Chapter 3: Oops!.. I Did It Again.
You see my problem is this
I'm dreaming away
Wishing that heroes, they truly exist…
Three days later after Jaden left him high and dry, Carth Onasi was implementing a plan. He pretended to romance Sarna the Sith soldier who'd been hanging out in the Upper City cantina, eliciting an invitation from the lonely woman to come to the party she and her cronies were having. He went to her apartment, bringing a doctored bottle of Tarisian ale and pretended to drink along with them until they passed out. Carth stole one of the silver armored uniforms. He regretted it because the Sith were not known for mercy, and he knew Sarna would get in trouble when her superiors found out. He was careful to dress like one of the locals and darkened his hair with a temporary dye Larrim gave him. Since he bought a shield off the Twi'lek, the vendor became very friendly and told him he'd keep an eye out for Jaden. Two hundred credits for a shield?? Skyway robbery! Yet Larrim watched the apartment for him while he was out reconnoitering, and they formed a bond because, since he aided Jaden in carrying Carth into the apartment, the Twi'lek considered the Republic soldier his responsibility.
Carth sighed. He was letting his beard grow in to provide even more of a disguise. The orange jacket Jaden seemed to hate so much was locked in the storage container in the apartment. There was never a dull moment on Taris. He lived next door to Dia, a rather homely woman who came at him with a vibro-blade and refused to listen to his stumbling attempts to tell her he'd walked into her apartment by accident. That he'd been a little tipsy that first day after Jaden dumped him wasn't something he wanted to think about.
The soldier rubbed his harsh stubble. He was wearing the Sith suit sans helmet and when he saw a real Sith ahead, he ducked into an alcove and anchored it on his head, snapping down the attachments. Carth in a can, he thought, deciding that is what Jaden would've called him. But she wasn't here, dammit! Why did he have to constantly think of her?
The Sith guarding the elevator to the Lower City did not even look up; he just gave Carth the standard warning about the swoop gangs, a warning Carth found to be all too true. When he got off the elevator, he glanced over his shoulder and counted at least seven Black Vulkars in hot pursuit. There was no time to change into his regular clothes before two gang members made a move on him. Shooting them brought reinforcements, and Carth was running for his life. Javyar's Cantina was dead ahead, and he figured if he could duck inside he'd be moderately safe. Unless everybody inside hated the Sith.
The armor made it difficult to run, and the clanking of the metal boots alerted every gang member within a parsec there was a Sith running around down here. The helmet was impossible. He was forced to crane his head all the way around or plow to a stop to could take aim at his enemies. Things looked really grim for the soldier as he was backed against a wall and the Black Vulkars came at him with vibro-blades and stun-weapons. Carth was forced to resort to hand-to-hand combat, clubbing a Twi'lek down with his fists, head-butting another attacker in the face with the hard helmet, but he was outnumbered and he knew it.
Suddenly, one of the gang members clutched at his chest. A dark hole was blown in it and he fell, smoke curling from the wound. Another blaster bolt tore into a Rodian's back, sending it spinning to collapse on the filthy permacrete. The other gang members beat a hasty retreat, two of them going down as Carth placed one bolt in the back of the head and another between the shoulder blades.
"Hold it right there, Sith." The sneering voice was deep and male, filled with malice and the desire to spill more blood. The man matched the voice--a hulk with a chest that stretched a black, sleeveless tee shirt over its broad expanse, tan pants tucked into what Carth knew were Mandalorian metal boots. The man held a huge repeating blaster rifle almost eclipsed by the bulging muscles on his arms and the thick column of his neck. Set on that sinewy pedestal was a square head with a shock of grey hair. The face matched the rest of the persona: a scar bisected one arched brows and thin lips were clenched together tightly. Snow cloud grey eyes were separated by a broken nose and a permanent scowl.
Carth raised his hands. "Thanks for the help, guys. I…" He was glad for the helmet because his mouth had fallen open in shock when he saw the Mandalorian's companion. "J-Jaden?!"
The smuggler looked startled, and it was evident she recognized his voice. Her quick scowl told Carth she wanted to strangle him. The huge Mandalorian towered over her by several inches, and swung to regard her suspiciously, his blaster covering her now, not Carth. Her scowl disappeared and her eyes widened in innocent surprise.
"You know this Sith?" His tone was not pleasant.
Carth waited, wondering how much worse things could get. Could she flirt her way out of this one?
Jaden smiled. "I remember you now. Tinnie here bought me a few drinks in the Upper City Cantina." She winked at Carth. "He also said he'd get me some papers so we can go down to the Under City, Candy, baby."
"Don't call me that." His tone changed to indulgence, and Carth thought the hell you don't want her calling you that!
The alien Carth had talked to in the Upper city had told him Gadon Thek of the Hidden Beks gang needed Sith uniforms, so he was hoping to trade. Bad idea wearing the damn thing. He should've changed in the elevator. "I, um. I'm working on it. I have to see Gadon first."
"Better take off the uniform first. "Jaden stood on tiptoe and brushed some dirt from the Mandalorian's hair. "Got it!" She smiled at the man, whose mouth curled into a self-satisfied smirk. "Introductions! Tinnie, this is Canderous Ordo of the Clan Ordo, and he and I have teamed up."
"Yeah, Sith, you showed you're pretty good with a blaster. I have a bunch of wet-behind-the ears rookies who don't know a blaster from their backsides. I could use you." His smile really did not amp up much from a blatant sneer. "I'll even see you get paid."
"And just what would I be doing?" Carth tried to keep the dislike from his voice.
"Helping me keep the rest of the rag-tags from becoming rakghoul chow, basically. They'll be good for our pack animals if we find anything in those escape pods. Game?" He arched an iron grey brow.
"What about her? She any good with a blaster?" Carth took some pride in the outrage on Jaden's face.
"Not really," Canderous admitted. This earned him a hard punch to the shoulder then Jaden went back to what she was doing, field-stripping the Vulkars. She straightened, coming up with a double-bladed sword. She twirled it, rotating her wrists while her stance lowered, and ended with a flourish. "But I am damned good with a blade, Tinnie."
Carth wanted to tell her not to call him that. Exasperation rose in him so extreme, he could feel it ooze from his pores. "I accept. Just let me talk to Gadon and I'll trade my uniform for the papers."
"We'll be inside Javyar's Cantina." Canderous placed his arm about Jaden's shoulders and drew her inside the cantina, leaving Carth fuming. Did the woman have no control over her flirting?
A half hour later, Carth exited the Hidden Beks' fortress, wondering why they called it "hidden" since it was right out in the open for anyone passing by to see, and the female guard's challenge even announced it as the Hidden Beks' headquarters. He had what he needed, a set of papers to get him past the Sith guard and turrets to enter the elevator to the Under City.
Now dressed in plain brown pants tucked into civilian boots and a white shirt with fancy stitching around the cuffs and collar and a rusty-colored vest, Carth felt much safer. His double blaster belt was buckled around his waist and the blaster Gadon had given him was in the empty holster. Some day he would get his own blaster back.
Right now, since neither the huge derelict of a Mandalorian nor Jaden were present, Carth strode purposefully to the end of the hall. Dump me, will you? When the Sith guard challenged him, he presented his papers and entered the elevator. When he heard an outraged "Hey!" he turned and waved jauntily at Jaden just before the elevator door closed. Two can play your game, missy!
***
Jaden regarded Canderous, who was glowering at her like this was all her fault, then the turrets—there were frackin' too many of them!--and then the Sith guard. Things did not bode well at all. Thinking fast, she told Canderous to stay put and walked up to the guard. Her feminine guile did not faze him and she considered decking him, but with the turrets trained on her, switched to Plan B.
"May I ask just one more thing?" She pulled out her sweetest smile.
"What is it?" He sounded so grumpy. Must be hot and stinky after awhile being cooped up in a can.
"Where would I get the papers I need?"
He coughed uncomfortably. "Sith base, but nobody gets in without the code." Jaden almost heard his thought: I shouldn't have said that.
"Do you have the code?" She smiled, batting her lashes at him, wishing she could see his face to determine if she was having any affect on him.
"Of course I have the code!" he said defensively. "How else would I get back into the base?"
She leaned close, her eyes taking on a glow. "Don't you want to give me the code?" She bit her lip. "I have a sick friend down there and I have medicine. Please give me the code."
"I…will…give you the code," he said mechanically. "It is Alpha C, 428, SYN."
"You sure you couldn't just open the door for me?" Just call me a mentalist. When he shook his head,she sighed. "Didn't think so." The code was committed to memory and she needed to get away from the guard before she had a fit of fraggin' not believing her luck! He'd actually given her the code to enter the Sith military base! What would be the odds?
She danced back to Canderous on a cloud, beaming a smile at him. "Want to break into the Sith military base with me?"
His mouth fell open. "Wha…?"
She explained her idea and he shook his head. "I work for Davik, the local crime boss, and I'll be recognized. It'll bring a whole Sith regiment down on his head and make me a target. No thanks."
"Fine!" she said petulantly. "I'll go myself, but I need some grenades and a first rate stealth belt."
"I can get those for ya, but you have to do something for me."
"Of course, Candy. What is it?" She trailed a finger up a muscled arm.
He ignored the nickname. "Somewhere in the base are the secret codes needed to allow a ship to get off this planet."
"What about the blockade? Ship goes up…" She made one hand into a ship then smashed her other hand into it and let it fall, imitating a death spiral. "Ship gets blown out of the skies. Bam!"
"Not with the codes," he pointed out. "We transmit them and it allows us to get past the automated big guns."
"What about fighters? I'm a pilot--one of the best--but I'm not that good in a quad-laser turret."
Canderous patted her arm. "Don't worry your pretty little head about that. I can handle the fighters once we're airborne."
Jaden hauled back and struck him hard across the face then back-handed him. "Don't you dare talk down to me!"
"Cool your jets, Jaden. I didn't mean anything by it." He looked amused as he wiped a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. "Do it for Candy-baby."
She spit in her hand. "Smuggler's bond."
He whipped out his dagger and stabbed a finger and swirled the blood in her spit. "Mandalorian's word."
"Deal." She accepted the stealth belt and grenades he pulled from his heavily laden utility belt. She sauntered away, waving animatedly over her shoulder.
As she walked to the elevator, she heard him chuckle. "What a woman." He probably figured he'd never see her again. She'd show him she had the devil's own luck.
* * *
Carth cursed his luck: the disreputable state of his clothing and the fact that he reeked of sewers and Gamorrean slime. He was trailing two companions: one a snippy blue teenage Twi'lek, the other a Wookie who'd sworn a life debt to the beleaguered soldier when Carth had saved him from being sold into slavery. A third companion wasn't present physically, but was always niggling at the back of his mind: a certain smuggler whose blue eyes and voluptuous body haunted his every waking moment.
Add Rancor bits and pieces to the mix, and Carth Onasi was not a happy Captain. He sighed as he picked another juicy piece out of his hair. Before this mission was over he would have to use a permanent dye to cover the grey. And what if Jaden was right? What if Bastila was dead and all of this was for nothing? If he'd possessed a scalpel he would have stuck it into his brains and scrambled them so he would never think of luscious red lips and wet, black hair cascading down a supple back down to her… Stop it! Have some control. You're a soldier---act like one!
"Okay." Mission announced in a voice so sharply cheerful it could cut through transparasteel. "Mission almost accomplished." She didn't notice the pun. "Natch, we'll run into a few hundred Vulkars, but with my stealth and security skills we should be able to find the…"
Carth interrupted, fighting down a hissy fit. "Wait! Did you say a few hundred?"
She made a face. She was cute, but his tolerance for "cute" was running low at this point. "Well, they aren't all in the base. We'll probably only meet a couple hundred; but don't worry, I know a few tricks to narrow the odds in our favor. Now, all you have to do, Geezer, is use your stealth unit; and you, too, Big Z, and we'll just sneak about under their noses. No problem."
"There is a problem." Carth hated to admit it. "I don't have any stealth skill."
She reached over, pressed the button on the stealth generator buckled around his waist and he winked out of sight, "Duh." She did the same for the huge, towering Wookie. "Now how hard is that?"
Carth, invisible, glanced up and wondered plaintively, Why me?
Sith Base-Jaden
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways?
But to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me.
Okay, so this is not going as smoothly as I thought. She entered the Sith base using the code with no problem. That was when her stealth belt shorted out and she was revealed the second she came through the door. Here she was, standing right in front of a startled Twi'lek receptionist. Thinking quickly, she bought the Twi'lek off with a bribe and watched with misgiving as she barrel-assed her way out of the base—but not before Jaden had expertly relieved her of the pass card in her pocket.
She accessed the main computer and wreaked as much havoc as she could, corrupting the droids so they would fire at each other and at the Sith in several of the rooms. And why, she wondered, did ships and bases come complete with those touchy exploding power couplings? One computer spike and everyone in the room was vaped If she ever met the designer or engineer who'd come up with that wonderful idea, she decided she'd whop him on the back of the head and ask what were they thinking? Give her ancient alien technology any day over this shoddy stuff. She frowned, wondering where that thought originated, then shrugged.
She smirked as another three Sith bit the dust. Watching it on camera was addictive. When that bit of fun was over, she wondered what other mischief she could get into. She went from camera to camera and… Wait, they had a prisoner, and she recognized him as the alien she and Carth had aided right outside the apartment. She pressed her stealth button and smiled when she shimmered out of sight. Seemed like it worked most of the time, but she was never sure when it would cut out on her, which was always at the most inconvenient time.
Metal hallways. How original. The Sith were such expert decorators. Silver, black, maybe some red trim. She stole down the hall toward the barracks at the far end. The droids along the way had already destroyed each other; bits and pieces were strewn all over the floor. Making sure no one was around to kill her when she did it, Jaden unstealthed and waved at the alien. He pleaded with her to free him. He pointed to five trap devices mounted on the wall and cautioned her to be careful.
She studied them, putting a finger to the side of her nose. Some had red lights, some had green. Which lever to pull? Eeinie, meenie, mynie, mo. Catch an alien by his toe—pick the right trap or he'll go…Ka-BOOM! Ain't that so. She took a deep breath and pulled a lever. The alien yelped when it was zapped with electrical current. "O-kaaay, not that one. How about this one?" Another cry came from behind her as the force cell delivered another painful shock to its occupant. "No. This one?" A scream this time.
Jaden turned, putting her hands on her hips. "Hey, I'm trying my best here."
The alien gave her a long-suffering look. "I know, but do you have to hit every single one?"
"Process of elimination, my friend." Jaden turned back, crossing her arms over her chest, pacing, considering. She wished she could just wave her hands and "poof" the damn trap levers would go down in the right order. Like that was going to happen. She started to laugh and coughed instead. Her alien ally might think she was laughing at his predicament.
That left--she flipped the levers on the two outside traps, then the center and cringed, waiting for a dying scream. When it didn't happen, she turned around and the alien smiled at her.
"I can't believe I'm not dead." He hurried from the room before she could warn him there were still plenty of Sith alive in the base.
When she heard blaster rifle fire and a scream further down the hall, she punched the button on her stealth belt and stole off to the right. I at least got'cha outta the cell.The huge assault droid near the elevator was sparking and smelled of burned electrical components. If you could overload a computer terminal, you could overload a droid once you shut down its shielding.
She had one Pazaak card up her sleeve as she rode the elevator up to the second level. The map of the place told her it was like a penthouse for the Taris governor, and who else would have the codes? Hopefully he was alone. The elevator doors slid open. She squared her shoulders, wriggled her fingers over the blaster and sent a "whuf" of air out her nostrils. Now that her calming ritual was complete, she stepped out of the elevator and took stock of the governor. Tall, bald, encased in armor. He wielded a double-bladed vibro-blade and his sneer was a parsec wide.
"Who dares interrupt my meditation?" Blah, blah, blah, she thought, then something he said made her blink. He thought she was strong in the Force? Was he mental?
He spun his double-blades until they were a silver blur, showing impressive skill. Jaden drew her blaster and shot him between the eyes and he dropped like a stone.
"I dare, Baldy." Like he shouldn't have seen that one coming. She might not be great with a blaster, but all it took was one shot. She knelt beside the body and began searching, finding the datapad with the codes she and Canderous needed. Then she opened the trunks in the room and was suddenly much richer.
Smiling, silently congratulating herself on a job well done, she stealthed and sneaked out of the Sith base.
Vulkar Base-Carth
Bastila was not to be found in the Under City, nor was she in the Vulkar base. Carth, Mission and Zaalbar covered the entire complex, both levels, and did not find her. Carth kept dissuading the Twi'lek from stealing everything that wasn't nailed down, and telling Big Z not to howl and arf like he was about to cough up a hairball whenever he thought Carth was coming down too hard on his little friend.
In addition, Carth was finding out stealthing oneself really did require some skill. He cringed at the looks on the faces of the clueless Vulkars when they heard the click-clack of his boot heels. After a while, though, he realized they were either stupid or deaf because they never seemed to catch on. And the shuffle of gigantic Wookiee feet as the beast followed his nimble little pal gave Carth heart palpitations. Plus, how could they miss the smell? He never stank so bad in his career, and Wookiee fur drenched in sewer water made his eyes water and his nose run. The Vulkars, he decided, had to be used to the stench.
All he wanted was to get out of there, but they had to find Gadon's prototype accelerator for the big swoop bike race until they got to the very last room in the base. Carth was dismayed when all of their stealth generators cut off the second they entered the room. Damn! Then his shield didn't work. A large muscular Twi'lek by the name of Kandon Ark threatened him and then had the nerve to suggest that Carth betray Gadon. And then the damn shield flicked back on. He'd have to have a long talk with Larrim. Two hundred credits for this?
It did save his life, however, when they were attached by Kandon and his killer lady Twi'lek, plus two goons. They were all deadly. Big Z ripped the arms out of the sockets of the two goons, ignoring Carth's order to attack the female Twi'lek who was the most obvious threat. Civilians, he thought tiredly.
He really did need to talk to Larrim, not only about how long it took the shields to fire up, but the length of time the damned shields worked. After taking only a few blaster bolts, the protective field vanished. Great. Carth took a slice on the arm from a vibro-blade, and the sleeve of his jacket was singed by a blaster bolt, which made him so mad he fired both blasters into the fray, sending creating so much ozone in the air and smoke that nothing could be seen.
"Uh, Carth." Mission's cheerful voice made him clench his teeth. "They're dead." She crouched beside Kandon's body. It looked like a piece of Dantooine holey krath cheese. "Really, truly dead."
Carth humphed, holstering his blasters. His hands were shaking from the adrenalin rush, and he pointed at the accelerator that was sitting in plain view on the floor. Mission cheerfully removed the lone mine the Vulkars had placed in front of it. Adrenalin still pumping through his veins, Carth puffed and paced until he calmed down. He'd worked himself into a frenzy.
When Mission almost dropped the accelerator, Carth clutched at his heart. She grinned and tossed it into the air. "Kidding!" She motioned to her big friend. "You carry it, Big Z. It's too heavy for me to carry far."
They stealthed again and found their way out of the base. The second they stepped out of the Lower City entrance, the stealth units shut down again. Carth growled as he drew his blasters and they killed the two guards and rushed as fast as they could to the Hidden Bek base. Once again, they were denied entrance.
"I can't let you in there smelling like that." The guard, a dark-skinned woman, held her nose.
"But we have the prototype accelerator!" Carth motioned toward the contraption Big Z was holding. Could we just get one decent break?
"You three are riper than an Alderaan Ipan fruit before the blow flies appear. Uh-uh, permission denied."
Mission bit her lip. Her eyes were as red-rimmed from the smell of Big Z's breath and fur as Carth's. "You said you have an apartment, Carth? Maybe we better go there and clean up."
With an exasperated sigh, he led the way, noting the way the Taris nobles--and even the Sith in their insulated armor--crossed to the other side of the walkways to avoid them. "
"I got first dibs," Mission darted into the 'fresher.
"Bet she sings in the shower, too," Carth said dourly, holding his head when Zaalbar vented a loud roar. "Listen, about this life debt, buddy."
Zaalbar howled and gestured with his huge hairy arms. Carth wished he would keep them down because the odor from a Wookiee's pits was enough to melt the furniture. All he'd done was find Mission and get her pal out of his cell in the sewers--naturally, no clean and fresh smelling cell. It seemed that freeing him meant Carth would have a big walking carpet following him around forever, and he was pretty sure the Brass would not see that as a major plus if he ever made it off this planet. He supposed he could have Zaalbar adopted as the Republic mascot.
Mission came out wrapped in a towel. Carth gestured for Zaalbar to take the next turn, hoping the Wookiee's hair wouldn't clog all the drains. He turned his back as Mission dressed. When he turned back around, she was shuffling a deck of Pazaak cards. "Do you play?"
Carth shook his head. He did, but he wasn't in the mood, especially since he was the only one who didn't smell like flowers now. He was very glad to take his turn in the 'fresher. Of course, there was no hot water left, and there was a pile of wet Wookiee hair around the drain, but the soap on his skin felt so good. He ignored the bruises and groaned as the water beat down on his sore muscles. At least the water pressure was still good.
***
When there was a discreet knock on the apartment door, Mission opened it to find no one there. She shrugged. "Must be those kids selling their cookies again," she muttered. She heard the water running and gave her companion a wink. "Sounds like he's enjoying his shower. Why don't we go check out the other apartments?"
Big Z growled affirmation, and they slipped out into the hall.
***
As Mission and Zaalbar ducked into the apartment next door, the door of Carth's apartment shushed open. Wavy, shimmering lines hovering about her, a female form entered. She saw a bag on the floor and peeked inside. Ah, the prototype for the swoop bike. How easy. Jaden slipped it out of Carth's bag and replaced it with a jury-rigged piece of equipment she'd bought from Larrim.
Jaden was at the door, about to sneak out, when Carth came out of the 'fresher. He had a towel around his hips, and seemed surprised to find himself alone. He called out to someone called Mission—another woman?—and with a shrug dropped the towel and turned to gather his clothes. This was too good to miss. Jaden leaned back against the wall and took in the show, eyes lingering appreciatively on the rosy flesh of Carth's behind, and traveling down the muscular legs. Nice strong back. Now, turn around. Carth faced her, showing off his best features and Jaden smacked her lips. The definition in those arms, the cut of the muscles, such a nice collarbone,.. Abdominals stacked with muscles. As Jaden's eyes lowered, she could feel the heat rising. Was it hot in here? Time to go. She knew she'd see him again. What was in the bag guaranteed that.
***
Carth dressed quickly, having no recourse but to put on his Republic pants and shirt. And his beloved jacket. It would draw Jaden like a magnet, he was sure. He buckled his blaster belt and tossed his head to get those stubborn locks off his forehead. They stubbornly whipped right back down. At that point, the door shushed open. Mission seemed to have a little trouble getting inside. Probably the bulging rucksack over her shoulder.
"Whoa!" Mission raised her hands to shield her eyes. "Warn me next time, Carth. I have some goggles that protect me from brightly colored things."
"Ha-ha." Carth thought he looked very dashing in his jacket.
Zaalbar went to the bag and lifted it. He looked puzzled and scratched his head. Mission joined him and hefted the bag when he held it out to her. She opened it and pulled out a piece of flimsi with a hand-written note. "Uh, Carth, do you know someone named Jaden?" Mission handed him the note. "Might want to read this."
Dearest, sexiest, most handsome pilot in the galaxy…in your dreams!
Carth, I need the prototype to be initiated into the Black Vulkars so I can gain entrance to the racing circle that is restricted to all but swoop racers. Really sorry, but I know I will see you there because I know that Jedi you want to rescue is the prize for the winner, which, of course, will be me and I will, of course, turn her over to you. I also know you won't see my efforts as anything other than for personal gain and that just shows how well you know me. Anyway, looking forward to seeing you again.
Love, Jaden
Oops!... I did it again to your heart
Got lost in this game, oh, baby.
Oops!... You think I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent.
A/N Okay, this was a riot to write and I hope you readers/reviewers enjoy the irreverence to parts of the game and the madly, gleefully skipping of major parts as well. The Code the Sith gave Jaden was my tribute to Alpha Cucumber, Ruby 428 and Synyster Shadow, because kudos to all of you for reading this romp! I am not a Britney Spears' fan, by the way, but the words fit the story, heh heh. And I DO NOT own anything other than my OC.
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