Hi! So, that episode was pretty intense. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to write anything for it since there really wasn't any Caryl. Lucky for me, and for anyone reading this, Axelrocks was my ace in the hole. This was all her idea. I just wrote it. (Slight Spoilers Below)
This is a little different because he's alone in this. I know that he wasn't alone in the episode but I also know who that other person is and I didn't want to spoil it for anyone, nor did I want to throw in some other random character. Anyway, this was short but I didn't have much to go on! I hope you enjoy it anyway. Thank you for reading!
The Song Remains the Same
He pushed a low hanging branch away from his face as he made his way back towards the group. He could have let it slap him in the face and he wouldn't have felt it. He couldn't feel anything. On the outside, he was numb. On the inside, it felt like someone had soaked his heart in gasoline and set a flame to it. He lost her again. How many times was he going to lose her? It was one thing to mess up and allow Beth to get taken, but losing Carol, again, wasn't something he was going to be able to shake as easily.
He had tried so hard this time. He had barely let her out of his sight, even when he saw that car speeding past them, he hadn't even considered sending her back to the others. He needed her with him. He needed her there so he could keep an eye on her. Especially since he had to worry about her leaving him willingly now. Was this the price he would have to pay for wasting so much time with her? He had been given so many chances to do right by her and he never had the courage to act. He should have let her know how he felt about her. He should have forced it out the very day that she saved them. Even if she rejected him, even if it changed their friendship forever and she couldn't force herself to ever speak to him again, at least she would know, wherever she was, that he loved her. Instead he had remained silent. Tried to be sensitive to whatever she was going through. Tried to be nice, managing to throw a jug at her feet. But never saying the words out loud.
And now he couldn't tell her. He couldn't tell her because it seemed like no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried to keep her close, she would always be ripped away from him.
He stumbled over something, barely catching himself, rough bark digging into the heels of his hands. He pushed off of the tree and kept on heading towards the others. If he had any hope of getting her back then he would need their help. He had driven off half cocked earlier and it ended up costing him dearly. They had just agreed to go to D.C.. They had just came up with a plan and he was happy. Of course it would all go up in smoke. Why should this time with her be any different than the other times? But this time it was different. Different because it hurt more. He was the one that did this. All those other times it all seemed to be in the hands of fate. This time, it was all on him. He wanted to be the hero, he had put her in danger and now she was gone and it was all his fault.
The soft sounds of voices had him quickening his step, uncaring at this point if he was being too loud. If he could get to his people then he could get to her. He had to keep telling himself that or he was going to lose his mind. They were strong and she was strong. They would find her, he would find her, and she would be okay. She had survived so much already. This was just one more thing. One more obstacle in their way. When this was over, and he had to believe that it would be, then she would know how he felt about her. He would set her down and make her listen to him when he told her that he was never going anywhere, he loved her and there wasn't a damn thing her stubborn bullheaded ass could do about it. That was what he was going to do.
He broke through the trees and the smile that lit up Michonne's face tore at something in his heart. She was happy for him. She knew that him and Carol had gone off on their own. She thought he had finally mustered up the courage to tell her...
He tried to catch his breath as the smile turned to devastation. Just like that, his friend knew that he had lost Carol. Again.
That devastated look didn't linger. Cold resolve replaced it as her nostrils flared slightly. "Is she still alive?" She asked in a strong voice.
He nodded, knowing that he if he let himself believe for a second that she was gone for good he would never be able to go on. He could never go on because if she was gone for good there was no one else to blame. This time it was all his fault.
"We'll find her," Michonne said quickly, grabbing him by the sleeve and hauling him towards the church.
He had to have faith that this was true. They would find her. They had too. They had been through too much for things to be over like this and there was so much she needed to hear him say. He wasn't going to waste any time when he saw her again.
