"Even now, my deadly robo-scorpions are swarming Big Mountain with their pincers and pointy laser tails!" the cracked-lens tank chortled. Layla watched, trying to decide if she was freaked out or amused by this turn of events."Soon all of Science will be mine!" Dr. Mobius continued, cackling from his screen. "Even all the technologies in the Big Mountain cannot save you! So sit and cower in your Think Tank, for the end is near!"
"That is all!" There was a pause, and Mobius looked around for a moment, then snapped back in their direction. "Good bye!"
The screen powered off, and Layla found herself staring at it. It was still taking a bit longer to think than she was used to. This all still felt like a dream; she'd been having more and more weird dreams lately, the current situation was absolutely ridiculous, and she was partially naked. It was the most logical answer. But she'd never been in a dream this vivid, even if her head was fuzzy.
"DOCTOR MOBIUS, ALWAYS THE SAME MESSAGE," Dr. Klein huffed loudly, interrupting her thoughts. "CLEARLY HE'S GONE MAD FROM HIS FLAWED KINDERGARTEN LEVEL RESEARCH METHODOLOGY!"
"What are we going to do?" Dr. O whined. "There's no way to breach the Forbidden Zone, not with all those robot scorpions running around."
"The Forbidden Zone, where no brain has ENTERED, and none have RETURNED!" Dr. Borous cried, making Layla raise an eyebrow in his direction. She thought a moment, and wondered if the area Mobius inhabited was the foreboding, red-lit area she'd seen from the observation deck.
"Except Dr. Mobius, and the technologies that could save us are out of reach," said Dala.
"AND YET HE MOCKS US. DID YOU SEE HIS CRACKED MONITOR? HE'S CLEARLY LET HIMSELF GO." Klein's eye monitors swiveled in disdain.
"$&&&(((^^^[[," came the static burst from the yellow tank.
"What? Ask the lobotomite for help? 8, I think you need the fluids in your logic-assist pumps checked," Doctor O answered. That got Layla's attention. These crazies took her brain, heart and spine and now they expect her to-
"If the lobotomite has responded to us, it might be intelligent," Dala said thoughtfully. "It could display yet unknown levels of helpfulness."
"But what about its brain! We scooped it out, and don't know where we left it. None of us know how to put it back in!" Borous said. Layla's mouth was hanging open. She'd forgotten what it was she'd planned to say at the mention of her brain being lost.
"Yes, but it's responsive!" Dala argued. "It's regarding us even now with its big, teddy bear eyes. If we ask it nicely, and leave out the part about ruthlessly removing its brain, it may be willing to assist us."
"THE AUTO-DOC JUNK HEAP OF MOBIUS' DID THIS. AND IT LOST THE CREATURES BRAIN!" Klein scoffed. Layla felt her stomach do a flip as she remembered Christine and the Auto-Doc that had removed her vocal chords and monkeyed around with them. Of course, that had been Dean Domino's fault.
"Its brain probably got flushed down one of the pipes then... yeah, that could-" Dr. O was interrupted by Borous.
"If that's the case, it got FLUSHED! All the way to MOBIUS! FLOOOOOOSH, that is the sound of flushing!"
"STOP WITH ALL THE BIOSURGICAL TALK! LOBOTOMITE!" Klein swiveled his eye monitors in Layla's direction. "LISTEN TO ME. IT DENOMINATES ME TO DO SO, BUT I MUST ASK FOR YOUR HELP. IN THE MOST PROBABLY OF PROBABILITIES, MOBIUS HAS YOUR BRAIN. THAT IS NOT GOOD. HE MAY COME AFTER OURS NEXT."
Layla wondered what Mobius would do with her brain if he indeed had it. But if what 8 and O said was true, it was transmitting to her now. And even if the process wasn't as quick as usually, that meant it must be okay... right?
"WE WANT YOU TO STOP HIM. SOMEHOW. WITH SCIENCE," Klein concluded.
"With science," Layla repeated, coming back to the matter at hand. "You mean the technology he mentioned?"
"YES, A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE OURSELVES AFTER MOBIUS' FIRST BROADCAST. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE IF WE CAN GET THE BURIED TECHNOLOGIES, WE CAN PUT AN END TO MOBIUS AND THE HORRORS SPAWNING FROM THE FORBIDDEN ZONE!"
"Okay," Layla groaned, blowing out a breath. "What exactly are you asking me to do? You're losing me with all the generalities."
"THE PLAN IS VERY COMPLICATED. WE ARE STILL CALCULATING HOW IT WOULD WORK. THAT IS OUR PART OF THE PLAN."
"If you know what you need, why don't you get it?" Layla asked, exasperated.
"UM. NO." Layla blinked at him, waiting for him to continue. He didn't.
"Why not?" she coaxed.
"You are equipped to retrieve the technologies, we are not," Dala answered for him.
"It's sort of embarrassing," O said. Layla could hear the shrug in his voice. "You have hands. And eyes, but mostly hands. There are door handles, lockers and-"
"ENOUGH. WE NEED YOUR HELP. WILL YOU HELP US?" Klein shouted.
Layla bit her lip again, getting the sinking feeling she wasn't dreaming. She'd had dreams this stupidly complicated before, and she'd woken up when she'd gotten to the point of getting frustrated. Trying to force her mind awake, she found to her dismay she was still being stared at by the Think Tank.
Giving up on waking up, she decided to roll with the punches. If her brain was with Mobius, she'd have to go to the Forbidden Zone. That meant getting the tech mentioned. Only she didn't know why, and it sounded like the doctors didn't either. So much of this was confusing.
"Um... sure, I'll help," she answered finally, not able to think of an alternative.
"EXCELLENT. THIS IS WORKING MUCH BETTER THAN MY EARLIER PLAN OF ACTIVIATING-THE-RETREAT-PROTOCOLS-AND-COWERING-IN-MY-ROOM!" Klein shouted.
"Agreed, and I've used my robotic knowledge to transmit the map... radios... waves to you..." Dr. O trailed off.
"*()))))++=," came from 8.
"Settle down, 8, I would have gotten it eventually," O responded. "8 has transmitted the last known locations of the research centers. They... move sometimes, or get buried... or blow up."
Layla was going to ask what that meant exactly when 8 hissed.
"())$(((((."
"EIGHT IS CORRECT, ALL WE NEED ARE THE SCHEMATICS. THAT IS NOT TO SAY WE DON'T WANT THE COLD, HARD TECHNOLOGY, HOWEVER. DON'T LET YOUR LAZY-TIREDNESS KEEP YOU FROM CARRYING THE EQUIPMENT. BUT IF YOU SHOULD EXPIRE, SIMPLY UPLOADING THE SCHEMATICS WILL TRANSMITTIFY THEM TO US. THAT IS STILL GOOD. FOR US."
"Are these things dangerous?" the Courier asked. "Is the mountain dangerous?" They'd never really explained the purpose of the facility.
"NO MORE DANGEROUS THAN A NUCLEAR TESTING SITE, THE TECHNOLOGIES NO MORE DANGEROUS THAN AN OVERCHARGED TESLA CANNON," Klein answered."Oh... great."
"THERE IS THE X2 TRANSMITTER ARRAY," Klein continued before she could speak again. "USED TO FOCUS COHERENT THOUGHT AT EXCESSIVE SPEEDS."
"The psychoanalytic cardiac-dampening sneaky stealth suit!" Doctor Borous exclaimed. "Regulates and injects life-giving miracle-tonic juice when your very life is at the brink of death!"
"**((()))_" hissed 8.
"Yes, 8's Sound emitter. It shoots differing frequencies. Both destructive and useful ones, and it gives a great bio-gel massage," Dala said suggestively.
"THERE," said Klein. "TIME INVESTMENT WILL BE MINIMAL. IF YOU WORK QUICKLY YOU WILL RECEIVE A GUESTURE OF GRATITUDE FROM US."
"Well, I'll work as fast as I can," Layla answered.
"DON'T WASTE OUR TIME. DO NOT GET CURIOUS, OR YOU WILL END UP LIKE THE CAT OF SCHRÖDINGER!""Oh... I won't," Layla said, starting to get curious.
"Good. It would be worrisome if you were to explore the many amazing non-necessary research labs," Dala said. "This is discouraged. Leave curiosities alone."
"So many sciences!" Borous cried. "So mysterious and powerful! But not for mere lobotomites like you!"Well now she was definitely going to go take a look around. Not for too long; she did want her brain and other assorted organs back. Directing her attention back to the Think Tank, she got an idea.
"Do you have anything that can help me get this done quicker?" she asked. They had to have something good cooked up already.
"OH BOTHERSOME FLESHY THINGS, YOU MUST WALK UPON YOUR MANY-PENISED FEET!" Klein immediately replied.
"Well, there are the pylons... You could use them in an emergency, I suppose," Doctor O said.
"Yes! The radar fence prevents, uh, PROTECTS us from escape!" Borous added.
"So I can't leave the area?" Layla frowned.
"Of course not," Dr. O explained. "If you get too close to the pylons, there will be a proximity warning. Then you will be rendered unconscious and transported to the Sink."
"It causes synaptic degradation in biogenic subjects, but it would take many lifetimes to manifest. Nothing to fear in a single-lifetimed creature such as yourself," Dala said. The Courier found herself a little put off by that, but filed it away for now. Instant travel could be useful, she supposed.
"Um... huh, Dr. Klein?" Doctor O mumbled before anyone else could continue.
"WHAT IS IT, O?"
"Well, this is embarrassing, but it appears we already have the sonic emitter."
"WHAT? GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!" Klein bellowed.
"Quit yelling!" O cried back.
"Oh or the love of... Please stop fighting!" Layla said. She was going to die of old age before she ever even left to find the tech they didn't know why they needed.
"IT IS TRULY A BLEAK DAY FOR SCIENCE WHEN THE LOBOTOMITE SPEAKS MORE WISDOM THEN YOU... GENIUSES," Klein grumbled loudly.
"If you've got that, then we're good, right?" Layla asked, hoping they just bumped up her getting her brain back.
"Well, no," O answered. "It needs a new frequency. It's in X8 station... we think."
"X8, home of my careful experimentation. A perfected simulation of teaching the likes of Richie Markus and all the other bullies who tormented me a lesson they won't soon forget!" Borous cried.
"Oh please," Doctor O responded. "You were too busy in high school ratting out all your enemies as 'pinkos.'"
"DOES THE EMITTER WORK?" Klein interrupted.
8 started making a lot of random noises. The other tanks looked in his direction.
"He's giving it a sound file," Dala explained to Layla, who was looking quiet worriedly at the tank. "His soundjaculate will power it."
"His... what?" No answer came, and 8 continued making increasingly frantic electronic noises until he suddenly made a low buzzing sound.
"And... the turkey's done," Dr. O said, sounding disgusted. "Go on, you can take it now."
"Wait, let me sound sterilize it," Dala said. "oooOOoOOOoo."After a few more moments of this, she stopped. "There, all clean with my ooooOOOOooOOO-ing. It is ready for you."
Layla looked at the offered machine. It was shaped like a gun with a tiny emitter dish on the end. She didn't really want to touch it. Trying to forget what had just happened, she reluctantly picked up the emitter.
"If there's nothing more, you need to stop Mobius!" said Dr. Borous.
"YES, GET THESE THINGS FOR US!" Dr. Klein shouted at her. Layla sighed.
"All right, I'll head out, then come back with these... things," she said, shaking her head in exasperation.
"Wait, is it leaving? Wait, but it needs rest, recuperation. Things like that," Dr. Dala said, and Layla felt eye monitors crawling over her again. "I volunteer my chamber, so it might be stared at, my monitor radars slowly scanning it for sensitive data."
Horrified, Lalya barely noticed she'd backed up a few paces as she shook her head."U-um, no thanks, I-"
"NO! That would put it too close to us!" Dr. Borous exclaimed. "It could see all of our secrets. PERSONAL secrets!"
"We could give it Mobius' old room," Dr. O said, sounding thoughtful. "That's where its brain was removed. And some of its parts are already there. It might be comforting to hang out with its spine and heart... Home is where the heart is, after all. See what I did there, went literal..." He trailed off as no one seemed to appreciate his joke.
"I SUPPOSE THAT WILL WORK. IT CAN HAVE THE SINK," Klein said, sounding annoyed.
"***&&++++"
"8 says you can take the sink central intelligence and reinstall it. That prissy butler can walk you through the process once it's on," Dr. O said, sounding miffed again.
"YES, TAKE THIS CHIP TO THE SINK AND INSTALL IT. MAKE SURE IT'S CLEAN, OR IT MIGHT SKIP," Dr. Klein said, his tone disgusted as he continued. "THE SINK WILL CATER TO MOST OF YOUR FILTHY HORMONAL NEEDS."
Stepping to the panel they'd indicated, Layla picked up the 'chip.' It was a holotape. The program was probably stored on it. "This looks mass-produced," she observed. "Are there more?"
"ARE THERE OTHER CHIPS?" Klein repeated, sounding confused.
"Are you asking, or repeating what she said?" Dr. O asked.
"I'M ASKING! ARE THERE ANY OTHER CHIPS?" Klein snapped.
"Dr. Klein, there are many others," Dala said. "Remember, you tossed them off the balcony during your fight with Dr. Mobius." She addressed Layla. "Yes, you can find more. But you shouldn't explore the facilities."
"YES! The secrets are too terrible and wonderful!" Dr. Borous exclaimed.
Layla wasn't too worried about the Think Tank picking up on how much she was totally going to look around Big Mountain. A thought occurred to her as she looked at the chip.
"I'm going to need something to activate the store, right?"
"YES, CURRENCY IS NEEDED," Klein said. "DR. O, GIVE IT SOMETHING."
"Oh, well, there's um... uh, you can have some of those." The eye monitors pointed at one of the consoles. Layla followed them to find a pile of caps."Dr. Mobius was using bottle caps as some kind of debug thing on the Central Intelligence," Dr. O said, sounding dismissive.
"No, Dr. O. Dr. Mobius wildly speculated that post-war economy would be based on bottle caps," Dr. Dala pointed out. Layla held back a laugh. Dr. Mobius seemed to be the least stable of the group of scientist, but he was pretty clever. Her thoughts were again interrupted by Dr. Klein.
"THERE IS NO MORE WE CAN DO TO AID YOU. NOW GO."
The Think Tank dispersed, going to the computer displays that lined the room. Layla chose to not get annoyed by being so rudely dismissed by the brains-in-jars who had the gall to take her organs out, then ask for her help. Taking a deep breath, she let it go and started to turn. She suddenly remembered her bare ass was sticking out the back of the patient gown. Quickly turning back, she unsurprising found Dala's monitors turned her way. Layla carefully walked backwards out of the Think Tank's dome, not turning until she felt the door to the Sink's elevator open.
Returning to the suite where she'd woken up, Layla moved to the main room. The Sink Central Intelligence was supposed to be installed to the display of what looked like a map with locations marked on it. A moment later she had the access panel off and was installing the holotape's code.
"Salutations, sir," a voice came from the speakers. "I am the Sink's Central Intelligence. I am profoundly exuberant to make your acquaintance, sir."
Layla frowned, looking at what she was pretty sure was a camera attached to the machine. "Um...you know I'm a woman, right?" She hoped she didn't look overly mannish without hair.
"Indubitably," the voice answered. "But I'm afraid I was only programmed with the masculine honorific. I was also declined the parameter to omit any form of honorific, over my strenuous remonstrations."
"Oh, wonderful." First she was 'it,' and now 'sir.' Perfect. Sighing, she addressed the machine again. "Are you an artificial intelligence?"
"No, I am of a mundane standing, I'm remiss to say. There is no intelligence in my programming, or any of the others you'd find here."
"Others?" she asked. "There are other personality programs?"
"Yes, but I must inform you that they have been offline for some years. Though if sir is to consider endeavoring to find them again, I must entreat you to think twice before reactivating any other programs," it answered.
"Why?"
"The others are of a most obnoxious coding, both audibly and contextually. If you wish to use the functions of the more raucous programs, I can disengage their vocal parameters."
"Why do any of your programs exists?" Layla asked, curious.
"Dr. Mobius was conducting experiments on human/machine interaction. As to why they are so... erratic and uncouth, that I am unable to answer, sir."
Layla frowned, starting to understand why Dr. O had called the Central Intelligence stuck up."Well, I'll keep a look out for others as I go."
"If sir says so," the Central Intelligence sighed, then continued, sounding a bit happier. "If sir wishes, you can avail yourself to my direct access to the commissary. Anything you order will be delivered by tiny robots."
"Oh good." Layla perked up. Maybe she could get some damn pants now. And tiny robot delivery sounded delightful. "Bring up the store."
Running through the offered display, Layla frowned at one entry: a custom .45 pistol. She hadn't really seen very many of those before she went to Utah... She scrolled further and found a custom magnum. Starting to get angry, she did a quick inventory on what she usually kept on her. Hunting shotgun, flowered dress, assassin armor, it was all listed on the store's inventory. It wasn't until she found the 1st Recon beret that she lost her cool.
"These are my things!" she cried, glaring murderously at the Central Intelligence's camera.
"Well, sir, aside from the items that come from Big Mountain itself, and shipments that were delivered before contact with the outside world stopped, I usually avail myself of items that lobotomites have... no use for once their brains are removed." There was a pause, and the voice sounded a little more cautious. "No sense letting things go to waste... sir."
"Give my back my equipment," Layla growled. Some part of her was aware that she was taking out the frustration from her talk with the Think Tank out on the A.I. but she wasn't about to go without-
"All these items are available to you, sir, if you simply pay for them."
"I'm not paying for my own things." Layla noticed a nearby wrench and picked it up. "You tell your little robots to bring me my stuff, or I'll take you offline permanently."
"But of course," the Central Intelligence said, sounding slightly panicked. "As you are our first customer in a very long time, I shall endeavor to give you a few 'free samples.'"
A few moments later, a tiny machine came skidding into the room. It looked essentially like a tray on wheels and made a cheery beep as it stopped in front of her. Layla smiled as she saw her armor neatly piled on it. Relief coursed through her as she picked it up, then immediately started pulling it on. As she hopped into the bodysuit, she noticed the robot hadn't moved.
"Um... Thank you," she said. It beeped cheerily again before zooming started strapping on the armor plates as she looked at the Central Intelligence."Keep it coming."
Soon she was tucking her 1st Recon beret into an inner pocket of her armor. She patted the spot, feeling far more at ease with all her items returned. Turning back to the A.I., she bit her lip. She'd been kind of rough with the poor thing.
"Um... I'm sorry I was rude," she said. "It's been kind of a hard day."
"Quite all right, sir." It did sound a lot calmer now. "Simply a misunderstanding. Now, will you be staying at the Sink, sir?" Layla made an effort not to be annoyed at being constantly called 'sir.' Plastering a smile on her face, she addressed the machine.
"Yes, for now. I've got some things to do for the Think Tank, then I can get my brain back."
"Very good, sir. Will you be visiting with your other organs?"
"Huh?" She did seem to recall Doctor O mentioning that her organs were in the Sink. "Where are they?"
"In the room to the left of your bedroom, sir," Central Intelligence answered.
"Thank you," Layla said as she made her way in. She was a little surprised she had missed the room when she'd first looked through the suite, but she supposed she hadn't been thinking clearly at the threatened to make her laugh until she stepped into the room and found two liquid-filled tubes in the center. Between the tubes was another cylinder, though it was empty. The filled ones contained a spine, the other a heart.
"If I only had a brain," the Courier said somberly.
Update 9/9/11: Welp, I'm going to be postponed, again. The next chapter will be on September 14th. HOPEFULLY, this will be the end of Irene's mischief.
Well, I'm back, and what a mess it's been putting this chapter up. I had to go from a mac to a pc, and things have not been pretty. Big thanks to my editor, who will end up having a very late dinner because of all the confusion :( (I'll repay him in bacon).
If you haven't heard, head over to Bethesda's blog, they're releasing 'holotape' files leading up to Lonesome Road :D
