Grilled Cheesus
(Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Glee.)
"Hi, honey," Julie said as she wrapped Blaine in a big hug. "I've missed you." They released one another before Blaine walked into the house, a smile on his lips. "How has your first month at Dalton been?"
He shrugged, letting his bag slip from his shoulder onto the floor. "Good, I guess, as well as school can get. It sucks not being able to see you and Dad."
"Yeah?" She asked, leading him into the kitchen. "Your grades aren't slipping with you being the soloist in your glee club, right?"
"No, Mom," Blaine assured as he watched her start making him a snack like she used to do before he transferred to Dalton. "My teacher told me last week that I was doing exceptionally well in her class."
"Good, your father will be pleased to hear that. We were talking the other day and he asked if you had a boyfriend yet." Blaine raised an eyebrow and she laughed. "I know. I think it finally hit him that you are gay and nothing is going to change that. He's really trying, and I'm proud of him."
"Wow," he breathed. His dad was never too keen on the subject. He always was doing little things to try and get him to change his mind about being gay. Just during the summer him and his dad rebuilt a car engine. It was bonding according to his mom, though Blaine had a good time.
"Yeah, so don't give him a hard time when he gets home. He's proud of you. Now onto another subject, how's the boy searching going?"
"Are you really talking to me about my love life?" he asked and she smiled softly. "It's nonexistent like it has been for the past sixteen years of my life." The frustration in his voice was obvious.
She sighed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. You and I know that you will find someone. You go to an all boys' school. Odds are there are gay kids there. Pick one of them up." She placed the peanut butter and jelly sandwich she was finished making in front of him before leaning on the counter.
"Are you sure you haven't been talking to Jeff or Nick? They say that all the time and I have the same answer for them every time. I don't just want some boy. I want 'the one.' Is that to much to ask?"
"It's all right to want that. I wanted the same thing, and I found your father. It might take a couple of flings, but you might find him. It might be the first one you date, might be the fifth. You never know, but you have to try. Waiting around doesn't help get you anywhere."
"Geez," he muttered, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Are you absolutely sure you aren't in cahoots with Nick? It's literally almost word for word."
"Nick is the one with the blonde hair right? Or is that Jeff? I always get those two mixed up. I know Wes is the Asian and David is the dark skinned one. I remember you saying the one who loves you is Trent and Thad is the small one."
Blaine laughed. He had Nick and Jeff over during the summer, and they loved his mom when she was home. He also told her about the others and it was funny when she forgot the ones she actually met. "Nick is the brown haired one, Jeff is blonde. How many times do we go over it, Mom?"
"Hey, I'm getting older, my mind forgets things. But Nick is right, so listen to him." She smiled and poured Blaine a glass of milk before they heard the garage door open.
"I'm home, Jules," Blaine's dad, Michael, yelled through the house. It was a couple seconds before his father appeared in the doorway, smiling. He spotted Blaine and raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have school?"
"Dalton does this weird thing a month into the new school year where they let us off for the week. It's to check how we are doing or something. I'm home for the week if that's all right."
"Of course it's all right," His dad said with a small laugh. "You are my son." He moved to hug Blaine and patted his back. "How are you, and how's the grades?"
"Good for both," Blaine informed him, going back to his sandwich. "Maybe you and me can do some bonding time this week?"
"Sounds good, I wanted to redo the backyard and since Cooper is in California doing his own thing, I could use your help. What do you say?"
"Great," the boy agreed. He made sure to bond with his dad because they had a rocky relationship in the beginning but they were getting there. He loved him and would do anything to get their relationship back to how it was before he came out.
-1-
"I'm really disappointed in you." His father's words kept ringing in Kurt's ears. He didn't want to disappoint his dad, but this was the Sound of Music. His dad knew how much it meant to him. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair before realizing that he was probably messing it up.
He sat in glee and listened while Finn said something, but it suddenly caught his attention. "There is sorta a man that has recently come into my life." Kurt looked at him. What was he talking about? They hadn't been very close ever since that fight about their room. Why would he say this? "That man is Jesus Christ."
There was a moment of silence where everyone took in what the boy said. Puck was the one who finally broke the silence, "That's way worse."
"I know there's others in here that dig him too, so I thought maybe this week we could pay tribute to him in music. You know, pay tribute to Jesus."
Kurt had enough, " Sorry, uh, but if I wanted to sing about Jesus I'd go to church. And the reason I don't go to church is because churches don't think that much of gay people, women, or science."
"I don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here," Mercedes admitted smiling next to Quinn. That's when Kurt toned out again. He did not need this right now. He was aware of Puckerman singing, but he really didn't care. While everyone else sang and danced he stood and walked to the chair by the door. He hated the assignment this week and mostly every week. He wouldn't participate in it. He pulled out his phone and played Angry Birds until they were dismissed. He had other things to worry about.
He was fine when he was in French, insulting Azimo with a smug look on his face. It was the one class where he was actually able to do it without the stupid jocks knowing what he was saying. He was happy with himself until Mr. Schue said, "Kurt, can I talk to you outside?" His tone made Kurt worried. What happened?
He stood and grabbed his bag, following the two out of the classroom. He was suddenly shaking. "What's going on?"
"I just got a call and your father had a heart attack this morning," Miss Pillsbury said softly. "He's in the hospital having surgery."
He felt as if his heart stopped. He found himself shaking his head in disbelief. "No, he is perfectly fine. I saw him this morning. He was at the shop."
"He was at the shop when it happened," Mr. Schue said placing his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "It'll be all right, Kurt."
He shrugged the hand off and looked down. He didn't need to be comforted by his glee teacher; he wanted to have his father. "I want to go to the hospital now. Will you please take me there?"
"Of course," he said putting his hand on Kurt's back to lead him to the car. The drive was silent from Kurt's sniffing. He felt horrible; it couldn't be true. All that kept playing over and over in his mind was the last thing his father said to him. "I'm disappointed in you, Kurt." It made him sick. Who knew if his dad would ever be able to say anything again? Kurt shook his head. No. His dad would make it through.
-2-
Seeing his father hooked up to machines and lying in a hospital was the worst thing Kurt had ever seen. He looked so broken and vulnerable. His dad was so weak. The boy wanted to run away and pretend it was all a dream, but he couldn't. Running away was never the answer. The room was suddenly too crowded. He needed to be alone with his father. "I need a minute."
"I don't think you should be alone, Kurt," Miss Pillsbury whispered softly.
"Please just give me a moment alone with my father," he shot back. All he wanted to do was to be with the only person in his life that he had left to love. He wanted to be alone to cry to his father, beg him to come back. He was the only person that really mattered in his life. He had the right to be alone with him.
"We'll be right outside," Mr. Schue said hesitantly as room cleared out leaving him alone.
"Dad?" he asked timidly, taking his fathers hand tightly in his. "Can you hear me?"
There was no response, so he tried again, "If you can hear me squeeze my hand." No response. "I'm holding yours right now. Just squeeze back." No response. "Come on, Dad. Just squeeze my hand."
He waited, but his hand didn't move. Kurt looked around the room and saw a chair. He knew that he was going to be here a while, so he pulled it over. He managed to wipe his cheeks free of the tears before he looked to his father. "I love you, Dad."
He sat there the rest of the day and didn't move, tears coming every so often. He didn't notice Mr. Schue or Mr. Pillsbury come back in for a little while. He didn't notice the nurses coming in and checking his dad's monitors. He didn't even know Carole was there until he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He tore his eyes away from his dad's sleeping face to look up at her.
"Hi, sweetheart," she greeted softly; her eyes glassy with unshed tears.
"Hi," he croaked, his voice coarse from not speaking. "He's not much better. They said they don't know when he will wake up, if he does."
Her face softened, and she nodded. "I know, honey. I talked to the doctor before coming in. I know you probably don't want to leave, but you need some sleep. You look absolutely exhausted. Mr. Schuester told me that you've been here all day. Why don't you go home and get some sleep? I promise to stay here with him. I'll let you know if there's any progress."
Kurt was about to protest, but his body protested. He was aching from his spot in the chair, and his eyes hurt from crying. He was so drained. "I do need to sleep before school tomorrow."
"If you aren't up to school, you don't have to go," she informed him, as he stood up. "If you want to come be with your father, you can."
"No," he answered without hesitation. "I can't just sit here and wait. I'll go crazy when nothing happens. School will give me the distraction that I need. I'll be here right after school. You will stay with him?"
"Of course," she murmured as she wrapped him in a big hug. It felt very nice, and Kurt found it calming. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"It sounds good," Kurt answered as he finally let go and moved to the door. He glanced back at his father. "I'll be back tomorrow, I promise, Dad."
Carole didn't say anything, but smiled. He tried to smile back, but failed miserably. He left the room before his head told him to stay. He knew that everything would be fine, or at least he hoped so. He couldn't lose his father after losing his mother. It just wasn't fair how the world seemed to work for him.
-3-
"Thank you Mercedes," Kurt said after she finished singing 'I Look to You.' He felt lucky to have so many friends that cared about him, but he didn't want their prayers or anything that involve God. "Your voice is stunning, but I don't believe in God."
"Wait what?" Tina asked as the three girls sat down. Everyone looked to Kurt with shocked looks gracing their faces, and Kurt decided that he had to tell them what he believed in.
"You all professed your beliefs, I'm just stating mine. I think god is sorta like Santa Clause for adults. Otherwise, God's kinda a jerk. Isn't he? I mean he makes me gay then has his followers going around and telling me it's something that I chose, as if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. Right now, I don't want a heavenly father. I just want my real one back."
"Look Kurt," Mercedes said after a silent pause from the room. "How do you know for sure? You can't prove there's no God."
"You can't prove there isn't a magic teapot floating around on the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs, but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?" He was so sick of them being able to express their beliefs, but they didn't approve of what he believed in.
"Is God an evil dwarf?" Brittany asked and like usual everyone just ignored the cheerleader.
"We shouldn't be talking like this," Quinn demanded. "It's not right."
"I'm sorry, Quinn," Kurt said standing up and turning to the rest of the group. "But you all can believe whatever you want, but I can't believe something I don't. I appreciate your thoughts, but I don't want your prayers." With that he turned and strode out of the room. He wasn't in the mode for this.
He went the rest of the day worried about his father. Would he be okay? Would he wake up? There were so many questions that couldn't be answered, but he hoped would be answered soon enough.
Everywhere he looked he saw the pity. It wasn't just the kids in glee, but everyone else, and it was driving him crazy. Just leave it be. Yes his father had a heart attack, but he'd make it through. Everything was going to be better someday. He just wanted to deal with it by himself and no one else. That's why when Sue pulled him into her office and asked him to file a complaint he agreed. Enough was enough, and they were going to stop with all the Jesus nonsense.
-4-
"On the day of my mom's funeral, when they were lowering her into the ground," Kurt started, remembering the one-day that he would never forget. "I was crying. I mean that was it. It was the last time I was ever going to see her. And I remember, I looked up at my dad and I, I just wanted him to say something, just something to make me feel like my whole world wasn't over. And he just took my hand and squeezed it. And just knowing that those hands were there to take care of me, that was enough. This is for my dad."
He picked The Beatles song 'I Want to Hold Your Hand.' When he sang it, he saw memories of when his dad taught him how to ride a bike. He didn't want to learn at all, but when his father came up to him all excited he couldn't tell him no. He fell so many times that he wanted to give up, but his dad was so persistent. On one attempt he actually rode a little ways, but fell soon after. He fell again when he got excited, but his dad was there to pick him up. He made sure that Kurt was okay. Kurt pushed that memory behind him and focused on the next.
He remembered the day he went up to his dad and asked him to play tea party with him because he had seen a couple girls playing it at school. His dad didn't look too thrilled, but he agreed nonetheless. They sat outside at the small table his mom had bought him for one of his birthdays. He made Play-doh sweets that his dad seemed to like. Kurt taught his dad how to drink tea properly by holding up his pinky. They laughed and had a great time that day. It was one of his cherished memories.
The next one was when they were at his mom's funeral. They were walking from the grave, and he was crying. He didn't know why his mom had to leave them all alone. He was mad and angry, but then his dad reached out and gripped his hand firmly. It let Kurt know that he wasn't alone. He had his dad. No matter what they went through, they were going to get through it together.
-5-
"You never could dress yourself," he joked as he buckled the snaps together at his dad's shoulder before sitting back down and taking his dad's hand. They had to run a few test on his father, so he had to dress him back up. He decided to tell his dad about what had happened to him during the weekend. "Mercedes took me to church on Sunday."
"It's funny, but when the choir was singing, this memory flashed into my head," he said pausing for a minute. "Do you remember our first Friday night dinner after mom died? You tried to make a chicken. I guess you wanted me to feel like there was still something normal."
He smiled to himself before continuing, "You put it on the table and you cut into it and it was raw. And we both looked at each other for a second and cracked up before we remembered we weren't suppose to yet."
His smiled faded slowly before he began to talk again. "I'm sorry about the other day, Dad. I should have let those guys pray for you. It wasn't about me, it was about you and it was nice." He had realized that anything that helped his dad, even if it was praying, would be better than nothing.
"I don't believe in god, Dad, but I believe in you and I believe in us," he admitted, tears starting to form. "You and me. That's what's sacred to me, and I'm-I'm so sorry that I never got to tell you that."
He was crying now. He just missed his dad so much. He loved him and wanted him to hold him and tell him everything was going to be all right. Kurt looked down when he went the tiny pressure on his hand. He almost didn't believe it, but he looked up to his dad, then back down, then up again before asking, "Dad?"
He was answered by another soft squeeze and he stood up yelling, "Nurse Nancy?"
He gripped his dad's hand more tightly with both hands. "Dad, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He watched as his dad rolled his head to the side.
"Kurt?" his dad whispered, his eyes trying to open. "Kurt?"
"I'm here, Dad," Kurt said quickly, squeezing his dad's hand. "I promise, I'm here. I love you. Please don't forget that. I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for making you so disappointed in me. I will never do it ever again."
"I love you too," he managed to get out, opening his eyes for a second. The nurse came in and everything was a rush all at once.
Kurt wasn't able to be alone with his father for a good hour. He was still crying as his dad tried to soothe him. "Kurt, kiddo, it's okay. I'm good. I'm not disappointed in you. I was just upset at the time. Don't worry."
Kurt let go of the breath he was holding in. "I called Carole and told her that you were awake. Don't ever do that again, okay? I'm making it my mission to make sure that you eat healthy. No junk food anymore, Dad."
Burt groaned before smiling. "I'll be fine. I haven't eaten in a while actually. Get me a big Whopper and fries. I'll be all set."
"I don't think so," Kurt said as he shot a look at his father. "You are all healthy now if I have anything to say about it. I love you, and you will not be having another heart attack under my watch. That's an order. I almost didn't make it through this time, and I do not want to do that again."
"I'm not that easy to get rid of," his dad joked, smiling. At that moment Carole and Finn came in through the door. Kurt watched with a smile on his face as Carole kissed Burt deeply, and Finn pounded his fist. They all sat there for the rest of the night, talking and laughing. Kurt couldn't help but feel that this is what it's like to have a family, and he loved it and would give it up for anything.
-6-
Blaine spent the whole week with his dad, well that was a lie. He spent some time with his mom as well. They had family bonding time. It wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be. He loved his dad, and he was honestly surprised with how much he has changed. They discussed school, the Warblers, and if Blaine had a boyfriend. Blaine figured it was because his dad felt bad for how he had acted in the past. He was packing up to leave when there was a knock at his bedroom door.
"Yeah?" Blaine called as he turned to find his dad walking in and sitting down on his bed. "Hey dad, what's up?"
"Is that what you kids say nowadays? 'What's up?'" the man asked smiling. "When I was young, it was 'What is going on?' They simplified it, I suppose." They both laughed at that. "I was coming to talk to you before you left for who knows how long."
"We've talked all week," the young boy said mater-of-factly putting new clothes into his bag. He cringed at how bad that sounded and turned to his dad. "What's on your mind?"
"I'm sorry, first of all," he said as Blaine sat down at his desk. "I'm sorry for the beginning when you came out. There was no reason for the way I acted."
Blaine shrugged. "It wasn't all that bad. Some Dads kick their sons out when they tell them, and you didn't do that. I could have had it much worse."
"Yeah, but I made you uncomfortable. I was a horrible father, because I know that a good one would have made you feel welcome, Blaine. I can't believe some of the things I said to you. I ruined our relationship. I've realized when you left for Dalton that I was pretty bad. My actions were inexcusable, and I'm sorry."
Blaine knew that the apology was coming from his father's heart, and that was all that mattered. "I forgive you, Dad. I laid it on you without much time to let it sink in before I was put in the hospital. You had a lot on your mind those couple weeks."
"Not the best day of our lives, huh?" he asked, frowning. "After seeing what that kid did to you, I tried my hardest to get you normal. I didn't want you to go through all of that again at Dalton. When your kid is hurt, you never want to see them like that ever again."
"It isn't like that at Dalton-" Blaine started, but his father cut him off.
"I know, which is why we sent you there. You really like it right?" Blaine nodded. "I knew when my co-worker told me about it, that we were making the right decision to send you there."
"I really do love it there. I have made so many friends who like me for me. They don't care that I'm gay, and I will probably be friends with them forever."
"That's great, and if you ever do find a boyfriend that place is the best place. Listen, when you do find one, I want to meet him, okay? I know we won't be as close as we were, but I want to be involved in your life."
"I will make sure, Dad," Blaine assured a genuine smile forming. "I'll make sure to call home more too. It's just that with you guys working a lot, and us not being very good talkers, it's just easier to come home."
"I will admit not being a good talker," Michael admitted. "We will just try more and see how it goes from there. Now you have to get going now. Up." They walked downstairs and met Julie.
"I'm going to miss you so much," she murmured, wrapping her arms around the boy. "I love you so much."
"I'll miss you too, Mom," he said squeezing her back before wrapping his dad in a hug. "I'll miss you too, Dad." He let go and stood back to get his bag. "I love you guys both. See you around Christmas, hopefully before."
They nodded, and Blaine left the house. It was better than he expected the visit to go. At least both his parents were trying. Jeff was waiting for him, and Blaine waved before getting into the passenger seat. He didn't know when he'd see his family again, hopefully sooner rather than later, but he knew they loved him nonetheless.
