---oo---oo---
That night the cabin was warm and cozy. Cassie was dressed in her favorite jeans and the warm woolen sweater, a pair of fur lined slippers keeping her feet warm.
She looked back at Jack, who was busy securing the tree, placing it across from the fireplace, in the middle of the room. He, too, wore jeans and a warm black sweater.
"Do you have some decoration for the tree?" Cassie asked. "That's just the perfect spot, by the way."
Jack stepped back, surveying his work. "I know. Sara always wanted me to put up the tree here. I don't know if there's still stuff left. I'll have to dig through some boxes..."
"Want me to heat that pizza while you're searching for decorations?"
Jack grinned. "Sounds like a plan. I'm starving." With that, he left to the attic filled with boxes.
Cassie, meanwhile, went to the kitchen, cleaning up then heated the stove. When it was hot, she carefully slid the pizza inside and set the timer. Filling the waiting time she took out the plates, a pizza cutter and the drinks.
When the pizza was done, she left it in the stove and went to look for Jack first. She found him, sitting on the floor in the attic, one knee drawn up, one leg stretched out. There was an open box on the floor next to him. Leaning with his head on the arm resting on his knee, he stared at something in his other hand, totally unaware of Cassie's approach. She stepped closer and noticed what he was holding.
A Christmas ornament.
It was a sweet little teddy bear with angel's wings. It had a set of holly leaves on its head, just underneath the golden angel's halo and it was wearing a small diaper strapped with a little silver safety-pin. It held a little yellow star in its hand and was sitting on a small blue cloud. There was a sign underneath, and it said: "Baby's 1st Christmas".
Cassie sighed, kneeling next to the silent man and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Without looking at her O'Neill spoke up. "Now I know why Sara hasn't taken this stuff. It's too painful for her. For the both of us."
Cassie glanced at the box, noticing there were more ornaments made for children. She picked another one out of the box. "This is so cute." It was a little Santa sitting on a rocking-horse, holding a tiny little teddy bear. "I love it."
O'Neill looked at the Christmas decoration in her hand without blinking, lost in his memories.
Cassie gently squeezed his shoulder. "Hey. It's okay to miss Charlie. It's okay to be sad."
The older man glanced at her and at her using his words in a different context. He slowly nodded. "I know. Charlie loved this stuff. Sara let him choose three ornaments each year in the store and bought them for him..."
Cassie picked the box up. "Come on. We've got a tree longing to be decorated. I bet this will look great. Charlie had a great taste."
Jack doubted. Rubbing his eyes with the palm of his slightly trembling hand he sighed heavily. "I don't know, Cass..."
"You won't betray Charlie by using these things, Jack. I'm sure he would love us to decorate the tree with it just as much as he would love to be remembered. Don't push your memories back. It's not healthy." The girl grabbed O'Neill by the arm and started pulling him up. "It's okay, you'll see," she said soothingly.
Rising to his feet Jack looked at her. "You're..."
"Way too smart. I know. Mom tells me all the time," Cassie picked up another box. "Come on, the pizza is getting cold."
---oo---oo---
In the end it was Cassie who had to do most of the decorating as Jack sat back on the couch, watching with his beer in one hand. She had been carefully keeping an eye on him, looking for any hint telling her either to stop or to continue.
He gave neither. He just watched silently, his eyes dark and distant.
After having put on the Christmas lights she carefully hung the ornaments on the branches. The sweet little teddy bear got the best spot, right at eye level, in the center. Decorating some branches with bows of red embroidered ribbon with shiny golden threads, Cassandra finished up by wrapping a red rug around the trunk of the tree.
Cassie stepped back to admire her work. "Wow. It's beautiful. What do you think?" She turned around, searching the Colonel's face.
He let his eyes slide from the top to the bottom of the tree. A soft smile formed around his lips as he nodded in agreement. "Just as I remember. Just how Charlie would have wanted it. It's perfect, Cass."
Relief overwhelmed her as she jumped on the couch, cuddling up against him. "Good. I'm glad you like it, too. Now, tell me more about Christmas."
"About Christmas?" Jack, startled, raised his eyebrows. "What do you want to know?"
"The meaning of Christmas. Why do we celebrate Christmas?" Cassie pulled her legs up on the couch and laid back, her head resting in Jack's lap. "It's got to have a meaning, right? It's not just about buying presents for your loved ones."
"Ya' think?" Jack absentmindedly stroked the young girl's hair. "Well. It truly is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Your mom must have told you about that..."
"Yes, she did. And I've read parts of the Bible," Cassie acknowledged.
"You have?" Jack was stunned. "You're way ahead of me then. I never got any further than the title."
She grinned.
"Anyway," Jack fell silent for a while, thinking. "I think, and remember that I haven't read the Book, so what do I know? I think it's more about the possible re-birth of yourself."
Cassie looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"
He slowly sipped from his beer. "Well, if you pay attention to it, you'll notice that people have a tendency to be a bit depressed when Christmas is getting closer. Some people are calling it 'the dark days before Christmas'. It is the time to face the past year, to evaluate the things you've achieved or chances you haven't grabbed," O'Neill stopped, looking down at the girl to see if she was still with him. "So basically it means coming to terms with yourself, before being able to live on into the next year. That's what I think is the Spirit of Christmas."
Cassie thought it over. "So you're saying that everybody needs to find their path?"
"Yeah. You could say that," he agreed. "It's the perfect time to make some major changes if you were on the wrong track, if, of course, you're ready to admit that to yourself. Or you come to the conclusion that you need to continue the path already taken... Basically it's the time to stop for a moment, think it over and decide on how to move on."
Cassandra sat up. "That makes sense," she said, nodding in understanding. "So the Christmas lights, from the tree, the stars and all, they are symbolically leading you the way, or showing you the path."
He smiled at her. "You got it. Light symbolizes life. Did that answer your question? Or was it too deep?"
"Mmmm..." Cassie said teasingly. She jumped up and headed to the cupboard. "Let's see if your Christmas Spirit shows you how to beat me at chess." Pulling out the board and pieces she carried it over to start a game.
---oo---oo---
The next day slowly went by. It had been snowing all morning, turning the environment into one big white snow-mantle. The two of them went for a long walk through the snow, enjoying the scenery, the silence and the peace.
They spent the afternoon together playing another game of chess, drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream and little marshmallows to get warm again after their time outdoors.
While Jack went to chop more wood for the fireplace, Cassandra went to prepare the Panladad. She peeled the potatoes and apples, then cooked them on the stove. She used a frying pan to prepare the bacon and when it was all done, she mashed it all together.
Getting the plates ready, Cassie dished the Panladad up, spreading hot steaming gravy and some molasses over it.
Jack was ready lightening the fire. He had also lit some candles and smiled as he saw Cassandra entering. "Wow. Dinner is being served."
Cassie hesitated, putting the plates on the table. "It's not exactly looking like a fancy Christmas dinner, is it?"
"Are you kidding?" Jack said. "It looks great. What's that on top?"
"Molasses..." she stammered.
"Molasses???" Jack pulled a face.
"My mom always did that..."
"Well, if your mother thought it was good then let's try it." He pulled the girl closer, hugging her. "Come on, I'm sure it tastes great. It smells delicious."
Reassured by his reaction she sat down, taking her plate and took her first bite, watching him doing the same.
"Mmmmm, this is good," Jack nodded approvingly, licking his lips. "Delicious, Cass!"
Sighing in relief, Cassandra smiled. "It's just as I remember. My mom knew how to cook, didn't she?"
"Yes, she did," Jack agreed, taking another spoon full.
They both fell silent, enjoying their meal as suddenly the headlights of a car pulling on the driveway startled them.
Jack placed his plate on the table and got up. Before the person approaching the cabin could knock on the door, he already opened it. "Janet?"
Outside, Janet stamped the snow of her feet and stepped inside. "Hi, Sir," she greeted him.
"Mom!!!" Cassie jumped to her feet and threw herself into her mother's arms.
"Hi, hon," Janet smiled hugging her daughter before taking off her coat.
"Weren't you supposed to be at Uncle Michael's?" Cassie asked.
"Yeah, well..." Janet explained. "Christmas is just not the same without you, I guess. I wanted to come to you. Your uncle Michael in fact insisted. He, too, thought I should be with you today." She looked around, taking in the Christmas tree and didn't miss the special decoration. Glancing at her friend and daughter she wondered what they had been up to.
Jack smiled. "We were almost done. Are you hungry? Cassie cooked something great," he offered.
"She did?" Janet asked in surprise. "What is it?"
Cassie quickly left to get her mother a plate filled with her home-made Panladad. "Try it. My... other mom used to make it all the time."
Janet sat down, taking the plate from her daughter to taste it. "Your mother used to make this? Wow, honey! I love it. You should make this more often."
"Are you sure?" Cassie asked doubtfully.
"Of course I am!" Janet studied her daughter, and then suddenly saw a pattern in Cassie's behavior. Moving over, she enfolded the girl in a big hug. "You can always talk to me about your family, honey. I know you miss them a lot and I know it must be hard on you. But I'm here for you, always, okay?"
The girl sobbed, burying her head deeply in her mother's neck.
Janet softly stroked her over her back. "I love you, Cassandra Fraiser," she soothed.
"Love you too, mom," Cassie answered when she had regained control, wiping the tears off with the back of her hand. "And I'm proud to have you as my mother now."
Jack, comfortably leaning back in his chair, watched the scene in front of him with a huge smile on his lips.
As they, suddenly aware of his presence, looked into his direction he slowly lifted his beer in the air. "Merry Christmas."
Cassie's eyes searched his. "The Spirit of Christmas, huh?"
He slowly nodded. "Oh, yeah..."
THE END
merry christmas, everybody!
