Chapter 3
Bustman: Hey, I'm back!
Kirby: Poyo!
Bustman: So, thank you for the generous reviews. One more and we'll be in double digits!
Kirby: (holds up all his fingers) Ten!
Bustman: So Kirby, the disclaimer!
Kirby: Poyo poy, poy poyo, nika poyo poy!
Bustman: ...great. Anyways, I don't own anything related to Super Smash Bros. except for a copy of the game.
Kirby: (bobs his head happily)
Bustman: Enjoy the story!
All the smashers, still discussing Wolf and K.K.'s battle, piled into the dining hall. Luigi, Kirby, Bowser, Meta Knight, Link, Marth, Mario and Pit all plopped down at the end of the table together. Jigglypuff, Zelda and Peach sat down across from them.
"Amazing battle, huh?" Luigi asked Kirby, getting a chicken leg and taking a huge bite out of it. "I mean, I thought Wolf had K.K. for sure after that amazing throw, but that K.K. has got good aim. Y'know…"
Luigi continued talking to Kirby while Kirby, not really listening, sucked up almost half the food on their side of the table. K.K. walked up to them, a lunch tray in hand. He nodded to the spot between Mario and Luigi. "That seat available?"
"No."
"Yes."
The two brothers stared at eachother, Luigi puzzled, Mario defiant. Luigi shrugged and then told K.K. "No one's sitting there, as far as my knowledge goes."
"Yes," Mario interrupted. "But we aren't willing to share it with newbies who think they can just walk in here and beat all of the senior smashers. This is our turf!"
"Well, it's mine too, now." K.K. said coolly. Luigi looked horrified.
"Mario, how could you say such a nasty thing? All new smashers should be welcomed. Right, Kirby?"
Kirby shrugged, gravy splattered all over his face as he licked the remainders of his mashed potatoes off his plate. Luigi shot one last angry look at Mario, and then got up. "Y'know, I think I'm going to find somewhere else to sit. Come on, Kirby."
Kirby looked at the table. All the food was gone. He looked at the other side. Still plenty there. Kirby jumped up and followed Luigi and K.K.. Jigglypuff uneasily looked at the others, then got up and followed them. Mario took an angry bite out of his ribs. "Fools."
"Y'know, it isn't the new smashers' fault that Master Hand called for another game. I think you're just angry about the whole situation, and taking it out on them." Zelda said, irritated. "You should show some respect, especially for your brother."
Mario shot an angry look at Zelda. She had read him like a book, but he wasn't about to admit it. He got up, slamming his ribs down on the table. "Bathroom." he muttered, walking away. Zelda and Peach shared an exasperated look.
"Excuse me." xaid Bowser, glancing over at the E.V.U.. They were talking to Waluigi, Bowser Jr., Leon Powalski, King K. Rool and Samurai Goroh, holding up a contract. Bowser uneasily walked up to them. "Hey guys. What's going on?" he asked, as casually as he could.
Ganondorf glared at him. "Recruiting new members. Get out of here; your bad breath is making it hard to concentrate."
Bowser shrugged. "Any chance I could, I don't know…be recruited?"
"No." said Ganondorf flatly.
"Aw, come on! You're letting my son join!"
"Bowser, what's our union called?"
"The E.V.U."
"And what does the E stand for?"
Bowser scratched his head. "Evil?"
"Exactly. See, Bowser, here's the problem…you're not evil. You're a little girl in a monster's body."
"That's not true!" Bowser said, swinging his head wildly. "Look-" He ran over to Ness and spilled Lucas' seltzer water in his orange juice. "Ha! I ruined your drink!"
"Wow, orange soda! They were out at the soda machine! Thanks, Bowser, you're a true pal."
Bowser looked crestfallen. "But-but…"
King Dedede glared at Bowser. "Right. Real scary. Get out."
Bowser walked back over to his table, tail drooping. Link sympathetically patted his back. "It's okay, dude. You've got us."
"Yeah," Marth added in. "We're kind people."
As if on cue, Yoshi, who had been walking along the balcony to complain to Master Hand that he had found a hair in his soup, lost his balance and fell over the railing into Pit's mashed potatoes.
"You stupid dinosaur!" Pit shouted. "You're mine!" Pit split his bow into two sharp blades. Yoshi, with food splattered all over his face, screamed and ran away. Pokemon Trainer spotted him.
"Look, Pikachu, it's a Treecko! Let's catch it!"
Pikachu shook his head and took a sip of coffee.
"Go, Charizard!" Red sent out an orange, dragon like creature. It spit out fire. Yoshi got down on his knees and groveled at Red's feet.
"Please have mercy! I have a wife and three kids!" sobbed Yoshi, grabbing hold of Red's jacket and pulling him closer.
"This pokemon can speak! He must be a part of Team Rocket! Charizard, use Flamethrower!"
"No, please! No- ahhhhhhh!" Yoshi screamed, as he was burnt by flamethrower. Pit, meanwhile, dived into the flames and started to beat up Yoshi.
"Why's everyone so down?" Captain Falcon asked, striding into the scene. "Y'know what will make everyone happy again? Some rock'n dance moves!"
All of the smashers within earshot screamed, grabbed their chairs and started beating up Captain Falcon.
"Everybody, stop!!"
All the smashers froze and looked at Captain Olimar, who was in the doorway. He cleared his throat.
"The roommates list is in!"
Everybody ran past Olimar, trampling him. Olimar got up, only to be bulldozed back over by Sonic. "Why always me!?"
"Join the club." grumbled Meta Knight, passing by with Bowser. A chandelier fell on top of them, and then caught fire. Olimar slowly backed away, whistling.
Mario looked at the list, studying each pair or occasional threesome. Master Hand sure knew how to make the smashers happy- well, at least most of them.
Mario-Pit
K.K. Slider-Captain Falcon
Snake-Donkey Kong
Dixie Kong-Nana
Toon Link-Popo
Bowser-Meta Knight
Yoshi-Pokemon Trainer
King DeDeDe-Waluigi
Wario-Samurai Goroh
Krystal-Samus
Pikachu-Minun
Ganondorf-Lucario
Mr. Game & Watch-R.O.B.
Baby Mario-Baby Luigi
Diddy Kong-Bowser Jr.
Louie-Sonic
Wolf-Shadow
Fox-Falco
Isaac-Balloon Fighter
Jigglypuff-Plusle
Meowth-Lucas
Ness-Olimar
King K. Rool-Leon Powalski
Luigi-Kirby
Peach-Zelda-Lyndis
Link-Marth-Ike
Most of the smashers seemed content with their roommates. Link, Ike, and Marth high-fived each other, and Luigi and Kirby were doing a little dance together. Yoshi, however groaned. "I have to put up with Red every single day?"
"Apparently so," said Shadow coolly, walking past. Wolf held out his paw for a high five; Shadow grabbed his hand and twisted it, then walked away, leaving Wolf silently screaming in pain.
K.K., Captain Falcon, Kirby, Luigi, Bowser and Meta Knight walked up the stairs together. Captain Falcon was talking business with the white dog.
"…So there would be total darkness, and then suddenly the crowd hears your guitar. You pluck a D note, and then there's a brilliant burst of light, and I emerge from the fog, dancing…"
"I think the crowd would be happier if I urinated on them." K.K. muttered, looking at Captain Falcon's bruises and cuts.
"Or a tornado struck them all dead." Luigi said under his breath. K.K. grinned, and then stopped abruptly. "Well, this is it. Our room. Number 102."
Captain Falcon heard a large explosion go off in the other room. "Let me guess-"
"Snake and Donkey Kong." K.K. sighed. He went to the left wall of the room and threw a shoe at it.
Meanwhile, in Donkey Kong and Snake's Room
Donkey Kong, having just been burnt after setting off one of Snake's explosives with a banana peel, lay on his bed and sighed. Suddenly the wall shook, and one of the books on the bookshelf above him fell to the ground, right on a small, beeping device.
"Oh, no…" Donkey Kong muttered.
KABLAM!
Bowser and Meta Knight walked to the end of the corridor in silence. "Well, this is it." Meta Knight said uneasily. "Now let's just hope that our bad luck doesn't combine and-"
BOOM!
A wrecking ball crushed the room right before they went in. They looked out at the gaping hole and saw Funky Kong outside directing the wrecking ball. "Sorry, guys!"
"Great." Meta Knight muttered. "What's Master Hand going to think?"
"I think…" said Master Hand from behind them. "That you two are going to have to spend a day in the Smash Chamber."
Krystal and Samus glared at each other as they walked into their room.
"What're you looking at?" spat Krystal, throwing her bags on her bed with such force that they bounced towards Samus with incredible speed.
"You're ugly face." Samus spat back, catching a bag in each hand without even looking up.
"If you want to see something ugly, look in a mirror sometime!"
"I don't have to. I'm looking at the prize pig in ugliness right now."
"Alright, look." Krystal said through gritted teeth, grabbing her staff and slicing it through the rug in the center of the room. "This is my side, and this is yours."
"Alright, Blue-Face."
"Dumb Blonde."
"Ugly-Snout."
"Stupid-head."
Samus and Krystal were face to face now, fuming. Suddenly, they both broke out laughing.
"I don't believe we've formally met." grinned Samus, reaching out her hand. "The name's Samus."
"Krystal here." Krystal said, taking her hand and shaking it. "I think we're going to become close, don't you?"
"Definitely."
Ganondorf gritted his teeth as he placed his bag down. I'd rather be rooming with anyone but this guy.
"Me too."
"Hey." said Ganondorf. "Stop reading my mind!"
"We're roommates now. We have no secrets."
I'm going to murder that dog.
"No, you aren't."
"Shut up!" shouted Ganondorf, exasperated. Idiot.
"I hope you were referring to yourself."
"Gah!!" shouted Ganondorf, jumping towards Lucario, who was already a good ten feet away.
"You take to long to aim."
Ganondorf, face red with fury, sat down on his bed. Lucario floated over near the door.
"Yes, come in."
The door swung open, and Luigi walked in. "You guys, Master Hand called a meeting. Everyone's heading downstairs."
"Be there in a second."
Lucario floated out of the room. "Ganondorf, you are not throwing my luggage out the window."
Ganondorf winced, sighed, and followed Lucario.
The smash hall was full of smashers, chatting amongst themselves. Master Hand floated up to the podium. "Smashers, I have two duties to perform tonight."
Everyone went silent.
"First, I want to introduce our staff here at Smash Mansion. You're counselors here will be Cranky Kong and Mewtwo."
Dixie Kong, Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong groaned.
"Lead of construction will be Funky Kong…"
Dixie, DK and Diddy groaned again.
"…and making and serving lunch will be Tom Nook and Amy Rose."
Sonic groaned this time as Amy got on her tippy-toes and waved to Sonic.
"In the medical department will be Dr. Mario, and Daisy will be in the nursery."
Murmurs of approval rang out from the crowd.
"Now, for my last duty-"
"Is it to get this guy some deodorant?" Falco said, pointing over to Fox. "Cause if it is, you have my deepest gratitude…"
"As I was saying…" Master Hand said, patience thinning. "One last duty. Us smashers are going to go on a vacation to the mountains to ski and snowboard tomorrow, so you'd better pack!"
Murmurs of interest came from the smashers.
"I could find something fun in that." Popo muttered to Toon Link.
"A vacation before we even start the game…" Shadow murmured, half to himself. "I like the way things roll around here."
"Hey Ganon," Yoshi muttered. "Can I come to your room to pack? Red insists that I do a bullet seed; I surrendered and told him I would be his pokemon."
"Er, no thanks." Ganon muttered. Little does he know I shall be having a tea party with Mr. Fluffums.
"Mr. Fluffums?" Lucario asked, grinning. "Can I join?"
Master Hand looked at the crowd of smashers. Their anger seemed to be ebbing, and they seemed to be getting along. He hoped it would stay that way.
Meanwhile…
Meta Knight and Bowser were being hung by their thumbs in a rundown dungeon. Crazy Hand cackled, whipping them.
"Scream louder! Writhe in pain!"
"Why, why?" Bowser sobbed.
"Because I'm being paid ten bucks an hour to do this!" Crazy laughed maniacally.
"We'll double that!" Meta gasped. "Just let us out of here!"
Crazy Hand pondered this. "But then I don't get to hear your screams of pain. No, thank you." He continued whipping them. "Anyways, Bustman sincerely hopes you enjoed this chapter, and tells you to review. Toodles!"
