A/N: Whew! I finally managed to bang this one out! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed/liked/favorited/followed this story! You guys really make me happy and boost my spirits!
Izaya blinked when he walked in the door. He had just gotten back from a pretty simple information deal. The guy just wanted to know if his wife was cheating on him, the same old boring shit. So to spice it up Izaya told him that she was and provided convincingly fake evidence. Taking on information broking as a full time profession not only gave Izaya the ability to find answers, but to create some of his own. It really was a dangerous skill to have in the hands of someone who was more off his rocker than the average person. But what was he talking about? He was above his beloved humans. He was reaching to become a god after all.
Anyway back to the matter at hand. "Shizu-chan can cook?" He asked with an interested smirk. Something clattered to the floor and Shizuo cursed hell and the world. "Or maybe not," Izaya amended with a shrug. He left his shoes at the door and headed over to the tiny kitchen area where his dear Shizu-chan looked like he was struggling.
"Welcome back." Shizuo tossed the greeting over his shoulder while he struggled with something that looked oddly like an ice cream maker. "Fuck! Just work already, dammit!"
"I'll have you know I have been," Izaya said in mock offense. His eyes took in the scene with utter amusement while he took a seat at the small, two person table. Shizuo's kitchen was a disaster. Pots and pans were everywhere and the residue of some unknown recipe was splattered about. Something smelled like it was burning on the stove while another something was cooking in the oven beneath it.
"I wasn't talking to you," Shizuo growled while he continued to wrestle with the machine. With a click, the sound of something grinding into action, and a triumphant "Hah! That's right, bitch!" Shizuo fully turned around to face Izaya. "Hi," he said with a smile.
Izaya returned it easily. "Hello. What's the occasion?" He quickly ran through dates in his head. They were nowhere near anything couples would call "special." Then again they weren't an average couple to begin with. Personally, Izaya didn't even see himself in a relationship. He had accepted Shizuo as his plaything, not as his soul mate. There was a big difference there. He did have a certain amount of affection for the beast but it was more akin to the feelings one had for a favorite toy. That was all there was to it, nothing more, nothing less. After all he could never devote his affections to a single being. His beloved humans deserved all of his love, not the leftovers. That was Izaya's take on it anyway. He knew that Shizuo's was a bit different—hah. Shizuo loved him. Poor thing. Izaya almost pitied him. Almost. The thing was it was hard to feel sorry for someone who, for most of his life, tried to kill him—oops. Scratch that, still tries to kill him—and for no prior reason at all! He wasn't even given a chance. Shizu-chan just decided he hated him on the spot. Oh well, no point crying over spilt milk.
There was a point in keeping up appearances, though. Shizuo had some pretty big opinions on love. It made sense since the beast had been searching for it all his life. If he found out that Izaya had pretty much been screwing with him the entire time then he was a dead man. For real this time. Izaya loved his life and wasn't eager to see it get snuffed out so he made sure to be careful. Shizuo needed to be convinced he was loved back. To be sure, Izaya had been doing a pretty damn good job at it, too. Hell he sometimes even managed to convince himself he loved the beast.
"No occasion, just wanted to do something nice." Shizuo said to him, sitting down on the spare seat to take a breather.
Izaya raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" They must have hit their honeymoon phase then. The outside world had labeled their relationship as abusive. While Izaya didn't agree, he did see the similarities of it all. They had periods where they hurt one another and they had periods where they were nice.
"Well I did want to apologize for ruining your house," Shizuo added when he sensed that Izaya expected a further motive.
Izaya nodded but the reason didn't appease him. "Just my home? What about my body, Shizu-chan? That could certainly use an apology." He pointed to his side when he said this. It wasn't visible since he had a shirt on, but he was wounded there. He had gauze wrapped around his sides multiple times to keep things in place. Dear Shizu-chan cracked three of his ribs a week ago. Isn't that sweet?
Shizuo didn't comment, though. He just stared for a moment and when a buzzer sounded he got up to get whatever was done. "You'll live" was the only consolation he offered which ticked Izaya off. That damn brute had done so much damage to his body and not once was he given a single apology. Not once. Izaya was slowly growing sick of it. Yeah, sure, Shizuo was a good fuck. Yeah, sure, the brute came in handy for certain things. Yeah, sure, Izaya liked taking advantage of him on many levels. However he was starting to get sick of the beatings that resulted. This time he hadn't even done anything! Screw the fact that he sounded like a poor little victim. It wasn't about that. It was about the fact that he had just been there at the wrong time when Shizuo's aggression and, as a result, sexual frustration was at its peak. He didn't mind reaping what he sowed when it was his own doing, but Izaya would be damned if Shizuo thought he was a punching bag, because he wasn't.
"You're so sweet," he said sarcastically. Shizuo's back was to him and he was toying with the idea of throwing his knife at him. Oh how it tempted him so…
"I better be sweet," Shizuo said, brushing off Izaya's sarcasm easily. "I went through all this shit for you."
Izaya rolled his eyes. "Please. Chances are you're hungry, too."
"I could have just made enough for myself."
"That's true, but I could have just gone straight home instead of coming all the way here to see you. So who's the sweet one here, ne?"
Shizuo clicked his teeth. "Whatever." Izaya deflated a little. He hated when Shizuo wasn't up for an argument. Believe it or not it happened sometimes, especially when he was trying to be nicer. Honeymoon phase, remember? In other words it was boring as hell.
"I'll take that as a victory. I'm the sweeter one~!" He said in a sing-song voice even though he was mentally throwing daggers. Irritated as he was, he wasn't about to end the temporary, unspoken peace treaty. He was still healing not only his side but various other wounds so he wasn't up for anything physically straining. He found it funny how he never actually started getting hurt on a regular basis until he started "dating" Shizuo.
"So what's on the menu, Shizu-chan?" he asked once he'd gotten his irritation back in check.
"See for yourself." Shizuo set down a plate of lasagna with macaroni and garlic bread.
Izaya stared at the plate. Considering the chaos he had walked into, the end product really didn't look all that bad. "Macaroni? Shizu-chan you know that doesn't go with lasagna right? You can't have two pastas on one plate."
"Why not?" Shizuo didn't seem to care for he was always scarfing it down.
"Because that puts the whole universe out of alignment!"
"I thought our relationship did that?"
"It does," he conceded, "but two pastas on the same plate have the same effect. Now you're really throwing things off kilter."
Shizuo smiled a bit around his fork. "Worth it."
Izaya was pretty sure what Shizuo was implying there, but decided to ignore it. "What are you going to do when the world goes to hell, hmm?"
Shizuo shrugged. "Don't know. I don't think I have much to worry about, though."
Izaya tilted his head to the side. "Why is that?"
"'Cause I'm practically indestructible." The way he said it revealed a bit of the internal disgust he had for himself. Izaya of course ate it up because he was a self-proclaimed bastard. Shizuo didn't notice the brief expression of glee since he had looked down at his plate to take a moment to get all self-pitying.
"Well you and your indestructible self can help me with this next job, ne?" Izaya didn't offer Shizuo any comfort. It was not his forte for one thing, but it also wasn't his job to boost his self-esteem whenever he needed it. Izaya was there to use him. That was all. He couldn't exactly be called out on it since Izaya knew Shizuo wasn't expecting much to change between them other than the fact that it was socially acceptable to have sex and be all…"couple-y."
Shizuo looked up at him. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well Shiki-san needs help and things could get pretty dangerous. I figure since you're my boyfriend and all," at this Izaya mentally gagged, "it shouldn't be a problem offering me your assistance."
"Hell no," Shizuo said at once.
Izaya pouted in hopes it would work. "Why not? What if I get hurt?"
"Then that's your own damn fault. I thought I told you to stop meddling in that yakuza shit."
Izaya dropped his expression to replace it with an irritated one. "And I thought I told you that wasn't going to happen? What the hell gives you the right to tell me what I can and can't do for a living?"
"I just want you to be safe, that's all."
"No you just want to be all macho. Just because I let you stick your dick in me does not mean that you can use that to dictate other parts of my life. I do whatever the hell I want when I want."
Shizuo ground his teeth together. "I'm not trying to control you."
"Yes you are. You're turning into one of those paranoid boyfriend types which, for the record, is so not attractive."
Shizuo slammed his fork down on the plate, causing both items to crack. "What the fuck? That's not true! What the hell is wrong with worrying a little, Izaya?"
Izaya was not fazed by the accidental show of strength. "What kind of worrying is that? Telling me to find a safer job makes you feel better, but when I ask for your protection to ensure my safety you say go to hell? That's fucked up."
"Don't put words in my mouth," he snapped.
"I'll put them wherever the hell I want since you're too stupid to use them anyway," he snapped back. He had just enough time to duck before the cracked plate could make contact with his head. "Oh real mature," he sneered as he sat back up again with his knife now in his hand. "You're only proving my point, Shizu-chan."
"Why don't you go to hell, flea?"
"Heh. I'm on my way and you'll end up right there with me." He smiled at him but there was no happiness there, just anger.
"If that little deal of yours falls through then you'll be there sooner than I will. Good riddance to ya."
He pointed his knife at him. "You'll miss me, Shizu-chan."
"Nobody would miss a smarmy bastard like you!" He shouted, his temper now beginning to overflow. "Hell I'll probably be the first in a long line to dance on your grave!"
Izaya smiled wider to conceal the hurt that had caused him. "I see. Then all this was a lie then?" He chuckled a bit. "I guess it's true that Shizu-chan is incapable of love. Here I am the only person to ever bother to try and be in a relationship with you and all you can do is fuck it up like you do everything else." It was kind of ironic considering the fact that Izaya wasn't trying at all. He actually found it funny that Shizuo even managed to ruin a fake relationship. How fitting, ne? "You're absolutely hopeless!" He started laughing. "Shizu-chan is forever alone no matter how hard he tries!" He was in the middle of laughing when the table was thrown at him. It hit him with the force of a train and he flew backwards and crashed into the far wall. He pushed it off of him with a concealed groan while making sure that the smirk Shizuo hated was still plastered to his face. "Oh? Did I hit a nerve, Shizu-chan?" Because you hit one of mine, he thought. The fact that Shizuo had the ability to cut him with words pissed him off. He, Izaya, was the only one allowed to do that. It was how their game worked. Shizuo hurt him physically and he hurt him mentally. He did not like that Shizuo took the cake with both this time around.
"I HATE YOU!" Shizuo screamed as he threw the coffee table at him. Izaya managed to dodge this one since he could see it coming. He pulled out a spare knife and threw it at Shizuo like a dart. He watched as the monster before him caught it in midair. Izaya dodged to the right when Shizuo tried to throw it back at him. The dart speared itself into the wall, causing the plaster to crack in a spider-web-like formation.
"That's unfortunate because I love you, Shizu-chan," Izaya said, knowing that would stab the fucking protozoan once he was left alone with his own destruction. He looked around for a means of escape. The door was blocked thanks to the coffee table so all he had left was the window. He hated fighting the beast in such close quarters. It made the chances of Shizuo catching him that much greater. He needed to leave now. He ran towards the window with Shizuo right on his heels. He dodged and ducked the attacks from behind. Plates, pictures, shoes, basically anything Shizuo could get his hands on slammed into walls and other things as Izaya evaded each one. He practically dove out the window and he felt the rush of air as Shizuo's hand just barely missed grasping onto his ankle.
He grabbed onto the gutter on the side of the apartment and allowed himself to slide all the way down, ignoring the searing burn on his palms from the friction. Once he was on the ground Izaya high-tailed it out of there, not wanting to stick around. He already felt warmth on his shoulder that signaled one of his wounds had reopened. His cracked ribs weren't fairing much better either thanks to the physical exertion. He didn't stop running, though, and Shizuo's scream followed him out of Ikebukuro.
"IIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAAA!"
A/N: Thank you again for reading! Please review! They help keep those creative juices flowing ;)
