Time passed by extremely slowly. Minutes seemed like hours, and it was as ifwe've been just sitting there for ages. Jacob didn't seem to mind. Holding me like that in his arms, with me sobbing from time to time my face burried in his chest. Still, i could see he was unhappy with seeing me sad like this again, right when things were starting to look up. I could hear him sighing every now and than. It bothered me.
„Jake, you O.K?" I asked carefully after another one of his deeply sorrowed sighs. He looked at me, his eyes somewhere far away, a smile that was so obviouslly fake, at least to me, placed on his face.
„Peachy." He answered simply, looking away again, somewhere through the window. I, being very unsatesfied with his answer, just kept glaring up at him. Finally he looked down, and laughed.
„dmnit Bella, you look like you're going to burn me with your thoughts. Actually, I think my head is starting to ache." He said smiling, and fora second it even reached his eyes. Before they were covered with pain and sorrow again. He sighed, and looked away. „Is it so obvious somethings wrong?" he asked looking at me from the corner of his eyes.
„Yes, it is to me."
He chuckled and fell silent, looking at some undentefied object out the window. I was fighting to urge to bite him.
„I will hit you if you don't start speaking." I said my voice dead serious.
At that he looked at me, a unhappy smile on his face „ Much good that'd do you, you'd prolly just break your hand." He said matter of factly.
„I could risk that." My voice was dark, it was extremely irritating he didn't seem to take me seriously.
He looked at me for a few moment, debating whether to tell me or not, and than finally he gave up.
„Fine. You'll get mad." He said eyeing me, before looking at his unknown object through the window. I followed his gaze, trying to identify what he was looking at. Nothing.
„ Try me." I said giving up my search for the unexisting dot.
Taking a deep breath, he started" I just don't get you. He left you. They all did. They left you all broken and in pieces with that Red bloodsucked after you and you still mourn them. You act as if you're dead without them, all lifeless, when you're not. I know you're not. I picked up the pieces when the first left. I was here, gluing you together, watching that spark slowly return to your eyes. They left you without looking back. But I'm here, I always was here, and I always will be. And I love you. Right now. Why won't you realize that? I'm getting tired of looking at you when you're acting like this,like you'll never love again now that that leach left, when I know you already do love someone else. Me. Maybe not like him maybe you'll never love me like him, but love me you do. And it's normal you won't forget your first love, you'll prolly always love your first love but that doesn't mean you can't love someone else too-„ he just kept talking, slowly starting to make no sense at all. I raised my hand to cover his mouth. I wasn't really mad at him, but I was fgrowning. He noticed and the room fell silent. After a few seconeds I sighed and looked at him.
„ Jake." I whispered his name „ Jake, Edward wasn't my first love he was my only love. My one and only Jake. And it's not that i can't fall in love with someone else. It's just thati don't want to. He's the only one I want, and i'm so sorry Jake. I know I hurt you, too much, and do love you, but i love you lieka friend. You're my best friend. My antidotre. My own personal Sun, but I will never love you the way I love Edward-„ this time I started talking and the words just wouldn't stop. They kept comming and comming till the point I couldn't even understand whati was talking about. When I finally finished, inhaled the air I really needed, he just laughed. I glared at him. He was laughing at me?
„ Bella, Bella, you talk about love as if it's a rational thing. Something you can decide upon. You should know that it's not. Love, it just happens. It's like, like, like wine. You taste it and you may like it, or not, but if you do like it, with time it just becomes an addiction. And it's not like you chose to like the wine so much, you just do..." and for a seconed his mumbling made absolute sense, and than again, he was talking about wine, so I wished he'd get back to the point. And right when I wanted to tell him that, he started talking again " Any way, you see Bell, I didn't really look at you and say' Fall in love with her.' and than I fell in love. I just... You made my life colorfull when it was all black and white, you made my heart beat in a way I didn't think possible, just by existing, being yourself. And I didn't chose it. It just happened. One day I just... I couldn't take my eyes off you. So don't go telling me what, or who, you chose to love when you are not given that option. And i already know you love me, you'll see."
I could feel my mouth drop by the time he had finished. I never saw Jacob being so, poetic.
„ Jacob... I ... I didn't know you were so... so... so... Good at speaches." I managed to mumble looking up at him.
He smiled „ People do crazy tings, when they're in love." He said shrugging.
I just kept starring at him. The words he said. They seemed so logical, so likely to be true, so beautiful. I blushed, for no reason at all, and my mind started yelling curses at me. And so I just sat there, with nothing to say, silence once again surrounding us.
Untill finally, an hour or so later, Jacob spoke again.
„Bell, I think I'll go home. Check up on Billy and every one..." he said looking down at me and than seeing my panicked expression quickly added „I'll be back soon. Trust me."
I nodded, still being completely unable to speak. He stood up with me in his arms and let me down. It felt very odd, standing on my feet for so long, so I stubled almost falling. But Jake cought me, a chuckle escaping his lips.
„ You gonna survive on your own for 2 hours? I'd hate to come and see you fell down the stairs and broke your neck." He said quite seriously, even though I knew it was a joke. At least it I hoped it was. I nodded again.
He started walking down stairs and I followed, I was slow, but I was walking. As we reached the door he turned and kisssed my forehead. I could feel myself blush again, and gave myself a mental slap for it. As he started to walk away i finally found my voice.
„Why Jake?" I croaked out watching his every move.
He looked at me puzzled „Well, i mean, i need new clothes, and to check up on billy and the rest of them , it was a mess when I left – „ he started talking, obviouslly taking the question very wrongly.
„ No, Jake.Why do you bother so much? Over me. I'm nothing special." I said silently, and i could see him comming back. I was too affraid to look into his eyes, not knowing what i'll find there.
„ Don't you ever say that." He almosr growled „ You're everything special. And you know that. You're amazing. I hope I don't ahev to list all the reasons why...?" he said angrily.
I nodded again.
„ And why I bother... I bother cause I know you love me, and i know you'll realize that too. No matter how long it takes, and I'll be here, waiting. I know I can make you happy, you just need to give me a chance to prove it. Have a little faith will you Bell? But I'll wait you know, no matter how long, I'll wait. Cause you're worth it." with that he kissed my forehead again and the next time I raised my eyes all I could see, was a big brown wolf running deeper into the forest. I stood at the door for an unreasonable amount of time. Holding the door open with one hand, eyes focused on the forest. All the words Jacob said drifting through my head. Until finally, I could hear my heart beating again.
