"On a Wing and a Prayer"

An Escaflowne Fanfiction by aefrae21

The Curse

Author's Notes: So the two are linked? What does that mean other than plenty of uncomfortable situations? Oh, you just wait and see! Enjoy!

Careful to be soundless, Hitomi closed the door behind her and slipped towards the courtyard. "Maybe if I can figure this thing out myself." She whispered. "Then I'll-" She stopped. "Then I'll what? I don't know what solving the mystery is going to accomplish. But I want to know!" With new resolve, she focused her senses and increased her pace.

vvvvvvvvvv

Several days passed and only managed to increase the King's frustration. It was a game of cat and mouse. Every time he tried to approach Hitomi to talk to her about the details of the link, including some of the more frightening ones, she miraculously disappeared or was busy helping someone else. She was never alone in the castle and Van was strongly of the opinion that she was physically distant on purpose. Their link, it seemed, could only work over short distances. Still, to keep the information to himself, Van had hidden the book in the most secure place he knew: under Hitomi's nose. He had to admit that it was amusing to watch Hitomi scurry around rooms, pretending to do something in order to search for the book.

It was getting old fast. Two days of the silent treatment was entirely too much. Not to mention the fact that, if he didn't talk to her soon, well, it just wouldn't be good for either of them. There was a sudden twinge of 'sneakiness' that danced across Van's consciousness. He turned to see something thin and blond race down the corridor ahead of him.

"Hitomi! Wait!" he called, but she kept running. "I've got to talk to you!" Soon the connection faded. "Damn it." He cursed. "She runs fast." This called for a new plan.

"Merle. Merle!" Van called, smirking.

Sure enough, in seconds, the cat girl skittered down the hallway. She screeched to a halt at the King's feet and pounced. "Lord Van! Lord Van! You've been so moody all of the time, I thought you were never gonna speak to me again!"

"Nonsense Merle, I was just thinking-"

"And Hitomi's giving you such a hard time too" She whined.

"Merle?" He asked. "Has Hitomi been asking you where a special book might be?"

Merle put her hands on her hips and shifted to the side. "How did you know?"

"Just a guess. Would you do me a favor?"

Her eyes grew to saucer size. "Anything Lord Van!"

"Would you tell Hitomi that the book is in her bedroom, on the balcony?"

"Oh." Her eyes thinned. "So it is for her."

"Look Merle." He patted her lightly on the head and she almost purred. "Just tell her and I promise that we'll go out to the fields tomorrow for a few hours, just you and me. Sound good?"

She perked up and nodded. "You can count on me, Lord Van!"

"One more thing."

"Hmm?" She purred.

"Don't tell her that I told you to tell her- I mean- Van ruffled his fingers through his hair. "Tell her that-"

Merle smiled. "You mean that I heard about this super secret book that King Van's been hiding? And it so happens to be on her balcony? Maybe we should go look at it? Hmm?"

That girl always knew more than she let on. And there would probably be a catch; sneaky little kitty. "That's perfect."

"It'll cost ya." She held out a paw.

"Huh?"

"I want ice cream tomorrow. And a ball. A big orange one, and it had better be squishy!"

He'd been cornered. At least her demands weren't too irrational this time. "Okay."

"Yay!" Merle grinned wide and charged off. "Hitomi! Hitomi! Where are you, you sneak?"

"Geez." Van frowned. "Couldn't she be at least a little more tact- Never mind." He turned away and headed for the council room.

vvvvvvvvvv

"That was close." Hitomi sighed, resting against a nearby column. "He nearly caught me." Guild washed over her. "It's not that I'm not talking to him; it's just that I can't right now. Until I figure this mess out anyway." She took a deep breath and started round the column.

"Hitomi!"

She fell sharply on her butt. "Ouch!"

"There you are! What are you doing down there?" Merle grinned.

Hitomi jumped to her feet, scowling. "Merle!"

"Hey, guess what?"

"I don't have time for games now." Retorted Hitomi.

"Oh? And I thought you'd want to know Lord Van's secret. But, if you're not interested-" Turning sharply, Merle started walking away. Hitomi would be stopping her in three, two, one-

"Wait!" Hitomi burst, grabbing Merle by the shoulder. "What secret?"

"Oh? So you want to know now, do you?"

"Merle!"

"Geez, don't go crazy. I'll tell you." She put her hand to Hitomi's ear, "Well, I heard Lord Van talking about this special book. He said he kept it hidden because it's got lots of secrets in it!" Merle paused. "Hey, weren't you asking about a special book yesterday?"

"Yes! Did he say what was in it?"

"Well, I was kind of not invited into the conversation-"

"You were snooping."

"Well-"

"Never mind. It can't hurt to look at it right? I mean, it might be the book I was looking for." Hitomi smiled. "So where is it?"

"I heard it was on your balcony."

She screeched. "My balcony! You mean to tell me that he hid it, practically inside my bedroom, and I didn't notice? Ugh!" Hitomi threw her arms down at her sides. "Come on Merle! We're gonna go check it out."

"Um, Hitomi?"

"What now?"

"It's dinnertime."

Hitomi opened her mouth to oppose, but quickly shut it again. Her stomach growled loudly. "Drat." Now she'd have to see Van AND pretend that she didn't know about the book.

vvvvvvvvv

Dinner was a thrilling event. Millerna, Allen, and Merle tried to hold normal conversation in what would have been a dead silence. Van was staring at Hitomi, but trying not to look obvious about it. His eyes kept jumping from Hitomi to his untouched plate of food. Sometimes, to break it up, he'd take a sudden interest in a speck of dirt on the table. Hitomi, on the other hand, was trying to avoid him entirely and shovel food down her throat as quickly as possible. The whole scene was unnerving. It was especially bothersome for both Hitomi and Van, who could sense the others' troubled emotions. 'Is he trying to make me more nervous?' thought Hitomi. 'I mean, he just keeps staring! Doesn't he know that it's rude?'

Then, she heard a rebound in her mind, like a voice echoing under water. It was clear enough though- 'I wouldn't have to be so rude if-'

'Oh no.' She met his eyes for the first time in several days.

'Hey1 She's looking at me for once. Maybe she's-'

Back to food shoveling. 'No! No! No! I am NOT hearing his thoughts! No! No! No!'

She shook her head. "I'm feeling dizzy again Merle, will you walk me up to my room?"

Merle looked away from a forkful of fish. "Why does it have to be me?"

"Because-" Hitomi did her best to sound convincing. "Because you did such a good job of it before!" She blurted. That was bad. Hitomi reeled. Surely they'd see right through her. She'd be found out and have to face Van. This was really bad!

"You heard her Merle." Van spoke up suddenly. "Please escort her upstairs. If she doesn't feel well, she shouldn't have to stay."

Hitomi turned to him. "Thank you." 'Now, what are you thinking? That was entirely too easy.' To her dismay, Hitomi only heard bubbles of speech. 'Great.' Merle helped her up. 'Well, at least I don't have to worry about hearing his thoughts. Must have been my imagination.'

Hitomi and Merle left the room.

"Do you think that was wise, Van?" asked Allen.

"Hmm?" Van was lost in thought. "Wise? Yes, I think it was."

"You have a plan, eh?" Millerna smiled.

"What good King doesn't always have a plan?"

"The kind that runs around recklessly piloting a guymelef-"

"That's enough Allen." Van frowned.

Millerna giggled.

"You too."

There was a very pregnant pause.

All three burst out laughing. When the noise died down, Van excused himself for the evening.

He walked down the empty hall. "So tonight she'll find out the truth of the 'link'." He sighed. "I hope she doesn't hate me. But-" The moon was full and Van stared at it for a lingering moment. "But the plan has been going well so far. She definitely knows about the book and is obviously going up to look at it now. If I wait just a few minutes, then I should catch her before she's had time to work herself up." He gulped. "I hope."

vvvvvvvvvv

The book lay shut in front of them. Hitomi's heart thundered in her chest. "Well?" Merle broke the silence. "Are we gonna just sit there, or are we gonna read it?"

Hitomi blinked. "Sorry." She carefully turned the pages, looking for the image she'd seen before. "Now, if I can just find it-" There was the dog-eared page; curious, she started skimming the text. Again, the strange language filtered right into her mind.

Merle cocked an ear. "What does it say?"

"You mean you can't read?"

"Hey!" Merle frizzed. "Of course I can read you idiot! I just can't read that stuff. Come to think of it, why can you read it? Only Lord Van knows the writing."

"I don't know." Hitomi puzzled. "Maybe because I'm from the Mystic Moon?"

"It doesn't matter; what does it say?"

"Well-" She read.

'The rite of bonding is a ritual initiated through marriage.'

"What?"

"Keep reading." Merle stared.

"Okay." Maybe she was reading the wrong section. It couldn't hurt to find out more.

"Where was I? Oh yes, here we go,

through marriage. When the couple becomes intimate, their souls merge and create a link. If the partner is unwilling, the link will not form and the marriage will fail.

That's so sad." She paused. "Hmm.

If the bond is successful, the couple will enjoy an empathic link. Whereby, emotions become readable to the spouse. They are aware when their partner feels sadness and grief, happiness and joy, worry and pain. In this way, each one is able to protect and understand their spouse."

Merle tapped her on the shoulder. "Hitomi? Are you okay?"

"I think so." She lied. This was just unbelievable; she couldn't be 'bonded' to Van. But she could sense his emotions- But how had this happened if she didn't marry him? Hitomi blushed. Stuttering, she continued. "Let's- let's see if- if there's anything else here.

Sometimes there are additional beneficial effects depending on the couple. There have been cases of reading minds, whereby one or both members of the couple are able to clearly read their partner's thought directly. Variations of this effect may also occur.

Was this happening to her? Hitomi started sweating.

"Anything else?"

She turned the page and nodded. "It keeps going on this page too.

Since the bond is a combination of two souls, the strength and capabilities of the link vary based on the strength of the soul. One may dominate and therefore, have capabilities that the other lacks.

Then it looks like it goes into a marriage ritual- Hey, I wonder what this is?" Hitomi glanced over at the adjacent page where a human was depicted next to a draconian.

"Hmm?" Merle climbed behind Hitomi and peered down over her shoulder. "So-"

"It says,

Occasionally, a draconian will seek to marry a human. Be forewarned: because humans do not possess the same strength of mind and power of will as the draconian race, no bond will be formed to them. The draconian partner may sense their partner's emotions or nothing at all. And certainly the human partner will not possess any of the capabilities of the link. Unfortunately, most of these relationships end poorly for the draconian. The lifespan of a human is comparatively shorter and without a mutual link, despair may cause the body to cease functioning after the human partner has passed.

How awful." Hitomi found that she was crying. "It's all so sad."

Merle sniffed. "Queen Varie-"

"What?"

"Van's Mother. That's what happened to her-" Merle was opening sobbing now.

"What?"

"When his Father died, she got really quiet and depressed. When Folken left, it just got worse. Nothing could drag her out of her room. She just sorta- faded away-"

"Poor Van-"

"I think I'm going to go to bed now." Merle said softly. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Merle." She managed.

Turning her attention back to the book, worry set in again. What if this was happening to her? Worse yet, what if, by some odd chance, she and Van had established a bond and now she'd cause him pain? Was she really reading his mind? Could a human even do that? With shaking hands, Hitomi turned the page. "Let's see-

Once formed, a bond is nearly unbreakable. The death of one or a breaking ritual performed by both members of the couple are the only ways to sever the connection. Distance weakens the influence of the bond, but will not break it. Naturally, when I close proximity, the effects of the link are stronger, thus making-"

Hitomi had to stop. Her hands trembled so much that she could not hold the book anymore. "If this is what happened to us, then how am I supposed to un-do it? The ritual for breaking isn't described anywhere here." She wiped her eyes frantically. "There's got to be something else-"

Her senses reeled. Hastily, she pulled the book behind her and sniffled. He was coming. Little by little, she heard the murky voices in her head. It was happening again. With no regard for the young man landing on her balcony, Hitomi curled forward and cried hard.

'It's worse than I thought, she's so upset.'

"Stop that!" Hitomi yelled. The anger and hurt in her voice alone made Van's head spin.

"Hitomi please, I want to talk about this." It was obvious that she didn't. Hesitantly, he reached out for her; she pulled back. 'I guess she hates me.'

"I don't hate you."

"Huh? Did I say that out loud?" Van puzzled.

He couldn't hear her thoughts? Hitomi looked up. Think about something strange. 'I'm thinking about dancing in a monkey costume- She looked at Van. No reaction.

"Hitomi?"

"No! You didn't. It's just- I don't hate you for what's happened. It is-" She wiped her eyes. "It is this. Isn't it?" She held the book in front of her.

'What a relief.' "Yes, as far as I can tell."

"Then how did we- We aren't-" she fumbled.

"I don't know." He pulled his wings in and crouched next to her.

Steadily, Hitomi felt less upset. What was he doing?

'I was so worried that giving her the book was going to upset her.'

Well he should have been. It did.

'But maybe, she'll understand.' Van kept his eyes on the floor.

"Van?"

She looked a little less tense; that was a good sign. It couldn't hurt to answer. Van took a deep breath. "Hitomi, I-"

Hitomi clasped her hands in her lap and stopped him. "Just wait, let me go first."

Van nodded.

"There's more to this bond than just sensing emotions. I can- well, I can-" She hesitated. Did she really want to tell him that she could read his mind? He might get angry, or worse, he might never come near her again.

The anxiety was killing him. "If you want to break the link, I'll help you. We can find a way to do it."

Silence.

He'd help? Did that mean that he wanted to sever their connection? He didn't want her? But did she honestly want to be bonded to him? Hitomi met his eyes in an awkward stare. They were steeled; unwavering windows with their blinds drawn closed. Van was hiding whatever he was really feeling. Without thinking, Hitomi pushed the blinds aside.

Sadness. 'If it's what she wants, I'll find a way.'

Regret. 'I wish it hadn't come to this. Why did I call her? Because-'

And something, else. 'Because I n-'

"Hitomi?"

The voice in her head wavered and muddled itself.

"I've got to go." Said Van.

"Van, wait. I didn't mean-"

In a whirlwind of feathers, he was gone.

vvvvvvvvvv

"Damn it!" Van cursed. "Why did I just run away like that? I should have stayed and explained. But-" He grimaced. "It was like she was in my head." How was he supposed to tell her that every time they got close, he could almost hear what she was thinking? Or that he wanted to stay linked. "Or that this bond will kill us if we don't do something soon."

Van drifted towards the ground slowly. The link's presence was dying away to remain a mere dull throb. Hitomi's tidal wave of emotion settled in his mind. "It might kill me sooner if I get too close to Hitomi." His surroundings filtered into his consciousness as an afterthought. "So I ended up here."

Escaflowne's steadfast form towered over him. So he had come to the war machine's resting place. In it's disuse, the guymelef had dulled slightly. The passage of a year had yielded a few vines and a number of flowers now dotted Escaflowne's metal boots.

"So, old friend, it's been a while. The last time I was here, those flowers hadn't blossomed yet." Quietly, he lay in the grass near the sleeping giant. "I always come here when the weight of the world has become too much, eh? Heh." He chuckled. "I think that I only come here because you're like another me. Someone who understands." Van sighed. "If only I could make Hitomi understand. I don't want to break this bond, but if it's what she wants, I'll do it in a heartbeat." The trouble was, he didn't know how. "She just looked so- frightened. And she felt upset and troubled by the information in the book. But she's got to understand!" He slammed his fist into his other hand. It stung. "We could die. She will die if we don't do something soon. But- if we break the link-" He hung his head. "Then we can never be together." Sourly, Van ambled to his feet. "Damn it all."

The weight of the word in his hand was of little comfort. Closing his eyes, Van tried to focus on the one thing that was always able to take his mind off of his problems; sword practice. Step, swing, parry. Dodge, roll, block. Slash, turn, stab. It was all ingrained in his memory, in his blood.

Move left, guard, wait for the opening. That was how this whole mess started. It was his blood that was doing this. His fault; his curse.

Swing, jump. Why did he have to listen to his Mother? Was it even her? What if it was a ghost? But it was so real.

Parry, step, parry again. He had said he'd do anything. This was anything, right?

Step, step again, dodge. "Why can't I just tell her?" Because she would just get more upset. If he put pressure on her, she'd be more afraid. If she knew that they could die, she'd want to break the link. Van grit his teeth. It should be her choice.

"Damn this bond!" Strike left.

"Damn my curse!" Parry right.

"Damn it all!" Strike!

He fell back and leaned heavily on his sword, panting. "I'll break the damned thing! I'll break it!" He dropped the sword and sat roughly in the grass. "No more feeling emotions, no more sensing thoughts, no more Hitomi-" Van fought to keep the tears from flowing. It wasn't right for a man to cry. Hitomi's distant crying must have been influencing him. "I've got to get farther away." Van heaved his sword back into its scabbard and walked with no path, no goal, other than to disappear for a while.

vvvvvvvvvv

"Why me?" Hitomi sobbed heavily into her pillow. Everything was falling apart. "He was so sad and angry. I don't know what to do!" She cried. "And what I heard- It sounded like he was-" She paused. "Like he- love- loved me-" Her breath caught in her throat. He loved her? It was almost too obvious. But it couldn't be true. Their last conversation played loudly in her head. Tears trickled down her cheeks, but that didn't matter anymore.

Hitomi's eyes burned. "I just don't understand all of this! I nearly die and somehow end up bonded to Van? And he said that it was his fault? Does he want this or doesn't he?" She cried. "I'm getting mixed messages! Do I even want this? I don't know! I don't know!" Banging her fists into the pillow, she pounded the anger out. Glimpses of Van rolled into her mind; invading her pure anger. He was getting farther and farther away. His face was filled with regret, sadness, and self-hatred. Hitomi furrowed her brow. She could see it all, despite the distance.

Van was training, his movements calculated and smooth. His eyes were closed and he was concentrating wholly on the drills he'd been doing since adolescence. Hitomi watched in her mind's eye. He started to swear and slash wildly. The echoes of his words floated to her after his mouth settled into a frown. 'Damn this bond! Damn my curse! Damn it all!'

"No." She shivered. 'I'll break the damned thing! I'll break it!'

Reality slammed back to her. He didn't love her. How could she have been so foolish to hope for such a thing? The tears had stopped a long time ago. She was through with being sad, now all that was left was the anger. She had to leave. Now. Leave Gaea and never come back! "I want to go back! I want to fly away! Back to Earth! Take me back!"

She waited. Nothing happened.

"Can't you hear me?"

Not even a speck of blue light.

Hitomi was alone, her pillow clutched tightly in her hands. Her heart raced. "I want to go home! I want to go-" she crumpled into a ball. Searing pain raced across her back. "What's wrong with-" The pain was intense, almost blinding. It lashed at her, ripping at her body. Hitomi pulled the pillow to her face and stifled her cries. There was a tearing sound and sharp pain, worse than anything she'd ever felt in her life. Even the pillow could not hide her scream of terror. It echoed in her very bones.

vvvvvvvvvv

Merle burst into the room. Panic was evident in every one of her feline features; even the hair on her tail was on end. "Hitomi! Hitomi! What happened? Are you okay-" She went silent, closing and locking the door behind her. Covering her mouth with one hand, she whispered, "Oh Hitomi."

Hitomi shivered on the bed. "I just- don't know- I don't know- I don't- how it happened. I was- I just- I wanted-" she stuttered.

"Shh. It's okay." Merle sidled over to the bed and pulled Hitomi into a loose hug. "It'll be okay."

"But- but-"

"Shh." She stroked Hitomi's hair gently. It was unbelievable. There was blood all over the sheets and the pale green nightshirt Hitomi had been wearing was in tatters on the floor. In short, the room was a mess, and that wasn't even including all of the bloodied feathers.

Hitomi quivered. "Me- merle?"

Merle was quiet.

"Merle?"

"Put them away Hitomi." She said gently.

"But I-"

"Focus. Put them away."

Hitomi wiped her eyes as Merle leaned back. The cat girl met her gaze and refused to let her break it. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her pounding nerves.

Merle watched critically. Slowly, Hitomi began to glow a faint blue. The glow flowed upwards into her wings and they started to fade. Feathers twirled in a complicated ballet on the floor and bed as the wings receded. Hitomi opened her eyes.

"Here."

Hitomi blinked hard at the blanket Merle was thrusting into her lap. "A blanket?"

"You're not exactly covered y'know." Merle chortled.

Red splashed over her cheeks. "Give me that!" She snatched the blanket and drew it around her chest.

"Merle?"

"Mmm?" She answered.

"Please, don't tell Van." Hitomi began. "He'll only get upset."

"Hitomi?" Merle shuffled off of the bed and started collecting feathers. "You once said that you thought Lord Van's wings were beautiful. What makes you think he'd think differently of yours?"

"It's a curse." Van's voice resounded in her mind.

"What?"

"He said it himself, not long ago. It's a curse."

Merle inclined her head. "You never thought so."

"Please, Merle?" Hitomi pleaded. "Please don't tell him. Promise me?"

She frowned, but nodded. "Alright. I promise. But you're going to have to tell him eventually. And trust me, he'll understand."

Hitomi looked doubtful.

"Now, get a shirt on and let's clean this up!"

The blush was back with a vengeance. Hitomi tried to think of a witty come back, but nothing came to mind. Besides, Merle had been entirely too nice to her today. Instead, she stepped off of the bed, defiantly tied the blanket around her like a dress, and started picking up feathers.

She had to ignore Merle's giggle.

vvvvvvvvvv

A/N: So what do you think? Hitomi's starting to take on some fun traits; but she still doesn't know the WHOLE truth. Can Van and Hitomi get past their own fears and doubts to see what's really there? It may be harder to hide behind them if they can read each other's minds eh? Hehe. Stay tuned. And please review!