-Wyfort-
After having collected the rest of their company, Argus then led the five teens to an obscure shack some ways away from the keep. As they proceeded towards this aforementioned dwelling, they passed by several rickety houses of the townspeople. Crumbling and dirty, the town was a mess, though from outside its walls, you would never know. Those fortifications, built by Plackus himself, were put up to cement his rule. It had multiple purposes: to keep his prisoners in, and keep his enemies out.
"Alright children," Argus shouted teasingly as they turned the corner. "We are almost there."
"Where exactly are we going?" Ophelia asked in her usual annoyed tone. She was remarkably beautiful today, her pale-yet-lively skin flawless and her auburn eyes bright and determined. She wore an eloquent crimson tunic, matching pants and a feathered red cap. On her hip was a sword, slender, and about forty inches in length, similar to Dagonet's who had graduated from his original thirty inch blade. Her hair was worn down; flowing towards the small of her back and Dagonet could only stare. He knew better than to do so for long, though, as Ophelia was herself much like a dragon; pouncing on anything that seemed to pose a threat. He quickly looked away as she began speaking once more. "I thought the wyvern stables were that way." She started to complain, her thumb pointing down at the road behind them.
"You silly child," Argus said, looking at them as if they were fools needing to be babied. "Before a mission, we must consult the Four Coconuts."
Dagonet nudged Porkchop with his elbow. "Ask him what the Four Coconuts are…" he whispered. Since Porkchop was the largest and most muscular of them all, Dagonet knew that Argus wouldn't pick a fight with him.
"What are the Four Coconuts?" Porkchop indeed inquired.
Argus spun around as if to slap him but stopped midswing, seeing that it was Porkchop, one of the king's favourite nephews, who spoke. "I daresay that you should know already, Porkchop…" the man said in a disappointed English accent. However, he decided to tell them about the mighty Coconuts anyway. Argus cleared his throat, whereas Dagonet merely groaned. In Wyfort, when one clears his throat, that is almost certainly an indicator that a long speech is about to come your way. One of the most deadly weapons is the spoken word, and many a brave soul has died from overly long abrasive speeches or harangues.
"The Four Coconuts," Argus began in an over-loud sermonic tone as they continued to walk, "Are the four mighty entities who have taken the form of coconuts. In that house," Argus pointed to the falling-apart building that came into view ahead of them, "Is where they are stored."
Dagonet raise a brow. "What's so special abou-"
"Let me speak, boy!" Argus snapped. "Anyways," he rambled, "When we enter through that door, it will only be us and the Four Coconuts. There is a large, square-shaped sandbox in the middle of the room. I will pull a lever, and the coconuts will drop. From the marks they make, I shall decipher their advice using this book." He held up a large grey volume titled: How to Decipher a Coconut by Chucky Norrisson. On the face of the book was a picture of three coconuts, shockingly, because Argus specifically stated that there were four.
"What kind of advise do they give?" Thimble asked, looking mildly interested.
"Sometimes good, sometimes bad," Argus answered, bluntly. "One unlucky group was given the words: 'When in doubt, die'."
"Well, did they?" Thomble queried.
"Yes, they did. The coconuts know all, I tells ya."
"That is so fantasmagorical!" Thimble exclaimed, his eyes wide with excitement. Thomble nodded in agreement. "Well said, brother. Well said."
"Okay, we're here." Argus whispered once they had reached the shack. Peeking through a small orifice, he made sure nobody was inside the room. Pleased, he gently pushed open the fragile excuse for a door and gestured for them to enter, closing the door once more when they did. The room was just as he had described it. There was no furniture, no stray artefacts… Just a single, giant sandbox smack dab in the middle of a room in a house that looked like it was going to turn to sand anyways. Just before the sandbox was mounted a lever; its purpose obviously being to lower the almighty coconuts.
"You ready?" he asked, giddy. The teenagers nodded, though unenthusiastically.
Stepping forward, the scarred man gripped the lever and thrust it down. With several chinks and whirs of mechanism, a sound of flying rope was heard and four normal hairy coconuts tumbled into the sandbox below them, creating tiny craters and sand splatters.
"Okay, lets see what advice we get today…" Argus muttered, stepping forward with his book. He began flipping through it, muttering as he went along, occasionally scribbling a word onto his notepad. "Hm, triple sand splatter… big hole… clockwise hair markings… ah… yes!" He shut the book, creating a small plume of dust.
"Well, what's our advice?" Dagonet asked.
"Hm… This is weird…" Argus said, eyeing his notepad critically.
"Well…?"
"It says right here… that we must… Um…"
"Well!" Dagonet was starting to get annoyed.
Argus gave in. "In doubt, Eat Da Poo Poo."
A chorus of "Ew gross!", "Yuck!", and multiple nose pinches emanated from the teenage group.
"Some advice that is!" Ophelia grumbled, unimpressed. "I refuse to follow it!"
Argus shook his head. "Impossible... We can't just shrug off the coconut's advice! Though, admittedly, some of these words are words I've never even seen before. Like they originated in a different language or something..."
" Perhaps the coconuts are having a bad day." Porkchop suggested.
"Can almighty spirits have bad days?" Thimble asked. There was a familiar mischievious glint in his eyes.
"I'm sure they can..." Argus muttered, his eyes staring flat at the ground. "This is the first time they've given me advice like this..."
"I'm sure it's normal, Argus." Thomble said in an affirmative tone. "They probably have hissy fits like this all the time." Somehow, his attempts to comfort the bitter man did not seem very legitimate in Dagonet's point of view.
"Yeah, yeah..." Argus murmured distractedly. We should probably go now." As he turned away Thimble and Thomble snickered, nudging Dagonet. He turned towards them, immediately spotting a linen covered rectangular object in Thomble's spindly hands.
"What is that?" Dagonet asked, preparing himself for a mental barrage of insanity.
"It's the real book." Thomble answered, simply. The pair burst into fits of laughter.
"No way," Dagonet said, a smile creeping across his face.
"Yes way."Thimble replied, nodding.
"You just probably offended four almighty coconut spirits." Dagonet reminded them.
"That's how we do, homeskillet." They snorted in unison.
"That phrase is never going to catch on, you know." commented Dagonet, rolling his eyes. The twins were always concocting weird, abnormal phrases thinking that one day, their words may echo across the centuries and their names be forever remembered as the lords of slang. There was absolutely no way that would occur, Dagonet often thought. Who would ever use the word, "homeskillet" in a coherent sentence? That's right, no one.
"So I guess we're heading for the wyvern stables now?" Porkchop asked, squinting at the distance.
"That is correct." Argus mumbled, still crestfallen at the Coconuts' nonsensical advice. Together, the small hunt-bound group straggled towards the holding area for the Wyvern, their leader very much depressed, just the way Dagonet liked him.
Author's note:
So there you have, it. The Almight Coconuts. Anyways, here's a little heads up. If you happen to see any internet memes in these chapters, chillax, it was intentional. I may try to slip one in every chapter, and hopefully you'll catch on. This chapter's meme is Eat Da Poo Poo, which first came into fruition when a video was released of a Ugandan minister who was presenting anti-homosexuality propaganda presentations, often claiming that acts of Eating Da Poo Poo often took place behind closed doors. That video has amassed over one million views. Just a little internet knowledge for ya'.
