Discs.: I don't own the show are characters...
A/N: I finished this the same day that I published the first "chap", it wasn't corrected yet, but I really wanted to post it, so please forgive me the mistakes...
Broken
2.Memories
While they were still chasing the UnSub, Hotch was unable to deal with his thoughts – which were all including memories of Elle. He remembered the first time he had seen her like it was yesterday.
It had been the first case with Gideon back on the team after the incident in Boston. Hotch had been totally impressed by the young agent. After the case had been closed and they were on their way back to DC she was still invading his mind – he just couldn't get rid of her image. He still felt guilty for what he had thought when he first saw her. – Hell he was married for years, his wife was pregnant, they were even already talking about how to name their unborn son…
When he had gotten to his office to work on the paperwork he wasn't able to avoid and to look thought the pile of personal files of agents who wanted to get the opening in the BAU he noticed a file with a specific name – Elle Greenaway. He smiled and had suddenly made up his mind – he was not willing to give the open position in his unit to anyone else than her.
He had called her the same night and invited her for an interview about the job in the BAU. He didn't dared to apologize for calling in the middle of the night, probably waking her up. He smiled sadly and also kinda ashamed when he remembered his thoughts when he heard her dozy voice on the other end of the line. He had tried to imagine how she was lying in her bed and felt bad for it.
Back then he had hoped that it would be much easier for him to get her out of his mind when she was working for him – of course he was aware of how stupid that was, but still he had to do something to get his thoughts about her under control.
The interview two days later went even better than he had thought and they agreed that she would start in two weeks. After she had joined his team his plan worked out the way it was supposed – at least for a while.
He had thought he would get along with her as a friend – without him thinking permanently about her – even when he was with Haley.
Hotch still knew when this had changed. The day had started unusually quiet – and had nearly ended in a disaster…A psychotic guy had taken hostages in a train somewhere in Texas. At first he had thought it would be a case like every other one before – a bit complicated considering that the man was psychotic and had two guns, but still just the normal stuff. Then Gideon had entered the room and said four horrible word's "My god, Elle" and suddenly Hotch regretted to having allowed her to go all by herself to Texas.
But how much it was getting to him was something he was only realizing after all of it was over and the events of the day were finally sinking in – he could have lost her that day. And he hated this fact – he hated the fact that he was feeling like this, that he cared so goddamn much for her. He could have lived with it in case something had happened to Reid – even if it would have been Gideon and something bad happened, but Elle – it was impossible for him to even imagine having lost her…
Flashback:
After all passengers had left the train he went to Elle and Reid. He noticed once again the cut on her cheek and told her : "Well, I'll see you at the hospital..."
"Hotch, I don't need a doctor..."
He only shook his had : "This guy hit you with a gun into the face. You could have a concussion after all. You are going to see a doctor -that's an order - and I'm not going to discuss this any further, you got that!" I then turned away to meet the others. Still angry with himself - for letting her go to Dallas and even more for letting his feelings getting in the way...
End flashback
After that day he was unable to keep denying his true feelings for her. It was easy for him to recall the evening when he was close to reveal it with only one little question…The team was sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York City and while eating they were talking about work – like always. Then all of a sudden Elle pointed out the obvious – that they were always talking about work-related stuff.
Without thinking about it he asked her if she was seeing someone. Luckily for him the others didn't realized that he was totally serious about this – he really wanted to know, he needed to know…
He knew he should be happy about having a great wife like Haley, but still Elle was always on his mind…And, yeah, of course he felt guilty for it but it didn't changed anything!
When he found out about her relationship with Morgan he had felt like he had to die. He hadn't gone home that night, first he spent nearly to hours at the firing range imagining it was Morgan he was shooting at, and when he had finally decided to go home he knew Haley would notice that something was wrong with him and he just hadn't the energy to lie to her that night – so he drove around, trying to get her out of his mind.
Now he of course knew that it hadn't been anything serious for her, but still…
Tbc
A/N: Hope you liked it. I know my writing style had been better, and I guess there were at least a few mistakes in it...Please REVIEW!
