I do not own Naruto.

Transformer and Crazy belong to Gnarls Barkley.Iruka performed the verson Gnarls Barkley performed at the 2007 Grammy's.


The Hokage had let him return to his own apartment. To his own surprise his window had been repaired. Kakashi was also happy to see that his plant had also survived. Someone had also watered it. He wondered how long his solitude would last. He remembered Gai's eyes and knew that he didn't have much time to contemplate the deep scars on his chest.

Tsunade had sat on his bed and let him rest his in her lap. He rubbed his manhood absently remembering her scent. She had meant it to be motherly gesture, but her scent and the feel of her body couldn't be removed from her. When Kakashi realized that the ache in his penis was growing, he decided that masturbating in the shower wasn't going to help. He would get dressed and go out. He needed to satisfy himself.

When he emerged from the shower, he walked into his living room. It didn't surprise him to find Jiraiya and Tsunade perched on his furniture. Tsunade and Jiraiya exchanged telling looks and smiled at him.

"Going somewhere son?" Jiraiya said gesturing toward his obvious erection. Kakashi hadn't put on a towel. He didn't see the point. He lived alone. No one to be modest for. Tsunade cocked an eyebrow.

"Do you shower in your mask?" Kakashi was smiling. Staring at naked men and their erections didn't faze Tsunade. She was of stronger will than Sarutobi. Well, he liked women, but…

"Um, I put it on after I get out. Would you two like something to drink?"

"No thanks, son" said Jiraiya. He had helped himself to a pudding cup and plopped down next to Tsunade. To be so huge, he was very graceful. On instinct, Tsunade leaned into him. Kakashi suddenly found himself getting very jealous at their affection. Hell, it was her fault he was horny.

"Well, I'm going out so…" he motioned with his hand for them divulge the reason they were here. They were getting comfy, but you couldn't exactly tell these two to get the hell out.

"Do you fuck in your mask?" Tsunade said abruptly. She was staring at him intensely in the eyes. Kakashi was disappointed. She wasn't impressed with his body. How could she be? Jiraiya was her lover.

"It depends."

Tsunade looked nodded for him to go on. Jiraiya was inwardly bursting out in laughter. Kakashi could've been jacking off at that moment and Tsunade would've still tried to finish her mission. He loved her directness. She had never been a timid girl. That's why she could handle him. He loved that about her.

"Son, why don't you go take of that," Jiraiya said motioning toward his penis, "and then come have sit with us?" Kakashi looked at his member. It looked like it was trying to kiss Tsunade in the face. How sick was he? Jiraiya was here for goodness sake. Then he got a wicked glint in his eye.

He suddenly had Tsunade by the wrist and was pulling her into his bedroom.

"I'll take the mask off for you Hokage-sama."

Tsunade did not let her strength overwhelm the poor kid. She wanted to see how far Kakashi would take it. She knew that he wouldn't get very far with Jiraiya on the other side of his bedroom door. Ibiki had said he would do this. Act out.

When she didn't push him or punch him, when Jiraiya didn't burst through his door, he found himself wondering 'what the hell are they doing?' Then he wondered if it was really them. He wondered that maybe some Sound nin were really good at impersonations and would kill him finally. He began to remove Tsunade's pants as a test. When she made no move to stop him, he stopped. He moved toward his closet and got dressed in record time. He also produced a very sharp katana.

Hearing the sword unsheathed, Jiraiya entered the room calmly.

"What are you two doing?" He sounded like a father. He looked at Kakashi and the weapon in a glance. "Put that down." "Tsunade, don't mind fuck him. He's already stressed out, jeez." Tsunade retied her pants and left Kakashi's bedroom.

"Come on son. Come talk to us." Jiraiya left Kakashi with the katana. On his better judgment he came back and took the katana away from him and led him into the living room. Tsunade was in his refrigerator looking for something sweet.

Jiraiya closed the refrigerator door and nudged Tsunade back to the couch. Kakashi just sat on the floor. Jiraiya laughed. They must look like one fucked up family.

"The Hokage and I think that we've found a therapy that would help you deal with your suicidal tendencies." Kakashi's erection was gone.

Tsunade threw a leg over Jiraiya's knee. They looked so damned comfortable. It was getting on Kakashi's nerves.

"Yes, I think you're not going to enjoy it." She said licking Jiraiya's pudding cup spoon. What the hell was she trying to do? Did she want Kakashi to fuck her? Hell, he would. Jiraiya could watch. He'd probably want to.

Jiraiya noticed Kakashi shift.

"You have no idea," he muttered taking the spoon away from her lips. Tsunade squawked, "NO".

"I'll get you pudding later. Finish this." Tsunade watched Jiraiya tossed the spoon toward the kitchen. It clanked in the sink.

Tsunade nodded. She could get pudding later.

"Kakashi, I've spent the whole day trying to figure out what to do with you. The civilian psychologist thinks that you need to hang up your kunai. The Council nor I agree with that assessment."

Kakashi was somewhat relieved. He had enough money to retire. However, he'd surely kill himself if he couldn't be a ninja. That's who he was.

"Ibiki thinks that your suicidal tendencies are spurned from a blame you're placing on yourself."

Kakashi didn't think about it. He just decided that he would nod and stare at her breasts in the meantime. When it was over, he would find a hot young blond that he could pretend with.

"He thinks that you'd do a lot better not wearing that mask for a while."

Jiraiya tried to read Kakashi's expression. His shoulders slumped a little. Kakashi just sat there shaking his head.

"Um, no, I don't think that's a good idea." The transformation was obvious. Kakashi was staring at the floor gripping his ankles. He looked like a little child getting scolded.

"No…no…that's not good."

"You're ordered not cover your face with any sort of masks or scarves, jutsus, nothing. That's effective right now."

Kakashi began to cry. Tsunade and Jiraiya were stunned. They watched as Kakashi took of his mask. He was wearing another one. Then sobs erupted from him.

"Why?" He demanded from someone they couldn't see.

Tsunade began shed tears of her own. You didn't have to be a psychic to feel the pain seeping out of Kakashi.

"You have to do this, son," Jiraiya said moving toward Kakashi. "It's good for you."

"I'M NOT YOUR SON! I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING SON!"

Kakashi leaped at Jiraiya. He was caught easily. Kakashi sobbed into Jiraiya's chest. Jiraiya handled him as if he were handling an infant. He turned him. Kakashi's back was against his chest.

"I'm not your son," he said. "I'm not your son." Kakashi went limp against Jiraiya. Jiraiya embraced him in a hug. The simple gesture ripped more sobs from Kakashi's body. Tsunade moved in front of Kakashi. She didn't say anything as she tore the fabric away from his face. She covered her mouth at what she saw. The angled jaw. The full lips. The nose. It was like looking through a time machine. The tear stained face of Hatake Kakashi was the face of his father, Sakumo.

"Please don't look at me," he said trying in vain to raise his hands to cover his face. Jiraiya was whispering something in his ear and rocking him gently. Ibiki predicted that he would breakdown, but Tsunade hadn't expected him to be this torn up. It was the reason Tsunade and Jiraiya wanted to come and do this.

"Please," Kakashi said. His were muscles straining under Jiraiya's weight. It seemed he and Jiraiya were having a conversation. Jiraiya was murmuring something into his ear. Kakashi's eye was glassy. Tsunade didn't want to disrupt whatever Jiraiya was saying, so she watched Kakashi's face in silence. A knock on the door made her jump. It was most likely Iruka.

She scanned the chakra on the other side of the door. It was him and Ibiki.

She padded over to the door.

"I think we've made progress."

"This will be good training for Iruka," Ibiki said looking over her shoulder at Jiraiya and Kakashi. Interesting, he thought. He didn't know that Jiraiya was a father figure. He wondered if he should've known that.

Iruka didn't say anything as he entered the apartment. He came over to where the two silver haired men were. He studied Kakashi's face. He looked like one of those guys you hated going out with because the girl you wanted would always talk to him. Not a pretty boy, but something akin to a 'god'. However, Iruka thought Kakashi had let his looks go to his head for another reason.

Without a word to him, Jiraiya released Kakashi and they both went into the bathroom. There was the sound of something falling. The mirror exercise.

Iruka heard drums in his head. Kakashi emerged from the bathroom. He was without his jonin vest. He tore a leather jacket from the wall.

"Let's go," he muttered.


The three men walked through the street. It was Saturday, so the streets were busy with a lot of people in spite of the rain. Kakashi hadn't said anything. He just wanted to find a woman, fuck her, and go get drunk. In that order. He had an incedent once and he wanted to make sure he was sober before he engaged in sex.

Ibiki began to light his cigarette. They cut through the Academy Plaza. The students were holding some kind of festival. A genin band was on stage beneath a tent. From there, they saw their sensei and began to shout for him.

"IRUKA SENSEI, COME SING WITH US."

Iruka shook his head and waved as none of the three men broke their stride. But when a crowd of children rushed toward them, Ibiki had to side step in order to avoid being trampled. Kakashi retreated to a tree leaving Iruka to be captured. They dragged him to the stage. Parents found this amusing they cheered their children on. Once on stage, he acquiesced to one song.

"Go Iruka sensei!" That was Naruto.

"How troublesome," Shikamaru said for his poor ex-sensei. Ah, so the whole gang was there.

"Alright," Iruka said into the microphone. "I don't do this normally in public so. One song. Something easy and something clean…and something short." The crowd cheered in agreement.

Iruka turned to the lead guitarist and said something. A marching roll began to fill the plaza. The genin choir filed on the stage. Kakashi frowned. How good could a song be with kids in it? Ibiki was actually looking forward to this. Apparently, everyone knew that Iruka could sing but him. The crowd grew quiet as Iruka's voice filled the air.

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind There was something so pleasant about that phase.

Even your emotions had an echo

In so much space

And when you're out there

Without care,

Yeah, I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough

I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy

Does that make me crazy

Does that make me crazy

Probably

Yes, Ibiki like this song. With the choir singing a haunting 'Ah' behind Iruka's soulful tenor, and the military like drum keeping cadence, Ibiki lifted his lighter in applause.

Others in the crowd did the same. As Kakashi came down from the tree, Asuma walked up with his hands shoved in his pockets. He stared at the stage in confusion.

"That guy is…just full of surprises today," Asuma said raising his lighter too.

And I hope that you are having the time of your life

But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,

Ha ha ha bless your soul

You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

Just like me

Iruka had let his hair down. He was working the crowd. The musicians were getting bolder and more confident behind the sound of their teacher. They weren't used to performing without him.

His voice was betraying his soul. He was getting into to it. Showing his heart.

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb

And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them

"YEEAH", screamed Tenten. Iruka had just become one thousand times hotter. Absently, she wondered where Gai-sensei was.

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun

And it's no coincidence I've come

And I can die when I'm done

"HELL YEAH!" screamed Naruto his arm draped around Sakura. They had shown up late and missed most of the first set, but were fortunate to catch this performance

Maybe I'm crazy

Maybe you're crazy

Maybe we're crazy

Probably

The crowd was on their feet. Proud of their kids for their performance, but mostly grateful that they had heard some real music. It made them feel like they had stumbled on a real concert. They began to scream for an encore. Their kids joined in. Iruka was the man of the hour.

He stood embarrassed.

"No, no, you all, I said one," he was using his teacher voice. The crowd voiced their displeasure as Iruka left the stage. He managed to make it back Ibiki parents patting him on the back, one pinching his ass on the way. He received one last man hug from a passerby before he actually made it back to Ibiki. He absently wondered why people felt that he was so huggable.

The rookies had used Hinanta's byakugan to track him through the crowd. They all ran upon the teacher congratulating him on the great performance. Through adulation a scream cut through the crowd. Heads turned that direction. It was Sakura. She was staring at something over Iruka's shoulder.

Iruka turned looking for something. A sound nin? A dead body? Sasuke?

It was just Kakashi. Reading one of his books. He absently looked at the girl and turned the page.

"You alright, Sakura? You look like you see a ghost."

Then Ino running to her friend's side noticed what made her scream.

"Holy shit," she said eyes wide.

"Ino," Hinata said blushing. Tenten pushed her way to Sakura's other side.

"Oh, wow," she added staring at the silver haired man.

"What is it?" Naruto said not having to push anyone out of the way because he was well taller than them. It was Kakashi. Naruto was trying to act like he hadn't just run into Gai and learned about the events earlier that morning. Kakashi was indeed without his mask. He was a sight to behold.

"Oh, Sakura, you haven't seen his face yet have you?"

Sakura broke her reverie.

"Yet?" she said turning on her heel toward Naruto. "You mean to tell me you saw his face already?" Nartuto nodded shoving a piece of funnel cake into his mouth. Sakura turned again and to her disdain the jonin and their sensei had disappeared.

"Fucking figures," Sakura muttered storming out into the rain.


Kurenai saw Asuma after Iruka's performance.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" she asked not really caring if he said yes.

"No," he replied easily. "I'm going with the guys for a few drinks."
"Have fun," she said walking toward an apartment that wasn't hers. He let her go and headed toward the bar.

"You're soaking wet," Gai said to Kurenai as he let her into his place.

"You are too," she said noting his clothes. She notices the blood stains on his legs and arms.

"Were you in a fight?" He shook his and gave a thumb up and a fake smile.

"Training in the rain with Naruto." Kurenai raised his shirt up.

"That kid hurt you this bad?"

"I did worse to him. He just heals more quickly." Kurenai lifted the shirt off his head. Gai stopped her.

"Does he know you're here?"

"I don't care about him anymore."

"Why are you here Kurenai?"

"Because you love me. I want to return that love."

Gai hated doing his comrades dirty, but this was love. There were no rules to be broken right?


Wow didn't see that coming, really that just happened. Till next time.