CJ couldn't remember falling asleep but there was a part of her that knew she was dreaming. It had been a long time since she had had this nightmare. Her subconscious had forced her to relive the worst moments of her life on many occasions over the years but lately the bad dreams had plagued her less and less. Maybe that's why tonight was particularly vivid and intense. She saw the events of that night more clearly than ever through the eyes of a terrified twelve year old.

It started as it always does with her and her family gathered in the sitting room. It's getting late and her parents are warning her and her brothers that it's almost time for bed. The resistance that ensues is interrupted by a noise from the back of the house. Henry, their golden cocker spaniel puppy, must have gotten out of the house through the cat-flap again. Her father goes to check it out.

Her fathers shout and the sound of a gun firing takes the family by complete surprise and everyone freezes. Her mother jumps up and grabs the phone while motioning her brothers to move behind her. Before she can finish dialling footsteps can be heard coming closer down the hall. She wants to cry out in fear, call for her father, but she can't make a sound. Terror binds her more effectively than ropes ever could and she's paralysed.

Then there is a stranger standing in the doorway and he is surely more monster than human. As she struggles to breathe through the panic certain things about this monster are seared into her brain. The dirty face and matted hair, crooked teeth and long pointed fingernails coated in dirt and something else. Blood. It was his eyes that stood out the most. They were the palest blue imaginable and they gleamed with a murderous excitement. Young and naïve as she was she knew crazy when she saw it and this man certainly fit the bill.

Where's Daddy? was all she could think as this man advanced into the room towards her family. Her mother glanced around her looking for an escape for her and her children. Her big brother Bill moved to stand in front of her. The stranger laughed when he saw this. James her fourteen year old brother who was tall for his age and brave as a result called out 'what do you want?' A choked maniacal laughter was his only response. He raised his gun and fired. She sees the look of pain and hopelessness on her mother's face as she falls to the ground. She whimpers in terror and agony when James falls too.

Screams fill the room and it takes her a while to realise they are coming from her. They almost drown out Bills roar of horror and rage. The gun rings out again and Bill is no longer shouting. She doesn't understand. It's too much, all happening too fast. Who is this man? Why is he hurting her family? He steps closer to her and she smells sweat and putrid breath. She sees the glint of mettle in his hand. A knife. He grabs her throat and now she really can't breathe. She claws at his arms but it's no use. Everything starts to go dark. She hears sirens in the distance and feels the cold steel of his knife against her stomach. Just as she passes out she feels pain, sharp and relentless as the knife bites into her skin.

Her eyes spring open as she wakes up in bed gasping for breath and shaking. Sobs rack her body and tears stream down her face. She's soaked in sweat and the sheets are wound tightly around her. She struggles to free herself and sits on the edge of the bed willing her heart rate to slow. The violence and brutality of the scene she had just relived never fails to shock her. The senseless murder fills her with anger and fear. The fact that her family's killer was never caught, that he could be out there somewhere maybe even killing again terrifies her. The injustice of it all is sometimes too much to bear.

Gradually her heart rate slows and her breathing returns to normal. She reminds herself that the events of the dream happened over two decades ago. She thinks of her family and she knows they wouldn't want her to suffer like this, stuck in limbo reliving their deaths over and over. She can honour them better by moving on and doing something good with her life that was somehow spared from death at the hands of a madman. Running her hand over the scar on her abdomen she resolves to work harder than ever to get Governor Bartlett elected President. With a good man like him in office and with Leo and her spin boys supporting him too maybe they could change this country for the better. Maybe they could make it a safer place for people to raise families and go about their lives in peace. She hopes her family would be proud of her if they could see her now. Getting up off the bed she gathers her toiletries and heads for the shower. She couldn't go back to sleep now anyway so she may as well get to work.