Averting my gaze, I focused my eyes on the floor, staring at the pattern in the beige carpet with a sudden interest. I couldn't meet his gaze, not after what had just happened. He was probably even more embarrassed than me; after all, it was his sisters that were witnesses to the incident.

Rosalie definitely wasn't going to let this go anytime soon. She'd probably make it her new mission in life to interrupt us the second we got a moment of alone time. And Alice…….she would never let me live this down, or Edward for that matter. I'd just given her enough ammunition for at least a year's worth of joking, as if she didn't have enough to tease me about already.

What made it all the worse, though, was that we really didn't have any sex life to speak of. There was really nothing to hide. Of course, we cuddled, and held hands and such, but I could barely kiss him on the cheek without him tensing up.

He knew I wanted it to be different, knew I wanted him to trust himself as much as I did, but he always put my safety first. I never thought that my boyfriend putting my safety first would be an issue in our relationship, but with Edward things were different……everything was different.

"Edward I'm s-"

"Shhh…" Edward moved forward until he was right in front of me, his voice velvety smooth instead of angry and hushed as I'd been expecting.

I could feel his gaze on me, searching my face for a clue to the thoughts that he couldn't read in my mind. His cold hand gently grazed my cheek, caressing it for a second before moving down to my chin. He gently tilted my chin upwards, forcing me to make eye contact with him.

His features were unexpectedly soft, almost pained. I could see a glimpse of something in his eyes…guilt?

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"No, Edward. This wasn't your fault. I was the one who went out and bought them…" I could feel the rosy blush I despised creeping back onto my face despite my best efforts.

"That's not what I mean…." Edward said. "I'm sorry I can't….be with you in that way. I'm sorry I can't share that part of myself with you, and be with you intimately like I should be able to…"

His jaw tightened slightly, his brows furrowing as if he was in pain.

"Edward, it's not our fault."

"Yes it is, Bella. If you had a normal boyfriend, he would be able to be there for you in that way. He would be able to kiss you on the lips without freaking out and-" his voice broke off as he swallowed hard.

"But you can be…" I said gently, taking his hands in mine. "Edward, you have more control than you give yourself credit for. If you just trusted yourself more, like I do, you'd realize you'll never do anything to hurt me."

Edward shook his head. "No, Bella. You haven't even…" he swallowed hard, looking away for a minute before finishing. "You haven't seen that side of me. You don't know how easy it would be for me to just-" his words cut off again, as if he couldn't bring himself to finish the thought. "One mistake is all it would take, one wrong move or loss of control, and…"

A look of resolve spread across his face. "I won't risk it. Bella, you seem to always want what is most dangerous for you. First, you wanted me. And now, you want this. It's bad enough for me to have allowed you to live in this world and become a part of it. I gave into my weakness and-"

"Stop it." I said, shaking my head. "Don't call it weakness. It's love, Edward. What we have, what this is, it isn't weakness. Its love."

"I love you Bella, and I always will. You are everything to me. But I don't deserve you. I should've allowed you to go on with your life and move on when I left the first time. You could've lived a normal, happy-"

He stopped, obviously seeing the hurt look on my face.

I could feel my lungs contracting, each breath coming out hotter than the last as tears began to well up in my eyes. Memories of the time he left flooded back. That had been the most painful time of my life, only equaled by when I thought I might not get there in time before he killed himself.

"How could you even say that?" I asked, letting go of his hands and backing away.

"Bella….." he said, moving forward.

"No! Do you know how much that hurt when you left? You still think I'd be better off without you? Edward, you have my heart. You're part of me now. Everything that I do is because of you!"

"That's why I'm sorry, Bella. Don't you see, I've trapped you into a life where you will never be able to have all the things that make you happy. You'll never be able to have children, or live without the constant threat of danger."

"You didn't trap me." I said, growing still. "I chose this life. This was my choice. Not yours. I don't care about what I'm going to be missing out on or losing, Edward. What I have with you is so much greater. You're worth it. And I'll never regret any of the things that have happened, good or bad, because without them I wouldn't be here, with you."

Edward moved forward, pulling me close to him into a careful embrace. I hugged him back, not just out of love, but also out of fear. He scared me when he said things like that. I always had this fear in the back of my mind that he would leave again, because he thought I'd be better off without him.

He was so wrong. How could he not see that I needed him, more than I needed anything else in this world. The thought of going through what I had and having to live without him was…..incomprehensible. I knew, without a doubt, that I wouldn't be able to do it again.

Finally, Edward let me go, looking down at me for a second.

"I guess this means you're going to be late your first day of college after all."

I laughed, shaking my head. Of course, he hadn't forgotten.


As our car stalled in the parking lot to the college Edward had so adamantly insisted I attend, I peered out of the heavily tinted windows. I could feel anxiety burn little holes in the pit of my stomach at the thought of being apart from Edward for 7 hours.

Edward seemed just as anxious, his eyes never leaving my frame all the while.

Glancing down at my watch, I realized to my dismay I was already 20 minutes late for my first class.

"I guess this means I should probably leave…" I muttered, glancing over at him though I made no move to get out of the car.

Edward jaw was tight, his teeth clenched and his brows furrowed. Crease marks lined his perfect face and his honey eyes were much more serious than usual.

"You have my number programmed into your cell phone?"

"Yes."

"And you have Alice's too, just in case?" I nodded my head, thinking she was probably one of the last people I wanted to talk to after what had just happened.

"And you're sure this copy of your schedule is correct?" he asked, showing me the piece of paper.

I nodded, sighing. I hadn't understood why he'd insisted on getting a copy of my schedule, but I figured I better give him one if it would put him at ease.

"And-"

"Edward, you know I don't have to go. You're the one that insisted I attend college. It's really not going to be necessary in my future life with you." I reminded him gently.

He nodded, though it was obvious he wasn't going to let me off the hook. "Yes…just be aware of your surroundings. And if you even see something suspicious, call me. I'll be close." He paused for a second, before leaning over and kissing my forehead gently. "Be careful." He whispered. "We both know how trouble has an uncanny way of finding you."

I laughed gently, waiting for him to lean away before opening the car door and getting out. I could feel his eyes on me as I made my way up to the college and through the double doors.

I wondered what he would preoccupy himself with, if he planned on staying 'close' to the college all day. Then again, he never seemed to bore every night when I slept and he held me in his arms, which to this day I still couldn't understand.

A/N: Please review if you've taken the time to read my work. I greatly appreciate feedback, it's what keeps me going and fuels my creative juices, hehehe. Thanks for reading my work! Hope you enjoyed it!