Chapter 3 – Locked Doors

Jess didn't know how she ended up at the ocean. She had left the clinic in a daze and had just started walking, her body and mind completely numb. The next thing she knew, she was staring out at the expanse of water and sky, both so blue that you could barely tell where one stopped and the other one started. She flopped down on to the sand, lying down on her back and she immediately thought of their trip to the ocean a week ago. Was it only a week ago? she thought in disbelief. How could so much have changed in such a short amount of time?

She closed her eyes and remembered how Nick had made angels in the sand after diving into the freezing water, his mind foggy from his pain pills, "Jess, I like you a lot, I really do, I'm glad you're around," he had said. She closed her eyes, a few tears spilling down her cheeks. She knew he wouldn't remember what he had said that night, but deep down she had hoped that he might. But he hadn't remembered. The pain pills made sure of that.

She lay there for hours, mentally and physically drained. She knew she should go home but the thought of trying to act normally around the guys was not something she had the strength for. Maybe I should just tell them, she thought. She tried to think of how that conversation would go down. 'Hey guys, so, I know that we're all so relieved that Nick doesn't have cancer, but hey, surprise, I might have it instead?' No, that wouldn't work, she thought. How do you even start talking about something so awful, so depressing, so life changing?

She was finally pulled out of her thoughts by her cell phone buzzing in her purse for what seemed like the twelfth time. Without bothering to check who was calling, she groaned out loud and opened her eyes, surprised to see that the sun had started to set. How long have I been here? She rolled over onto her side and then sat up slowly, wincing as her whole body ached.

She pulled herself up and paused as she swayed, waiting for her vision to clear from the black veil that had flashed before her eyes at the sudden change in elevation. It's going to be a long walk home.

- The Loft -

Nick glanced at the clock on the wall for the 500th time. Where was Jess? He had called her phone repeatedly, leaving her a dozen worried messages that she hadn't replied to. She said she'd be an hour tops and it had been over four. His thoughts took a dark turn as he fretted over her wellbeing. Did she get lost? Is she hurt? Worst-case scenarios flooded through his mind. He was about to grab his car keys, intent on searching the whole city for her if he had to, when suddenly Jess walked in the door.

He jumped off the couch and moved towards her. "Jess! Where have you been? Did the bus break down or something? Wait, why are you covered in sand?"

Jess looked up a Nick and blinked.

"What?" Jess's voice was quiet and confused.

Nick sighed in exasperation.

"You've been gone for over four hours Jess, I've called you like a hundred times! What have you been doing? Did you get those papers you were going to pick up from the school?"

"Oh... turns out I didn't leave them on my desk after all… Um… I'm really tired. I'm going to go bed." Jess said as she walked towards her room.

"It's only 6:30 Jess."

"Yeah, I know, I just… I feel a nap coming on," Jess mumbled, knowing it was a lame excuse, and leaving Nick confused and frustrated, standing alone in the hallway.

As Jess closed the door, a deep cough rumbled through her chest. Nick winced, that sounds like it hurts, he thought. She literally had just gotten over a cold and now she has another one? Jeez, he thought, Jess can't catch a break as he frowned in sympathy.

When Schmidt and Winston came through the door a half hour later, Nick was still sitting on the couch thinking about how odd Jess had been acting all day.

"Hey Nick, what's up man?" Winston asked Nick who seemed a little down.

"Hey Hey, brotha' from another motha'! Where's Jess? Aren't you two usually cuddling up on the sofa together around this time?" Schmidt asked in his usual enthusiastic tone.

Nick was silent.

"What? No arguments from you Nick? Oh my god, Nick! Did you find out your test results? Are you okay? Oh my god, you're dying aren't you? Man, I want you to know that if I could, I would take your place in a heartbeat. Do you need something? Anything you need man, just call on Schmitty…"

"Oh my god, Schmidt, stop rambling, I'm fine, I got the test results back, everything is all good."

Winston and Schmidt's faces lit up as they cheered and tackled Nick with hugs.

"Alright, that's enough, off of me, both of you."

"So what's wrong then, Nick? And where is Jess? Shouldn't we all be celebrating your clean bill of health? Wait, Nick, did you finally tell her how you feel? Is that why she isn't here? Oh no, does she not feel the same? Is she going to move out?"

"No! Schmidt, stop it, you don't know what you're talking about! And stop talking so loud!"

"If it's not true, then why do I have to keep quiet about it?"

"Jess is in her room, she said she wanted to take a nap."

Winston looked horrified. "A nap? What are we people, 80 years old? It's only 7 'o clock! The night is young! Wake her up and let's go out and celebrate."

"Listen guys, Jess was acting really weird today."

"Jess? Weird? Um, have you met her?" asked Winston sarcastically as if Nick was missing out on something obvious.

"You know what I mean Winston, not just her usual quirky self but just…strange, upset maybe? I don't know, she seems like she's getting sick again, maybe it's that?"

"Or maybe it's that time of the month, women can get pretty catty if you know what I mean," Schmidt said with a wink.

Nick scowled. "Jar!"

- Jess' Bedroom -

Jess lay in bed staring at the ceiling and listening to The Calling playing softly in her room.

So lately, been wonderin', who will be there to take my place.

When I'm gone, you'll need love, to light the shadows on your face…

Jess sighed, Nick's face filling her mind as she listened to the lyrics. Oh my god, I probably have cancer. I might die. Nick is going to grow old with someone else and not me. She shook her head, you're being ridiculous Jess, she thought, you and Nick aren't even together and there's no way that's going to happen now, not if you're sick.

"Oh my god" she whispered putting her hands over her face in despair. "This can't be happening." How did my life begin to fall apart so quickly?

"Jess?" Nick softly called as he lightly knocked on her door. "Are you okay?"

Jess was quiet, pretending to be asleep. She couldn't bring herself to talk about the events of the day with anyone, let alone Nick, and after all, she had said she was going to take a nap.

"Jess? Are you asleep?"

She heard him try to turn the doorknob. When she had come into her room, she had reluctantly locked her door. She knew her roommates would find it weird if they found out, none of them ever locked their doors, which was clearly demonstrated by the whole naked incident… well, incidents. A small smirk formed on Jess' face and she blushed; thinking about Nick inappropriately when he was standing outside her door wasn't a good idea.

"Jess, you locked your door? Listen, if you're awake, could you at least let me know you're okay? Winston and Schmidt are going to go to the bar with me. After my shift we're going to celebrate everyone's good health. Cece will be there too. It would be really nice if you joined us."

A tear slid down Jess' face. The irony of the situation was just too much to bear. Was this some cosmic joke? Should she tell him everything? Maybe if she talked to someone she would feel a little less awful. But then she thought if Nick knew what was going on, he would feel terrible at what he had just said. No, I won't answer him, she thought, he should celebrate, he did have quite a scare. She closed her eyes and started to drift into sleep, exhausted. Maybe I do need a nap after all, she thought as she slipped into unconsciousness.

- Nick's POV -

Nick didn't know what to do.

Jess never locks her door. None of them do, it's a trust thing. Why would she lock her door? Is she avoiding me? Did I say or do something to upset her?

"Jess, you locked your door? Listen, if you're awake, could you at least let me know you're okay? Winston and Schmidt are going to go to the bar with me. After my shift we're going to celebrate everyone's good health. Cece will be there too. It would be really nice if you joined us."

He was met with nothing but silence. He had a bad feeling in his gut but decided to let it go. If Jess was asleep then it made sense she wasn't answering. He reluctantly stepped back from the door, trying to think of what could have possibly happened to cause her to act so un-Jess-like.


Thank you to all who have reviewed and are following this story. It is so motivating and exciting for me to know that you're looking forward to reading it. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! It's become a bit a busy time for me at the moment, but I'm hoping to update in a few days or so. In the meantime, please read and review :)

- ohskylark