I can't stop writing!! Its like, something took over my brain. OH CRAP. dude, I can SENSE IT. It's gerbils. POSITIVE. Drinking my mind soup. Eunghhh.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is to Harry Potter as Gwen Stefani is to Akon. Yeah, suckers.
Chapter 3!
The feast ended and the students returned to their dormitories. This left more options open for Triana. Which common room should she sleep in? She was very tired, so it didn't matter much, but she wanted to open herself up to all houses. She could go into any common room, though! Except Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff… hmm… the more and more Triana thought about it, the more she wanted to stay in the Hufflepuff common room. "They're probably hiding something from us! No, they definitely are," she thought to herself. "Think about it... what important person is in Hufflepuff? NO ONE. Why? Because if there was an important person in Hufflepuff, someone would have to end up describing their common room. EXCEPT NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. Oh, this makes perfect sense! I can't believe I would be the first one to discover this CONSPIRACY! Oh my god, MY LIFE IS A LIE!" upon this inner realization, she decided she WAS going to sleep in the Hufflepuff common room tonight. She would uncover the scandal, rake up the lies of this treacherous school! TREASON! OUTRAGE! SHAME! Oh yeah, this was hot.
She came back to her senses, finding herself at the marble staircase in the Entrance Hall. Everyone had already gone up to their dormitories, leaving her alone while she was plotting. Plotting, yes, she liked that word. No teachers were on duty since it was the first day, and seriously, what goes wrong on the first day? They were all old people, so they had their heat flashes and took their various medications and were ready for bed. Triana snuck to the large wooden doors at the front of the school and pushed them open. A blast of cold night air struck her, but she was too maniacal to notice. She was hysterical with the thrill of her plans, and she felt wild and frenzied, completely deranged!
"DESTROCE MI CUERPO MUERTO!!!!" she screeched fanatically into the night. And she ran off into the grounds. After about 15 minutes of running around and chanting, she realized she actually had to do something. She had put together a slapdash plan of scaling the walls of Hogwarts to get into a window of the Hufflepuff common room, but she was blindly proud of it nonetheless.
"I am sooo brilliant. I can't believe how smart I am," she snickered to herself genuinely, because she really thought her plan would work. She got her wand out from her pocket, and pointed it straight at her body. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she uttered forcefully. She felt herself rising off the ground for a moment, but the magic was not strong enough and she only got up a few centimeters before falling back on the ground. "Damn, I'm a fatty! I really need to go on a diet…. Later, later…." She thought for a few moments longer, and then had a better idea.
She trekked down to the Herbology greenhouse, where the door was loosely bolted and she easily undid that. She stepped into the greenhouse and her hair immediately afro-ed up from the intense moisture in the air. "Aw snaps." Things were just not going her way. She searched around and found the longest, thickest vine she could. She had to wind it around herself and drag it from the greenhouse because it was too heavy for her to manage with only her hands. She could levitate some of it, which eventually enabled her to get it to the castle. She tied a large loop on one end of the vine and looked up into the dark sky at the many towers of the castle. She picked the one closest to her, and, with the help of magic, levitated the loop over the tower's peak. The rest of the vine hung down from the castle and conveniently reached the ground, so she could climb it!
She started the journey upwards, and became tired very quickly. However, she kept climbing and then realized she didn't know where the Hufflepuff common room was! In fact, she didn't know where anything was in the school at all. "Great," she thought to herself, "I'm screwed. WAIT! No. I'll just break into the first window I get to, and then ask the portraits for directions! I AM THE EPITOME OF ALL INTELLIGENCE!" She hastened her climbing with renewed zeal, finally reaching a stained-glass window. She couldn't see past the colored glass, so she held her ear up to it. No sounds came through, so she thrust her fist through the window, shattering it, and leapt into the room.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" screamed a livid Severus Snape.
Triana was immediately repulsed, blinded, and disgusted by the scene in front of her. "HOLY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" He was lying on the bed, naked (with his lower regions covered up with a blanket, thank the heavens), holding a magazine that had scantily-clad anime girls on the cover, and there was a very suspicious looking lump raising some of the bedspread…. Triana backed up towards the door with her hands over her eyes, consequently knocking many things over in the process.
"100 points from… what house are you on? Are you even a student here!?" He said, trying to steady his voice from the extreme embarrassment he had just been through.
Triana spat, "Slytherin!" Before the Bloody Baron had sat down with them, some of the slytherins were pointing out the teachers to her and Kait, and she luckily remembered that this one happened to be the head of their house.
"Just… just… get out of here! And don't speak of this to anyone ever again!"
Triana raced to the door, thrust it open, and ran out. "Well, I'll never be attending a potions class, EVER," she thought to herself, gagging. She looked at her hand, which had been badly hurt when she punched through the glass, but with a wave of her wand the wounds were healed and with another wave the blood was gone.
She stalked around the castle and asked some portraits about her location. "Excuse me," she inquired to a lounging Egyptian queen, "could you tell me what floor we're on?"
"We are in the dungeons, my dear," replied the queen.
"How are there windows in a dun–" Triana began.
"RELIGION." the queen cut her off. Triana shook her head and went on.
"Do you know where the Hufflepuff common room is?" Triana tried again.
"We are in the dungeons, my dear," replied the queen once more.
Triana was getting frustrated. "POINT ME TO THE HUFFLEPUFF COMMON ROOM. PLEASE."
"We are in the–"
"WHAT THE HELL, WERE YOU PAINTED BY M. C. ESCHER OR SOMETHING!? CHRIST!" and with that, Triana stomped off in a huff, immediately smacking head-first into the Hufflepuff common room's portrait. "Aw crap!" She was staring at a giant Badger (what else would it be? Exactly. (A/N: I seriously looked this up; Hufflepuff common room is in the dungeon. Look it up yourselves, if you don't believe me. Yeah, that's what I thought.))
They just stared at each other for a while. Badgers can't talk; Triana didn't know the password; there wasn't much communication to be had. Suddenly, a 6th year Hufflepuff boy came up behind her. "Are you okay?" he asked her. She hadn't notice him, and she screamed in shock and terror.
"OH MY GOD PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME!" she cried.
He just looked at her then said the password, "Voldemort sucks." The badger swung open and the boy went inside, and Triana chased after him.
"Uh… thanks for that. I would have been stuck there all night."
"Are you in this house?" he asked, ignoring her last remark.
"LOOK… CUPCAKES!"
As he turned around (idiot), she shouted "Oppugno!" and a bunch of quills from an end table attacked him, chasing him up the stairs into his dormitory. She sighed in relief to herself, and then looked at her surroundings.
The common room was completely devoid of people, but filled with armchairs and a fire place and other nice things. "Woah! This place has furniture! Kait is going to flip when she hears about this! Furniture?! In Dormitories!? Hufflepuffs have it so much better than everyone else! Lucky bitches…." She said, still staring in awe.
Then she realized that she was extremely tired and had to wake up for classes tomorrow. And with that she climbed up the staircase that led her, unknowingly, into the boys' dormitory. When she stepped into the room she only saw that 2 of the beds were occupied. "Why isn't anyone on Hufflepuff? What the heck?" she thought to herself. However, she lay down in one of the beds and quickly fell asleep.
Yeah, sorry if that chapter wasn't the best. I can't wait to write the next one though! Haha, I really do love writing and my sleep cycle is proof. I stay up until 1 am sometimes writing and I don't even realize it… which sucks because I have finals this week. And I need to cram. I'll get another chapter up ASAP. Keep reading!
