Project H: Eclipse

By Project H

Part 3

*Bella's room*

Bella: I have to figure out what to tell people. Why I won't be home for Christmases, why I won't visit, why they'll never see me again...

Edward: Just sleep on it for a few decades, then everyone will die and you won't have to tell them anything. You'll see them age, get sick, and die in your arms. Now that's what I call romance

Bella: Why are you so against me becoming like you?

Edward: Ew. Then I'd be making out with myself

Bella: Be honest with me. There's more

Edward: You believe I have a soul...and I don't. But to risk yours just for the sake of never having to lose you...that's the most selfish thing I'll ever do

Bella: Nice to know that the most selfish thing you'll ever do involves letting me make a decision for myself

Edward: Exactly. I have taken away all your free will because I want you to feel confident and independent

Bella: I thought you were afraid that I'd be too different. Like, I wouldn't be...warm. I wouldn't smell the same

Edward: You'll always be my Bella. My Bella, just cold and stinky

Bella: Like an old, dead fish

Edward: Quiet, I'm getting turned on

-
*Never-before-seen lake*

Jacob: You need to hear the truth Bella...understand all your options. And you need to know that I'm in love with you

Bella: Yeah, I kind of figured

Jacob: And I want you to choose me instead of him

Bella: No kidding

Jacob: You feel something else for me, you just won't admit it. And I'm going to keep yelling and threatening you until you realise how much you love me. I'm going to fight for you, until your heart stops beating. Until you're brain-dead. Until your bowels evacuate themselves and maggots start eating your flesh. And even then, I'll probably still have a bit of a thing for you. Actually, all this talk of maggots has got me turned on *Kisses Bella*

Bella: *Punches Jacob, and breaks wrist*

Jacob: Sweet. Third base

-
*Swan House*

Edward: How dare you force yourself on Bella and break her wrist. That's my thing. My thing is to kiss her and then badly hurt her. Your thing is to check out her butt as she walks away from you in disgust

Bella: Edward, don't-

Edward: And your thing is to be quiet and do what I say

Jacob: She's not sure what she wants

Edward: She can make up her own mind. She's not a child

Jacob: Oh yeah, like I could fall in love with a child

*Appropriately awkward pause*

Charlie: Bella! You come home late with two guys fighting over you? I think this is the first time I've ever been proud of you

-
*Cullen House*

Edward: Jasper, got any leads?

Jasper: Why? Taking Bella for a walk?

Rosalie: Bella? I hate that bitch *Slams door*

Bella: Sounds like she wants a meaningful talk with me

*Rosalie's place to think*

Rosalie: If you're here to be a bitch, you can go and be a bitch somewhere else. Bitch

Bella: I don't understand what I did to make you hate me so much

Rosalie: Hate? I don't hate you. Wherever did you get an idea like that, little bitch? I just don't like that you've got a choice in this and you're choosing wrong. It's nothing personal, it's just that you're a bad person and you're doing bad things. I don't care how miserable your human life is

Bella: My life is not miser-ahaha! Sorry, I couldn't say that with a straight face. Every day is a new torture

Rosalie: Nobody's life is perfect. Except mine. Mine was perfect. It really makes your life look like the pile of crap that it is. I was finally achieving every girl's dream – I was marrying for money. But shockingly, my loveless relationship with a horrible man ended in heartbreak. And vampirism. So I did the only sane thing I could think of, and went on a murderous rampage in a wedding dress. No feeling will ever amount to the thought of growing old with grandchildren, but strangling your ex-fiancé with his own oesophagus comes pretty close

Bella: I think I'm happier with us not being friends

-
*Riley's place*

Riley: You kids are out of control! You embarrassed me in front of everyone else at the restaurant! Something's coming. Something bigger than any of us alone

Bree: Is some chick trying to get petty revenge for her boyfriend really bigger than any of us?

Riley: If you can't control yourselves we're all going to die

Dirk: Even me?

Riley: Especially you, Dirk. Especially you

*Nearby, standing on a roof*

Demetri: They've already drawn too much attention, touching everything with their sticky little fingers

Felix: We haven't killed anyone in days, and that makes me assume we're not doing our job properly. Let's call Aro

Jane: Aro's thoughts are being watched *Tortures Felix*

Alec: And ours aren't?

Jane: I'm comfortable assuming that *Tortures Alec*. So either we let them do what they were created for, or we end them

Demetri: Third option – ditch this place, and go and stand on the roofs outside the drive-in movie theatre

All: Third option!

Jane: *Tortures everyone*

-
*Graduation*

Jessica: When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like kitty cat, seesaw, or in my case, loved. When we were ten, they asked again. We answered red power ranger, blue power ranger, and Mr Molina said I'm not allowed to say what I wanted to be. But this isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions – this is the time to make mistakes. And by that logic, this class has been a huge success. Congratulations on 18 years of colossal failure

Crowd: *Cheers*

Bella: Look daddy, I'm graduating

Charlie: Nerd

Edward: Look daddy, I'm graduating

Carlisle: This gets tiresome after 17 times

-
*Graduation party*

Angela: Ooh, I love this new song by Muse out now on CD and available for download on iTunes. Let's go dance

Jacob: Hi there, we're crashing the party

Bella: You can't crash a party you're invited to

Jacob: Sure we can, we're rebels. Embry, smoke this cigarette

Embry: But I don't-

Jacob: SMOKE IT! I wanted to say sorry, Bella. And thought that since our last meeting involved a kiss and a punch, this one might involved a feel-up and a stabbing

Bella: Get lost

Jacob: I made you a crappy bracelet

Bella: Awesome! I forgive you

Alice: Time for party games. We've got twister, spin the bottle, and visions of vampires coming to kill Bella

Jasper: Aww, we always play that last one

Edward: *Was clearly not invited to this party*

*Somewhere else in the Cullen house*

Alice: I don't recognise them, and yet I was able to see them in my vision. I'm not sure how that works, but Mike put something in the punch and now everything looks funny

Edward: *Oh, wait, there he is* They're an army, and they're coming after Bella

Jacob: There's a surprise

Carlisle: There are too many *wink wink* and we can't take them alone *wink wink*

Jacob: Well I suppose we could-

Carlisle: Excellent! Thanks for volunteering

Bella: No! You'll get yourselves killed

Carlisle: But without them, we'll all die

Bella: No biggie

Carlisle: 'We' includes you, Bella

Bella: Kill them, Jacob!

-
*Vamp training camp*

Wolves: *Arrive*

Carlisle: Edward, will you translate?

Edward: Certainly

Carlisle: *To wolves* Jasper has experience fighting newborns. He'll teach us how to defeat them

Edward: *To wolves* Carlisle says you suck

Jasper: Fighting a newborn is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman; if you do things right, someone will end up decapitated and on fire. Speaking of beautiful women, I will now demonstrate with Emmett

Emmett: *Fights*

Jasper: *Fights*

Emmett: *Fights*

Jasper: *Punches Bella* Dammit Emmett! What if I'd been Victoria?

Carlisle: *Fights*

Edward: *Fights*

Jasper: *Punches Bella* Dammit Ed!

Alice: *Fights*

Jasper: *Fights*

Rosalie: *Punches Bella* Ha! Beat you to it

*Later*

Bella: Jasper, are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?

Jasper: Your smell alone will be enough to distract them

Bella: I wish it was the first time I'd heard that. I'm just glad that after the Quileute campfire and Rosalie, I don't have to hear any more dull back stories

Jasper: I was the youngest major in the Texas cavalry...

Bella: Damn it

*Flashback*

Jasper narrating: I was riding back to Galveston when I saw three women in nighties on the beach. This was extremely suspicious, and almost certainly a trap, so I rode over and immediately offered them my aid

Ol' Jasper: Ma'am

Maria: I hope you survive. You may be of great use to me

Ol' Jasper: Ma'am?

Maria: *Bites Jasper*

Ol' Jasper: Ma'am!

Jasper narrating: We would raise newborns for a year, then brutally murder them. Naturally, I thought what we had was love

Little Billy Newborn: Papa Jasper, you'll always protect us from trouble, right?

Ol' Jasper:...

Billy: Papa Jasper?

Jasper: *Attacks Billy*

Billy: Papa Jasper!

*End Flashback*

Jasper: But I was her puppet. She pulled the strings and put her hand up my backside to make me talk. But it wasn't all good times...and then I found Alice. We didn't kill as often, but I don't know what I would've done without her

Alice: You never have to be that again. Except for right now, 'cause we need to massacre some babies

Both: *Laugh*

Bella: Aww, they're bonding over murder. Some day that'll be me and Ed

Jasper: *Punches Bella* Dammit Alice!

TO BE CONTINUED...