Thank you all so much for reading this story! It means so much to me to know that so many of you have "followed" and "favorited" this story and me.
Please note there are descriptions of sexual assault and violence in this chapter. Adjust your reading accordingly.
Enjoy!
PART 2:
"Are you making friends?"
"Have you seen anyone get stabbed yet?"
"How's the food?"
"Are there gangs?"
"Are you able to sleep alright on their mattresses?"
"Has anyone made you their bitch?"
Rachel tried not to laugh as her fathers probed her with ridiculous questions, though Hiram's were by far more ridiculous than Leroy's.
Leroy Berry rolled his eyes at his husband's questions, knowing Hiram coped best with humor. "But seriously honey, how are you doing?"
Rachel sighed. How to answer that question? "I'm okay I guess. As okay as can be expected under such dire circumstances. I have made friends, sort of. My cell-mate is nice but quiet. I have a job in the prison library. I guess, overall, it could be much worse."
Rachel's fathers were visiting for the first time. The Berry Men brought with them as many things as the guards would allow them to bring in. Rachel received from them a warmer, softer blanket, her favorite shampoo and shower gel, and flip-flops for the bathroom. Her fathers also put money into her prison account so she could purchase things at the prison "store".
Their visit was short, but Rachel was glad they came. They parted with promises of visiting every month, and Rachel promised to call every Sunday after her weekly chess game with Quinn.
When Rachel got back to her cell, she was bubbly and bursting with post-visit cheer. Quinn, on the other hand, was not so happy. Rachel began to tell Quinn about her visit, but was quickly cut off.
"Shut it Raz."
"But I only wanted to tell you about my fathers."
"Look, it's not that I don't care. But you need to learn not to shoot your mouth off about that shit in here. It's nice that your dads came, but some of us don't get visitors much. Some ladies have family who can't visit, others have family who won't. Some of us just don't have any family left. Talking about how lucky you are to have your fathers visit is a good way to make enemies real quick. So, just watch what you say, alright?"
Rachel nodded. "I'm sorry." She slunk to her bed, clutched the pink blanket her fathers brought, and wondered if Quinn ever had any visitors. Once again, Quinn's icy exterior was meant to keep Rachel at a distance, but only served to make Rachel even more curious about Quinn.
"Quinn?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you miss about... outside?" Rachel asked. The moonlight streamed through the barred window in their cell. Both girls lay in their beds. It was well after lights-out, but neither could sleep. Two weeks had passed since Rachel had arrived at Reform, and she was becoming severely homesick. The visit from her fathers a few days ago hadn't helped much. To make matters worse was Quinn's cold behavior towards her since their visit.
Quinn sighed and thought about Rachel's question. What did she miss? Her friends? Being normal? Quinn missed pretty much everything about being free. "I miss… I miss shopping. Going on 2 A.M. trips to WalMart to get ice cream and frozen pizza. Like just being free to spend money on whatever I want whenever I want. I really miss that simple freedom."
Rachel hummed in agreement.
"What about you, Berry?" asked Quinn. As much as Quinn hated to admit it, it was kind of nice to talk to her cell-mate again instead of avoiding her the past few days since Quinn's little lecture about visitors. She knew she was being cruel, shutting Rachel out like that, but it was Quinn's only form of self-preservation. Prison was tough, and not letting people in was her way of coping. Whether or not the strategy was effective was another matter.
"Um, well now mine seems trivial in comparison," said Rachel.
"Oh come on. You brought it up. What is it? Like eating Taco Bell or something?"
"Hardly. I'm a vegan."
"How can you be vegan? I've seen you eat the mystery meat with the rest of us."
"I may not be able to practice my veganism in order to survive locked up in here, however, I am still ideologically vegan."
"Ideologically vegan? Wow. And I thought California was hippy."
"Hippy! I resent the implication-"
"Berry!" Quinn interrupted. "Are you going to tell me what you miss?"
"Right, sorry. I miss… well, honestly, I miss MySpace."
"MySpace?" said Quinn in disbelief. She had heard many things people missed while being in prison, but MySpace was a new one. "Who has a MySpace anymore? It's not 2005."
"MySpace is still a very relevant social networking tool."
Quinn snorted.
"It is!" Rachel protested. "I used my MySpace to gain a certain level of internet fame. I would post my daily video for my fans. They used to comment on my videos."
"Anything nice?"
"Sometimes."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Why didn't you just use youtube?"
"I, um..." Rachel was stumped. Why hadn't she used youtube? Well, now her whole use of social media seemed outdated.
Quinn smiled at her ability to make Rachel tongue-tied. "I miss the internet too."
"It feels weird to be so cut off from the rest of society. I mean, I could care less about the celebrity gossip, but I do miss news."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Quinn. "I was so looking forward to voting in the election this year. My first act of rebellion. Now I'll never be able to vote again."
"What? Why?"
"Convicted felons can't vote, even when they get out of prison."
"What!"
"You didn't know that? Fuck, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, Raz."
Rachel opened her mouth to protest but then realized that she enjoyed the way Quinn teased her. She had missed it. "I'm sorry about the other day."
"It's forgotten."
"Really? So we're okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine."
"Good," Rachel sighed. "I was kind of worried."
Quinn smiled to herself. "Goodnight Raz."
"Goodnight Febreze," Rachel replied.
"Cell inspection. All inmates out of their cells. Now!" came the announcement over the loudspeakers in the prison.
Rachel looked to Quinn across the cell, confused. "Quinn?"
"Come on," Quinn said, gesturing to the open cell door. "Stand up straight, stay still, and don't say anything."
Rachel nodded and did as she was told. She and Quinn stepped outside their cell and stood on either side of the open door. Other inmates up and down the hallway stood exactly the same as Rachel and Quinn. Out of the corner of her eye, Rachel saw guards going into cells, a few moments later coming back out, then going into the next one, working their way down the cells.
After a few minutes, the worst guard got to their cell. Finn Hudson eyed both Rachel and Quinn as they stood outside their cell. He smirked and then went in. Rachel heard Hudson tearing the room apart, but she forced herself to stand ramrod straight and not peek over her shoulder to see what he was doing.
Quinn also forced herself to keep still. Her heart pounded in her chest. She knew what Hudson was doing from his sick smirk, having seen it happen to new inmates a few times before. Thank God it hadn't happened to her when she first arrived almost seven months ago. Her stomach turned in knots, because she knew how powerless she was to stop him. She was powerless to protect Rachel from his sadistic plan.
Hudson stepped out of their cell after a heart-stopping minute. In his hand, he held out a small baggie of some kind of white powder.
"Think you could hide this from me?" Hudson said to Rachel.
"That's not mine," Rachel protested.
"I found it under your bed. Who the fuck does it belong to then?" Hudson demanded.
"I don't… It's not mine!"
"Come with me Berry," Hudson said, grabbing Rachel's arm.
"Hey! She said it's not hers," Quinn said, trying to stand up for Rachel, knowing full well that Hudson planted the drugs.
Hudson grabbed his baton from his utility belt and pushed it into Quinn's chest. "Get back in your fucking cell Fabray, before I break your fucking face." Quinn stared daggers at Finn for a tense moment, and then backed down. "Clean up your fucking cell. It's a mess."
Rachel locked eyes with Quinn, silently begging for help. Quinn shook her head slightly, mouthed "sorry", and backed into their cell. There was nothing she could do.
"No. No. Please. No," Rachel muttered as Hudson led her away.
Finn Hudson brought Rachel into an unlocked office. He shoved Rachel down in an open chair before turning and locking the door. He turned back and smirked at Rachel. Rachel's stomach dropped at the look in Hudson's eyes, and tears formed in her eyes.
"Here's what's going to happen, Berry," said Hudson, looming over her. "You're going to do exactly what I want, and in exchange, I won't go to Sylvester with this contraband. Do you understand?"
Rachel blinked, tears starting to stream down her cheeks, and she nodded. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. Her heart raced and she felt sick to her stomach, knowing what was coming.
"Good," Hudson said. He stood before her, reached down and began to unzip his pants. Rachel closed her eyes and prayed for it to be over quickly.
There was a jingle of keys, and then the sound of a key in the lock. Hudson quickly zipped his fly and stepped back from Rachel. Will Schuester opened the door.
"Oh, Hudson, didn't know you were in here."
"Yeah, just giving Ms. Berry here the rundown of the rules of cell contraband searches."
"Good," said Schuester, completely oblivious to what he interrupted. "We'll be hitting up B-Block in ten minutes."
"Sounds good. Better get Berry back to her cell." Hudson pulled Rachel up and led her out of the room.
Once they were a ways down the empty hallway, Hudson pushed Rachel against the wall and held her there. He leaned over and looked eye-to-eye with her. "If you tell anyone, I swear to God I will finish what I fucking started. And I will enjoy it. And then, just for fun, I'll fuck that pretty cell-mate of yours too. Do I make myself clear, Berry?"
Rachel nodded. Hudson led Rachel back to her cell. "Have a nice day, Berry," taunted Hudson when he left her there. "Good job cleaning up, Fabray," Hudson said, noticing the cell had been put back together after the mess he made of it.
Rachel sat down on her bed, shell-shocked. Quinn immediately knelt down before Rachel and took Rachel's hands in her own.
"Rach? Rachel, what happened?" asked Quinn, concerned. Rachel avoided Quinn's eyes. "Please, Rach. Talk to me. What did he do?" Rachel shook her head. Quinn didn't know what to do. Obviously Finn did something to Rachel to make her act like this. Quinn was sick with rage and wanted to run down the hall, tackle Hudson and beat the living shit out of him for whatever the hell he did. The only thing stopping her from retaliating like that was the tiny, vulnerable girl in front of her. She had more important things to do, like watching after Rachel, rather than focusing on revenge right now.
Rachel pulled away from Quinn, curled up on her bed facing the wall and allowed the tears in her eyes to begin to fall. She wanted to throw up from sheer terror at the thought of Hudson doing whatever he was going to do to her. She had only been that close to being assaulted once before, and that had resulted in her killing a man in defense. But in that room with Hudson, she was in no position to defend herself. And now, she had no idea how to protect herself from further harassment.
God, she wanted to tell Quinn. She felt like she was going to burst, keeping it all in. But she just couldn't. Rachel was terrified for herself, and for Quin. She knew Hudson would finish what he started if he found out she said anything. Hell, he might do that anyway, but she couldn't risk it. She couldn't risk Quinn's safety. Her cell-mate meant too much to her.
Rachel tossed and turned in the bed across from Quinn. She hadn't spoken for the rest of the night after Hudson brought her back to the cell, but now, Quinn listened to Rachel mutter and moan in her sleep.
"No… no please… no…." Rachel whimpered, still sleeping. She seemed to be having a really distressing dream, and Quinn was worried about the poor girl. What had Hudson done to her?
Rachel screamed out and startled herself awake. Quinn rushed to Rachel's side and immediately Rachel collapsed sobbing into Quinn's waiting arms.
"Oh Rach…" Quinn whispered as she sat on the bed and rubbed Rachel's back. "Shhh… It's okay. I've got you. You're safe. Shhh..." Rachel slowly calmed, and her heavy breathing returned to normal. "God, Rach, what did he do to you?"
Rachel pulled away from Quinn slightly to look in her eyes. Quinn touched Rachel's cheek, wiping the tracks of Rachel's tears with the pad of her thumb. Her heartbeat quickened at their intimacy, and Quinn wondered, in a passing thought, what it would be like to kiss Rachel's lips. She quickly dismissed the thought with a shake of her head, and refocused on the reason for Rachel's nightmare.
"Please tell me?" whispered Quinn.
Rachel sighed. She wanted so badly to open up to Quinn and tell her what happened, but she was terrified that Hudson would come after her. "Quinn… I can't. He… he'll find out."
"Rach… I'm gonna protect you."
In the darkness, Rachel saw the glint in Quinn's eye, and she felt Quinn's arms tighten their hold. Rachel knew what Quinn was thinking. Revenge.
"Please, don't do anything stupid, Quinn," Rachel begged. Quinn looked away, but Rachel touched Quinn's face and made Quinn look at her. "Promise me. Promise me you won't do anything stupid."
Quinn nodded after a moment's consideration. "Okay. I promise. I won't do anything stupid."
Rachel smiled. "Do one more thing for me?"
Quinn smiled slightly. "What?"
"Stay with me tonight?"
"Rach…If they catch us..."
"Please? I know I'll sleep better with you here."
Quinn sighed. She was walking a fine line here with Rachel. Her feelings were complicated enough, and keeping Rachel at arms length was, so far, the only way for Quinn to protect herself, and protect Rachel. But right then, in that moment, Rachel's nearness was too intoxicating to resist.
"Okay. Okay, I'll stay," Quinn said.
"Thank you." Rachel curled into Quinn's body and they both lay back on Rachel's small mattress. Quinn held Rachel as she nuzzled into the crook of Quinn's shoulder. Quinn tried not to notice the way their bodies melded perfectly together, or the scent of Rachel's shampoo. She closed her eyes and tried to keep her heartbeat from racing. It had been a long time since she held someone like this.
"I see the nightmares when I close my eyes," Rachel whispered.
"Try not to focus on that."
"It's hard not to."
"Maybe this will help," Quinn said as she tried to remember what her father used to sing to her when she was little. As painful as it was to think about her father, she thought the song might help Rachel.
Quinn sang softly, like whispers in Rachel's ear, "Christopher Robin and I walked along under branches lit up by the moon. Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore as our days disappeared all too soon. But I've wandered much further today than I should and I can't seem to find my way back to the wood. So help me if you can I've got to get back to the house on Pooh Corner by one. You'd be surprised there's so much to be done. Count all the bees in the hive. Chase all the clouds from the sky. Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh."
Rachel closed her eyes and breathed in and out, trying to calm herself and keep the images of her dreams from reappearing. Lying in Quinn's arms, listening to Quinn sing, helped her keep her mind from drifting to the awful events of the day. It was nice to hear music again, and Quinn had a wonderful singing voice. In days before, Rachel might have been jealous of Quinn's talent. In here, Rachel was just thankful Quinn liked her enough to sing for her.
Eventually, Rachel drifted off, comfortable and calm. Quinn felt Rachel's breathing slow as she finished the song. Rachel had fallen asleep in her arms. She pulled Rachel closer and kissed the top of her forehead. "I'm gonna keep you safe, Rachel," Quinn whispered. "I promise."
"The key here, Raz, is shading."
Rachel sat patiently in the Rec Room while Kerri Hummel gave her a makeover. The idea was Kerri's. She thought Rachel had excellent bone structure, and she had been dying to paint her face since she first saw Rachel. Kerri ambushed Rachel with her makeup kit during Quinn and Rachel's weekly chess game in the Rec Room.
A half an hour later, Quinn, Santana and Brittany watched amused as Kerri put makeup on Rachel. She powdered and primped, swiped eyeliner and mascara, and put the final touches with blush and lipstick.
"You see," Kerri continued. "Good makeup is all about using shadows to accent the contours of your face, making your cheekbones more defined and your forehead rounder. Drag Queens use the contouring illusion to the extreme, but anyone can take advantage of the concept."
"How do you know all this?" Rachel asked.
"I was in school for cosmetology before I got busted. I wanted to be a makeup artist and do makeup for fashion shows in New York."
"Maybe we would have met. I was going to be on Broadway."
"Yeah, maybe," said Kerri, turning the mirror to Rachel.
Rachel smiled bright when she saw her reflection in the mirror. Her face looked silky smooth like a doll. Her eyes were expertly shaddowed, cheeks perfectly blended, not a flaw to be seen on her skin. Rachel couldn't remember a time she looked more beautiful.
Quinn watched Rachel gush over her makeover with Kerri. Quinn couldn't take her eyes off the brunette and her gorgeous face. Nights of holding Rachel while she cried and fought off the demons in her nightmares made Quinn quite aware of her growing feelings for Rachel, though Quinn tried to present a cool and aloof exterior in public.
Santana observed Quinn with a sly smile on her face as Quinn watched Rachel. The feisty Latina could read the closed-off former blonde like a book. She knew exactly what was going on in Quinn's head, having felt similar things for Brittany when the bubbly blonde had first arrived over a year ago.
After a moment, Quinn felt Santana's eyes on her. "What?" said Quinn quietly.
"You're cute," said Santana.
Quinn crossed her arms over her chest, keeping her eyes on Rachel. "I don't know what you're implying, so what don't you just come out and say it."
"You like her."
"Yeah, she's a good cell-mate."
"Bullshit. I know you only been here six months, but I know you 'Breezey. I can read it all over your face."
Quinn turned to face Santana, "I'm gonna say this to you once, so listen well. There is nothing going on."
Santana held Quinn's eyes for a moment. She knew her friend was lying, but didn't want to push Quinn. Quinn obviously wasn't ready to admit anything, maybe not even to herself yet.
"Alright," Santana said, dropping the matter, for now.
"What do you think?" Rachel turned to ask Quinn what she thought of the makeover.
Quinn swallowed the stuck words in her throat before taking a deep breath. She smiled at Rachel. "You look great." Rachel blushed and smiled shyly at Quinn before turning back to Kerri.
Quinn ignored the amused look on Santana's face and tried to convince herself of her own words. There was nothing going on. Sure, she may have feelings for her cell-mate. She had only held Rachel as she cried every night this week. She had only done what any good cell-mate would do, soothing Rachel through every nightmare. Sure, she had wanted to kill Hudson every time she saw him. Though her promise to Rachel kept her from doing something instantly gratifying, however stupid. But, there was really nothing going on.
"Me next!" squealed Brittany. Rachel laughed and relinquished her seat to the bubbly blonde. She stood by Quinn and watched Brittany's excitement.
"Payment first," said Kerri. "Rachel got her one free makeover. Brittany's already had hers."
Brittany looked to Santana with big puppy-dog eyes. The Latina smiled and pulled out a small bag from her waistband and gave it to Kerri. Kerri opened the bag to find two brand new shades of expensive eyeshadow.
"Shit, where did you get these?" Kerri said.
"Sunshine's good to me."
"Girl, I don't know how you do it, but your wife can have two makeovers for this."
Brittany squealed and sprang up to hug Santana. Santana whispered something into Brittany's ear before pulling out of the hug. Brittany kissed Santana quickly before anyone saw, and then sat down in the chair with a huge smile on her face. Santana pulled another chair over, sat down next to Brittany and tried to keep her from talking too much as Kerri drew lines of foundation on Brittany's face.
"They're cute together," Rachel commented to Quinn about Brittany and Santana.
"Yeah," Quinn replied.
"What's their story?"
"Raz," Quinn sighed. Rachel asked too many questions sometimes.
"It's just, they seem to be an unlikely pair, but it works. I was just wondering."
"I don't know exactly how it happened. They were together before I got here. But from what I heard, I guess Fat Bitch was harassing Stretch her first day, kinda like she did to you. Cap'n…" Quinn smiled to herself. "Well, I guess Cap'n took her down with two punches. Fat Bitch was in the infirmary for a week. Cap'n was in solitary for a month. But when she got out... well, her and Stretch have been inseparable ever since. A few months ago, they got 'married' in a little ceremony Sunshine held for them."
"That's so sweet."
"Yeah, I guess so." Quinn smiled and watched Santana and Brittany. Quinn had to admit, they were adorable together. Santana completely fawned over Brittany. Brittany softened the Latina's rougher edges. They brought out the best in each other even though they lived in the worst place possible. In a passing thought, Quinn wondered if she would ever have a love like theirs. She looked at Rachel out of the corner of her eye and smiled slightly to herself. Maybe some day.
"Hey! What's going on here?" said Corrections Officer Blaine Anderson as he walked into the Rec Room.
"Just having some fun Anderson," said Santana, on the defensive. Blaine Anderson was one of the nicest guards at Reform, but he played by the book as well, not allowing for much wiggle-room from the procedures.
"I'm allowed to do this," Kerri said shyly. She pulled out a piece of paper from her makeup kit and handed it to Blaine. "My permission slip from the Warden herself. I can have makeup, and am allowed to give makeovers to inmates once a month, so long as I submit my makeup to random testing."
Blaine read over the paper before handing it back to Kerri with a smile. "Alright, carry on. You do a good job."
Kerri blushed and thanked Blaine before returning to her work. Blaine smiled at the group of women before leaving the Rec Room. Quinn and Santana exchanged knowing looks at Kerri's shy behavior.
"Be careful Princess," teased Quinn.
"Shut up Febreze," Kerri shot back.
"He's a guard," said Santana.
"Don't you think I know that? Fuck you guys."
"Oh, ignore them, they're just teasing," said Brittany. "Besides, I think he likes you too."
Kerri blushed. "Really?" She continued to put makeup on Brittany, but with a slight smile on her face.
"Paint your faces sinners, you can't hide from the Lord," came a voice from the hallway.
"Oh, fuck, here we go," muttered Quinn as Teen Jesus Jo Hart, a young, zealous, dreadlock-sporting inmate came into the Rec Room followed by her merry band of disciples, four other weak-minded follower-types.
"And you, O desolate one, what do you mean that you dress in scarlet, that you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold, that you enlarge your eyes with paint? In vain you beautify yourself. Your lovers despise you; they seek your life," Jo preached. "The Bible is clear on vanity. Renounce your sinful ways and embrace a more righteous and moral path."
"Hey, newsflash for ya, Teen Jesus. We're in prison, and we all got here by sinning in one way or another. Even yourself," argued Santana.
"I was following God's calling. God's law is higher than any law Man can hold me to."
"Apparently that includes murder," Quinn said.
"God told me to bomb that clinic. They were baby-killers!"
"Eye for an eye, then?" Quinn shot back.
Jo glared at Quinn. "I will enter through the gates of Heaven, and you will burn in the pits of hell for your sins."
Quinn stepped into Jo's personal space. "And what the fuck would you know about my sins?"
Jo leaned in and whispered into Quinn's ear, "I don't think your father would appreciate your disgusting, lustful, lesbian ways."
Quinn's eyes grew dark with rage. She shoved Jo away and quickly threw a punch that landed on Jo's jaw with a sickening crunch. Another punch from Quinn connected in Jo's side. Jo fell to the floor, and Quinn towered over her, ready to strike again.
Horrified, Rachel called out Quinn's name, trying to stop Quinn from causing more harm to the crumpled, radical nutjob. Quinn was broken out of her rage-induced trance momentarily at hearing Rachel's plea. Quinn locked eyes with Rachel across the room, before being tackled to the floor by Blaine Anderson. He had rushed into the Rec Room upon hearing the commotion of the fight, and had called in a "Code Orange" over his radio.
Rachel watched in shock as Blaine dragged Quinn out of the Rec Room, while other guards took care of Jo. The remaining women in the Rec Room were ordered back to their cells. Rachel didn't get a chance to speak to Santana about what happened, as they were led in different directions back to the cells. Her heart was pounding on the walk back. She had never seen Quinn like this before, and it terrified her. What was her cell-mate capable of?
Quinn was deposited in a cell in Solitary. She heard the solid door close behind her before she collapsed onto the hard cot on the floor that served as a bed. Quinn had no idea how long she would be locked up in this tiny room with just enough space for the cot, a toilet, and a hard metal bench bolted to the wall. There was no window and a heavy metal door with a slot in the middle to pass food through. It was a hard room to be in, a dangerous room. If she wasn't careful, she could lose her mind in this room.
Quinn was coming down off the adrenaline high of punching Teen Jesus when a realization hit her. What had she done? Getting locked up in Solitary for not controlling her temper was doing the opposite of protecting Rachel. And what would Rachel think of her now? She was fucked now. Completely fucked.
Quinn curled up on the cot and didn't fight the sobs that came from deep inside her. Her feelings for Rachel, the pain, the memories, the loss, the reason she lashed out at Teen Jesus were all at the forefront of her mind while she cried.
"You've been kind of quiet lately."
Rachel looked over from her book sorting duties to her librarian companion, Aria. She hadn't spoken much thus far that day. In fact, she hadn't spoken much for almost a week now since Quinn was put into Solitary for attacking Teen Jesus Jo Hart. Rachel sighed, wondering if she could confide in Aria about what troubled her. So far, Aria had proven to be a dependable and trustworthy confidant.
"I'm just worried. About Quinn," Rachel responded.
"Yeah? Have you heard when she'll be out?" Aria asked.
"No. No one's heard anything."
"She's a strong girl. She'll be alright in there."
"I'm not so sure," Rachel sighed. She pondered her next move. Should she ask Aria the question she's been dying to ask, knowing it would break Quinn's rule? "Aria, what do you know about Quinn?"
"What do you mean?" Aria asked, knowing full well what Rachel meant.
"What did Quinn do? Her crime?"
Aria sighed and adjusted her glasses. "Rachel. You know I can't tell you."
"I need to know."
"Then you need to ask Quinn when she gets out. She has the right to tell you. Not me."
Rachel nodded and turned her attention back to her work. The menial task of entering barcode numbers into the computer helped her keep her mind at bay for the moment. Rachel got so caught up in her work that she failed to notice anyone come in or out of the Library. Aria took care of checking out books to any inmates while Rachel worked.
Soon, Rachel's eyes grew tired. She looked up to scan the Library and give her eyes a bit of a rest. In the back corner of the Library, Rachel could make out two figures, a guard from the uniform, and an inmate. Curious, Rachel observed them talk for a minute, then something was passed between them. Rachel saw movement and immediately dropped her eyes back to the computer in front of her. Someone walked from the back corner up towards Rachel.
"Hey Berry," said Finn Hudson, coming up to the Library desk. "How's it going?"
"Fine," Rachel muttered, not making eye contact. Her heart pounded in her ears. Hudson terrified her, and she knew he knew the effect he had on her.
"Good. Have a good one," Finn called out as he left the Library.
Rachel's stomach was in knots and her feet and hands were numb because all the blood had drained from her limbs. She looked up after Finn was gone to see Zizes ambling back to the Library desk with three books in her arms. Zizes checked out her books with Aria while Rachel tried to calm down and seem inconspicuous on her computer. Once Zizes had left, Rachel relaxed a little from her near-panic attack. But that left her time to think. Had she really just seen Hudson and Zizes together? Did she see a drug deal go down? She knew Quinn was paranoid about the two of them, but from what Rachel just observed, Quinn's suspicions might just have some grounds.
Quinn lay on her cot in the Solitary cell and wondered for the tenth time in the past hour how many days she had been in here. Quinn thought it might be five or six based on the number of "meals" she had eaten. All her breakfasts had been cold toast with a small smear of peanut butter and a cup of applesauce. Her lunches were a plain ham sandwich. Her dinners were the "mystery meat" and mixed vegetables. All-in-all, not as horrible as she imagined food in Solitary would have been, but not great either. She couldn't believe she actually missed the food in the cafeteria.
Quinn hadn't been told how long she'd be in there. When Santana beat up Zizes, she got a month. But then again, Santana had a history of violence on her prison record already. Quinn, thus far, had been a model inmate. She hoped she wouldn't be in this room much longer; she didn't know how much more she could take. So far, Quinn had staved off boredom by singing every song she knew. But she was quickly running out of songs.
Isolation was hard to deal with. No human contact. Nothing to distract yourself from your own thoughts. Your mind was your own prison, more than the brick walls around you. Quinn had nothing but time to think about everything. Her memories had come in waves over the past however many days. She fought hard to keep the memories away, but no matter how hard she worked to distract herself with singing, there they were.
The worst times were when Quinn tried to sleep. Her nightmares revolved around her two biggest regrets: the crime that put her in prison, and the woman she failed to protect when she was first locked up, the woman who was the reason Quinn tried so hard to protect Rachel. She was haunted by her mistakes, mistakes she worked hard to keep hidden.
"Quinn Fabray," came a voice from through the slot in the door. Quinn was broken from her thoughts and quickly stood and waited for the door to open.
Will Schuester opened Quinn's cell door and stepped in. He appraised Quinn's appearance before speaking. "Sylvester has directed me to release you. This will go on your prison record and can be used as evidence against you in further crimes."
"I understand," said Quinn.
"Follow me," said Schuester.
He led Quinn back to her cell. On the walk back, Quinn made sure to enjoy the afternoon sunlight streaming through windows along the hallways. She passed Brittany and Santana on the way. Brittany gave her a mega-watt smile and a wave, and Santana gave her a head nod. Quinn smiled and head-nodded back, while she followed Schuester.
Up on the third floor, a few other inmates acknowledged Quinn as she passed. Schuester deposited her back in her cell.
"Quinn! Oh my god!" Rachel stood and approached Quinn. Quinn held out her arm slightly, directing Rachel to stop before making sure Schuester had gone. Schuester watched them for a moment, before sauntering off. "Can I hug you now?"
Quinn laughed, "Sure."
Rachel dove into Quinn's arms, reveling in the comfort there. "I'm so glad you're okay. I missed you," Rachel whispered before realizing that her thoughts had slipped out her lips. "I mean… um…" Rachel pulled away.
"I missed you too, Raz," Quinn smiled.
"How was it? I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm curious."
Quinn sat on her bed, basking in the relatively comfortable firm mattress beneath her. Rachel sat across from her and waited for her cell-mate, not wanting to push Quinn into talking if she didn't want to. Quinn was thankful to be back in her cell, thankful she hadn't lost her mind in Solitary, thankful Rachel was there waiting for her return. Quinn just wanted to enjoy being out of that hell hole for a little bit.
"It's awful," Quinn began once she had her moment of peace. "The worst part is the isolation. It's just you in there. You and your thoughts. And that's scary as shit. You become your own worst enemy. You have so much time to analyze everything you've ever done in your life. And there's not much to distract you from those thoughts."
"Oh, Quinn. I'm so sorry you had to go through it."
Quinn shrugged. "It's over. I'm out."
Rachel wished she could get her normally quiet cell-mate to open up more about her experience, but she knew Quinn might open up in time. Rachel just had to be patient and not push Quinn too fast. Maybe if Rachel brought up a topic Quinn might be willing to talk about, she could get the former blonde to disclose more about herself.
After a period of semi-awkward silence, Rachel blurted out, "I saw something."
Quinn snorted at Rachel's very Rachel-like outburst. She really had missed her cell-mate. "And pray tell Ms. Berry, what did you see?"
"Zizes and Hudson."
"I'm listening. Go on."
"In the library. Two days ago. I saw them- well, I thought I saw them pass something between them."
"Like drugs?"
"It could have been. I was sitting at the desk, and they were in the back corner, so I didn't see much."
"Shit."
"Quinn, what's going on?"
Quinn sighed. She wanted to keep Rachel out of all this. She wanted to keep Rachel safe. But if there was a way for Quinn to stop the drugs getting into Reform, then she had to try. She had a promise to keep, an earlier promise to another woman she failed to keep safe.
"Somehow drugs are getting into Reform. I think it's Hudson, and Zizes is the one distributing. I had suspicions for a while, but I just don't have hard evidence."
"Maybe they'll be back in the Library? Maybe we can catch them in the act?"
"Yeah, maybe," Quinn said before losing herself deep in thought. She had been waiting for an opportunity to catch Zizes and Hudson. Maybe this could be the chance.
"Quinn? There's something else." Quinn met Rachel's eyes, and Rachel continued, "Hudson. When he took me, he tried to…" Rachel's eyes welled up with tears and she couldn't finish her sentence.
Quinn knelt down before Rachel as she sat on her bed and took Rachel's hands in her own. "I know. I know Rach."
"Schuester interrupted him before he could do anything. He threatened me, before he took me back to our cell. He said if I told anyone he would finish what he started. And then he would… get you too."
"Fuck," Quinn muttered. "I'm not going to let that happen, Rachel. I'm going to protect you."
"You said you were going to, but you can't always be around. You promised me, and then... I mean, you were in Solitary for a week."
"I know. I'm so sorry. I…" Quinn sighed. It was time. "About that… I should tell you something."
Over a year ago...
"No daughter of mine is a fucking dyke!" screamed Russel Fabray as he smashed Quinn's computer.
"Daddy, please, no!"
"I won't let you shame the Fabray name again!"
Quinn's father grabbed her by the hair and dragged her from her bedroom and into the hallway. He threw her against the wall, causing her to hit her head. Quinn was momentarily disoriented, but had the wherewithal to stumble away from Russell as he towered above her. She rushed down the stairs, nearly tripping, as he chased after her.
Quinn made her way into the kitchen, with her father screaming homophobic slurs as he chased her. Russell knocked Quinn down against the kitchen island and loomed over her. Quinn fumbled on the floor for anything to use as a weapon against her crazed father. Quinn's hand felt around and grasped onto a knife that had fallen from the island when Russell had knocked her against it.
Red-faced Russell prepared to strike Quinn. Quinn, in her terror, gripped the knife by her side and waited. It felt like slow-motion to the trembling girl. Russell's fist floated in air above her, and before she knew what she was doing, the knife in her hand lodged into Russell's stomach. Russell cried out and fell on the floor next to Quinn, clutching at the wound, trying in vain to stop the blood pouring out.
Quinn stood, took one last look at her dying father, and then fled the house.
"I grew up in a really religious family. Perfection and obedience was expected of us. My older sister was the picture-perfect daughter. I tried to live up to that, but I failed. I got pregnant when I was in 10th grade. I was only fifteen. My parents kicked me out. When I gave my daughter up for adoption, they begrudgingly let me come home, but things were never the same.
"My father was abusive. Not physically, usually. But definitely emotionally. We all lived in fear of him. Especially me. I realized I was different growing up, but I tried to suppress it. I got crushes on girls a lot when I was younger, but I didn't tell anyone ever. My father spoke so vehemently against homosexuality, I knew he'd kill me if I ever was actually gay.
"I did everything I could to keep myself pure in his eyes. I was a cheerleader, dated the quarterback, I was president of the celibacy club for fucks sake. I thought if I could just force myself to be straight, I would be. Which is how I got pregnant, a drunken night trying to pretend to be straight. I had a baby girl. It was a closed adoption. I don't know what happened to her.
"When I came home, my father was more abusive towards me. I pushed myself to be perfect again, but only in order to get away from him when I could. I tried to focus on school, on graduating, getting into a college far away. I was so close. I got into Yale.
"I was on the Yale website one morning before school. They have a few different LGBT organizations on campus. I must have left the webpage for one of them up on my laptop. When I got home from school, my dad had found my laptop. He screamed at me about being a dyke. And then he got violent. I tried to get away, but he chased me into the kitchen. I stabbed him with a chefs knife, and then I ran. I took my car and I drove. By the time the police caught me a few days later, I had gotten all the way to Minneapolis.
"I tried to claim self-defense, but the jury didn't buy it, since I didn't have any bruises to prove a fight, and my father was such an upstanding citizen while I was a teenage mother slash lesbian. So I was convicted of second degree murder. With good behavior, I could be out on parole in about ten years," Quinn finished.
"I'm so sorry Quinn," said Rachel."I get why Teen Jesus would have such an effect on you."
"I shouldn't have let her get to me like that. In here, emotions run high."
"Still, I get it," Rachel said, placing a hand on Quinn's. They sat quietly like that, holding hands on Rachel's bed. Rachel was thankful that Quinn had shared her crime with Rachel. She felt closer to her cell-mate.
Quinn was relieved to finally admit what she had done. The guilt and shame still plagued her, but at least she didn't have to hide it anymore. She trusted Rachel. One secret told, one more to keep hidden, for now at least.
An alarm rang out from the loudspeakers signally dinner time.
"Shall we?" said Rachel.
"Sure. I'm actually excited for dinner. The food in Solitary isn't awful, but damn if I don't actually miss the Caf."
The girls stood up, but before they could move to leave the cell, Rachel pulled Quinn into an embrace.
"Thank you," Rachel whispered.
"For what?" Quinn whispered back.
"Nothing," Rachel shook her head and blushed as she pulled out of the hug. "Just thank you."
"Raz, what are we doing?" asked Quinn as her and Rachel stood in the far back of the library by the last shelf of books.
"Shh. I told you. We're gonna catch Zizes and Hudson."
"They're not here."
"Not yet. But since I saw them that first time, I've seen them three more times, same time, same days of the week. And-" Rachel peaked her head around the bookshelf to look at the clock on the wall. "It's almost time."
"Okay, fine. But I still don't think this going to work."
"It isn't, huh?" Rachel smiled and nodded towards the door. Quinn peaked around the bookshelf and spotted Lauren Zizes walking into the library.
"Well, I'll be damned," said Quinn.
"Told you."
Quinn and Rachel both hid behind the bookshelf as Zizes approached. She went to a middle book shelf and perused the books. Quinn and Rachel watched carefully through the shelves. A minute later, Hudson came over to Zizes. The girls watched as Hudson and Zizes spoke for a moment, and then Hudson gave Zizes a small baggie of white powder.
"Oh my god," Rachel whispered. Quinn slapped her hand over Rachel's mouth and hoped that Hudson and Zizes didn't hear them. She saw Hudson turn his head in their direction slightly. Quinn moved quickly, pushing Rachel up against the side wall and holding her there, with her hand still over Rachel's mouth. Quinn hoped that if they were caught, it would look like they had been making out, rather than spying on Hudson and Zizes.
Rachel was disoriented, but she wasn't sure if it was from the force of Quinn pushing her against the wall, or just from the closeness of Quinn's body against her own. She could think of nothing else but Quinn's warm body pressed against her, Quinn's warm breath tickling her jawline. She could hear her own heartbeat pounding in her ears. Her breathing slowed and her cheeks reddened. Both women were lost in each other's presence, forgetting why they were there in the first place.
Quinn's hand slipped from covering Rachel's mouth to cupping her cheek. She looked deep into Rachel's dark brown eyes and exhaled, trying to keep her wits about her.
"Rach…" Quinn breathed out. Her mouth was inches from Rachel's. Quinn shifted her body, pressing her lower half into Rachel, rubbing dangerously against her. Rachel held back a guttural groan, feeling her center heat up in response to Quinn's hips against her own.
Rachel was flustered. She had never really understood the desire for another person, given that her focus for almost her entire life had been about success and reaching her goal. But in that moment, Rachel finally got it. This is what it felt like to want, need, desire someone so much that it burned into the inner core of your being, that you felt nothing and thought of nothing else but that person. Quinn.
Quinn was dizzy. She couldn't remember a time when she had felt so much for one person. She searched for this deep, passionate feeling her whole life, never finding it with boys, and only detecting faint undertones of a vague resemblance to this feeling with other girls.
In that moment, it felt as if only molecules separated them, and both Rachel and Quinn wanted nothing more but to finally take the other as theirs.
Someone cleared their throat behind Rachel and Quinn, and the girls jumped apart at the sound.
"Well, what have we here?"
A/N: Thanks for reading! I appreciate comments, questions, and reviews!
