Hey guys sorry about the late update, my friend said she would read it over for me and she just never got around to it so I'm putting it up as is. I hope it turned out okay anyway. Also I started labeling the chapters because it won't always switch from POV.
CHAPTER 3- Him
I was extremely accustomed to the need for ice in my life. It's a weird concept, but essentially it comes into play more often than you'd think. I've been compared to it more times than I could count. The way I act, the way I treat people, the way I look at people, and currently….the temperature of the shower I'll need to take later.
The problem started when Sakura came into the library slightly disheveled. Her heavy bag was pulling against her crisp white uniform shirt, making the material tight against her and she had unbuttoned the top button the way all the girls at school did. Her skirt, after hiking up while she was sitting in her car, had yet to fall back to its rightful length. Trying to shift my vision away from these things, I started glancing down. Because really there was nothing sexy about feet. But then I could see that her socks, usually over the knee, weren't even, and that one had slipped down and was showing more of her thigh than usual.
She had yet to see me, but of course I had found her instantly. Her eyes were full of amusement and she looked like she must have been laughing. I shifted my sight back to the two books I managed to find. 'When any empire was faced with revolution, it was common the royal family were publically slaughtered as a symbol….' Yep that was better.
"Hey what did you find?" Her eyes weren't amused anymore, slight caution had filled them but her voice was still airy and light.
I glanced at her quickly and shuffled some papers out of the way to hand her the list of subtopics I had taken the liberty of making. "Anything you can find on these things would be helpful. I'm not the best with the Dewey decimal system." I felt slightly bashful having to admit it, but I also knew Sakura spent far more time in libraries than I did, and based on the twenty minutes I had spent glaring at the shelves, I obviously wasn't patient enough for the job.
She smiled softly at the list and walked away. Quickly coming back, expertly juggling a tall stack of books. Of course she could find that many.
She pulled out the chair next to me, not across from me, and she turned it slightly to face me. The atmosphere between the two of us was professional in nature, we took notes for a long while, and only talked about the things we read. At one point we put all of our notes between us and made comparisons, highlighting and starring as we went. Sakura continued to glance at my pages, jotting some things on her own papers and at first I tried to focus on hers too. But my eye traced where her hand was clutching the pencil, following trail up her arm, and lingering where her hair was falling over her shoulder. I clenched my hand, trying to focus on the fingers rolling into my palm and out again.
Before I knew it she was turning to me rubbing her eyes. "Alright I need a break. Tell me about yourself Sasuke. What are your hopes? Your dreams? Where are you going for college?"
I put down my pencil, muttering a quick "I'm not going to college." Then turned back to my notebook, trying to think of a way to avoid this talk.
She gave me a puzzled look. "What do you mean you're not going to college?"
People were are always confused by this, and that's why I hated getting into it. "Just that. I'm not attending any university at the conclusion of this year."
"But you're a genius? You could get into any university you wanted. And that means a good job and great memories. Why wouldn't you go?"
I imagined running through my father's office as a kid. A memory I pictured every time I thought about the structured Uchiha building, "I already have the best job all set up. My brother and I will take over the entire Uchiha Enterprise and I've had all the training I need. Out of high school unlike everyone else, I'll already be making thousands and when my father retires I'll be making even more. The company will be in our hands soon enough, I don't need college to get my dream job. My father says it's in our blood." Despite having to explain these things a thousand times they sounded jumbled and frantic. Like I was trying too hard to make my point. She was unnerving me. I focused on my hands again. Clench and unchlench. Extend and contract.
"So you're not going because your old man said you shouldn't? That's stupid." I felt my lips tighten into a line.
"Listening to your father isn't stupid, he knows what's best for me."
She rolled her eyes. "What does your company even do? Do you even like it?"
"Of course I like it! If I didn't do you think I would be going into the business?" Why was I getting so worked up? I was used to this. They never understand.
"I do actually. I think you would do anything your father told you to do."
"You don't know anything about my family and what we do." My fists clenched harder, the nails digging in to my callused palms.
"I know you're wasting some God given talent and it's a damn shame that some of us are gonna be ranked lower than you, but be so much more dedicated to actually bettering ourselves and being I don't know, independent." Her words were biting and sharp.
"Do you think for a second you know anything?" I hated this. What would make her to stop? "Maybe if you were smarter you wouldn't have to worry about your ranking so much?"
But she just glared at me, seeing what I was trying to do. "Don't go trying to cheap shot me. I'm plenty smart and I work hard. I don't just get everything handed to me. No perfect job and perfect life. Maybe you'd get that if you had to try at anything in your life-"
But she was cut off by an angry librarian, "You two quiet down or you'll be asked to leave."
"It's fine I'm going now anyway." Sakura was up in a flash, grabbing books, jerking her bag over her shoulder and storming away from me.
I watched her leave, slowly grabbing a couple books myself and giving her enough time to get out. I wasn't proud of my jab at her intelligence, something I knew she worked hard for. But my future, as secure as it seems, is always getting prodded at. Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Can I handle it? I just didn't need her doing it too.
But when I walked to the doors I saw her still outside. Why would she wait? I shook off the part that for some reason hoped she was waiting to talk to me and figured it was safer just to ask.
"What are you doing?"
No response.
I sighed, "Do you not have your car here?"
"Ino and Shikamaru dropped me off, I'm sure they'll be here any minute." she was texting as quickly as she was capable, both thumbs frantic and not sparing me a glance.
I looked to my car, but I didn't want her in it. I didn't want that added memory. I didn't want to picture her sitting there smiling at me, changing all my radio stations and sticking her hands through the sunroof. So I took a few steps away from her. But then I saw the parking lot, and how empty it was getting. I pictured her sitting outside alone, in that stupid skirt. As much as I didn't want to lengthen our time together, I would never leave her either. "I'll give you a ride."
I avoided her gaze when she hissed, "No really I don't want to drive home in your daddy's car."
"Will you just get in already? I don't feel like picking you up and putting you in the car. Stop being stubborn." She really knew how to test a guy.
"Oh is that how you tell girls to get in the car? I am not stubborn, just repulsed by breathing your same air for more than-"
"Stop it. Please." Just stop being mad at me. I looked for a reason as saw the woman from before watching us through the glass doors. "The librarians are glaring at us again anyway, it's best if we go now. Please just get in the car. I'll drive you home."
Sakura glanced back to see if I was telling the truth and sure enough she followed me to my car quickly. I resisted the urge to look at her once we were seated next to each other yet again, instead just pulling out and turning when she pointed.
Pulling up to Sakura's house and cutting the engine just made the silence that had been brewing between us more prominent. I turned to her but she didn't look at me, instead focusing on something in the distance straight ahead of us. But I caught her whisper, "thanks for the ride." Before shifting herself to the door.
If nothing else, I wanted to do this right. I climbed out and met her pushing the passenger side open, grabbing the top of the door I pulled it the rest of the way. She clutched her bag in one hand and kept her head down as she took small steps past me. I caught up and stayed by her side as we crossed the lawn. When she started walking up the few steps to her porch, I stayed back. I didn't have any right to go that far into her life, so I stopped at the edge. Where I belonged. Where I've always been.
It wasn't a loving act, me walking her to her door. We weren't on a date, we weren't even friends. But I still had to make sure nothing happened to her. And Uchiha's were taught to be gentlemen. She stood there confused, glancing back at me, so I simply pointed in front of us. "I have to make sure you get in safely."
She nodded slightly and turned back to fiddle with the lock. But before fully disappearing behind the painted wood, I caught her repeated words from the car, even quieter this time, "Thanks for the ride." And I watched the door close.
"You're welcome." Anytime.
I drove home and sure enough I couldn't get the image of her sitting there out of my head. The only girl I've ever driven anywhere. But it wasn't the picture I thought I would get. Not the sun beaming in and her singing with radio. It was all tense shoulders and hardened silence. A look I rarely saw on Sakura. And I was the cause of it.
When I get back home I pull in past the gates and park my car in the round about driveway. I shuffle up the stairs to my room, where the last bit of sunlight is fighting through the gaps in my curtains. I don't bother to open them, instead just going to the bathroom and pulling my uniform off.
The shower water beats down on me and I feel the heat stinging my skin, but I have no desire to end it. The feel and the sound of it drowns out everything and I can breathe easier. I picture Sakura's confused look and I can't shake the sound of her anger. Come on Sasuke, who knew I was such a pans? I hated how often I thought about things like this. They were nothing but useless. She's just a girl. One who hates you in fact.
But slowly I pictured her walking into the library, the image coming back fiercely and I turned the shower temperature down. This project would kill me.
Senior year, in hindsight, wouldn't matter. It would make up not even one percent of my life, but right now it felt like forever.
I turned off the water, deciding to be done thinking for the night. I stretched myself out under my silk sheets, playing music loud enough to drown out my thoughts until I finally drifted off.
After I woke up and took a real shower, one in which soap was involved, and I made my way to school the same as every other day. But walking through the front doors I realized the fight from yesterday still had me on edge. Yeah I was accustomed to not speaking to Sakura, but it was never because of something like this. I was never involved in her emotions before.
Maybe blowing her off could only work when we had the ability to avoid each other. Now that we had to see each other regularly, I would have to do something else. Change in situation, called for change in tactic. We were project partners, so we could be civil. On my way to class I pretended I wasn't attaching myself to that idea.
Entering first period though was weird. I saw her there, sitting with Ino and Shikamaru the latter getting up to meet me when I walked in. Sakura and I looked at each other, both stares void of anything from yesterday. She broke the contact first and went back to talking to Ino. And that was it. She didn't notice when I glanced at her in class, though Naruto sure did. Elbowing me in the ribs as a way of trying to see what was wrong. I guess I really was having an off day if the class idiot could pick up on it.
School ended the same as it started. The bell rang and Sakura and I shared a glance. We hadn't said a word to each other all day, so I did what any guy crazy about a girl would do. Came up with a reason to see her. "So library?"
She held two books to her chest, not feeling like opening her bag to put them back. I'd seen her do it before. "Oh uhm, are you sure? We can work on it another day, I wanted to work on math anyway."
"I can help." Apparently my old habit wasn't having a hard time dying. Helping with homework was something friends did.
She blinked away her surprise and smiled slightly. "Well, if you're sure, I guess we could do some history and if we have extra time maybe you could go over some of the math problems with me." I let out some sort of nod and grunt before Ino successfully dragged her away from me.
I caught Naruto at my locker looking about as disordered as always. I ignored him putting in my locker combination.
"Teme, would it be weird if I asked you and Sakura to come study with me and Hinata at her parent's house?"
"Yes."
"But-"
"No, I'm not working on the project at the Hyugas, that doesn't make any sense."
"Sasuke, you're my best friend, and need I remind you that that means you are expected to uphold your duties as my wingman?"
"You need a wingman for a study session? Maybe you need more help than I thought."
"Dude, I need an army with her angry father and his employees breathing down my neck! And to make it even worse Neji just comes in and sits between us anytime we start to talk about anything other than history. Come on, just come! You can distract them a bit."
"I'm not a sideshow dobe. Just work at your place."
"Are you serious? Not only would her dad probably hunt me down, but just me and Hinata alone in my house? I'm not trying to freak her out! And my uncle leaves the weirdest shit lying around."
"Then go to the library. That's where Sakura and I go."
His eyes lit up. "That's a great idea! And you'll be there to wingman and Hinata always feels more comfortable around Sakura!"
"No. Sit at a different table. Some of us actually care about the project."
"Yeah and some of us care about wooing the future mother of our children."
"So Hinata's the mother of your child now?"
"Well we'll never find out if I can't even ask her out!" I rolled my eyes.
"Fine sit at our table but don't think I'm wingmanning anything"
Naruto didn't say anything, just grinned at me.
By then Sakura was nowhere to be found and Naruto was already calling Hinata to suggest the ingenious plan of working at the library, so I made my way to today's study session.
Pushing open the library doors for the second day in a row, I noticed Sakura already sitting with a book about French culture on the desk, and more interestingly a novel in her lap. Something she plucked from the fiction aisle I'm sure.
"What are you reading?" I asked pulling out the chair next to her.
She jumped the tiniest amount but I still caught it. Meeting my eyes I saw how hers were an even darker shade of green today. "Oh, well it's nothing really, just something that looked kind of interesting." She flipped it over looking at the cover and then put it down on the desk and turning back to me. "Hey can you watch my stuff? I wanna head to the restroom."
I nodded and she got up, disappearing behind thick shelves. But I wasn't sure what to do in her absence. I pulled out my history notebook and looked at the things she had starred on my pages. The ones I needed to compare to her findings. She wouldn't mind if I pulled out her notes too.
So I grabbed the red notebook from her bag and started flipping to her last pages.
'I worked at the library with Sasuke on our senior year history project. note: Joan of Arc was a badass and you like her. Sasuke and I got along for a little while but of course it ended in a fight. He drove me home, walked me to the door. That was pleasant. Not exactly nice, but not malicious either so I guess that's something.'
Wait what? I checked the notebook again. It was red, but not her normal spiral bound red notebook for class. This one was similar, but slightly smaller, and it had a darker red abstract image printed on the front. I traced the swirls and edges with my finger trying to recall if I had ever seen it.
"What are you doing?" the shock on Sakura's face made me drop the book instantly.
"I was looking for your history notes-"
"So you read my journal?"
"Well," What could I say? I did read her journal. "Yeah."
She sighed but didn't get angry. "Well don't do that. I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"It's not like that, it was an accident."
I could see she didn't believe me, but she sat down anyway not saying anything else on the matter. Placing it back in her bag, she pulled out the correct red notebook and handed it to me. I was saved from any other awkward exchange when I heard a familiar voice.
I looked up and saw Naruto approaching our table, the dark haired trailing behind him slightly. He pulled out the chair across from me, beaming as expected "So what'd we miss?"
Hinata smiled at Sakura and took the seat across from her.
"Nothing, we just got here." Sakura said with ease, returning Hinata's smile.
The dark haired girl relaxed and Naruto looked at me.
I handed Sakura back her book no longer that invested in what I was looking into before, and started flipping open one of the hardcovers I had been reading through yesterday. I was hoping Naruto would take the hint that I was in fact not in the business of dealing with him and was only here to study. But of course where Naruto lacked Hinata excelled.
She unpacked a laptop and was typing away effectively pulling Naruto's attention. He leaned over her and wrote down the ideas they talked about. Every once in a while when Hinata started overthinking and stuttering again, Sakura was there to mention something funny or bring up a story of something wild they did a long time ago. A few words from her and Hinata was back to herself. Something about Sakura gave Hinata this incredible spirit we had never seen before. She spoke to Naruto with confidence and laughed without reservation.
Sakura kind of had that effect on people. Like when they were confronted by her presence, and how real she was, they were compelled to do the same.
After a couple hours of research and prying open Hinata's shell she spoke up. "Oh, I hate to have to do this but I promised my father I would be home for dinner tonight. He insisted Neji come pick me up and he's almost here." Slowly closing her computer and looking at her phone again the two of them start clearing their half of the table.
"I could take you," Naruto said standing up. "Or at least walk you out."
Hinata smiled at his offer and Sakura stood up to hug the girl. Right, girls said goodbye like that. But when Naruto grabbed his stuff too, muttering something about not wanting to work without Hinata, I didn't understand why he was turning to hug Sakura as well. He squeezed her tight and I couldn't help but stare. What was he doing?
Letting go with a big grin he turned to me and stuck out his hand. He could see the look on my face and I saw his smile dropping, but grabbed his extended hand and did some form of a handshake that all guys do. This time when they walked back through the doors though, Hinata was next to him, smiling and chatting quietly.
Sakura sat back in her seat returning to her work tiredly.
So I took this time to finish what we started earlier, "What's with the journal?"
She must have known it was coming because she just said, "Oh yeah, sorry about calling you an ass."
"You called me an ass?" I questioned, causing her to turn her head to me.
She shut her mouth and clamped her lips together thinking for a moment. "Which passage did you read exactly?"
"The one about yesterday." I could feel my eyebrows drawing together as she continued to think.
"Right, well uhm nothing, I was just making notes about my day."
"Why?"
She shrugged, "Honestly?"
I continued staring at her and she took that as a yes.
"Well, the older I get, the more scared I am that something else will happen and all of a sudden I won't have any of these memories either." She touched her head gently. "When I woke up the first time it was terrifying. If I hadn't had Ino, lord knows what I would have done. And in the future there's no guarantee I'll have anyone. I just want to be prepared. Just in case."
I nodded once and she just turned back to her work. "We've been doing history long enough. Do you need help with math?"
She looked at me kindly, "sure that would be great." exchanging her books and placing them between us we went over a few of the harder problems in our homework set. Not that I was even needed. All she forgot was to divide by B. She wrote her formula down wrong in class, so once it was corrected, It was just me watching her do her homework.
I glanced around looking for a distraction. Seeing her long forgotten novel on the corner of the table I reached around her picked it up and began looking through it. "You like mysteries?"
"Don't be so surprised, I like trying to solve them."
"I guess I just pictured-"
"Romance novels? Most people do. And I do like romance. I like a lot of books. It depends on what I'm feeling."
Time ticked my slowly, but she was finished her math homework and I was looking for something else to say. "You don't have any other homework you need help with or that you want to work on?"
"I need my computer to finish my chem write up but everything else I did in class."
She started putting everything away. No more colored pens or doodled pages and I actually felt anxious. Like I was running out of time on our first real day as friends. There were so many things I wanted to ask her but none I could without her wondering how I knew what I did. So I let her pack up in silence.
She turned to me then, plucking the book from my hands and putting her feet on the lower rung of my chair. "This one's a murder mystery. All about this famous guy who loses the love of his life and is on a mission to find out what happened. The public thinks she overdosed but he knows she wasn't that kind of girl. But being famous he has both advantages and disadvantages. Like everyone's willing to help him and he has all these resources, but he's constantly under scrutiny and the more he delves into her death, the more the public thinks he's losing it. In my opinion, he kind of is. I think that's the coolest part. Like you believe him, that she didn't overdose and there's someone behind it, and you want the public to believe him too. But the longer it takes him the more he falls down this path of self-destruction."
I watch her eyes light up and her smile grow between words. I noticed the way she talked with her hands and just how pink her lips are today. But then I narrow my eyes "I thought you said it looked interesting, but the way you're talking about it I'd say you've already read it."
She smiles and blushes, completely caught in the act and just laughs, "well, sometimes I like to reread certain parts."
"Must have been a good book." I feel a smirk on my lips and can't hold it back for the life of me.
She doesn't say anything else about it, just hands me the book. "Maybe you should read it sometime if you're bored." And then checking the time, "I should get going but thanks for helping me. I actually had a pretty good time."
Before I knew where it was coming from the words slipped from my mouth, "Do you need a ride?"
She stopped putting her books away and said, "No I brought my car today in case things got ugly again."
The girl really had a way with blatancy. One of those things that was easy to respect about her. I appreciated she didn't want to sugar coat things to me, but I couldn't help the twinge I felt. "I'm sorry I insulted your intelligence."
She brushed it off, zipping up her bag, "You were just angry." As if that made it ok.
Leaving the library much more peacefully this time, we walked side by side until separating to our cars in different rows. But just before she opened her door she spoke up again. "I'm sorry for calling you an ass. And a lot of other colorful things." I guess she could see my confusion and added, "two passages ago. I wasn't sure if you got to that one, but just in case you did, I was wrong."
She got in her car and I did the same. And from my rear view mirror I watched her pull out and drive away. I sighed and took out my phone to check for any missed calls. Just a couple text. One from my mom saying they were probably going to be away an extra two days at some business conference and one from Naruto.
I have a great idea! He loved to open with that and it's pretty much how I knew not to trust him.
I didn't ask, just typed, You wanna come over for dinner? My parents are away until Thursday now and Itachi has a date or something so he's not coming over. Might as well order in.
Dude be there in like 2 minutes.
And I fear that maybe he was in fact there in two minutes, because when I pulled in Naruto was already waiting outside leaning against the side of his car. Holding a grocery bag. Fuck.
I got out of my car suspicious, "What's in the bag?" Though I had a pretty good idea.
"Your favorite." His smile only growing.
Naruto only brought tomatoes when he knew I was going to be really mad. "What do you want?"
"Hey just hear me out, I think that today at the library was fun." He said raising his hands in defense.
I glared in response, not falling for his bribery.
"And you saw how easy it was to talk to Hinata with Sakura around. That girl is a saint."
My glare got harsher.
"So I may have mentioned to Hinata that you and I wanted to invite her and Sakura to grab dinner and catch a movie or something with us."
I could feel my hands clenching again. "Why the hell would you do that?!"
I was furious and Naruto could tell. It was rare I raise my voice over anything. "Come on, all you have to do is show up! It's no big deal!"
"I'm not taking Sakura out on a date. Do you hear me? I'm not going to do this. Go alone."
"I need Sakura there! Why do you care so much? What did she ever do to you anyway? You're always so uptight anytime she's around and it doesn't make sense. She's nice, she's funny, and she doesn't take shit from you. That automatically puts her in my good graces, so could you be a pal and just do it."
"You have no right to sign me up for this shit." I snapped.
"I'm your best friend, and you're supposed to be mine, is this seriously that big of a deal?"
His happy demeanor was slowly shifting and he was getting inquisitive. So I did what I always did. Said whatever I had to. "I can't stand her. Make me discuss French battle tactics with her fine, but make me pretend I give a shit about how she likes her meal? No fucking thanks. She's a waste of time."
"Come on she's like one of the few girls at our school who both doesn't throw herself at you, and that Hinata will talk to. The plan is perfect! I don't even see why you care, if it's about money or something its fine man I can cover this time."
"You're an idiot, it's not about money, it's about pride, I don't even want to be seen with her!"
"Now you're just-" And he stopped. Tilting his head slightly he looked at me hard for a long while, replaying my words in his head. I shifted trying to think of anything to say as minutest passed by. And then he says the words I had kept at bay for years. "You like her?" At first a question, but then more sure, "You like her." He hardened his gaze on me.
I forcibly rolled my eyes, ripping our locked eyes apart, knowing my words might betray me. "Don't be ridiculous-"
"Shut up." He growled and took a step forward. "Tell me the truth Sasuke, you like her don't you? That's why you make such a big deal of everything. That's why you're so pissed right now. That's why you always look at her in class." I could practically see the wheels in his head going. "God that's why you glared at me when I hugged her today. Admit it you like this girl."
I looked away from him trying to think of anything that would make him believe otherwise, but I didn't have the energy to fight him on the subject. Or maybe I just didn't feel like hiding it anymore. I stared hard at the ground. "I can't take her out."
"Why? What's the big deal in you actually caring about another human being?"
"You don't get it Naruto. It's too late for that."
"Quit being so dramatic, you two just got off on the wrong foot. She might like you too if you try being nice to her." But when I didn't answer he just looked at me hard. "Unless there's something you still aren't you telling me Sasuke?"
I sighed, walking past him and opening my front door. He followed me in, both of us dropping out stuff in the entry, and shuffling into the family room. He continued to stare at me expectantly but said nothing. I thought about how quiet it is in the house right now and it almost makes me regret telling the cooks not to bother while my parents were away. The maids were surly finished for the day, and that left the absence of washing machines and vacuums. Finally I sighed, coming back to Naruto just a few feet away. It was about time I told someone. "I don't- I don't just like her."
His eyebrows draw together, and I wasn't sure if he knew what I meant. "How long have you felt this way?"
"Since sophomore year." I sat on the couch with my elbows on my knees. Squeezing and relaxing my fists again. Naruto was used to the gesture and didn't question it.
He sat back. "Am I a shitty friend or what? It took me this long to realize."
"I didn't exactly make it obvious."
"Well why didn't you tell me? If you're stuck on the same girl for a long time usually you let your friends know. How many other things have you kept from me?"
"Just that." Clench, unchlench. Clench, unchlench. "She was my only secret." I turned to him, "And she needs to remain that way."
