I cannot believe that Justin got Olive pregnant, I cannot believe how much good the Army is doing for him. I am so proud of him, the man that he is becoming. It is my fault that it has taken this rough path to get him to where he is now, if his mother would have been here everything would have been different. After she died I...I checked out on reality. I went into survival mode, but to be honest I was not surviving. I was taking my grief and fears out on people rather than protecting the city I was meant to protect. The last decade has been in a fog. The only bright spots were watching Justin grow, until I saw all that he had been keeping from me...and Erin...to see her turn from that scared, stubborn little girl into the amazing woman she was today...she has always been my bright spot. She gave me hope when I had nothing to live for. She reminded me to love Justin, to love her, to love myself...I just never saw it until now.
After giving Justin Camille's ring...the ring that I thought I had lost forever...I realized I needed to talk to her. I needed to see my daughter and tell her the difference she had made for me, for our family. I needed to thank her. When I finally called her she answered on the first ring, I could tell she was out with Jay and Antonio and the rest of the team and for a moment I was jealous they were all out together and I was home...but that was how it should be...I was their boss...I was not their friend...I had made their lives miserable on more than one occasion and it was no surprise that I had not been invited to go hang out at Molly's...I had threatened half of their friends for God's sake...what was wrong with me?
"Hello? Hank are you there? Is everything okay?" I heard being yelled into the phone and it took a second for me to come back to reality.
"I'm here...everything is uhhh fine. Just have fun I will talk to you later." I said quickly hanging up the phone, embarrassed for having called in the first place. Who was I to ask for help...to need someone to talk to...I wish I had never started to push people away after Camille died. She was my life. She kept me straight...after she was gone I...well...I did some things that I was not proud of.
I was interrupted from my thoughts by Erin walking into my living room followed closely by Jay and the rest of the team. "What the hell Hank?" She yelled. I held up my hand to try and get her to quiet down, "I thought something happened again. You scared the shit out of me. What is going on that you call me at one in the morning? You never call me..."
Here we go...now or never, I saw as Jay put his hand on her shoulder holding her back trying to calm her down, I was momentarily grateful but pissed off at the same time. "Erin my office now." I growled.
She followed me into my office and I shut the door and watched as the other guys all sat down around in my living room. I could see the wheels turning in Erin's mind, my thoughts drifted back to her tucking me in at night and the look on her face when she saw me tied up on the floor of that nasty room. I sunk down in my office chair and sighed, "You always had a way of making things into a production." I mumbled, wiping my hand across my eyes fighting back the urge to break down. I needed her...I didn't need the audience sitting in my living room.
"Dad what is going on?" She asked me as she walked around the side of my desk perching herself in front of me, as she did once before. When she reached her hand out and put it on my shoulder that was it...I felt the tears sliding down my cheek before I even knew I had started to cry. Everything I had been holding in since Olive showed up at my door telling me she was pregnant with my grandchild was pouring out. "I keep telling you that you have a team to lean on...a team you built." She whispered as she pulled my hair forcing me to look up at her. "You said you were going to spend the night with Justin so what happened between when we all left the office and now?"
"I gave him her ring." I answered. "She should be here not me..."I whispered.
"Camille would have made an amazing grandma Hank but you are going to make a great Grandpa too." She told me. "You are getting soft at your old age." She threw in, I couldn't help but smile.
"Thanks Kid." I grumbled. "Sorry to have pulled you away..."
"You want to go back with us? Have a drink...on me?" Erin asked me.
"You know I can't go in there."
"I know a way that you can."
"I doubt Casey would listen to me...and he shouldn't...some of the things I did Erin...fuck." I said as I put my head back in my hands.
"Forgiveness Hank...it is worth a shot right? I can set it up for you if you want...just tell me when."
"Are you and Jay hooking up?" I asked her, quickly changing the subject.
"Does it matter?" She asked me with a smart ass look on her face.
"I just want to keep both of you safe."
"You cant run our lives for us...we are a team. Al has been living in his wife's garage for a decade now, Laura left Antonia with the kids because of the job...Adam and Kim are figuring it out...if...and I said IF, Jay and I were to get together we both at least understand what it means to be in this unit."
"I just need you to stay safe." I told her again.
"You can't protect me forever."
"I can sure as hell try."
"And I can sure as hell open up this damn office door so the entire team can see you with tears running down your cheek and see that you are a fucking human."
"Erin..."
"What are you so scared of?" I had no answer...at least not one that she would accept. "The people out there...when you were missing...ALL of us were freaking out."
"Erin dont..."
"No Dad...you need to hear it. Al has been your partner for like a million years and I know he is dealing with shit and so are you and yet you guys never talk about it... and Antonio...his wife left him because he chose to come back to work with us...we are a family...a fucked up family...but a family no less and it is about damn time that you figure out that you are the center of our family."
"They don't see it like that Erin." I told her.
"Then why the fuck did they all follow me here?" She said walking towards my office door. "Go out there and talk to the people on our team...we are all lost souls Hank...together we aren't as lost..." She said walking out and leaving the door open behind her. I rubbed my face in my hands and leaned back, my eyes catching a photo of my family, Camille, Justin, Erin and myself...it was taken about a month before her diagnosis...she was gone so quickly after that. Family... I had been a solo act for so long... how could I be a family man again?
"Everything okay?" I heard Jay ask Erin.
"Stubborn ass...he is a fucking stubborn ass."
"He's had a rough week." Al said.
"We all have." Antonio mumbled.
"Is he coming out?" Jay asked. I looked out the door and saw that Erin had perched herself on the armrest of the couch and Halstead had put his arm around her and had his hand resting on her leg. Maybe she was right...maybe they were a good match...maybe we were a family.
"When he pulls his head out of his ass he will be out..." I heard her say. "Or until he has to take a piss." Al quipped.
I shook my head and stood up, she was right. Too damn smart for her own good...but right. I rubbed my face again and knew that the tear stains would still be there but I just didn't care...she was right...it didn't matter. I slowly walked out into the living room and sat down in my recliner. I looked up at her and saw the ridiculous grin on her face and couldn't help but smile. When she first came to stay with us it was rare to see her smile, to see the smile reach her eyes...it was the best feeling in the world. To know that she was smiling because she had finally gotten through to me after all these years...I don't think I had ever seen her eyes so bright.
"Okay...seriously...the two of you have some weird history that I don't get and it is crap like this that freaks me out." Adam said and Erin started laughing hysterically which caused everyone else to start laughing.
A couple minutes later everyone had quieted down and Antonio asked, "How are you doing Voight, I mean really, how are you holding up?"
"It's been rough...hell I never thought I would see the day when I would become a Grandpa...thank you for sticking with me." I rambled.
"When you called Erin...why her?" Adam asked.
"She's my daughter." I said looking at her, "She has been here for me through everything...she was here when I wouldn't let her be here..."
"After your wife died you mean?" Atwood asked.
"When Camille got sick...Erin helped her so much, she took care of Justin...she took care of me...this month when Nick was killed...she knew...as pissed at me as she was...she knew...and she was here."
"Remember guys he is still going to be an asshole at work...I am just special because I suckered my way into his heart before it had a chance to freeze over." Erin said throwing a pillow at me.
"I protect my own." I said catching the pillow and looking around the room, "It is late...Justin and Olive are upstairs sleeping. You all should head home and do the same...back to work in the morning."
"Yeah Ruzek, your damn phone buzzing is driving me nuts...I think Kim is missing you." Antonio said smiling at Adam.
He tried to brush it off horribly, "You two aren't as good as you think you are at hiding things." I said shaking my head. "And you..." I said looking at Antonio, "You need to figure out what is going on with you and Laura, going out to drink every night is not helping anything."
"She wants a divorce...I don't. If I had the option of moving into her garage I would but seeing as she moved my damn kids to the burbs I don't exactly have that for an option." He said looking over at Al.
"Hey now...it has worked for years...why mess with what is working."
"That is why she is dating a family friend?"
"No one is perfect." Al said shaking his head.
"I dunno about that...I mean I am pretty perfect." Halstead blurted out. I watched as Erin scoffed and pushed him over on the couch, forgetting his arm was around her and he pulled her down onto him.
"Perfect...uh huh...perfectly delusional." Antonio said. I couldn't help but smile. My team...my family...with as much shit as they deal with everyday can still smile, still laugh with each other, cry with each other...
"Antonio can you see if you can set up a meet with Casey?" I asked.
"What? You sure Boss?"
"Yeah...it is time I make things right." I said.
"I will call Gabi tomorrow."
"Make it for a public place...you may need witnesses." Al said as he stood up. "I am going home to sleep in my bed in my garage." He said walking out the front door. Followed closely by Atwood, Ruzek and Antonio.
Jay moved over on the couch and Erin was now leaning into his shoulder, "Dad are you going to be okay tonight?" She asked me. I could see that he was uncomfortable to be in the room but to see him with her like that it made me more sure than ever that what she had said about the two of them was right.
"I will be fine. I always am."
"You will call me though if you need?" Erin asked again and I saw her pull Jay's arm around her.
"Yes Erin..." I turned to look at Jay, "you get my girl home safe." I said effectively dismissing them. Erin smiled, Jay nodded and I watched them both walk out the door.
