the remaining chapters. So massive thanks to anyone who has reviewed, I hope this chapter meets with your approval.
Ian next chapter, I promise. I'm looking forward to getting into the head of my favourite character (fangirl and proud)
