Ned.
I know now that I love you, and knowing it scares me to death.
It's three o'clock in the morning and I haven't slept at all. I couldn't sleep. Whenever I lay down and close my eyes I see you, and I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe it's real, that you would leave.
I've never felt the way I did when you kissed me. I've never felt for anyone the way I feel about you. And I didn't know until you told me that you'd be gone how much I was going to miss you. How much I do miss you, even now.
I love you and you have to come back to me, because I can't lose this. I can't lose you. I wish I could say this all to you, but whenever I look into your eyes it's as though I can't think anymore. Maybe you understand what that feels like.
Take care of yourself. You have to come back to me because we haven't had enough time together yet, we have so much left to do.
Until I see you again I will remain,
Forever yours,
Nancy
--
Nancy, my dearest, my only.
I hate it here because you aren't here. I hate it here because I close my eyes and I can still feel your arm against mine and I can still remember what you tasted like the first time I ever kissed you and I want you here with me.
I've loved you since the day you jumped up on the running board of your roadster and asked me what I thought I was doing, having the nerve to move your car away from a burning house, and your eyes were blazing, and you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I couldn't believe you even bothered to talk to me, and even now, sometimes...
I joked about it all those times because I was afraid that you'd put your hand on my arm and smile up into my eyes and brush it off and then the next week I'd see you with someone else, and this-- this dream, that it would all be over. I think you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
And that, Nancy. Those words. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I will never ever feel this way about anyone else, anyone other than you, and it scares me. It scared me until I read what you wrote, and then it scared me because I couldn't find you and say those same words back to you, and I thought it was impossible but I have never wanted so much to see you again.
There's no way... Nancy, I will always come back to you. Always. I will do everything in my power to make it back to you. Just keep writing me, just keep thinking of me, just... never, ever let this go. Never let us go. I need to know you're there. I need to know you're waiting for me.
I love you. Forever and always. Until I see you again, until I can hold your hand and look into your eyes and say all this over again, I remain yours.
Ned
--
Ned.
I'm on the back porch as I write this, watching Hannah. She let me help her work on the victory garden until I started making fun of the cartoon vegetables on the row markers, and she laughed so hard that she almost fell over, so she's banished me. In a few minutes I think I'll go inside and bring her some lemonade as an apology.
I miss you. I miss you so much. The mark on my arm is starting to heal and I dreamed last night that somehow, somehow, that because your blood was in me and mine in you that I would be able to feel it if anything happened to you, and I would know that you're all right. I know it's silly.
Your eyes look almost gold when you're kissing me.
Tell me everything that's going on. Tell me how often you think of me, because, I can't, I can't stop thinking about you. And Ned, do you honestly think that I would ever have dropped you like that? I mean, it's true, sometimes when you weren't around I had to find a guy who was nearly as handsome to escort me to a dance or help me recover a lost fortune.
I'm joking.
You can't see my face but I'm on the point of tears. And you were always my favorite, you have always been my favorite.
I look ridiculous in a straw hat. I'm convinced of the fact. When you come back I'll have to show you so you can laugh at it, even though Hannah says it looks fetching on me. I think she's laughing at me when she says it. But I have to go get some lemonade and I fear that if I don't put the pen down right now that I will just write that I love you until my hand falls off.
Because I do. I love you so much. Love you, love you, love you. No matter what happens. No matter what, Ned.
When you do come back, I do want to hear it. I want you to hold my hand and look into my eyes and say it all over again, every word of it. I want to ruin another pair of stockings while I hear you say how much you love me. Never stop.
I remain, ridiculously hatted and ever, always yours,
Nancy
--
Nancy, if ever a girl could manage to look fetching in a straw hat, I am sure that girl would be you.
I will say it over again. I would get down on my knees and tell you I love you as many times as you want me to, when I come back. Even if you're in a straw hat, I'll still manage to bite back my laughter and say it all with a straight face.
Every day here is exactly the same. The guys get care packages and their mothers and girlfriends and war brides put in pictures and cookies and socks. We wake up when the sky's still black, and my aim's getting better, although it started off better than a lot of guys'.
I hope you don't think I'm terrible for doing this, but I took that picture of you, the one you gave me that I like so much, and pinned it to my headboard so I could sleep with it close to me, and the guy in the bunk above mine asked if you were my wife. For a minute I looked down at the mark on my arm and I didn't know what to say.
I don't think your dream was silly at all. My dreams, Nancy-- those are, those are ridiculous. Like the straw hat and the cartoon vegetables. I think I scarred us when I pulled that knife across our arms, but it was worth it. I don't have a cheap gold weekend wedding ring on my hand, but I feel like you gave me something better that afternoon.
Your eyes go even bluer when we kiss and it's the only time I've ever seen you with your guard down, without just the right thing in mind to say. I love you so much and I love feeling like I'm the reason. Nan, you never needed to be guarded with me. You have to know that I would do anything to never hurt you. Anything.
Save me some lemonade. Because I wish more than anything that I was on your back porch right now, with you, and that you would never, ever cry over this again. I will be back, it'll just take a little while. The only thing I want almost as much as to come back to you, is to be over there, finishing this. I told you this can't be for nothing. I would never forgive myself for spending this time away from you, for any other reason than to help save the world. Because I'm beginning to think that's what they're training us to do. Save the world. Save the world so that when I come home to you, it will be with the knowledge that we will never let this happen again.
I would write it until my hand went numb, how much I love you, but there is no way I can do it with pen and ink and paper. I'll just have to show you, and my darling, your eyes will be so blue.
I miss you so much, and I love you even more.
With every breath and every beat of my heart, every drop of our mingled blood, I remain,
ever and faithfully yours,
Ned
