Synopsis: Chris is excited to the hold the annual Dundie Awards, but none of the office is looking forward to it.
Episode 3: The Dundies
*Chris' Confession*
Tonight is the Dundies. The annual employee awards night here in Dunder Drama. (Holds up a trophy) And this is everybody's favorite day.
Everybody looks forward to it because a lot of the people here don't get trophies. Like Meredith or Owen. I mean what are the odds that Owen would win real awards like a 100 grand?
Plus, it's gonna be really really funny. So an employee would go home and tell his or her neighbor "Hey did you win an award?". And the neighbor would say "No way. I mean I worked day and night and nobody gives me trophies. And the employee would hear the neighbor's loud crying while going to sleep.
In the front desk, Trent and Gwen have their usual conversation despite what happened with Roy. "So are you ready for the Dundies?" Trent jokingly asked.
Gwen groaned. "I'd rather stay here working than go to the Dundies."
*Gwen's Confession*
You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
Their conversation was soon interrupted when Chris goes to the front desk. "Watch out everyone! The Trent Train has arrived on time." Chris said in a funny voice, but the Trent and Gwen didn't laugh before Chris turned his attention to the camera. "So why don't I take you to past Dundie winners. We have Trent Halpert here. Trent, why don't you show your Dundies to the camera."
"Oh I can't because I keep them hidden. I don't want to look at them and get cocky."
Chris looked a little bit disappointed while Trent looks at the camera. "Well that's a great idea."
"Mine are at home in a display case above my bed." Ezekiel interrupted and Chris groaned.
"T.M.I., my friends! T.M.I.!"
*Chris' Confession*
T.M.I.? Too much information. Just easier to say T.M.I. Used to say "Don't go there", but that was… lame.
Chris then goes to Beth and Stanley's desk. "And here we have Stanley the Manly. Now Stanley is a Dundie all-star, aren't you Stan? Why don't you, ah, show them some of your bling."
"I don't know where they are. I think I threw them out."
Chris laughed at what Stanley said. "Okay Stanley. You can stop joking and show them your awards."
"I think I did."
"Wha… why did you-" Chris was then interrupted when Stanley changed the subject.
"Say, we got to order some more appetizers this time. We ran out last year, remember?"
"Well… yes I think we should." Chris happily replied. "I requested the venue for tonight that we should bring a chocolate fondue fountain for desert. And I hope this time someone doesn't eat them all." Chris said while giving a glaring stare at Owen who doesn't know what was happening.
At the conference room, Pam was watching old video tapes of last year's Dundie Award ceremony. "To Justin Hale, it's the 'Show Me the Money' award!" Chris said from the video tape.
"Chris has taped every Dundies awards and now, he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights." Gwen said to the camera crew. Gwen then watched the part where Chris badly sings "Mambo No. 5" with Ezekiel playing a recorder before someone blocked the camera's view of Chris. "Oh, this is the part where Owen sat in front of the camera all night. It's a more welcome view than seeing Chris embarrass himself." Gwen laughed. Gwen then looked at Trent where he's at his desk and he laughed along with Gwen.
The camera crew then went to Chris at his office where he has Jan on speaker phone. "Will her highness, Jan Levinson-Gould, be descending from her corporate throne this evening to visit us lowly serfs here at Dunder Drama Scranton?" Chris remarked.
"It's a two and half hour drive from New York, Chris."
"Well you could take the bus. You could work on the way there and sleep on the way home."
"I'm still saying no."
"What? Come on, Jan! This is important. This is the validation to me and my employees that you and corporate approve of this so-"
"We don't approve of this, Chris. You know that we only gave enough budget to have one office party a year. We're not going to pay for it."
Chris then changed his mood significantly before he told the camera crew to leave and closed the blinds of his office, but he didn't know that his mic was still turned on. "Come on Jan! You putting a knife in my heart!" Chris said while the camera showed the view of Chris' closed door office.
"You had a party on May 5th for no reason." Jan said.
"No reason? It's the 05 05 05 celebration."
"And there's that fundraiser to raise money for the tsunami relief which somehow you lost more money."
"Come on, it was a 'FUN' raiser! I think emphasized the word 'fun' on the flyers."
"Face it Chris. We're not going to fund this party." Jan then hanged up on Chris while Chris just put his hand on his face.
*Chris' Confession*
(wearing a turban hat and holding an envelope)
This is a character I always do on the Dundies. It's heavily based on Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent. (holds the envelope on the turban)
A port-a-potty, a junkyard, and Mordor.
(Rips the side on the envelope, blows it, and reads the card)
"Name three places that have better healthcare coverage than Dunder Drama".
Back in the conference room, Gwen was still watching old tapes of the Dundies. "And the 'Longest Engagement' award goes to Gwendolyn Beesley!" Chris announced from the video tape.
Gwen and Trent on the tape annoyed when that award was announced while Roy got up and accepted on her behalf. Present day Gwen, on the other hand, looked at the camera and felt embarrassed by the award. Trent overhead and saw Gwen's expression from his desk that he went to Chris' office where he told Chris to change the "Longest Engagement" award.
"I'm not changing it. That's the best part."
"No, you're right. It is hilarious." Trent lied. "I just think, um, "world's longest engagement", um, we're all expecting it, you know?"
"That's why it's funny. Every year that Roy and Gwen don't get married, it gets funnier.
"Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy."
Chris nodded slowly and smiled at Trent. "Oh… 'lazy'. Now I get you."
Trent and Chris went to the office when Chris was about to make an announcement. "Attention everyone!" Chris said which made everyone stopped working. "I would like to say something regarding tonights Dundies."
"Okay, but can I just tell everyone the directions for tonight's venue." Ezekiel interrupted.
"Not now Zeek."
"But it's really important that I-"
"I said shut it!" Chris shouted. "Okay, look, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year. How there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad. But what the hell everybody!? I mean, God. The Dundies are about the best, in every, one of us. Can't you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better. so, tonight, for the first time, we are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us." When Chris said that, everyone began to murmur in agreement. "Alright! Let's make this best Dundies ever."
Ezekiel clapped just as Chris ended. "You heard from the man, people. Let's make this the best Dundies ever." Ezekiel said.
By the at 5 o'clock, all of the employees drove to a local Sizzlers' to attend the Dundie Awards. Chris reserved multiple tables in hours advanced for his employees to sit. All of the employees, besides Chris, were wearing their usual work clothes for the ceremony since they didn't find it to be too important. Anyone who had families living with them brought theirs' to the event while others, like Trent and Ezekiel, just went alone.
Trent greeted Gwen, who's attending with Roy, and the warehouse handler when they arrived. "Hey, DJ! So glad you can make it." Trent said and high fived DJ.
"Yeah, I would've just stayed home tonight. But I'm pretty sure Chris will dock our pay if we didn't attend." DJ said.
"I hear ya. So, Gwen, do you think Chris will do the same old routine in between the awards?"
Gwen shrugged. "Maybe. Chris always thinks his jokes are too important to be thrown out."
Everyone from Dunder Drama stopped talking as soon as Ezekiel, seated behind an electronic keyboards, tapped on the microphone. "Welcome to the 8th Annual Dundie Awards." Ezekiel announced. "Before I start the awards, I would like to point out that the only rule Chris wants you to remember is people should keep the alcohol consumption at a two drink minimum." Ezekiel said and everyone just agreed with it. "Also, keep your speeches short. I have wrap up music and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm looking at you, Gerry!" Ezekiel pointed at Gerry, but Gerry ignored him. "Now put your hands together for your wonderful host! The Great Chris McClean!"
Ezekiel held his arm as Chris ran to a small stage and bowed to everyone in the audience. Chris then read his opening monologue through a cue card with Cody holding the giant cards from the back. "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate." Chris joked but no one laughed. "I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just a name and number and no one even says hello. And… Card!" Chris yelled at Cody and changed the card for Chris to read.
*Justin's Confessional (from his table at Sizzler's)*
The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's-that's kind of what it's like.
"So, anyone see the movie Chicago?" Chris told the audience, and mostly everyone from his office raised their hands.
"Well, I've been to the real Chicago. And let me tell you, it's exactly like that in movie, except with all the singing and dancing."
"Actually, Chicago has a great theatre community like New York… based on my research." Ezekiel interrupted.
"No, that's…for the sake of the story, Zeek." An annoyed Chris told Ezekiel. "And I found this girl that's the same as Renee Zellweger's character."
"Yeah?" A curious Ezekiel asked.
"And when we meet, there's one thing that surprised me."
"That she wanted to sing?" Ezekiel asked.
"Yes. No! God! Thanks Ezekiel, now you ruined the joke!" Chris quietly shouted before turning back to the audience. "Okay, let's get to the awards."
On Gwen's table, DJ and Roy were already not interested in the ceremony. "Hey, wanna sneak out and go drink at Juggy Chunks pub?" DJ asked Gwen and Roy.
"Yeah, let's get out of here." Roy said.
"But…" Gwen said before Chris noticed DJ and Roy getting up.
"Hey guys, where are you going? Gwen, the show's getting started." Chris said.
"Sorry." Gwen quietly said and followed Roy.
Cody noticed them leaving and feel like he wanted to leave also. "So… you're staying?" Cody asked Trent.
"Yep. Gonna eat somewhere." Trent replied.
Even though a couple of employees left, Chris continued the awards. "Our first award of the night goes to Beth Lapin for 'Most Grandeur Work'!"
Beth got up to receive her trophy, but was disappointed with what was written. "Wait, this says 'Most Grandma Work'." Beth said.
"I told the shop it's… gaaaaaahhhhhhh! Okay, never mind about that. Just get back to your seat."
The camera then cuts to the Sizzler parking where they saw Gwen and Roy arguing. Though they couldn't get a coherent sound most of the time, they heard that Gwen was angry with Roy because she mostly doesn't have a say in any decisions. Unable to persuade him to stay, Gwen decided to go back inside and stay.
Gwen then seated with Trent when Chris was doing a routine as another character. "Hey, I thought you left." Trent said to Gwen.
"Oh no, I just decided to stay. "I'll just get a ride home from Heather." Gwen said while trying to hold her anger from Roy. Gwen got a little bit happy just when she saw Chris performing. "Oh good, just in time for celebrity impressions. God, I need a drink!"
Chris went back to his "suit" as Ezekiel put on a funky music from the stereo. "This next award goes to somebody, who really, lights up the office. And the 'Hottest in the Office' goes to… Cody the Temp!" Gwen was surprisingly happy when Chris announced the winner, while Cody feels embarrassed. Chris was singing just as Cody got up to get his trophy.
*Cody's Confession (from the waiting room at Sizzlers')*
What am I going to do with the award? (shakes his head and sighs) Nothing. I-I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my...concerns right now.
As half the awards were handed out, the employees were starting to getting tired. "And our new 'Mean Girl' award goes to Heather!" Chris announced, but Heather wasn't happy about it. "Eat your heart out, Regina George! Come on, Heather. Come and get your award."
"No." Heather said and Chris just decided to move along.
On Trent and Gwen's table, the two seem to be the only ones who were enjoying the ceremony. Gwen already finished two drinks of martinis, but still continued to drink her second one. "Um… I think that glass is empty." Trent said.
"Oh no. Cause the ice melts and then it's like a second drink." Gwen said just as Chris announced the next award.
"And the 'Most Festive' worker goes to Sierra Aguilar!" Chris announced.
When Sierra got her trophy, she was confused by it. "Um… why is it a bowler trophy?" Sierra asked.
"They ran out of business trophies. Just… get back to your seat."
*Chris' Confession (behind the counter)*
(Sweating and drinking a bottle of water)
It's a tough crowd out there. Now I know how Chevy Chase felt when he hosted his late night show. I got Ezekiel who is sucking up all the fun out of the place, but what can you do? And I just heard the music so it means it's my cue.
When Chris got back on stage, he was singing off key to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer". "You have won a tiny dundie." Chris sang in an exhausted and off key way.
"Sing it Elton!" A heckler told Chris.
"Thanks guys." Chris said.
When Chris was dealing with the hecklers, Gwen still wants another drink, but couldn't get another due to a policy. "Hey are you guys going finish that?" Gwen asked Stanley and his wife, whose table was next Gwen and Trent's. The Hudsons didn't mind and just let Gwen take their drinks.
Feeling defeated from the hecklers, Chris decided to end the ceremony early. "Okay… our last award goes to Owen Malone for 'Fowl Hungry Hippo'." A very tired Chris said.
"Um… what does it mean?" Owen asked.
"It means you eat and fart a lot." Ezekiel said from where he was standing,
Owen didn't care about what award he had and hugged Chris, but the host didn't mind it. "Thanks Owen. I really needed it right now. Alright… that's the end of the Dundie Awards so…"
"More Dundies!" Gwen shouted. "Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!" Gwen chanted before Trent, and then everyone, joined in.
When he heard everyone chanting, Chris enthusiasm went back. "Okay! This next award goes to Stanley Hudson for the 'Fine Work Award'."
"Fine work Stanley!" Gwen shouted just as Stanley received his trophy. "Speech!" Gwen shouted. "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
"Well…I didn't know what to say except… I didn't get smelliest fart like Owen." Stanley said, but Owen just laughed it off.
"And our final award goes to Gwen Beesley." Chris said. When Gwen heard her name, her excitement went away as she knew what she was about to get. "I think you all know what Gwen wins this year." Trent too was feeling scared when Chris was about to announced the category. "It's the… 'MVP' award! Because she was always there when the office needed her."
Gwen's face was glowing when she heard the award. She got up to received the award and Chris gave her the mic for a speech. "Okay first off, I would like to thank the telephone on my desk for getting me here." Gwen said and everyone applauded. "And let's give a round of applause for Chris McClean for MC-ing another great Dundies. And… let's just say… this is the longest I've ever smiled in a long time. WHOOOOOO!" When she finished, Gwen ran back and hugged Trent.
*Trent and Gwen's Confession* (in their table)
Trent: We got to see a lot of "celebrities". (Gwen nods) And we learned of Chris' true feelings for Cody. (Gwen nods) Which was touching. And, we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs. (Gwen nods) Which for me, has ruined them for life. (looks at Gwen, who is staring nodding). Was it fun as well?
Gwen: Yeah it was… um.
Trent: (concerned) What is it?
Gwen: I'm sorry, I just need to. (runs to the restroom)
While Sierra and Beth went to the restroom to see if Gwen's okay, Chris wrapped up the ceremony by singing "Time of Our Lives" with reworked lyrics. When he was done, everyone clapped and Chris bowed. "Thank you that was the Dundie Awards. I'll see you all next year, good night!"
When Chris finished, Ezekiel took the microphone to make an announcement. "Please note to all winners. If you lose your trophy tonight, it's not our responsibility anymore. If left behind, it's the property of the Sizzlers' Scranton now." Ezekiel said but everyone ignored him as always.
When Gwen got out of the restroom, she was feeling okay and also in the same mood as she made her speech.
*Gwen's Confession* (outside the restaurant)
(Trent follows her and Gwen runs to the camera)
I just wanted to say that it was the best Dundies ever! Whoo!
(Camera cuts to scenes to Gwen hugging every co-worker as they left)
*A Sizzlers employee's confession*
We have a strict policy here not to over serve. Apparently, this young woman was sneaking drinks off other people's tables. I Xeroxed her driver's license and she is not welcome to this restaurant chain ever again.
Trent helped Gwen to Heather's car, which she agreed. "Are you sure you're okay with driving her?" Trent asked Heather.
"Don't worry. I'll get her to home perfectly fine." Heather reassured Trent.
Trent was about to leave when he heard Gwen say his name "Hey, can I just tell you something?" Gwen asked.
"Shoot."
"Um… I just wanted say thanks."
Trent smiled. "You're welcome. Now get on home you need some rest. Oh and thanks again Heather." Trent said just as Heather's car left.
*Chris' Confession* (outside the restaurant)
Was this the best Dundies ever? Well let's see, I got Gwen happy. Which is probably the first in a long time. I got a lot of my employees happy. So I say it's a yes. This was the best Dundies ever.
