Seriously, Viola Cornuta, my ever-fab, ever-googling beta on this rocks mine and Peddie's socks off!

Disclaimer: Come on. Pedanticward is ours. The Twilight stuff is SM's.

~~All hail the return of our favorite Cog au Vain. And yes, the chapter is called ASSthetic for a reason~~


Assthetic

There was no need to break out the poultry, nor even my ruffled grouse, that night, as Bella was knackered from our cullenary lesson and full to bursting with my five plus streams of lush, creamy cum…oh no…wait. Damn. I was still a bit nonplussed by her Orange Julius vis-à-vis Edward's jizz comparison. Determined not to let it stand, I sought to guide her through osmosis as she shuffled deeper into a lightly snoring, slightly drooling slumber, "Bella, love, you simply need to lick and dribble instead of gulping during the money shot. I promise you, it will be tasty rather than overwhelming."

She hiccoughed and wound her fragile flouncy body closer to mine.

Thoroughly pleased now with the day's events, I looked forward to my next challenge.

Two rounds of rosette-like flesh conquered: her moiré vagina and her softly shredding chenille mouth. One to go.

All I had managed to get into Bella that evening, besides my cock two more times, was a few bites of Baked Alaska. That thought alone made a cold dome of my shaft…mmmm, the Denalis. . Tanya. Tanya and Bella and me! A troisieme of texture and tantalizing aroma!

The following day found me excited when Bella announced, over a breakfast of sunny-side-up eggs, she wanted to go shopping. Planning our excursion, I imagined squiring her to the more exclusive boutiques on high street, Port Angeles. Certainly a stop at La Silhouette lingerie specialists was in order. Running both my hands through my penny strands, I strangled my scalp over images of Bella in her loose, gray-through-over-wash granny panties.

I tried like hell to ignore Bella's pointing, shouting and bouncing up and down when she alerted me to a turn-off five miles out of Port Angeles proper.

Oh fuck me.

I knew what this was.

And this was not a fashionable little shop catering to Black Am-Ex card carriers such as myself.

This was one-stop-shopping.

I shivered in distaste.

Bella laughed and asked me, unnecessarily, if I was cold.

Unable to deny her anything, I parked my shiny silver Volvo in the acres of concrete outside the enormous sprawl of Target, the city's latest eyesore.

Sulking, pouting, pinching the bridge of my nose and throwing in a few sighs, I accompanied my love to the automatic doors. Automatic doors? Was it really so difficult to use your own strength to push a door open?

Ugh.

"So, Edward, I thought we could look at some clothes for you while we're here?"

Firstly, I did not wear prêt-a-porte, dear Alice forfend, and secondly, I spluttered in disbelief, eyeing Bella up and down, "What about you?" My voice rose and even cracked with distaste and shock!

Bella stood tall, still only reaching the middle of my torso in her beaten up Converse, "I hate to tell you, but this is what all the kids are wearing nowadays, Edward."

I didn't know what to think!

She'd looked perfectly acceptable, downright delectable in fact, at the meadow. Ladylike and sensual in her little wispy skirt and blouse. But now she had on ratty jeans, a t-shirt, and that bane of twenty-first century existence, I shuddered, a hoodie!

Looking around at the peasant-like throng, I noted I did stand out a bit like a sore thumb. And God knew my thumb, not to mention my entire hand, was chafed after all the jerking off it did while my human Bella slept so peacefully. Dream-addled Bella sleep talking had interrupted my masturbating the other night, "No, Edward, NO!" I'd anticipated the rest of her declaration to be forthcoming, "Don't leave me." But it wasn't. How odd.

Twisting the screw, she continued in a new sassy tone, "You kinda' dress like an old man?"

Mutely, I glared at Bella.

Until she groused, "Oh right. You are really old, aren't you?"

I rewarded her with a half-tilt of a smile and a crook of my head.

She softened the blow with a sweet full kiss and took me in hand to the Men's Apparel section. Again I quivered with revulsion that I'd darkened the doorstep of a store with an actual open-plan set up. From a huge pile of shirts, Bella lifted one and held it against my chest, "Turtleneck, Edward?"

The thing was dark chocolate brown, not a bad choice per se, but I could smell the synthetic fibers, and the fumes made me entirely too nauseous. Queasiness shuffled aside when I noticed Bella was not actually looking at the top but at my crotch, now lengthening to a nice rigid extra large size with her perusal.

Oh my! Bella was referring to my Cavalier!

I grinned my wicked insouciant half-crooked-smile, "You like my turtleneck, Bella-love?"

"Well, I don't really know any different, darling. But I must say that a cowl neck is much more interesting, than…say, a button down." I had to bite my lip until it was mangled nearly to shantung at her utterance.

Needless to say, Bella's carnalogy was inspiring. My eyes were dark as jet and hooded as I smirked and dazzled, highly aroused, "Actually, love, if we're going to discuss my Cav, I'd prefer terms a bit less off-the-rack such as baldequin or passementerie."

Beguiled by this turn of events, and the fact my festooned cock was gaining pleasurable attention from Bella, I let her ply me with manufactured clothing items and shove me towards the closet-like dress-rooms.

Only to pout with aversion anew at the squalor of the partitioned-off surroundings.

Was this a joke? There wasn't even a gilded, velvet confidante in the waiting area for Bella to swoon upon when I exited the changing room. And that in itself was a disgusting nasty prank. The plyboard rows of dressing rooms, harshly lit, were a shambles of plastic hangers, straight pins sticking into the stained floor, and shorn off tags. Brooks Brothers this wasn't. And more's the pity.

Not breathing, touching the manmade threads with my fingertips only, I dressed hastily in a pair of jeans and a crewneck – Bella had gotten quite the laugh about that penis pun – and modeled the less-than fabulous fashions for her.

Circling me, she pinched my ass, rubbed my shoulders, caressed my thighs in the too-dark indigo. Well, hell! At least she wasn't fainting!

Forget her slim wrist, my shuttle cock was as wide as my own strapping sinew!My dick made new residence in the economical material, and leapt with a big fat drop of toxin spilling out when she slapped my rear, and licked up my neck, "Sold!"

Coy, flirty, a courtesan! She was teasing and testing me, forthright and arousing the hell out of me. In the middle of a warehouse-style obnoxiously bright store that catered to the plebs of the Northwest Territories, no less.

Putting my goods into the red monster of a shopping cart – Fuck me! Who bought clothes at a place that catered to every facet of human need? And why did I need a trolley? – I determined it was Bella's turn.

To get her out of those thin-threaded warped high-waisted panties.

Linking her arm through mine, I whistled as we headed towards the lingerie division. And swore again that she'd convinced me to visit this hellish place. With all the bright red and the screaming devil children racing about, this was far fucking worse than my formerly tame idea of Purgatory!

Touching shorts and bikinis and brassieres and stockings, I continually had to pull Bella away from the more verdant colors. All I had to do was steer her clear of everything chartreuse, and we'd be golden.

Not handmade, not labored over, but for the small fingers of foreign children pressed into factory work, not 100% silk or lace, these underthings didn't fit the bill at all, but Bella's cheeks were flushed, and I dare say she rather got off on shopping for nightwear with me!

I tossed a few ensembles into the basket and enjoyed the way the subdued satin-blends silted across my own more masculine clothes.

At the Lady's Dressing Room, Bella thought to fob me off.

There was no way in Hell that was going to happen.

Like a lapdog, I gathered her bits and pieces and followed her into the cubicle.

The scant space had us pleasurably smushed together.

Unzipping her odious sweatshirt, lifted her t-shirt, I unfastened and lowered her jeans.

I tore the sports bra from her body and replaced it caringly with something, though a bit scratchy and not of Parisian make, more sexy. The demi-cups lifted her breasts jauntily, the sheer material hinting to the buttons of her tits that tightened with my fingers pressing.

Yes, that would do nicely.

I pinched her nipples to make sure the bud color blended well with the translucent cloth, and Bella moaned breathily, "Edward…you're getting a bit handsy here."

I ignored her outburst and continued to tweak, roll, pluck. Testing the textile against her pebbling nubbins…in the name of quality assurance, of course.

The one time I needed Bella to remain still and silent, and perhaps even to close her vixen-like eyes, she was up on her tippy toes, whimpering loudly, beating her palm against the shaky wall, and writhing all over me!

I'd be damned if I was going to fuck her in this mecca to the mongrels of civilization, no matter how much she was pooling in her panties so the aroma sank inside my nose, causing a ripple like chenille to spread across my groin and stop atop my growing cock.

There would be absolutely no fucking in Target. Ever.

Perhaps La Perla, but Target? No.

Adequately delighted with Bella's reaction and the look of the new bras upon her perky tits, I piled her clothes over mine in the gargantuan tomato red trolley and hastened to the brightly lit Beauty banner.

Bella definitely knew her way around the fluorescent-lit aisles – thankfully the artificially blinding rays didn't spark the reflection right out of my skin.

I was as overwhelmed by the red lanes heaped with cheap goods imported from China as by her tush when she bent over to inspect clearance tags and money-off coupons.

Already thinking ahead, I wondered if I could just slip it in. An accident…dear Bella-love, I don't know how my cock came to be in your ass, but doesn't it feel nice?

I couldn't get my mind out of the gutter, and I blamed it on the spendthrift human fodder surrounding us. More appropriately, I couldn't get my head out of Bella's rear end;she kept fucking bending over in her search for the perfect lubricant!

Much as I abhorred this place, the crowds of meat puppets and buffet-style shopping, Target did have a vast array of personal soluble liquid for his and her pleasure.

Bella stood up, bouncing against my groin, grinding her bum there for a moment before I toppled her forward with my hands placed to the metal shelves in front of her.

She giggled and examined another price tag, trying to ignore my preposterous erection, "I don't know, Edward, this stuff's expensive!'"

Running my nose up and down her neck, saturating myself in her cantante scent, I lifted a slim bottle of Elegance and dictated, "It doesn't matter, love. And it would help with your vaginal dryness problem."

So quietly I wasn't certain I'd heard her correctly, Bella whispered, "Perhaps if you put your mouth where your money was, there wouldn't BE a problem!"

What the fuck?

Was I not good in bed?

Oh, I had research to do, STAT.

She chose warming Firefly Feminine Organics. With one eyebrow raised I wondered at her purchase.

"I think I'll like the heated aspect, Edward. I mean, your furbelow dick gives me a bit of frostbite, you know? You seriously take my core temperature down when we're fucking?"

Huh, I hadn't thought of that. "So, warming lube would help with the hypothermia?"

Bella nodded.

And I settled on plain old Gun Oil.

I was fairly sure something akin to Ben Gay or Binaca wouldn't feel all that great inside her already hot ass!

Thankfully it was two-for-the-price-of-one day on pseudo petroleum jelly, so Bella couldn't really complain.

With an entire shopping cart full, smote me now, we finally made our way back to Forks, and I sped to my studies while Bella showered and, I hoped, groomed.

Her comment about my cold cock, and her unhappy reaction when I'd inadvertently stuck just the very tip of my dick into her ass while looking for the entrance to her long canal of love, made me realize preparation and tutelage were needed for this endeavor.

She pretty much lit a fire under my ass!

By the time I'd closed out Google, Bella was clean, freshly scrubbed, and I couldn't wait to see what she'd done with her satouche down below.

She was settled on my enormous king sized bed, laying on her stomach and teasing me with her rump hinted at beneath the tails of one of my own old man button downs. Undeniably the shirt didn't look frumpy on her.

Propped up, biting into a Golden Delicious, reading from Pride and Prejudice, Bella was so thoroughly engrossed in the mind numbing meanderings of boorish Mr. Darcy, she didn't notice me pulling off my top and padding to the bed on silent feet.

I jumped up to land at her side with my hand just beneath the twin rolls of her bottom.

"Fuck-a-nutter!" Bella exclaimed.

Her heart sped, her cheeks flushed, the reactions of her body pushing her pillowy ass closer to my wanton hand, and I damned my misguided hearing again. Fluffernutter? I could certainly do with a fluffer!

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't bring a sandwich. But I could make you one if you'd like," I did not want her damnable human appetite for the inanity of food to interfere with our night's lesson.

"No, Edward, you just surprised me. I've got my handy dandy nutritious apple," She opened her mouth wide, possibly as wide as when she'd deepthroated me and sank her pearly whites into the crisp crunchy flesh so juice dribbled down her chin in trails of cloudy liquid, so very reminiscent of my cum.

Hmmm, Carlisle had assured me that my venom-sperm really didn't cover any of the five food groups, but it could still provide a filling meal. And, mmm, a sarny; Leah, Bella, me, doggy-style; the image never lost its appeal!

I shifted my cock in my pants and left Bella to finish her apple, smirking at the hidden symbolism.

At the stereo, I pressed play and listened to the melodic strains of our song weaving across the room.

Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply of…plain air? Untinted by even the hint of Bella's wet arousal? Pulling in another chestful, I sampled the oxygen with my tastebuds. How curious, I couldn't smell Bella's sweet secretions At All.

My attention was roused by what sounded like cursed mumbling, "Fucking Clair de Lune."

I must have misheard her, "What, love?"

Bella's eyes widened like a doe's in the sites of a rifle, "What a lovely New Moon?"

Of course, my Bella had stood and was looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows of my bedroom, admiring the waxy round orb that hung like a nocturnal pendant strung on twinkling stars in the sky, dangling the apple core in her tiny fingers. Treading up behind her, I admired Bella's rear. Yeah, her full moon, that's what I was talking about!

Shit, I might need to rub one off before I got started with my master plan to conquer her luscious bottom.

Looking over her shoulder, suspicion narrowing her eyes, Bella questioned smartly, "Excuse me?"

Fuck, I'd said that aloud!

"Uh, I said, 'Perhaps some Rachmaninoff, and I could rub your feet while you sit on the ottoman?"

Strolling to my CD collection, Bella fingered the cases with a gentle sweep of digits. "Maybe you could just can it with the music and suck my pussy, Edward?"

Now I knew I was hearing things, my cock twitched, my palm itched, my ears burned and my mouth filled with venom as I rasped, "Come again?"

"Yeah that would be nice for a change."

She cleared her throat, "Anything's better than Debussy, darling," Bella smiled at me with such purity I wondered if I was losing my ability to hear every human word no matter how quietly spoken.

And when she looked at me like that, licking her lips and biting the plumper bottom one until it was red as a ruby all I could think was of those petits oreillers de lit sucking my cock.

Bella's eyes flew straight to the fly of my pants as she queried, "What did you say, Edward?"

Dammit, I'd done it again!

"We could try a little Bach?"

Meeting in the middle of the room, I pulled Bella back into my arms, my hands settling to her waist.

Groaning against her petite perfect ear, sinking an open-mouthed kiss to the hidden pressure point right behind the scallop of her lobe, I muttered, this time beneath my breath, "Jesus, Bella, I want to cum so deep in your ass."

Apparently her hearing was much better than I'd thought all this time even with the minute nature of her ears as she tugged my palms to her derriere and whisper-moaned, "Edward, did you say something about my ass?"

Suddenly the air was awash with fragrant silky threads of Bella's arousal!

Cupping the bolsters of her rear, I licked a line from her collar bone to her jaw, which was quite a stretch even for my paranormal tongue situated as I was at her back, "Uh…no? I said 'For a real change, we could always listen to Orlande de Lassus'."

Really the only sound I wanted to hear was her sweet symphony of moans and whimpers, sighs and groans; a cacophony of eroticism to lock away in the 8-track of my mind so I could later cross-reference sounds with the actions that inspired them

"Skip the music?"

"Yeah," Fuck yeah! Inner fist bump and let's get it on already, Bella!

With laziness belying my intent, I unbuttoned Bella's shirt and spread it wide with my fingertips skimming across her breasts. As it fell to the floor, I swept it aside with my bare foot and ran a hand down to her panties, expecting to find worn-out cotton and a rubbery elastic.

Instead I encountered satin, tied in a bow just above her pubic bone! Leaning over her shoulder, I gazed in adoration at the panties then looked up to her reflection in the windows. Pale pink sheer fabric showed not one single shadow of a galloon covering her pussy! The only thing beribboned and festooned were her new bikinis that sat low on her hips with two more large fuchsia bows!

"Oh, Bella!" My nostrils flared and again I reaped the rewards of her telltale aromastaining the air. Enjoying the slip of the sateen material edging her panties, I ran my fingers luxuriously back and forth, feasting my hungry eyes on the slow drip of moisture gathering at the juncture of her thighs, turning the pink a shade darker.

Earlier I'd been disappointed when Bella had returned from her sole hour long sojourn into Port Angeles, while I wandered about aimlessly, beseeching the gods for her to find a good salon at which to get waxed. Instead, she'd met me at the Volvo with an armload of books and what I assumed to be a vulva still covered in a forest of pubes.

Bella, bare lips, and lingerie?

Now, I was decidedly not disappointed. I nodded my head in approval, inside my mouth gaping and possibly drooling, while I executed a happy jig that replaced the usual fist pump!

Unable to contain myself, I slipped the knot from her bikinis on either side and watched the sliverish see-through apparel float down, freeing her velvety skin to my perusal. And peruse I did, with both my eyes and my talented troubadour's fingers.

Her legs opened, her feet planted exactly a shoulder's width apart, and I sank two digits into her thankfully damp folds! So excited I forgot to dull my vampire actions and rioted furiously on Bella's brightening clit until she shook and shouted and started to dry up as though through drought, "Edward!" She screeched. "Ease up already! It's not an eraser."

"Be nice to my pussy."

Chagrined, I sighed and slowed my movements, "Sorry, love…and, what?"

"Mmmm, maybe a little Giacomo Puccini?"

"Oh, Bella, I'm too busy to mess with the music," I soldered my fingertips more gently to her softest brocatelle, "But I could hum, if you'd prefer?"

"I think you'd be surprised to know what I prefer."

"Come again, sweet?" I pleasured her throat with my mouth.

"No worries, Edward, don't be deterred."

Back on course, I fully concentrated on the task under my hand. Over Bella's naked lower bouche, I opened the instruments of my middle and index fingers, gliding up and down the outside of her Labia Majora. Pinching twice with the length of my digits, I felt more wetness seeping out.

Pulling a finger away, I utilized just one. Tenderly traipsing up and down her chamois slit, sliding across but never delving in.

She was fucking soaking!

Remembering her chastisement, I temperately brushed across either nipple as well as her clitoris in counter point directions, while Bella shook against me, sighing and moaning and filling in the silent void.

Bringing her face to mine, I kissed her deeply and said, "I can't wait to facefuck your mons."

Bella broke away, "Sorry?"

"I was just thinking I'd like to introduce you to the music of Rainaut de Pons, darling," I smirked and sank to my knees.

Pulling on her hips, forcing her thighs further apart, I compelled Bella to brace herself on the window and bend forward.

A banquet of ripe flesh, and her buttocks, greeted my face!

I supped for such a long time Bella almost fainted to the floor, but I didn't have to remind her to keep breathing.

I sucked her smooth satin outer lips into my mouth for many long kisses, pointed my cool tongue in and out of her while I caressed and divided her cheeks, massaging the crease and then her piquet opening to gauge her response.

This time I was not one bit thwarted!

Bella tossed her hair back, and it kind of whipped me in the face. I remained undaunted and unfazed as I carried on licking, nipping, French kissing and mouth fucking her while bringing my thumbs closer and closer to her piquant fleshly opening!

"You're getting to be quite the cunnilinguist, Edward."

I took an inordinate amount of pride in her praise; licking her up and down twice more, I sat back a moment, "Well, love, I do know quite a few tongues. Shall we add the Language of Love to the list?"

Bella grumbled something akin to, "God! Why do I even bother? Just get back to it already." But I was too far deep in her draped heaven to heed her properly.

A few more nips, a couple greedy tucks, a quick pluck of the seersucker cloque of her rear, and Bella jolted up, then back, then forward, crying out and fogging the enormous window pane, "OH! Yes, yes YES!"

Thank fuck for once I didn't have to demand her to shout during her release, though she hadn't said my name.

I frowned, a bit.

And my brow puckered like the crushed-crepe flesh around her secret button hole when she speedily brought my dripping able fingers into her mouth, moaning at the taste of herself there.

Again, I asked silently, did my cum not taste as scrumptious?

Replete, but thankfully spurred on, Bella turned and brought my almost bursting tasseled erection from my jeans, those thick heavily dyed denims purchased from Target.

With each shove of the stiff fabric down my legs, she lowered herself to the floor so my cock was long, round, thick, wide and hard squarely in front of her face.

She dallied a bit, bit her bottom lip. Laved her lips openly all over my shaft and curled her fingers into the warp and weft of my pleasure trail, pulling the tendrils sharply until I gasped, and my knees buckled.

Wet with her saliva, my dick knew the fast hold of her fists, flailing around, punching up and pulling down. Teasingly, Bella ignored the pelmet of my head until I stopped her hands and showed her exactly what I needed.

Up, up up my length I took all four of our hands then circled the tip with a smart tap that made me gasp aloud, "You see, Bella-love, it's all in the wrist action. Flick it like you're hanging sheets on the washline."

Squeezing so tightly at the base of my cock that it turned deep violet, Bella glared, "That analogy is just so wrong, Edward." I feared she would start whinging, wringing her fey wee hands, so I apologized with haste, "Sorry, darling. I just know you like…doing laundry!" The last uttered on an inhalation as she ticked my top just the way I liked, still holding hard to my base!

Oh FUCK! She was onto something there! Why hadn't I thought of that?

My cheeks caved in, my eyes threatened to roll but I wouldn't have that now, would I? I bit my top lip, then my bottom, watching Bella's mystifying ministrations in the window, "God! Those fingers, Bella! You should really take up piano." Or the mouth organ.

Or my organ in your mouth.

"Edward, do you want a handjob or would you rather give me a music lesson?"

Very good question.

I stilled Bella's hands, the teeny talented things, as I pondered. Why not both? That would be hot! Realizing she was glowering up at me while I condescended, I put her back in motion with a sure thrust up through her circling grasp, remembering to slowly lick my lips and make my eyes heavy and hypnotic.

Turning the tables, Bella crawled between my legs to my undignified yelp!

She still held my cock, pointing it down, and the new direction found me floundering for equilibrium. At my Bombe Surprise, she took my ass and spread my frozen glutes with one very able hand, all the while jerking the jerkin of my cock, and leaned in to tongue my folded hole!

She continued to fist and returned to nibble, and once she loosened her grip, the flood of toxin stormed up my dick, and I came in what had to be at least six huge spurts of sperm-poison. I was heartened to see that Bella neither gagged nor spluttered, but ingested my offering with little sips.

I recovered quickly, of course, and carried Bella, a la modele nuptiale,to the mattress. A thumb to her clit, a finger swirling her denuded nether lips, and I mumbled, "You're so not ready for me."

Bella of the weird superhuman perception replied chirpily, "I know, right? Thank God we bought that lube!"

Gleefully she crawled to the nightstand and popped open her bottle of Firefly, drizzled some onto my fingers, and let me get straight to work.

In record time, Bella was fully housing my shaft. Situating herself with her back to me and her ass splayed, her knees to the bed, her back arched, she opted for the Reverse Cowboy, and holy shit, that was HOT!

At least we'd gotten past her near-impenetrable hymen.

Through gasps and groans Bella managed, "What?"

I hissed, watching her sweet fucking bum riding my cock, "Jesus, Bella, next time let's listen to Haydn!"

Bella wound up and down as I clenched her hips, her waist, her neck. Suckled her back and revered her rear as I watched my dick, slick, WET, working in and out of her. The visual was fucking overwhelming, and I wanted to be inside that last taut recess!

The only downside was I couldn't see her tits.

"Ohhhhh, Edward, did you say something?"

I crowed and grated and gnashed my teeth, "Ung, fuck, GAH, Bella! Another option…would be…Karl Ditters von Dittersdorf!"

Unable to deny the invitation, I licked my thumb and smoothed it unobtrusively, or so I thought, into Bella's brazen backside.

She jolted and jumped off of me!

Wrenched me to my side and pushed me to my front where the hills of the duvet were not quite as soft and plush as her rump or tits.

Straddling my hips, Bella's bare bits moistened my thighs, and then her mouth was on my spine. Her tongue trailed a straight sensual line down my back to my cold crossed-buns and even further!

As if by rote, my eyebrow rose! As did my tundra-like ass.

Looking back, I watched Bella's satisfied, superior smile before she bent low to nuzzle my backside.

I crawled back down the bed, an utterly inferior creature.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

The detail she gave my bottom made me scrunch all of my rock-hard muscles against the need to cave in and cum.

Was this an invitation? Another saddle for my Cavalier to mount?

Christ, I wanted to bareback, piggyback Bella all the way to the winner's ring!

"Bella! Fuck-Bella! I want your ass!"

She nibbled her lips and brushed her fingertips across the swollen ellipses, then rubbed her own ass, sitting back on her knees, "I though you'd never ask."

This was no subterfuge or fake-out, at least I hoped!

My inner demon was a fucking whirling dervish, spinning up tornados like the Tasmanian Devil!

Ready to spill my seed like an unseasoned steed, I sat up and away, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Backup! You want to try this?" I felt like a mere mortal unable to grasp the concept of Bella imagining anal sex.

"Well, Angela said-"

"What?"

Holy shit! Angela? It always was the quiet ones. Bella and Ange, ménage-a-trois, me Bella and Ange…

"Yeah, so with the numbing properties of your-"

I interrupted with my imposing vocabulary, "Lambrequin?"

Huffing, rolling her eyes, the smeared satin scent of her arousal evaporating, "Edward, I don't even know what that means…."

"Just think of it as a hoodie, my love."

"Ooookay. I'd like to try this, and I've done my homework."

Hells yes! I was so proud!

I smiled and began to place her impeccably at the side of the mattress, palms down, hips up, feet on the ottoman that finally came in handy. It was all about the correct angle multiplied by the proper rate of propulsion, because Bella had neglected to buy strappy heels in black, or red –or Hell, any damn hue so long as they weren't green – but I'd remedy that next time.

Grabbing the plain lubricant, I dolloped it onto my hands.

Urging one finger into her, and then another, I scissored the ridged flesh apart and speculated aloud, "Bella, have you been stretching yourself?"

The opening speculum of my dividing thrusts gained gyrations and giblets of drizzled words, " Ahhh, a bit, yes. You can't just spring this on a woman…Jesusfuckyes…you know?" Holy hell, she'd even done the prep work!

Taking myself in hand, striating wet liquid up and down the hook-and-eye of my dick, I brought myself to her rear and slowly entered.

Each inch made quick work of my impending climax. Every centimeter of my huge beast found me stopping along the way to allow Bella's body to adjust, to let her ass relax to my epic Vitruvian Man standards.

"Shit, the core, The Core!" Bella shouted, implored.

I held my weight off of her and scrounged around beneath to palpate her Labia Minora as well as her g-spot but met her bold spitting cuss, "No, Edward. That fucking apple core is impaling my tits!"

Shit, I'd forgotten about that!

Reaching beneath, I fished the pulpy, juicy stem from her cleavage and threw it to the windows, where the baleful moon blinked at the fissure it created in the glazed glass.

Another long measured thrust, and I was in.

I didn't have the energy to fist pump or jig because I was too concentrated on not cumming the second my balls slapped Bella's snappish clit!

Motionless, I reared back and howled! I inclined and brushed through the snarled tangles of her nutty hair as it sweated into the dimples above her ass. The ass my cock was sitting inside of.

Bella's forehead met the mattress and pounded twice. Her hips swirled once, unsure, and then again, more confidently, and I took that as my sign to move.

With her tea-time earlier at my testicles and the tight clamp of her taut hole, I was woeful I wouldn't last long.

So hot, wet -- not too hot, not too wet as I'd chosen just the right lube in just the right amount – Bella's bum snookered me in and winded me out!

Before long we had a good rhythm going. She groaned, I sawed, I sighed, she lunged back!

The tightening of my balls and the compression from my abs to my pecs to my biceps to my neck over my shoulders and down my back let me know I was far too fucking close for comfort to cumming all inside Bella's sumptuous rear end.

"Touch yourself, baby," I babbled, under breath, pulling her to my chest and winding her hair into my hands.

Bella's palms remained plastered to the duvet.

Oh Fuck Me. If she wasn't going to touch herself I sure as hell was going to!

I needed her to cum with me!

Reaching around, pounding like a jackhammer, I fondled her pearly button and grinned when her arse jutted up to my pelvis.

She had to orgasm first.

I scrunched my face up in an effort to stave off the inevitable.

By God, Bella was going to climax first if I gave myself an aneurysm trying!

My master plan was not to be denied. "Please, Bella, please! Cum with me!"

"Jesus, Edward, I'm trying! But..fuckmeharder…just give me a minute."

A minute?

One fist to the bed beside her strafing head, my dick sinking in, sucking out, I added two fingers to her creases to the mix.

I was a goddamn genius!

Bella stopped. Shuddered. Reared up! Ceased breathing. A pound to her clavicle restarted her respiration with an almighty bellow, "EDWARD! I'm CUMMING! Are YOU?"

I smacked her bottom, grabbed it hard, knifed into it and spasmed like a schoolboy.

Probably seven extended gushes of gilded gruel glowed inside of her tush.

She milked my cock, and I milled her depths.

Bella flattened to the bed, and I beaded my fingertips over her.

Pulling out, with the suck of a vacuum, I fell forward and folded her to me.

Although I knew it wasn't possible, I was utterly exhausted, sated. Replete and contented, having vanquished all three of Bella's blissful openings.

A little smirk lifted the corner of her mouth and my dormant didactic heart flipped. I uttered the words before I knew what I was saying, "I fucking love you, Bella. Will you marry me?"

"Just because I like it rough?"

"Pardon me, Bella?" my simper faltered, just a bit.

Bella sat up, wrapping the ludicrously oversized golden duvet and Egyptian cotton sheets under her arms, "Well, you decide, Edward. Either I said, 'That's a bit off the cuff' or 'Are you really asking me to marry you in the buff?'"

I chose the latter and dressed swiftly in those dread despicable cut-rate threads, hoping to entice the right answer out of her, so I could reward myself with an A+++ for the day on a job well done.

I lit candles, turned the lights low, and found my mother's ring.

I placed Bella, costly linens and all, on my black leather sofa and knelt beside her.

"Bella-love, you've made all my dreams," – and fetishes – "come true. Without you I'd be alone, in the dark, wandering about, pointlessly, with no one to listen to me…a blighted spirit, a broken burning man…"

My soliloquy went on for several minutes, possibly more, as Bella's eyelids grew heavy, and her breathing labored deeply in what I hoped was a sign of elation at my loving proposition.

Her eyes lifted suddenly, pupils dilated, when I grabbed her hand, "Bella, will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?" MINE, MINE, MINE!

Her head nodded forward, and I took that as concurrence, but I needed vocalization of her promise.

"I'm sorry, love, could you enunciate for me?"

"Christ almighty, Edward. Will you let me finally sleep if I elucidate?"

That was certainly a mistake of my aural senses. I simply raised one expressive eyebrow and formed a question mark with my lips.

"Yes, Edward, my darling. The answer is yes, I will marry you."


~~So, did Assthetic make you laugh? Who wants Peddie's take on the honeymoon?~~

Yes, it's true, we're completely off our fucking rockers!

You can laugh some more, and even enjoy some hot southern charm and wit in my rollicking good fic, Dead Confederates. Or you can sit back for a tale of rich passionate legendary love stories with Youth Without Age and Life Without Death. Aw, hell, just check my profile because I've recently posted a few AU oneshots worth a gander too.

Indies Noms end tomorrow night. Nominate you favorite under-reviewed fics! It's an awesome award site! Link on my profile.

Rie~