It was early Friday morning. The sky was slowly changing from black to the glorious color symphony of dawn when I caught a glimpse of you. I was dragging my feet across campus on my way to the locker rooms, when I saw a familiar aqua hair I would recognize anywhere, in any lifetime. My brow, still sweaty from the routine track practice, furrowed in denial before shock set in. Wide green eyes stared at your figure, ethereal as ever, dancing in the wind.
A flyer, brought to me from God knows where by my element, flashed your seductive smile in my direction for a fraction of a second. Then it took you away, like a whimsical child determined not to share a precious toy. I ran towards you with all my might, trying more than ever to become the wind, to beat it at its own game. It was futile. No one can be faster than the wind, no matter how good they are at running. Not even I.
I lost you behind the Science building, when you soared so high, the green canopy over my head must have appeared like a green carpet to your paper eyes. Hands on my knees, I panted for air, growled in burning frustration. No race had ever left me in such a state and with good reason! That had been the race of my life and I had lost it. I could have punched myself on the face.
After what seemed like forever, there was finally a sign from you and I let it go away like an amateur. What a joke I was! Best runner in the team, winner of national awards. For what? When the moment came for my intensive training to be of use, I couldn't even steal back a stray flyer from the wind.
It was heart breaking, maddening, infuriating. The loss took the form of a physical pain in my chest. Or, perhaps, it was my lungs bursting with need for oxygen, the way my heart longed for your warmth. For less than a second, you were so close I could almost feel you in my arms, only to disappear back into anonymity a moment later. It was almost worse than never seeing you at all.
Logically, I understood it was a childish line of thought. Even without catching the flyer, those were good news. Excellent news! Now there was actual proof of your existence in this life. I could eventually find you! Those long sleepless nights wondering if you were even real, fearing your soul might have not followed me into this world, would be over at long last.
That's what any normal person would have thought. They would have been ecstatic, impatient to begin searching for you. Not me, though. The futility of my try, that fleeting moment my eyes met yours in that picture, opened up an old wound I've been carrying for as many lives as we've been together. One that slayed my chest the second we met for the very first time in the history of mankind.
You; perfect, stoic, beautiful, deserved much more than the very best I had to give. No one ever told me that. I knew it instinctively. Such a paragon of womanhood and cultivated intelligence was born for a higher purpose, meant to live among the best people in her generation, destined to be treated like royalty. I was rough, physical and led a fast-paced life. Not exactly marriage material for such a princess.
Even if I tried, I couldn't even begin to imagine how to meet your high class needs. You would have to constantly lower yourself to my level in order to protect my fragile ego. Not that I presumed to deserve that, of course... and, at the same time, you and me, together, felt like the most natural thing in the world. A given. Just like breathing.
I remembered dreaming of this before, feeling this hopelessness in as many incarnations as I could recall. Always striving to impress you, to become someone worthy of your perfection. I could still see that white marble ballroom full of ancient royalty, the aqua dress you wore, the blue ribbon on your hair; the night we had our first dance. You looked at me with such love, such kindness, Michiru. I died a little inside out of sheer, blissful love for you. That a beautiful, unearthly creature would regard simple me in such a way, was more than I had ever hoped for.
Everyone agreed with my fears, fed them, purposely fueled them. I knew I didn't deserve you and their disapproving scowls and disgusted glaring spoke loud enough for me. It was intimidating to say the least. You? You couldn't have cared less!
Your hand settled on mine casually, as if we had done that a thousand times before. A knowing, smug little smile danced on your lips as you moved through the ballroom with me, swaying in time with the music with dignified confidence. Your chin, high and proud, seemed to defy everyone we had ever known to even hint that we were anything but meant to be. There was a fire in your sapphire eyes that warned them to keep their tongues on check, their thoughts to themselves.
It could have been me leading you across the dance floor, but it was definitely you who guided me through a night filled with judgement and hatred. Your many suitors could have given anyone the evil eye, the way those deadly stares pierced me as we danced the night away, waltz after waltz, locked into a world of our own.
As much as I tried, taking my eyes from yours seemed impossible. They were hypnotizing. You didn't look away from me either, not for a single second, although both protocol and good manners would have demanded so. It was a statement. In your own, unique way, you were telling everyone to back off, to honor your choice, to respect me or face the consequences. You wouldn't be forgiving to those who challenged that.
I could sense that much from you, with the understanding that comes naturally between two people destined to be together for all eternity. Soul mates. A word I had openly laughed at before. It was meaningless until we met, just an expression coined by exaggerated drunken poet wannabes.
That changed forever the second your hand touched mine. It all clicked in place. Those words suddenly were the truest ones ever spoken. Life grew a new meaning to me, overwhelming as I was by a feeling more powerful than anything I had ever felt before. It was beautiful and absolutely breath taking. Just like you.
And there you were, carried away by the wind, flashing your million dollar smile with your eyes gleaming over whatever tune your violin was playing when the picture was taken; gone the next second, leaving me empty and desperate for your warmth. How could the good news be properly appreciated when those powerful memories hit me within an instant with the force of a thousand suns only to leave me cold and naked in the vast, empty space the next moment? I wanted to hit something, to physically destroy anything in my way until that self-directed rage calmed down enough to think. Still, there was nothing for me to break in the perfectly manicured school garden.
Slowly, my breathing went back to normal and I calmed enough to appreciate what happened. You were alive in this world with me, playing your enchanting music somewhere out there, while I wasted my time in ancient memories about people long dead. People who had nothing to do with us and yet, were our very essence once.
Realization finally dawned on me, as my heartbeat slowed back into its steady rhythm. I would see you again soon! We could talk and walk and laugh as always, lost in blissful oblivion with not a single care in the world while mankind came to an end around us. After all, if there was a flyer at school, your concert had to be nearby. Perhaps someone from the music department knew where the performance would be. Everything would fall back into place after that. I was sure.
Once again, my heart went wild at the mere memory of your music. The possibility of listening to your concerts, adagios and sonatas was too much to bear. I could almost hear your beautiful, breath-taking music in my head as if it had been hardwired into my soul. It probably had, time after time after time through a thousand lifespans, the same way I could see your art upon closing my eyes. Old paintings and new flashed past me in a colorful blur. It was intoxicating, like an expensive wine over a decadent, romantic dinner.
A bell tolled. Its melodic sound echoing through the entire campus to inform students the first class of the day had begun. I was still a few hundred yards from my assigned classroom for that period, but I couldn't care less. Slowly, with a confident smirk on my face, I walked away from it, making my way to the music building. Let them be mad at me for breaking all codes of conduct, interrupt a class to ask the students a question that could very well wait until the recess. Let them suspend me. It meant nothing if it brought me closer to hearing your laugh again and I couldn't wait.
