Chapter 3: Fading Reminder
1 Year and 11 months ago:
I couldn't have been more anxious. It was only the first class of the day and I already wanted to go home. I didn't get any sleep last night because I was too busy thinking about the new I got earlier that day.
My parents, Isobel and John, had been acting strange for the past couple of weeks; talking in private, going to 'run errands' for hours at a time, crying and yelling at each other. I thought they were getting a divorce. I wish they were because it wouldn't be as bad as what was really happening.
My mother had cancer. She said the doctors didn't know how bad it was just yet, but they were going to do the best they could. They would run some more tests and get her started on treatments; they said she had a good chance of surviving this.
A good chance? What kind of answer was that? I needed the data, the percentage…I needed more than 'a good chance' to ease my mind. This was my mother!
I was jarred out of my thoughts when Stefan placed his hand gently on my shoulder. In this class, he would always sit beside me, unless someone beat him to it. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern in his eyes.
I nodded. "I'm fine." I lied. I must have told that lie about ten times this morning. I couldn't even tell Bonnie or Caroline. I was afraid that saying it out loud would make it more real.
Stefan's brow furrowed deeper. "Are you sure?" No one asked me that yet, and I had to struggle not to let my voice wobble as I responded.
"Mhm." I forced a fake smile and he seemed to let it go, although I could tell he wasn't convinced. "Honestly…I'm fine." I tried to reassure him. I wasn't the type to lie, but I just couldn't stop them from pouring out of my mouth.
He nodded and turned his head back to the front of the class. I let out an eternal sigh of relief, and continued to tune out the world around me.
The rest of school went by uneventfully as usual, although I was curious of the fact that Damon had not dropped off nor picked up Rebekah that day. In fact I hadn't seen him at all. He would always stop by on his lunch break and visit her on her block off. I headed out to my car, knowing that Caroline was at cheerleading practice and wouldn't need a ride, and if I was being honest with myself I was kind of glad. I couldn't handle her bubbly attitude right now.
As I was walking across the courtyard I saw Bonnie rushing over to me out of my peripheral. I tried to act like I didn't see her and continued towards the parking lot.
"Elena!" she called out. Damn it, now I had to acknowledge her. She caught up to me quickly. "Hey…couldn't you hear me?" she asked frowning at me.
"Sorry, kind of spaced out."
She sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about the other day, I didn't mean to make you mad at me."
I shrugged indifferently. The truth was that I knew she said what she did to get to me in some way. "It's fine." Another lie.
She put a hand on my arm, stopping me. "No…Elena, what I said was mean and I didn't mean to hurt you. I just think that you need to stop focusing so much on someone that doesn't notice you. Damon's a dick…Rebekah deserves him." She stated firmly.
I huffed out a bitter laugh. I wanted to defend him and tell her that he was anything but a dick. That he was sweet and a good person beneath the front he puts up for everyone else. God, I studied the guy enough. I wanted to tell her how angry I was at her for judging him, and judging me all the time because of my choices. I wanted to tell her that you can't just fall out of love with someone at the drop of a hat because it's unrequited. I spent three years in love with Damon Salvatore! Three years and he didn't even know my name. But right now the only thing that was making any sense to me was my love for him. I wasn't willing to give that up. But I couldn't tell her any of that…and I couldn't tell her what was really going on either so instead I settled for,
"It's fine, Bonnie. Look…I have to go, can I call you later?" The truth was I wasn't really planning on calling her at all. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone but my mother.
She nodded. "Okay." I pulled out of the parking lot, and sped home. I wish I had stayed home like Jeremy did; like my parents suggested, but I thought that could distract myself. I rushed in the front door glancing around for any sign of my mom.
"Mom?" I entered the kitchen, empty. "Dad?" I walked into the living room, empty. I took the stairs two at a time checking my parent's room first. It was empty just like all the other rooms. I didn't even bother knocking on Jeremy's door I just barged in. He was sitting in his bed blasting his music through his headphones. He looked miserable. He pulled one headphone off and looked at me expectantly. "Where's mom and dad?" my voice shook.
"Doctor's." he mumbled putting his headphone back over his ear. He was blocking out the outside world…that's how he dealt with things. I couldn't blame him; I had my own messed up way of dealing with it. I would put on this mask and fake a smile and pretend like everything was okay for everybody else's sake, while I internally self-destructed.
I nodded and left his room to go to my own, throwing myself on my bed and forcing back tears. I didn't want to let them fall, because I knew that they wouldn't stop. I don't want you to worry about it, I'm going to be fine, sweetheart. My mom had told me after the shocking news. Like she could tell me something like that and I wouldn't be worried.
For the first time ever I did something that I hadn't done since I was a little girl…I prayed.
Present Day:
We had an interesting drive from Richmond to Georgia; including a couple of pit stops, a few drinks and lots of compliments. We laughed as we pulled out of the parking lot of small pub. We had met the two guys that owned the place who were pleasantly surprised to see 'two beauties' walk into their bar. They were cute, and eager to make us stick around, but unfortunately for them Lexi and I found fun in being a tease. They got phone numbers of course…just not ours.
We pulled up to the hotel we were staying at for that night and walked through the doors to the lobby. Lexi was my only friend these days, and I wanted to do something special for her. So I splurged for a nice hotel, there was even valet and a doorman.
"This is sweet." Lexi exclaimed looking around. She spotted the guy behind the counter and turned back to me and raised an eyebrow. "So is the service." She giggled.
I laughed and followed her in watching her strut up to the counter. "Hi." She said resting her crossed arms on the counter showing off her chest.
"Hi." He smiled back brightly. It was too easy for her sometimes. "Welcome to the Pinnacle Hotel, how can I help you?" His eyes ran over her body, lingering on her chest longer than necessary.
"There should be a room for Lexi Malone." She leaned forward trying to look over the counter.
His fingers typed furiously on the computer looking up her name. "Okay, so that's one room with two queen beds. You'll be in room 1202 on the twelve floor."
She winked at him. "Thanks." We started to head towards the elevators when his voice stopped us.
"And if you need anything else, I'll be here…all night." He smiled a little nervously.
Lexi chuckled a little to herself before she turned around. "I'll keep that in mind." As we got on the elevator I glanced sideways at her.
"God, you need to start making a list of all these guys if you ever want to keep track of them." I joked.
She turned to me. "How do you do it?"
I laughed. It sounded playful but to my own ears it sounded bitter. "I don't keep track of them. There hasn't been anyone worth keeping track of anyway." I continued nonchalantly.
Lexi frowned. "Seriously? You mean there hasn't been one guy that you've had feelings for…no one that meant anything to you?" she seemed perplexed. Lexi wasn't a slut parse, but she but she enjoyed casual sex, like I did…although her reasons were different from mine. Despite her many flings, she still hoped that one of them would turn into love; she still believed in love. That's what made us different. Love was just a fading reminder of who I used to be.
I shrugged uninterestedly. "Nope." A lie of course…but Lexi knew nothing of my past, and I would have preferred to keep it that way. She wouldn't believe the ways I changed from the sweet, loving empathetic girl I was into…well this.
She stared at me for a moment longer with narrowed eyes, like she was trying to see if I was telling the truth. Luckily, I had perfecting the lying thing. "Huh. Aren't we a pair…I'm searching for love, and you run away from it."
I nodded, thinking back again to how crazy I was about Damon; how even just seeing him smile for a second made me smile, even if it wasn't for me. I thought about how much I loved him…and how much it destroyed me.
1 Year and 10 months ago:
I peeked out my bedroom window and my jaw went a little slack. There was Damon storming out of Rebekah's house, with her running out after him crying. I situated myself so I wouldn't be seen, but still have a decent view. If they were breaking up I wanted to watch it!
They rarely fought and when they did it was never Damon getting angry. Rebekah clung to his arm obviously begging him not to go, and he pulled his arm free glaring at her before viciously ripping open the door of his car and getting in. He peeled out his tires shrieking, and left Rebekah crying in front of her house.
I couldn't believe it! I had never seen Damon anything but loving towards her; everyone thought they'd be together forever. Damon never yelled at her, he was always affectionate, he found the things that she did that would bug the shit out of everyone else endearing. He was the perfect boyfriend. I learned a lot about Damon just by how he looked at her. It was genuine…you could see it, like it was tangible or something. It was the way every girl wanted to be looked at by a man.
I know…stalker much? You know when you have an obsession with a celebrity? Like the sexy lead actor in your favorite tv show? Yeah, Damon is my celebrity; I could see him, I could know him…but he would never know me.
I moved away from the window and went to the living room. My mom, my dad and my brother were all sitting on the couch together watching tv. I stopped in the doorway just to appreciate it. My dad was sitting on the end his arm wrapped around her shoulders, my mom in the middle snuggled into dad's side, and Jeremy taking the rest of the couch, stretched out with his head resting on a pillow sitting on mom's lap. Despite Jeremy being 5'9 and 180 pounds, he was still my mom's baby. I almost didn't want to intrude…
"'Lena?" she called out with a smile. "Are you going to come and sit with us, or just stand in the doorway?" her voice was fainter than usual and she wore a scarf around her head. She shaved it today, by herself without hesitation, very impulsively. She was always a spontaneous person. Her reasoning was that her hair was all going to fall out anyways and she wasn't going to wait around for it. Plus she liked the scarf.
I smiled back as I walked into the room. "Well I was looking for a spot but I think it's being filled by this giant brother shaped figure." I teased, pushing his feet off the couch so I could sit down. He immediately put them back over my legs. I scoffed and gave him a look.
"You wanted to sit here, these are the terms." Jeremy chuckled. I started tickling his feet and he squirmed. "Okay, okay, okay!" Jer moved his feet to the ground and sat up, leaving more room for me to move around. "You little cheater."
"I wasn't cheating; I was just using your weakness to my advantage." I laughed reaching for the popcorn bowl on the coffee table.
My dad chuckled but didn't comment. My mom looked up at him with knowing eyes. "I wonder where she got that from." I loved their relationship. My parents were perfect for each other. My dad wasn't that easy of a person to life with, but my mom knew how to keep him in check, but yet they were still playful and in love with each other.
"I didn't say anything." Dad replied starting at the tv with a little smirk. "Hey, are we gonna watch this movie or what?" an attempt at distraction. I looked over and caught my mom smiling up at him. He instinctively leaned down to kiss her, like he knew what she wanted. It was sweet and short, but it told her that he was there in every sense of the word; no matter how sick she got or if she was bald, or if she couldn't do things for herself anymore. He was there. I wanted someone to be there…I wanted Damon to be there.
I sighed and put Damon to the back of my head. Right now I needed to be with my family, because time was precious.
