A/N: This chapter is also the original. The old saying is supposed to be Richard Bach's "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if not they never were."
Chapter 3: Old Saying
Sakura had awoken and her ninja skills had jumped into action. She continued the same pace of her breathing, realizing that she was attached to some type of machine by her mouth but not bounded in any other sort of way. She could hear the steady beeping of machines around her, the smell of disinfectant permeating around her, and she had to guess that she was in a hospital. One last check to make sure she didn't feel any threatening chakra around her and she decided it was safe to open her eyes. Slowly, she willed her lids to open and as her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room she felt someone rise from her side and step closer to her.
"You are finally awake," she heard.
Viridian eyes met soft blue ones and she immediately recognized them. These were the eyes that she saw before she passed out. These eyes had made her feel safe when she had lost all hope, all trust. She wanted to ask him who he was but realized that something was stuck in her throat.
"Hold on, hold on. I gotta take this out. Just breathe out when I say, okay?" said Kaede as he stepped closer to her and grabbed the breathing tube. "Now!"
Sakura blew out and felt something dislodge from her throat. She coughed out of reflex a couple of times until she felt a strong hand on her shoulder pushing her up and a straw being put into her mouth.
"Drink this. It will help with the soreness."
Sakura drank the water and felt immensely better. As she drank, she couldn't help but stare into the intense gaze of the man helping her, a man that didn't look like a ninja and was dressed in what looked like medical attire, the white overcoat a dead giveaway.
"Who are you?" Sakura finally asked when she felt her voice return to her.
"That's funny, I was going to ask you the same thing," replied Kaede as he gently laid her down on the bed and sat next to her.
"I'm Kaede Kaisen, head of internal surgery here at the University of Tokyo Hospital."
Sakura raised an eyebrow in incredulity. "Tokyo?"
Kaede smiled. "Yes, Tokyo."
Sakura let out a sigh as she turned her head to stare at the ceiling. "What happened?" she asked.
Kaede continued to stare at the beauty in front of him that had entranced him since he first laid eyes on her. "Can you tell me your name first?"
Sakura snapped her head to the left to face him and a faint blush appear on her features. Her eyes danced with mischief and Kaede had to wonder about the sudden skip in his heart.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't…I mean, it's so rude of me. I assumed you had identified me, but anyway, my name is Sakura. Haruno Sakura."
"Sakura," Kaede smiled tenderly at her. "It fits you," he said as he moved his hand to stroke her cheek. Sakura blushed harder this time, not sure why she suddenly felt warmer than before. "You scared me, Sakura. You have been unconscious for four days."
Snapping out of his trance, Kaede removed his hand and started his tale.
"Anyway, twice a year I take my medical team and we visit remote areas with little medical resources and offer free medical treatment, specifically surgeries. After a week stay at one of those places, we were loading the chopper in a nearby clearing when something caught my attention. It was still really early so it was dark outside, but I saw a faint green glow from somewhere in the forest. I decided to check it out, and that's how I found you. The glow started to grow fainter and as it finally disappeared I saw you among all those bodies."
There was concern in his voice and Sakura just stared at this healer in front of her who was describing how out of pure chance he was drawn to her chakra glow.
"Anyway, the sun had started to come out and I swear it was like the skies were showing me to you. The first rays of the sun snuck through the heavy foliage and were pointing directly at you. I ran to your side yelling for my team to bring a stretcher. I felt that you were warm, but not breathing, and given the blood loss and obvious deep injuries, I wasn't sure if you had a chance. I started to give you CPR and after a couple of rounds you finally came through. My team joined us and we checked the others. Unfortunately, you were the only one that was left alive."
Sakura's smirk confused Kaede and he looked at her questioningly. Pride exuded out of the young woman and if Kaede didn't know better, he would think that she was happy to hear that the whole group had died except for her.
Sakura saw the question in his eyes and felt the smugness from her face disappear. This man was a healer and he obviously didn't know that he had stumbled upon a ninja, a deadly ninja at that. Did he even know what a ninja does?
"Were they your friends?" he asked cautiously.
"No. They were my enemies."
Understanding washed over Kaede. He remembered the difference in their clothing, but he thought that she and the others had been ambushed or attacked. He had been afraid that she had been abused, but he had found no evidence of anything beyond sword and kunai wounds. But if she was saying they were her enemies, and given her smile of moments ago, did that mean that she…
"Did you kill them?"
"Yes. That was my duty."
"Duty?" Kaede couldn't believe that this beautiful and gentle woman had killed the group that he stumbled upon. They were large men in that group, and she almost died in the process.
"Kaede, what do you know about ninjas?"
His anger disappeared at her question and surprise overtook him. Ninjas? He had heard of them and knew that they still existed in those remote places he visited, but he had never met one.
"Are you trying to tell me that you are a ninja?"
Sakura smiled widely at his disbelief and she brought her hand to her belly. A soft green glow ensued in the room and Kaede's eyes widened as he recognized the glow.
"Not just a ninja, but a medic ninja," she said. She closed her eyes checking her body and her once happy face suddenly fell. A deep sadness engulfed her beautiful features and he knew that somehow she knew.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I tried, but your body had gone through so much stress and I had to repair so much tissue.."
"It's okay," she answered in a much lower voice. "You saved my life."
A silence ensued as the glow disappeared and a couple of tears fell down her cheeks. Kaede grabbed a box of tissues nearby and brought them closer to her. She opened her eyes to watch the sadness in his. She suddenly felt grateful for the kindness of this man, a man that had done the impossible and brought her back from death. She also knew that maybe losing the baby was for the best. After all, she was no longer in a relationship with the man that had been the father.
"Let me show you something," she said quietly to the man that looked guilty and sad sitting by her side.
She pulled down the covers a bit and raised her gown somewhat to show her belly and the stitches were he had apparently opened her to fix her. She brought her hands to the place, performed a couple of hand signs and the glow appeared again. Kaede sat dumbfounded as he watched Sakura heal the incision and in a matter of minutes, she had closed the wound completely.
"But…How…is that even…" Kaede had never stuttered in his life, but he found himself unable to speak as his mind processed what he was seeing.
"Do you have time for me to tell you my story?" asked Sakura with a smile.
Kaede sat on the chair next to her and brought it closer to the bed. "I'll make the time."
It had been long and strenuous six days but Kakashi finally made it to the outskirts of Tokyo. He had been here once before, a long time ago, with a group of ANBU on reconnaissance. It was easily one of the most interesting places he had been. There were so many people crammed into one place, no trees, no smiles, lots of smog. He never understood the allure of the place.
Kakashi entered the city and after curious looks and stares, he was finally pointed in the direction of the nearest hospital. The old man did not know where doctor Kaisen worked, but Kakashi figured that one hospital should know where other doctors were, right? At least he hoped so.
His mind had centered on Sakura his whole trip. He had not wanted to hold onto hope, but he did. He couldn't imagine her dead, nor did he want to. He wanted to find her alive, to see her emerald gaze once again, to feel her soft lips on his one more time. Would she let him? Would she forgive him and take him back? He had held onto the hope that she was alive, but he didn't know if he should hold onto the hope that she would take him back.
"Can I help you?" a young woman asked behind a desk inside the hospital.
"Yes, I'm looking for doctor Kaisen. Do you know where I can find him?"
"Let me see," answered the girl giving him a curious look and typing something on a machine in front of her. "I don't see any doctor Kaisen listed in this hospital. Are you sure you are in the right place?"
"No," he answered as he rubbed the back of his neck. "My best friend was injured and she was brought to Tokyo by air by this doctor Kaisen. He failed to mention where he worked."
The girl looked at him suspiciously, there was fear and insecurity in her eyes. In an instant, he pulled his mask down and smiled sadly at her.
"Please, miss, I need your help. She means the world to me and I have traveled six days to see her. Is there any way you can help me find this doctor Kaisen?"
The girl had hearts in her eyes and nodded dumbly as she typed some more on her machine. She sighed happily and Kakashi just shrugged off the feeling of smugness that tried to overcome him. He knew he was easy on the eyes, but he never understood the reaction of women to him. Except Sakura's. She never looked at him all gooey eyed, no. She was a woman that looked at him with respect and admiration and love, and she used to say that his face was just an added bonus. Sakura.
"Aha! Doctor Kaisen works at the University Hospital. It is here in this article online," she turned the screen to show Kakashi the excerpt of a news headline.
Kakashi read the screen and open his one eye wide. The headline read "Heaven-sent Hands" and talked about a doctor Kaede Kaisen who worked miracles in surgeries, prolonging the life of many that had been believed to have no hope of recovery. The article had a picture of the man, dark hair and baby blue eyes staring back at him with a humble semblance on his face.
"Can you tell me how to get there?"
"If you can wait two hours, my shift is over and I can take you there myself," replied the girl behind the desk with a wink.
Kakashi smiled at her. "I would love to wait, but what if she is dying?" Noticing the girl's scowl, Kakashi added, "Plus, once I'm sure she is doing okay, I can come back and find you to thank you properly."
There was a renewed happiness in the girl's eyes and she scribbled something on two pieces of paper. She gave him the notes and said,
"Use this note to give to the man inside that yellow car. He will know where to go. This other note is my phone number and the address to my place. You can come thank me there."
With another wink, the lady turned around to give him a view of her backside. If Kakashi wasn't already in trouble when it came to women, he might have appreciated her nice shape.
"Wow," was all that Kaede could say to Sakura after she finished her story. They were sitting in her room, she on her bed and him on the chair, sharing some breakfast that he had brought for them. They had talked all night the day before yesterday, most of the day yesterday during his breaks, and all this morning. He had found her story fascinating, the life of the shinobi and kunoichi that were to him a myth embodied in the woman that sat so close to him, a woman that he found irresistible.
"That's all you have to say?" she asked playfully while she took another sip of her chicken soup.
"I have no words to describe what I want to say," he answered with a cheeky smile.
She laughed heartedly at his response and shook her head at his antics. She had come to respect this man who was humble and sweet and who, according to the nurses, was the best in his field. A miracle healer, they said. And yet, he was always quiet and shy, his manner soft and gentle. She found him to be refreshingly honest, transparent in his feelings and giving of his thoughts. He was so different from the shinobi he knew, so different from the aloof and stoic ninja that she loved.
"It does explain why I thought I saw some scaring on some of the tissue that I was healing. You did a good job of healing yourself," he continued.
"Well, I would have done better if I had any chakra left."
"Right, chakra." He nodded his head while he thought that he would never understand some of the stuff she said. And yet, he also wondered why he had spent this past week by the side of this stranger, a stranger that he felt surprisingly close to. Was it maybe the healing powers in both of them that made them kindred souls? He didn't know the reason or type of attraction between them, but he recognized that there was one.
They were interrupted by a nurse calling on the speaker in the room.
"Doctor Kaisen, you have a visitor in lobby 4."
"A visitor?" asked Kaisen more to himself than to the nurse on the speaker. "I'll be down there in a minute."
Kaede picked up the remains of his breakfast and threw it away. He looked at Sakura and leaned over to kiss her forehead. He was very affectionate towards her, and even though he wasn't sure it was appropriate, she never complained.
"I'll be back when I can," he said as he stepped away.
"See you later," replied Sakura with rosy cheeks.
Kaede left the room and headed for the elevators. He couldn't stop thinking about this woman that fate had brought into his life. He had been so worried about her when he found her in the brink of death. He had stayed by her side until she finally came around and was upset at not being able to save her baby. However, now that he knew that she was not married (Sakura had explained that shinobi rarely married) and alluded to the fact that she was no longer in a relationship, he wondered if it was fate that had wanted for that baby to be out of the way as well. His thoughts were stopped when he neared the lobby by the hospital main entrance. A lone figure stood out against the crowd and he temporarily froze at the implications of that presence. He slowly continued to approach the masked-face individual.
"Are you doctor Kaisen?" asked Kakashi eyeing the doctor carefully.
"Yes, I am. Who are you?"
"My name is Kakashi and I'm a jounin of the leaf village. I'm wondering-"
"You are here for Sakura, aren't you?"
Kakashi's visible eye widened and he felt his heart constrict. "Is she…"
Kaeden gave him a slight nod and turned around. "I was just finishing breakfast with her when you arrived. Follow me and I'll take you to her."
Kakashi felt like crying. He would never show it on the outside, of course, but if someone that knew him well had been there, they would have seen the light skip in his steps and the sudden shine in his eye. You are alive, Sakura. There is still hope.
Kaede was hiding the conflicting emotions that ran through his chest. When he had found Sakura, she had whispered a name before passing out again. He had not remembered the name until this 'jounin' introduced himself. Kakashi. This man was who Sakura called out to and most likely was the father of the child that she lost. The man that is no longer in a relationship with her, he told himself. And even though he wore a mask, Kaede had seen so much emotion in that lone eye of his. This man loved Sakura, and if he was a ninja and had walked all the way here for her, then…then did he ever have a chance?
Once in the elevator, Kakashi spoke again.
"Is she okay?"
"She is fine. It really is a miracle that she survived, but she is good as new."
Kakashi sighed in relief. "And…is the baby…"
Kaede lowered his head as his suspicions were confirmed. This man had been the father and was now asking about his baby. "I'm sorry," was all he said in a quiet whisper.
Kakashi felt his chest tighten and his heart ache. The baby was gone and with it the hope to have a son or a daughter with the woman he loved. And maybe hope for ever having a child with her because she may not take him back, and after having thought of the possibilities of a child, after having imagined the way their child would look, he could never have a child or want a child with anyone else. His voice came out hoarse and that self control that he prided on failed him. "I see."
Kaede could hear the pain of this man in his voice. He felt bad for him, for having to deal with his failure of saving the child, but it had been so hard just to save her that he had not thought twice about the fetus until now. And now, he hated himself for having thought that it was a good thing the baby was out of the way because it was obvious that regardless of what had happened between Kakashi and Sakura, Kakashi wanted that baby and its loss was something that obviously pained him.
They arrived at the ICU and Kaede escorted him to her room. Kakashi could feel her chakra the moment the elevator doors opened and was walking faster than the doctor, his feet leading him to the woman he had thought lost forever.
"Do you know where you are going?" asked Kaede amused at the man that was walking ahead of him.
"I can feel her chakra."
Kaede stopped abruptly and Kakashi turned to address him when he noticed.
"Is it okay for me to see her alone?"
"Yes," Kaede finally said. "Just don't cause her too much stress or it may send her into shock. Okay?"
"Hmm," replied Kakashi with a nod and turned back towards the room where her chakra was focused.
Sakura sat on the bed looking at the ceiling and thinking of Kaede. He was so caring and gentle, and she didn't have to guess anything with him, didn't have to read in between the lines, didn't have to see underneath the underneath. She chuckled to herself as she thought of Kakashi's teachings. He had been such a bad teacher, really. She didn't even know if he taught her anything valuable. But then she frowned because she knew that wasn't true. No matter how much Kakashi had hurt her, he would always have a special place in what was left of her heart. And then she felt it.
It couldn't be. She closed her eyes in concentration and there was no mistake. It was his chakra that she felt approaching. He was there. He had come…for her.
"Sakura."
His voice was quieter, deeper, hesitant, with a lot of feeling in it. She didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to face him, not yet.
"Sakura," he said a little louder, a little more forceful, a little more confident.
I can't, Kakashi. Please.
"Sakura…please…"
Sakura opened her eyes and green sad eyes face the most remorseful and apprehensive mismatched eyes she had ever seen. His hitae in his hands, the weary lines on his face, his mask pulled low on his neck, Kakashi looked like he was on the verge of tears and she didn't know what to do.
"I'm so sorry, Sakura. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry."
She felt his body embrace her, his strong arms wrap around her petite body with incredible care, silent tremors shaking his body. She couldn't help the tears that poured down her face, her numb arms at her sides. She couldn't get herself to return his embrace. She couldn't even get herself to lean into him.
"Sakura," he whispered against her ear. His voice filled with pain and sorrow.
"Kakashi, please, let me go."
Kakashi heard her words and felt like he had been stabbed a thousand times in the heart. He slowly removed himself from her and just sat on the bed next to her, in the same spot where just minutes ago Kaede had sat. To Sakura, it just didn't seem right.
"Is Tsunade aware?"
Kakashi couldn't hide his emotions as these reflected clearly in his face. He was hurt by her coldness, pained by her refusal to forgive him. He swallowed hard and nodded.
"Now that I have verified you are alive, I need to let her know that update. I also need to know when you can return home. Doctor Kaisen, when will she be able to leave?"
Kakashi never turned and Sakura never noticed, but Kaede felt a bit ashamed at having quietly witnessed the exchange between the two. All pride aside, he stepped into the room and spoke with confidence.
"Sakura, you will be released from ICU today and will be transferred to a regular room for observation. You can leave as early as the day after tomorrow if everything continues to progress as good as it has until now."
Sakura just smiled at Kaede giving him comfort that he had not overstepped his bounds, but it was this look that made Kakashi turn and face the man that saved his Sakura. The now maskless face of Kakashi made Kaede open his eyes wide. This man was handsome, his features delicate and his eyes imposing. He exuded confidence and mystery and he knew immediately that he was out of his league.
"Thank you, doctor," replied Kakashi. His gaze telling him, in no uncertain terms, to leave.
"Right. Well, Sakura, press the red button if you need anything," said Kaede as he left the room and closed the door behind him.
"Sakura, why did you do this?"
"I should be asking you the same thing, Kakashi."
Kakashi's face showed guilt as he lowered his head. He told her everything then. From the bet at the bar of who could drink the more sake. To the tale of how Kurenai had offered to help him home. How he ended up in her home instead and even though he refused, he didn't do it that strongly. How he had felt dirty and ashamed and missed her even more. Sakura had been away in a three week mission and he had been alone to deal with the remorse. How he loved her and only her, even if he had been an idiot to give into Kurenai's request of another night together.
Sakura listened to his explanation, the remains of her shattered heart cracking deeper as she asked questions like 'did you come', 'did she come', 'how many times', 'was she better than me', 'did you do her in our home'. Kakashi replied to each question with honesty, each one of them tearing his heart as well as he realized more and more just how deep the scar would be. When he was done with his story and she was done with her questions, they just sat quietly not looking at each other.
"I was going to end it Sakura. How did you find out?"
Sakura chuckled with sadness. "I found out I was pregnant and couldn't wait to tell you. I went to look for you at the training grounds, restaurants, bar, rooftops, nothing. I ran into one of your students and he said that you usually took off early on Wednesdays. It made me curious. He said that he had seen you talking to Kurenai on one of such days and so I went to ask her if she had seen you. Imagine my surprise. You were too, hmm, busy to notice."
Kakashi felt disgusted with himself. He should have been able to sense her, but apparently he had been too enthralled in his ministrations with Kurenai to notice that his partner was looking at him while he cheated on her. And when she was coming to tell him that they were going to have a baby! He was the lowest of scum, no doubt about it.
"Sakura," he said coarsely. "I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"It doesn't matter anymore, Kakashi. There is nothing left between us…nothing anymore."
Kakashi looked at her and she was surprised to see the tears in his eyes. She had never seen Kakashi cry before.
"Our baby, Sakura." Tears fell from his eyes down his face and the sight was so foreign to Sakura. "We lost our baby."
Sakura didn't know what to think. The way his body trembled and the tears that fell down his face, his lowered head and his silent sobs, it all was so weird to her. She didn't think he would have liked the news, especially since he was having some on the side, but she never expected him to react like this. Had he wanted this baby? Could he want to be a father?
"Kakashi, I'm sure Kurenai can make you a father as well."
The way his head snapped up with so much force and the strength in his mismatched gaze made her recoil a bit.
"Sakura, I know I've been an idiot, but make no mistake about this. I could only have kids with you. I only want kids with you."
Sakura stared at Kakashi with complete shock on her face. They had never discussed children and she had always assumed that he didn't want any. She had been afraid of his reaction when she first suspected of her pregnancy, but she had been certain when she found him in bed with Kurenai that he would never want kids.
"Sakura, please, you have to give me a chance. I know it will be hard, I know it won't be easy, but you have to. I beg you. We'll start from scratch. We'll return and you can move to your own place and I'll move to a smaller one. We can start from there. I know it will be hard to get you to trust me again, but it's not impossible. I'll do anything you want, Sakura. You can have an ANBU operative on me at all times, I don't care. You can ask me to stay in one place at all times, to follow you around town when you are not in a mission, I'll do whatever it takes Sakura. But please, please, let me have a chance to make this right. Because if you can't forgive me, Sakura, if you can't let me have this chance, then please, just go ahead a put a kunai through my heart and end me."
Kakashi took her hand in his and stared into her eyes. New tears forming in his as well as hers.
"I thought I died when Tsunade told me you had died, Sakura. I had never felt that pain before, not with Obito, not with dad. You are the one person in this world that can cause me the utmost happiness and the most wretched pain to ever exist. So, please, Sakura come back with me. Forgive me. Give me another chance."
Sakura stared at Kakashi with tears falling down her cheeks. It had not been easy for her to deal with the knowledge of the betrayal for the two weeks she knew, but to see Kakashi in this state, the man that she loved with all her heart and soul, how could she refuse? Slowly, finally, her arms responded to her and she lifted herself towards him. Within a second his arms were wrapping around her and both their bodies shook as their emotions took hold of them. Their pain, their fear, their loss, all of that weighing heavily on their souls where only each other could bring total peace, no matter how comforting a kindred soul could be, not Kurenai and not Kaede could ever be to each of them what each other was. His husky whisper made her heart leap and made hope renew.
"If they come back, they're yours."
Another tear escaped her as she replied to him, strengthening their embrace. "If they don't, they never were."
